The vodka burned in James throat as it went down. He welcomed it. He was lying on the soft grass on a hill which was part of his family's grounds. He knew his parents would be furious with him if they knew that he was out in the open in the middle of the night, but he was not worried. At least not about his current safety. The grounds were well protected and he did not think the Death Eaters bold enough yet to attack such a prominent family as his own. However, he might be wrong. After all, Richard and Margaret Bones were murdered in the home merely a week ago. The Bones were old friends of the family and strong supporters of Muggle rights. Both had long been retired, but they still had influenced the Ministry of Magic behind the scenes. Neighbours had found their dead bodies in the morning with the dark mark floating eerily in the sky. The loss had shaken James, not because he had been terribly close with them, but for the harsh edge of seriousness it added to his world. Until this point, the brewing conflict had seemed so far away. A problem which the adults discussed in low tones, while he and his friends had some fun. He had seen the signs in Hogwarts of course, but there was a big difference between calling Muggleborns ugly names and actually murdering people.
The thought of Hogwarts sent another wave of bitterness through James's mind. He had just finished his fifth year and it could not have ended worse. He clearly remembered the argument with Evans during the aftermath of the Defense Against the Dark Arts O.W.L. James was still convinced that she had overreacted. Sure, he had been out of line and should not have picked this fight with Snape just because Sirius was bored. It just was so easy to find justification for tormenting this greasy git. The hatred between them had been going one for so long that it felt natural by now. The mere thought of being civil to Snape seemed alien and impossible to him.
But Snape was not the issue here, Lily Evans was. James sighed deeply and took another long swig of liquor. He really messed up with her. Lily and he had never really gotten along. They had started on the wrong foot all the way back in first year and their different personalities had clashed a lot in the past. Then in the beginning of fifth year, James had suddenly realized that she had gotten really pretty. Before he knew what was happening he was infatuated with bloody Lily Evans of all people. Sirius had teased him mercilessly when he had learned about his best friends crush, but James had been determined. So, he had started asking her out only to see each attempt crash and burn spectacularly. He had been persistent, thinking that Evans was only playing hard to get, but really liked him deep down. Boy, had he been wrong. The escalation at the end of the year had opened his eyes. As Evans had shouted at him about Snape, he had taken a deep look into her annoyingly pretty eyes. He had seen true loathing there. It had rattled him to the core and he had not even needed her explicit preference of the giant squid to know that he had no chance with her. He had finished the conversation more or less on autopilot with her. Now here he was, merely a few days after school had ended and he was still no wiser on how to proceed. He was bitter and angry, at Evans, but mostly at himself. Sirius had warned him. His mate had many faults, but he certainly knew how to seduce the female population of Hogwarts. Sirius had told him again and again that he should give up Evans and chase other witches. He had told him that many witches in Hogwarts would gladly go out with him and that he was an idiot chasing the one girl he could not have. James had not believed him at the time, hell he had not even wanted other girls then, but now it seems that Sirius had been right.
Merlin, he would probably be insufferable for a month as soon as James admitted this.
Nevertheless, it was time to make a decision: He was done with Lily Evans. He would stop asking her, stop sending her flowers and stop trying to impress her. It was not working and he was making an arse out of himself every time he tried it. Instead, he would keep his eyes open and see if any other girl caught his attention. The wounds Evans constant rejections had caused would take some time to heal, but hopefully he would be alright again as soon as school was starting again. He would need some distraction in the meantime or his resolve would surely crumbly. James hated to be bored and boredom usually caused him to do something stupid. He wished Sirius was here, but his best friend was locked up in his parent's house. Remus was on holiday and Peter would not be much help in keeping him occupied. No, he had to keep himself busy. He would play Quidditch of course, but he had the desire to add something extra to his training regimen. An idea struck him as he took another gulp of vodka: He would use the summer to get better at duelling and defending himself against the dark arts. These were dark times and his family was strongly opposing Voldemort. This meant that they could easily become a target and he was by far the most vulnerable of his family. James realized in this moment that he was more worried about the war then he had previously thought. He could see no way the Ministry of Magic would defeat Voldemort in the foreseeable future, so a war would probably break out. A war which his family would probably not survive unscathed. These were dark thoughts, not really suitable for a 15 year old, but James could not close his eyes. He would surely have to fight at some time in the future and he had to be ready. Granted, he had no desire to actually get involved, but the fighting would probably find him. He was not going to flee the country like a coward.
After all, this was his fight too, even though the Death Eaters were primarily targeting Muggles and Muggleborns. The revolt was not about blood status, it was about power. The insurgents were challenging the existing elite and wanted to preserve the privileges of the old pure-blood families. James knew that they were ultimately wasting their time. The pure-bloods were becoming less and less every generation and the only way to preserve them right now was through heavy inbreeding. In the end, they would fail, but in the meantime they would destroy countless lives. James did not accept this. However, he was also worried about his family and his friends. He was the only heir of one of the most powerful pure-blood families which would probably prevent the death eaters from directly killing him, but this hesitation would not last forever. Maybe they would even try to coerce him into joining there ranks. He would never accept of course, but he had to be ready for them. James was a good dueller for a fifteen year old wizard, but he would be hard pressed to overpower a trained Death Eater. So, he would ask his parents for some lessons tomorrow. Both his parents were ex-Aurors and still strong for their age. They would surely be able to show him some new tricks. His father would probably be pleased that he showed some awareness of the current situation. He had been pressing James for years to be a better role model and to act more accordingly to his status. He accepted his escapades at school, but not when he was officially representing the family. As a result of this James could be quite well behaved if he had to. He had tried to rebel against it at first, but it had gotten him into so much trouble and caused his parents so much grief, that he had abandoned it. It simply was not worth it. Granted, his father would probably be less pleased that he had spent the night outside drinking, but at least he had bought the vodka with his own money rather than raiding the family liquor cabinet.
James generally got along well with his parents, who usually went out of their way to spoil their late and only child. However, his mischievous nature clashed with the stoic seriousness of his father at regular intervals. As retired head of the Depart of Magical Law Enforcement his father had dealt with office intrigues and the power struggle of the old pure-blood families for so long that he had adopted a rather grim view of the world. He was constantly thinking in terms of the family status and how their actions affected their relations to the other important families in the Wizarding World. As a result, his father was very careful in his actions and words and did his best to not unnecessarily provoke other families. Of course, James bold attitude and his general lack of respect for certain families as the Malfoys did not mix well with this. His mother on the other hand shared his father's tactfulness in dealing with other pure-bloods, but she was much more light hearted and rather mischievous herself. Hers and his father's marriage had been arranged by their parents, but they had grown fond of each other over the years. Overall James was happy with his upbringing, even though he sometimes wished that he could be more of himself rather than the heir of the Potter family. People expected him to behave in a certain way based on this family name and he was not allowed to just be himself. Being a pure-blood came with many privileges, but it also was a cage. Sirius knew this well. His best friend was a slave to his family's customs and James often wondered how long it would take until this conflict truly escalated. Sirius acted as though the constant strife with his parents did not bother him, but James knew better. Most of his friends actions were down to actively provoke his family and the estrangement was a very important part of his personality. James longed to help his friend, but he could see no way to actually solve this problem. Sirius probably would have to abandon his family in the future or adopt their lifestyle. James thought we knew which decision his friend would make, but in the end it was Sirius's call.
Determined James emptied the vodka bottle. He had made his decisions: He would be a better son to his parents and keep the families position in mind more often. Also, he would spend time during the summer and during schooling honing his duelling skills. James would probably have to fight in a war soon and he would be ready. Most importantly, he would stop chasing Lily Evans and start dating other witches. This was by far the most painful of his decisions, but it had to be done. Pleased about his plans, James fell asleep on the soft grass the bottle of vodka still in his hand.