Their friendship is comparable to a satin ribbon- beautiful, smooth and delicate. Yet, one small tear will cause its ruin. One small imperfection will tear it apart.
The sky is like an artist's palette at this time. The setting sun is truly a marvelous sight to see- gradual change from light to dark. Small jewels begin to appear in the night sky and soon, moonlight will dominate the celestial space. There are two figures occupy a wide field facing the lake. How calm everything may seem, there is a grave emotional turmoil within.
As they stayed in silence, the tension grew far worse. He knew his best friend will tell him something important because he was unceremoniously dragged out of his room towards the clearing- the place where they always met- a place that could call as theirs. Getting tired of standing and waiting, Shishido Ryou sat down and leaned against an aging tree. He hid his impatience and tried to wait till his best friend is ready to confide. He had this nagging feeling that this is an important matter and he should wait. Being the observant self today, he noticed that Ohtori Choutarou looks like a stiff pole, and once someone tried to poke him, he might just end up lying on the ground, unmoving. Shishido then decided to just wait till he is ready, any moment soon; Ohtori will surely tell him what he has in mind.
Ohtori did not know how he will break the news to his best friend. It was rather an unexpected turn of events. It was like his life experienced a three hundred sixty degree turn when he heard the news. He was expecting this but he did not expect it was this soon. He was fidgeting and was unusually nervous in front of his best friend. He was twisting the hem of his coat unconsciously; releasing and tightening- a pattern he was involuntarily following. He got tired of this and just decided to end his painful dilemma. He sat down beside his friend and tried to take deep breaths to relax his already tensed shoulders and muddled mind. Ohtori looked at the lake like it held the answer he was looking for. He sighed and told his best friend the reason of his nervous state.
"Ryou, I am getting married in a few months" Ohtori told him and he sounded like he already submitted his freedom to this bond proposed by his parents.
Shishido did not say anything. Instead he stiffened in a moment and he just closed his eyes to check whether this is all a dream. But when he opened his eyes again he saw the same lake, the same sky and the same Choutarou who confessed his upcoming nuptial to an unknown woman. He remained silent indicating his friend to go on and tell him the details about the wedding.
"I did not meet the girl till this afternoon. She was the daughter of my father's colleague and soon to be heiress of their own family business. This arrangement is more of like a business arrangement rather than a ceremony one could consider. I don't know when will the wedding be but I guess next month will be the most favorable date because it is also her birthday" Ohtori continued. Ohtori tried to be as neutral as possible, trying to hide that he was not comfortable with the arrangement. He should be since it arranged marriage was one thing aristocracies are very fond of. Arranged marriages between two individuals will secure wealth of each family and will also allow them to expand their riches through the power and bond of it. Parents will force their innocent children into unknown circumstances which can later on result to unforeseen consequences. Ohtori being the good child he is, nodded his consent but still unable to contain himself during the meeting with the girl, after an awkward shake of hands and trade of simple smiles, he excused himself and made a run to his best friend's house. For Pete's sake, he did not even remember the girl's name.
Shishido remained silent and looked as if he was calculating the things he will say. He looked at the lake and marveled at the sight of the stars and moon reflected on the surface. He smiled a little to show his appreciation to the beauty of nature and he looked to Ohtori and said "Choutarou, we are not getting younger. Sooner or later we are going to fulfill the obligations passed onto us. Being the ones who can carry the family name and heritage, marriage is one thing we cannot miss- the only thing our parents cannot miss. Sometimes we just have to sacrifice our own dreams to fulfill our responsibilities and meet the expectations of our clan. I find it rather unfortunate for you since you have to go through this first before me. And I also find it rather insulting, since I am the older one here" He laughed a little to show the sarcasm that dripped in his words.
Ohtori quirked his lips a little in response to the supposedly joke of his friend. But he was really devastated and disappointed at the same time. He is devastated because he is not ready for this type of commitment. It is rather huge and permanent for him. He did not know his fiancée and know nothing about married life. He is not ready to let go of his youth- no matter how reckless and carefree his life was- he is just not ready. He is not ready to let go of the things he have now. He is not ready to give up his life- life that looked so simple and realistically happy. He is just not ready to part away from the company of his best friend. He is also disappointed because he did not expect the answer given by his best friend. He was expecting of an outburst or a violent reaction from Shishido or any excuse he can give so that he can postpone the wedding. But all he received was a lecture regarding family obligation and responsibilities. It seemed that Shishido was supporting this idea of marriage. This is somewhat new to him, uncharacteristically Shishido.
"Nevertheless, married life will not hinder our friendship right? We will still be best friends no matter what" Shishido added a few moments later, assuring him that nothing will change despite the big step Ohtori will be taking. Ohtori smiled and nodded- comforted by the fact that his best friend intends to be there despite the circumstances. No matter how sincere his words are, he is still feeling unsatisfied.
They sat for a few moments, trying to find the security within each other's company. They try to build the ever familiar comfort with one another. And soon, their silence is no longer awkward; instead, the silence signified the reassurance that the other is there for support and dependence.
Shishido stood up indicating that it is time to go home, he unconsciously extended his hand to help Ohtori up but Ohtori did not even look at his hand. "You go ahead Ryou, I think my sudden escape from the meeting earlier is not welcomed by my parents. I'll stay here for awhile and let the time pass till I'm sure I can go back to my room safely. Thank you for being here Ryou. I really appreciated it, you've been very supportive. Just like old times." Ohtori said while looking at the lake. Shishido look mildly surprised but just shrugged it off. He patted Ohtori's head as a sign of his farewell and slowly walked away. Before leaving completely, he looked back and saw Ohtori still watching the lake. Unknown to the young man, sadness and relief was mirrored in the older man's face. Shishido just looked down at the ground and smiled sadly before he left his friend in the clearing.
Once sure he is alone, Ohtori succumbed to his devastation. He tucked his knees to his chest and buried his head in between. He never expected this sudden turn of events. The reason he stormed out of the room was because of unwarranted and surprising emotions that stirred within him. Knowing the fact that he was giving his freedom away and the fact that he is tying himself to another being he does not know, he was not really fond of the idea of being with a foreign company except his best friend. No matter how he denied that it was wrong and surely the norms will never tell him that it was appropriate, he had been harboring some strange feelings towards his best friend- feelings hat trudge a very dangerous line that can severely destroy their carefully laid friendship. These feelings are not accepted normally by common people. And individuals of his standing will surely look down on him; worse, his parent's might disown him due to these emotions. He chose to ignore and bury these feelings deep inside him. He denied every emotion that comes close to it. He never acknowledged anything about it- he just thought that it was just a phase, a sudden admiration and loyalty to his friend. He kept this to himself and told no one. But no matter how hard he tried, he always ends up thinking about his best friend.
He sighed and decided to look back at the lake. He doesn't understand why his vision is blurry- unclear. A wet and unfamiliar object ran down his cheek leaving a trail and insignia of his kept and unacknowledged sadness.
For the first time, Choutarou Ohtori accepted the glaring fact that he is indeed in love with his best friend. Unfortunately for him, he cannot take this back.
The walk back home seemed lonelier than usual. Shishido unconsciously took the right turns and streets before he got home. Once in the sanctuary and protection of his own room, he gently closed the door and went outside to the balcony to further contemplate of the news he received. He sat down to one of the chairs placed and leaned back staring blankly ahead. He is really expecting this but not this soon. He knew if given the chance, he will be facing the same fate- he will be also forced to be wedded to someone he barely know. Just like his best friend, he is rich, true; they own a family business that can support half of the town. He is handsome, or rather beautiful since he has strong facial features but is neutralized by his long brown hair. With his rash and brusque personality, women of his age find him alluring and interesting. He got everything a man of his time would ever want. But he isn't satisfied with his life- that is if ever he will be having more of it. Despite the material wealth he has, he isn't happy. He is diagnosed of having lung cancer and was told by their family doctor that he will be living no longer than a month. Such fate he has. Life offers too many opportunities to him that he is willing to take but life itself is almost quitting on him.
He was gripping on the bars of his balcony due to his disappointment and anger. He really wants to spend more time living, he is enjoying life- he is enjoying it with his best friend. But fate chose to be cruel, on the peak of their friendship, his life took a turn that forever changed his life. He thought that during the winter, it was one of the common colds and coughs one acquire. But it seemed no longer normal when he started feeling painful jabs in his chest and started coughing out blood. He was hysterical and so were his parents. They consulted specialists and doctors right away. At first he was recommended to take medicines but when these capsules did take effect, he went into further medication and supervision of doctors. This continued hidden in the public eye since Ryou Shishido did not wish for pathetic attempts of people to wish him well. Furthermore, he did not want to worry his best friend. The ordeal went on until the doctor declared that it his ailment is incurable and he has little time left to live. Shishido was really shocked. He was not ready for this, he knew he is sick but he did not expect that he was dying. At first he was in denial, he did not accept such judgment and persuaded his parents to ask for a second opinion. But as all of the physicians reviewed his status they all came up of the same conclusion. He was left with no choice but to accept his condition. All of his plans were thrown out of the window and his future was readily forgotten. All he remembered and worried about is how is he going to tell his best friend about this. He was planning to tell him right away but he is not really fond of the idea of Ohtori being worried and saddened. He really cared to the other boy and he is fully aware of these intense feelings he had for Choutarou but decided against of telling him these feelings; in the fear of scaring him away and the fact that he is dying. His unfaltering decision was it was unnecessary for Choutarou to know about this unacknowledged feelings and his current state. Furthermore, he decided that no one else aside from his family will know his health conditions. As long as he can keep this, he will; hell will break loose when someone outside the family knew about his state.
Once he knew about the wedding arrangement of Choutarou he was quite at peace, at least he is assured that once he is gone his best friend is in the good hands of his unknown wife. If not in good hands, he is rest assured that Choutarou will never be alone. Furthermore, he knew Choutarou will be quite busy and occupied within the upcoming days so he can easily part and detach himself from him. He is not ready to say goodbye, yet he wants to take this simple opportunity to divert Choutarou's attention from him to his wife so that he can quietly exit the scene and leave in silence. Still no matter how relieved he was, no matter how everything seemed to be in his convenience, he cannot hide the fact that he is saddened since he is not sure if he will get a chance to witness the big leap his best friend will be taking. And it is really heartbreaking for him because if ever he is given a chance to see Choutarou wedded, he don't know if he really can take the sight.
He is attached to his best friend far more than what he expected so that is the reason why he plans to gradually separate to lessen the pain he will feel and inflict once he is truly gone. No matter what he does, he cannot escape death at this time. No matter how clever the plan is, he cannot solve what is ahead of him because it is the end- the final moment of his material life. He just submits himself to fate. Unfortunately for him, he cannot do anything but accept death with open arms.
Spending the entire night outside is really a bad idea. Chills went up and down his body giving him a painful time staying up. He clutched his chest and he began to feel weak. He was breathing hard and sweat began to form in his forehead despite the fact that he was feeling really cold in the inside. Due to excessive pain he is feeling he cannot help but scream in pain. He was holding onto the railings for support but his knees are already weakened and cannot hold his weight. Soon, he was kneeling and he began coughing and painful jabs are felt. He covered his mouth as he coughed some more and he felt hot liquid in his hands and he began to taste bitterness of blood. Indeed, the evidence is on his hands, blood covering his palms and dripping down his arm and dropping down to the floor. Not long enough, he feels dizzy and nauseated. He is not able to hold on longer onto the steel railings for support, altogether, he fell down to the floor almost unconscious. But before he fully submits to darkness he heard his mother and some of the servants screaming and panicking. He was then cradled in his mother's arms and then, he succumbs to sleep- not knowing whether he will ever wake up again.