The Ballad of Zaraki No Kenpachi
By Jhard53
"I'm bored. I need someone strong to fight against," complained 11th division Captain Zaraki Kenpachi gruffly, "No one worth their salt will give me a fair fight. That byakuya twit won't go for 5 minutes without relying on those damned pansy blossoms. Robot freak turns into goo after I slice his baby shaped bankai up. Ice boy is useless unless you want frostbite. Soi fong runs around using shunpo too much and it becomes irritating. While Komamura, Yamamoto, Kyoraku, and Ukitake all decline to fight. What the HELL!"
"Don't you think it's cause you're too strong ken-chan? They don't really stand a chance against you without cheap tricks," Piped up the diminutive and pink-haired Kusajishi Yachiru 11th division vice-captain. The two were currently outside in one of 11th squad's training field resting under a particularly large tree.
"Tch. I know damn well how strong Kyoraku, Ukitake, and the Commander-General are. They could fight me honestly, but they just don't like the idea of fighting against 'allies.' Bunch of ridiculous bull shit if you ask me," laments Kenpachi.
"You haven't had a good and fun fight since you and Ichi got all cut up, right ken-chan? Ichi is a really good opponent don't you think ken-chan? I really like Ichi. The look in his eyes when you two were fighting was a real good look. He was really enjoying himself I think. Don't you think so too ken-chan?" Yachiru's rambling rant was followed by a smile and a fit of sporadic giggling.
"Yeah its been a while since I was really able to cut loose like that. Wonder what the strawberry-head is up to now? I've been meaning for a rematch with him whether I know my zanpakuto's name or not," said Kenpachi thoughtfully.
"Say, Ken-chan? Have you tried talking to your zanpakuto any lately?" asked Yachiru brightly.
"Ya, I've tried but the damn words feel like saw dust in my mouth. I feel stupid apologizing to a damned sword. I just don't get it at all. Maybe I should ask Ichigo how he managed to talk with his. I imagine is way isn't as stupid or pansy as most people's methods," said Kenpachi with a look of distaste.
"Hey, hey! I have an idea that I think you'll like Ken-chan! Why don't we go to the human world and help Ichigo with his training by fighting him, and he can help you talk to your zanpakuto?" beamed the pink-haired midget.
"Well, I suppose that ain't such a bad idea there. I think I'll go ahead and ask the Commander-General for permission to leave for training. We can make girly-girl Yumichika and Ikaku do all the paper work while I'm gone," said the nearly psychopathic killer. He stood up and started to walk. Before he took two steps, and with barely a whisper of sound, his vice-captain was resting on his shoulder as he made his way to the 1st division to request his training time. Watch out world, watch out Kurosaki Ichigo! Kenpachi's comin' to town!