He sat at the bar staring down at the drink in his hand, it was the fourth of the night and he had a grim feeling that it would not be his last. Gaara hadn't intended to spend the night feeling sorry for himself but it couldn't be avoided, not when he had just stood there and smiled while the love of his life married another. If he was really honest with himself he knew that deep down he was happy for Naruto, wanting nothing more than the mans happiness. Yes, he was happy for his friend but there was something else there, something he tried to drown in alcohol.
"You doing alright there little brother?"
A firm hand on his shoulder pulled him from his thoughts. He figured it was for the best, it would do him no good to dwell. Gaara looked up to greet his brother, looking well groomed and in his best attire. It was odd to see him without of his face paint and hood so far from home but it was a special occasion after all.
"Of course, where is Temari?"
Kankuro's eyes narrowed at the change of subject but sighed and sat himself down in the stool next to Gaara with an oof.
"She's over there dancing with Shadow boy," he tilted his head towards the dance floor "they've been at it all night. You'd think they'd be tired from all the running around they did yesterday getting everything ready."
When Gaara looked over he caught a glimpse of his sister and her partner gliding across the dance floor, who knew the lazy ninja could be so graceful. Kankuro was right, they had worked hard the day before to get everything set up, his sister had left before the sun was out to help Kiba pick special flowers from deep in the forest. Shikamaru had in turn been tasked with helping set up the alter and the pews in the forest clearing. Truthfully it was a beautiful wedding and Gaara didn't know if that made him feel happy or sad.
"They worked hard, they deserve to enjoy it along with everyone else," Gaara brought the glass to his lips and swallowed the remains in one go, a slight grimace on his face from the burn of his throat.
"Yeah, it's not everyday that the Hokage gets married. One day that will be you and the Sand Village will be the one with the huge party. You wont get away with sitting at the bar all night then," Kankuro raised a hand to catch the attention of the bartender while teasing his brother. He missed the way his shoulders tensed and the grip on his empty glass tightened.
"You're right, I should go...mingle," Gaara placed his glass on the table and walked away before his brother could protest. He knew he meant well but he just couldn't hold a conversation right now.
Gaara walked until he no longer heard the music from the band or the laughter from the guests. He walked until he found a stream and cupped his hands into the water, he had intended to splash his face but alcohol had made him clumsy and all he really did was wet his clothes. A bitter chuckle escaped his lips as he sat back against a tree and lost himself in thought again.
Naruto had looked so happy today hand in hand with Hinata as they exchanged vows, a part of Gaara wished he could hate her. If she weren't so kind he might have, but in truth he respected her as a powerful ninja and as a person. He felt pathetic for even wanting to hate her, why should he when she made Naruto so happy? Years ago when he was a child Gaara never thought he'd ever find someone to love. Everyone around him hated him, feared him, his own father sent men to kill him as easily as it would have been to order food. He had thought his uncle loved him up until he also tried to kill him. No, Gaara had no one in his life who he could have loved growing up. That was, until a certain blonde haired ninja punched his way into his life.
It had started off with respect, seeing Naruto fight to hard to protect his friends and village, a village that had never been kind to him. A village that feared and shunned him for something he had no control over or knowledge of. Naruto represented everything Gaara could have been, kind, strong, understanding, with an unwavering loyalty. He respected the boy who could best him in a fight and was always curious to see the man he'd turn into.
When the Leaf Village needed help trying to get Sasuke back he hadn't hesitated. it wasn't until they failed that Gaara realized that it wasn't just respect. He couldn't understand why it mattered so much to him that Sasuke had left until he looked into Naruto's eyes and saw the pain there. All he had wanted to do was comfort the boy but he stood there to the side and watched as the others came and went in attempts to comfort him. He vowed to be someone who deserved to be included in the list of those close to Naruto. He vowed to be someone who he could proudly call his friend.
And then he died. It had been painful and slow and Gaara often tried not to think about it. He had heard stories of how Naruto had cried over his body, his heart clenched each time. Elder Chiyo had traded her life for his and he would forever be grateful but Gaara knew it was Naruto. Naruto saved him, just as he had done years before when he beat him during the Chunin Exams. Naruto saved him from the darkness in his heart, and the lonely path he was leading. He would never have become Kazekage without Narutos influence, would never have earned the respect and love of his own village.
Yes, Gaara was no longer alone, he was loved by his people and by his siblings but not by the one person he craved it from the most. He wasn't sure when friendship became love but he knew it had when he looked at the young Hokage. When he allowed himself to think about it it made sense in a way, his first friend, the first person to look at him like he wasn't the monster they had put inside him. It made sense that he would be the person Gaara loved, but that didn't make it easier. He knew Naruto would never feel the same. As much as he cherished their friendship the young Kazekage would always wish for more with the Hokage.
Gaara used the small amount of sand he had with him to make a replica of Naruto's face. He smiled the same way he had when he said "I do" to Hinata. He touched the cheek gently and wished that it was flesh and blood instead of his rough sand. He wondered what it would be like to be loved the way that those two obviously loved each other. "I love you" he whispered to the face and let his hand drop to his side, the sand falling away.
That would be the last time Gaara would allow himself to wallow in self pity. He refused to be anything other than happy for his friend, even as he felt his heart clench painfully in his chest. He stood and dusted himself off, determined to go back to the party and attempt to have a good time with his friends. He had people in his life he cared for and maybe one day someone would fill the hole in his heart. Until then he wouldn't allow himself to fall into darkness. He had hope, and that was enough for now.