Here I am staring at the very thing that has made me feel insecure about myself as a woman Oliver Queen might notice...(How stupid to think he would notice me)...

Right in my face is the security footage of the arrow lair from last night. The very image of Sara and Oliver having sex torments my poor heart.

I switch off my tablet and sit there in total silence with tears running down my face,

I can feel it breaking and I keep rubbing my chest to stop the ache but it seems no use at all.

In my heat of hearts, I knew somehow Sara and Oliver were going to happen...

There was no use fighting the inevitable, it was bound to happen sooner rather then later and by the looks of it...SOONER... is the answer.

Who am I kidding! Oliver Queen never or probably will not see me as more then a friend. The whole speech last time about been more then his employee gave me a little bit of hope that I, a geeky IT girl could have a chance with the great Oliver Queen?

But how wrong was I?

How foolish and stupid of me to get my hopes up?

****sighs*****

Look at the number of women his been with or prefers to be with, gorgeous Laurel, psycho Helena (but she was like a model), the beautiful detective McKenna and bad ass Sara. All beautiful women who can hold themselves in a fight and kick ass at the same time.

I can't even hold a candle to these women...

I am not like them, I can't fight with ninja skills like them or shot like the cop woman. All I know are my computers and how damn good I am at them, That's one thing I have that they don't.

Why am I torturing myself?...I feel a headache the size of Starling city coming on...

I think it's time to back the hell off him, time to put firewalls around my heart and encryption codes that he can't hack. Time to stop looking at him like his an angel sent from up above, time to stop acting like a love sick puppy and time to stop following him with my eyes. If there is anyone that needs to put a hood over there eyes, that person would be me. I need to put the hood over my eyes when it comes to him.

Time to just stop...

I don't deserve this and neither does my heart.

It's not his fault for been handsome, sexy, and hottie-with-a-body-to-die-for look that has all women swooning and falling at his feet.

I mean who can resist the billionaire by day; hero by night thing?

Oliver Queen will never see me any other way; I'm just his partner and friend. (platonically)

So I am not going to run away or cry or even act like a fool because his not worth all this pain and heartache. I am going to go to work now and act like I am clueless to anything and then I am going to smile like I am having the time of my life.

If Oliver Queen; billionaire, CEO does not want or need me then to hell with it cause I sure as hell know that the ARROW needs me so I will be there no matter what.

Because this heartache I feel is my own fault and I have no one else to blame but me...