Author's note: takes place during Theatricality and will continue to follow the end of season 1 closely with some minor adjustments.
Pairings: Fichel-centric, Quinn-Rachel friendship, Will/Shelby, others to come…
As she sang, Rachel felt her spirits sore to halcyon heights she had not even imagined existed. Here she was living out the fantasy that had comforted her in the unbearable loneliness of the night. Her mother was an arms-length away and together they were singing. Their voices rose and fell in perfect harmony. For a few precious moments, everything was as it should have been. It was a little girl's deepest desires realized.
But even as she relished this highest of highs, she realized it was an illusion. This was only temporary. The song would end and this was to be good-bye.
"She's got to love nobody…"
The lyrics resonated a little too well. She could feel the anticipated bruise forming on her heart; she knew it was too tender to withstand much more.
And just like that, the fleeting joy of knowing a mother had vanished. Shelby was right of course; Shelby was not her mom. She was only her mother, at least for now and, from here on out, Rachel had to see her as the competition.
But none of this stopped her heart from breaking, or the tears from spilling down her cheeks as Shelby walked off the stage, leaving Rachel standing on it alone.
/glee/
Finn felt physically sick. And the urge to vomit had nothing to do with the fact that he no longer had a place to live… or call home. He hated himself. Remembering what he'd said and how he'd behaved sent flames of shame racing across his chest. He reached a hand up to his neck; he was actually sweating.
But it wasn't the cold sweat that caused chills to ripple through his body. It was her voice. Hers and another that sounded scarily similar. Careful to make no noise, he crept into the auditorium and watched as Rachel experienced ecstasy and grief all in five minutes.
He felt awkward and unsure, but the vulnerability evident in how the petite brunette rocked herself, trying in vain to maintain some semblance of composure compelled him to act.
Finn cleared his throat and Rachel startled. "Who—you—Finn?"
Rachel was surprised to see anyone, especially Finn, there.
"I'm sorry. I was just… I… I… are you OK?"
Finn was certain she'd be angry at him for his intrusion in this private moment, but one look into her eyes convinced him otherwise. And her utter lack of reaction scared him more than the craziness she would have usually unleashed on him. She had no fight in her—no life.
"Rachel…"
The brief eye contact that had allowed him to see into her soul was broken. She wouldn't look at him; she just stared at her feet, unsteady beneath her.
Finn wasn't sure what to do, but he decided that he was going to do something. So, taking advantage of his size and her lack of, he scooped her into his arms and marched off the stage, up the aisle of the empty auditorium, through the much-less-empty halls, out to the parking lot and to his car. Rachel crumpled into his chest without protest and remained a ragdoll as she was loaded into Finn's car. Finn's heart broke a little more when he noticed the tear stains on the shoulder of his shirt.
They rode in silence to her house. Finn had considered taking her to his place, but then remembered he didn't really have a place anymore.
Finn parked in her driveway, quickly jumped from his car and landed at her front door. If anyone knew how to help Rachel, it would be her parents, he figured, as he knocked loudly several times. When no answer came, he tried ringing the bell.
Dismayed and panicking, he retreated back to his car and pulled open the passenger door.
"Rach… hey, Rachel?" He crouched down and whispered close to her ear, "Rach?" Her body shivered and she turned her head slightly toward the sound. "No one is answering your door. Where are your Dads?"
She sighed, "They're out of town on business. They'll be back on Sunday."
"Are you home alone?"
"Don't sound so dramatic. It's not the first time."
Finn smirked, happy to see some sign of the old Rachel. "Well, I'm not leaving you by yourself like this. Whose house would you like me to take you to?"
Rachel let out a guffaw. "What? Am I not good enough for yours?"
"Well, I was thinking you'd want to stay over at another…ummm… girl's place… and, eh, I kinda got kicked out."
Rachel bolted up in her seat. "What?"
"It's a long story." Rachel tried to interrupt, but Finn continued to talk over her. "Which, I promise, I'll tell you later."
"You better. First Quinn, now you! Who next?"
"Well, for a few nights, I guess that'd be you."
"No, I don't think so. I'm staying here."
"Rach, I already told you, I don't think that's a good idea."
"Why? It's my home."
"But in your condition…"
"My condition? Excuse me…"
"I'm sorry, I just meant, given what's happen to you, I think it best if you weren't left alone."
"What, you think I'll off myself?"
"Rachel! I'm just worried about you is all."
Rachel softened a little. "I know and I appreciate it, I do, believe me. But, let's be honest, where would you have me go? I'm not exactly anyone's best friend if you haven't noticed. No one is beating down my door to hang out. I really just want to be at home—my home."
Finn looked sad for her. He knew what she was saying was true. Even in Glee, Rachel ranked lowest in the social caste. Plus, there truly is no place like home.
"Alright…" Finn relented.
"It's not like I needed your permission anyway," Rachel pointed out. She took the hand he was offering and climbed out of his car. She ran her hands down her dress, smoothing its wrinkles and then headed to her front door. Finn closed the passenger door and made to return to the driver's side when he heard Rachel clear her throat. He looked up to see she had paused in the entryway of her house.
"I'm not sure where you're headed off to in such a hurry, considering what you told me about your situation… but if you need a place to stay, I've got a guest room… not to mention that with the exception of my room the whole place is empty. And, that would solve the whole me being alone thing."
She was serious. Finn thought he might be experiencing shock and had to reach out an arm to his car to steady himself.
"You don't have to," Rachel quickly added, embarrassed at her own audacity and fearing the rejection she sensed was sure to follow, "I just thought you might want to."
"Do you want me to?"
Rachel's eyes widened and she couldn't stop the blush she felt blossoming across her cheeks. She nodded softly and almost whispered, "Yeah, I want you to." Then, just as she thought she couldn't look at him anymore, a huge grin burst forth on his face.
"Alright, I'll stay." He closed the driver's door and grabbed his suitcase from the trunk, hauling it behind him as he followed Rachel into her house.
/glee/
After showing him to the guestroom, Rachel had hurried off to shower and change. She emerged a little less than an hour later clad in a tank top and pajama pants. Finn's breath caught in his throat.
"Sorry to keep you waiting…" Rachel smiled.
"No, don't worry. You don't have to treat me like a guest or anything… I'm just happy to have a bed really." An awkward silence descended for a moment as the two just stood there looking at each other, grinning goofily. "Can I make you anything? Are you thirsty? Hungry?"
"Are you offering to cook at my house?"
Finn looked sideways sheepishly. "Yeah, guess I am."
"Are you any good?" She smirked.
"I am decent actually. I help my mom out a lot… she's not so good."
"Well, I am really thirsty now… would you mind making me a tea?"
"Coming right up!"
Finn didn't have much trouble navigating the Berry's kitchen. After pulling a few wrong drawers and opening a wrong cabinet or two, he figured out the logic of the organization and found that it all felt very familiar.
Rachel leaned against the doorway watching him. "You look comfortable."
"I am."
"I'm glad."
He handed her her tea and the two walked out of the kitchen and into the living room. They took a seat on opposite sides of the coach, Finn trying too hard to not invade her personal space. Rachel curled up, cupping her cherished mug of tea.
Blowing on it a few times, she took a sip and sighed her satisfaction. "So… you gonna tell me why you're here?"
Finn's eyebrows knitted together. "You invited me… should I go now?"
Rachel rolled her eyes. "No… why aren't you at your home?"
"Oh… that."
Finn opened his mouth to explain, but no words came out. He hadn't given much thought to retelling the incident, but he was suddenly very keenly aware that Rachel had two Dads.
Rachel sensed a change in his demeanor. "What? Finn? Finn? Are you OK?"
"What? Yeah, I'm fine… but, Rach, before I explain I just want to tell you how sorry I am for what happened. I don't want you to see me differently after…"
"Finn, you're starting to scare me. What happened?"
"Well, you know my mom moved us into Kurt's house, right?"
"Yeah, you told us. But I never did get to tell you I was sorry that you lost your house."
"Thanks, I miss it still, even more now that… anyway, well, Kurt and I had to share a room, which, from the start, I was not OK with. And I was upfront about that." Finn quickly added, "I'm not homophobic. I like Kurt just fine… but I wanted a room where I didn't have to worry about…"
"It's no secret Kurt has a crush on you. I can understand not wanting to share a room with someone who wants to be with you if you don't return their feelings." Rachel shuddered, imagining sharing a room with Jacob. "Your room should be a place where you feel safe. Where you can be you."
"That's exactly what I was feeling! Still… I'll admit, I didn't handle it great. Kurt had redecorated and our room looked like some Victorian era mistress chamber. So I was a little rude… but dudes don't live in frilly pink rooms! Kurt suggested redecorating and then I really lost it. I blew up and said some things," Finn trailed off, looking at his feet guiltily.
"Finn, what'd you say?"
"I don't want to tell you."
"Finn," Rachel warned testily.
"It's shameful. I can't believe I even said it." Finn stood up and started pacing.
"Finn, what did you say?"
Finn looked paused and looked at her. "You're gonna hate me. And I won't blame you. If you want to kick me out too, you're welcome to. I deserve it." He drew in a deep breath. "I yelled that a few of the decorations were faggy. I'm sorry, oh God, I'm sorry." He turned away from her, unable to stand her looking at him with her big, doe-eyes.
He waited. He waited for yelling. Or a demand that he leave. But there was no sound. He about jumped out of his skin when he felt her palm on his back. He turned around slowly.
"Finn, look at me." Reluctantly, he met her eyes. "You were in an impossible situation. Kurt has pursued you aggressively, refusing to accept that you didn't want him. What you said was wrong and Kurt's actions don't justify your language, but he had you backed into a corner. I won't lie. Your words hurt me too. Still, they don't change how I feel about you." She cupped his cheek with her hand. "We all make mistakes. It's part of being human. You're a good person, Finn. You are still you."
He wrapped his arms tightly around the petite brunette before him, gathering her in a tremendous bear hug. "Thanks, Rach," he whispered into her hair before releasing her.
/glee/
Rachel awoke Friday morning feeling buoyant. Finn's presence in her house was like having her own personal sun. Just knowing he was there made her home feel warm and bright. His light blurred everything else around her; it softened her mother's rejection.
It was a new day.
"Hey! Where are you going in such a hurry?" Finn asked as Rachel appeared suddenly at the foot of the stairs and almost as quickly was at the door sliding into her shoes.
"I don't want to be late!"
"School doesn't start for another 40 minutes, Rach."
"And it'll take me most of that to walk."
"Walk?"
"I don't have a car, Finn, and my Dads are out of town, remember," Rachel pointed out with a slight edge to her voice.
"But I have a car…"
Rachel paused. "Are you offering me a ride?"
"Of course," Finn chuckled.
"Oh," she smiled. "Okay then."
Rachel slid out of her shoes and Finn handed her a cup of coffee. "Relax, let's get some breakfast and we'll leave in a little bit." Rachel sighed happily as the steam from the mug warmed her face and she eagerly sipped the hot beverage.
She slid onto a stool at the kitchen counter while Finn prepared oatmeal, the two existing in a comfortable silence.
"Why did you seem surprised that I was going to drive you to school?" Finn finally asked.
Rachel hesitated. "I just figured you might not want the attention, the questions that are likely to come when people see you arriving at school with me. I wouldn't be offended. I know my social status at school isn't anything to aspire to. I'd understand if you didn't exactly want to publicize us… knowing each other."
Finn pushed a bowl of oatmeal sprinkled with cinnamon in front of her. "I'm not worried about my reputation, Rach. I don't care what they think of me anymore." He leaned across the counter close to her. "I'm only concerned with what you think." A blush warmed Rachel's face and her breath hitched.
"I have a boyfriend," she whispered. Finn retreated back across the counter quickly.
"I know," he sighed. "You should finish up," he nodded at her untouched oatmeal. "We need to get going soon."
The ride to school was pleasant, but the tension never completely dissipated. Finn wanted Rachel. He knew she wanted him too, but she couldn't admit it to herself. She would be faithful to Jesse.
After all, she liked Jesse too. She might even love him. A few hours later though, she was less sure of her feelings for Jesse. or the first time she was forced to question his feelings for her.
After Vocal Adrenaline, under Jesse's unfeeling lead, occupied New Directions' stage, Rachel finally admitted that Finn's suspicions of Jesse might have merit. It would appear that Jesse had in fact used her.
While the rest of Glee had watched Vocal Adrenaline perform, Finn had watched Rachel watching Jesse. He watched her face contort and remembered seeing that exact expression before. He watched as her heart broke for the second time in as many days.
When he was trying to get Rachel to come back to Glee by pretending to be interested in dating her, she had found out and had slapped him. She wore that same look of anger and sorrow now. Which is why he agreed with Puck. Vocal Adrenaline had to pay.
/glee/
Sitting in Figgins' office, Finn knew it was worth it. He would do it all again in a heartbeat. Still, that didn't make the consequences any more palatable… quite frankly, they sucked.
When Shelby Corcoran strode into the office Finn almost fell out of his seat. This was the woman he had seen singing with Rachel, had seen leaving Rachel broken and alone. Suddenly and truly for the first time, Finn questioned his decision to slash the tires. Whatever Shelby's role in Rachel's life turned out to be—significant or in— she was Rachel's mother… she was the mother of the girl he loved.
"We'll get jobs!" Finn exclaimed. For some twisted reason he wanted, no, he needed, this woman's approval. His pleading tone seemed to catch her attention. "Give us a month. We'll pay you back, Ms. Corcoran, I promise." Finn was determined to pay to repair the cars and his reputation in the eyes of this—his love's mother.
She looked at him for a moment longer than strictly necessary, as if she recognized him from somewhere but couldn't put her finger on it… or as if she suspected that this dark-haired boy held her daughter's heart, the same heart her star performer had shattered.
Befriend her. Befriend her, was what she'd told Jesse. He'd heard something different apparently. So now her daughter was experiencing a most unkind breakup… that her first breakup would be born out of deceit, a lie of Shelby's own engineering, made her nauseous. Rachel was heartbroken because of her. Somewhere along the line to repair her own heart (hoping to win her daughter's in the process), she'd really messed up.
/glee/
Rachel brightened considerably when she saw Jesse's name flash on her cell phone and heard his voice on the other end. Maybe, just maybe it hadn't all been a lie. She couldn't stand the thought that every moment they had shared had been orchestrated.
She remembered when Finn had pretended to like her, leading her on while hiding the fact that his girlfriend was pregnant. Then her own mother had rejected her when they first met, lamely promising to call her… like a boy who never intends to call a dismal date.
If Jesse had pretended too, then Rachel had to wonder: was something wrong with her that no one could ever love her? It was a more than unpleasant thought. It was near intolerable. Her head could only entertain such a tragic notion for a few minutes before she was sent in a downward spiral.
On the other hand, if Jesse had been playing from a script, why would he come back to her? She smiled. She wasn't unlovable. His return to her was proof of that.
She walked out into the parking lot as per his instructions. When she saw him, the grin was automatic, a comfortable habit. He waved at her and she couldn't contain herself anymore; she ran to him.
When the first egg hit her, she was confused. She didn't know what had struck her in the back. By the time she was trapped in the barrage, she knew the only thing that mattered. He didn't love her. She'd been used. Finn had been right.
She stood amid the slaughtered shells, humiliated as Vocal Adrenaline egged Jesse on.
"Break it," Rachel commanded defiantly. "Break it like you broke my heart." He couldn't have it both ways, either he was loyal to Rachel or to his teammates. Rachel knew which he'd choose and she wasn't disappointed when she felt the cold yolk slide down her forehead. He'd at least cracked it with his hand rather than against her head, for which she was thankful. But the point had been made. She could never be with someone who would choose fame over love.
She'd been willing to give up her lead in Cabaret for Finn. Love came first. Always.
"I loved you."
No, you didn't, she wanted so badly to say. He couldn't have loved her, otherwise he wouldn't have allowed his team to humiliate her, let alone participate in it. She didn't know the boy in front of her. It seemed like just yesterday he was returning from spring break and talking of making her every dream come true. Today he was trying to destroy the very dreams he'd promised to help her realize.
She was heartbroken. But Jesse had failed because she still had her dreams. He couldn't take those from her. She thought that maybe even he knew that… her dreams were her destiny, they were inevitable and bigger than him.
She didn't allow herself to cry until every member of Vocal Adrenaline had vacated the parking lot. But as soon as they were gone, the tears came hot and fast. She was alone. Again. And to make matters worse, all the time she thought she hadn't been alone, she had. Her relationship with Jesse had been a fantasy.
Knowing she couldn't stand out in the parking lot forever, Rachel made her way back inside, concentrating hard on the floor to avoid the stares. As she reached her locker though, there was one stare she couldn't escape. She knew his eyes were on her and despite a conscious decision to not look his way, her eyes were drawn magnetically to him. It had always been this way with Finn; she'd never had a choice.
His face was scrunched and shadowed as he scrutinized her and his chocolate eyes darkened to ebony when they saw the water glaze in hers.
His approach was purposeful and his big figure stalking over was almost intimidating.
"What. Happened?"
Rachel, who had been shielding herself by standing sideways, turned to face him. She couldn't say a word and she didn't have to.
"Oh, Rach!" His voice and heart broke.
He wrapped his arms around her sticky figure, maneuvering her to the nearest bathroom.
In silence, he helped her wash the egg from her face and hair. He waited for her to change into the extra set of clothes she'd had tucked away in her locker in case of slushie facials. But then he could wait no more.
"Rach," he began, "I don't know if I want to know the answer to this question." He was thinking he already did. "But who did this to you?"
Her voice came out in a whisper. "He did." A fresh flow of tears began. "Vocal Adrenaline did." Rachel proceeded to recount the horrific encounter with her ex-boyfriend.
She paused for a moment after Jesse's "I loved you," and then said. "You were right, Finn. From the start… so I don't expect…" The volume of her crying escalated intensely. "I don't expect anymore friendship from you…" She was practically hyper-ventilating.
Finn gathered her in his arms, shushing her gently. "Oh, no… that… what I said before… I was mad. But not at you. I was angry with myself for screwing up my chance with you. It was said in the heat of the moment, out of jealousy and desire. I didn't mean it. The moment after I said it, I wanted to take it back and I've wondered if you remembered me saying it or not. I'd hoped you'd forgotten. Clearly that isn't the case…"
She choked out a short laugh.
He took the opportunity of having her in his arms, crying into his chest, to smell her hair. She stiffened suddenly. Finn pressed a soft, short kiss on her forehead at her hairline.
Much to Finn's chagrin, Rachel became noticeably silent and still. But then after a few seconds, she snuggled deeper into his chest.
"I've always wanted you, Rachel. Even when I said I didn't, I did. I imagine that will always be the case."
/glee/
Finn drove Rachel home after school.
"Will you stay again?"
"I'll stay as long as you want me."
Rachel blushed at the implication before taking him by the hand and leading him inside.
"I hate to abandon you in an unfamiliar place for the second day in a row, but I really need a shower. I can still feel the remnants of egg on my skin," Rachel shuddered.
Finn gave her a sympathetic look. "Take you're time. I'll just hang."
As she bounded up the stairs, Finn wandered around the living room, peering at pictures of a young Rachel. Most were shots of her on stage, but Finn's favorites were random family photos. The best of all was one in which Rachel didn't seem to have known she was being photographed until the moment the picture was snapped. She looked natural. Beautiful.
Finn decided he would get dinner started… a meat-free meal to erase the memory of earlier. Rachel descended the stairs just as he was finishing the tofu dish.
"Something smells good…"
Finn looked up, caught off guard. "Hey. It's dinner… you hungry?" Rachel walked up behind him, peering over his arm to see his cooking.
"Looks good too!" She ducked under his arms to get a closer look. Finn dipped the wooden spoon in the mango sauce he'd whipped up and offered it to her to try.
She put her hand over his and steered the spoon to her mouth, tasting the spicy concoction. "Tastes GREAT."
"Don't sound so surprised," Finn joked. "I told you I get a lot of practice with my mom." Rachel laughed.
They ate dinner, just the two of them, casually asking each other about favorite movies and music. Eventually the discussion turned to Glee and as the subject of Regionals came up, the conversation took a decidedly darker turn. Neither wanted to mention Jesse… but the topic seemed unavoidable.
"He had us all fooled," Finn said softly, as he helped her clear the plates.
"Not you," Rachel countered.
"Not fully, no. But that was only because I wanted you so badly. He could have been an angel and I still would have been skeptical. He really put on a good show, so don't get too down on yourself."
"It's not just that though."
"Huh?"
"Maybe I should say that it isn't… or wasn't just him."
Finn paused, his forehead creased in confusion, then concentration, then realization. "Me."
Rachel nodded. "I've never had a real boyfriend."
"I know. And I'm sorry about before." Rachel looked at the ground, unable to look at the boy before her. "I'm sorry about now too. But I'm not pretending anymore."
Rachel's head snapped up. Finn was walking toward her and Rachel instinctively retreated, eyes widening in surprise. She continued their backward trajectory until colliding with the kitchen wall. Finn pressed his hands into the wall on either side of her head, trapping her there. Rachel suddenly found it difficult to breath.
"There's no ulterior motive. But," his voiced dropped and deepened, "I can't honestly say my intentions are pure."
The deep blush on her cheeks rapidly raced down her neck. Finn smiled lopsidedly at the effect he was having on the girl in front of him. Slowly, tantalizingly, he bent down and captured her lips. She responded tentatively at first, but his lips continued to gently caress hers, chasing away her fears and liberating her love.
She whimpered as he broke their kiss. A soft chuckle erupted in his throat as he kissed down her jaw line before moving to plant butterfly kisses on her neck.
"Finn…"
He made a muffled sound refusing to stop peppering every area of exposed skin he could find with kisses.
"Finn…" Rachel tried again.
"Mmmhhh?"
"Sleep with me tonight." Her words were confident, but her voice betrayed her hesitancy. "I mean… sleep as in actually sleep," she quickly clarified. When Finn didn't respond immediately, Rachel felt compelled to explain. "I just don't want to be alone tonight. I want someone to hold me…" she trailed off, her wide eyes searching Finn's.
Finn smiled and chastely kissed her one more time. "Of course." He paused before adding, "You wanna go now?"
Rachel grinned sheepishly and grabbed his hand to lead him to her room.
They collapsed onto her bed, lips locked, bodies pressed together, legs tangled. They stayed that way until the need for air forced them apart and Rachel insisted they get some rest.
The next thing Rachel knew she was waking up. At first she was confused by the large arm draped protectively over her waist, but as Finn's warm body shifted, pulling her back tighter against him, she remembered and smiled.
Her body shivered when Finn pressed a kiss behind her shoulder.
"You're awake?" She yawned, surprised.
Finn responded by kissing the back of her neck. She could feel the smile spread across his face as each kiss caused shudders like aftershocks to rock her body.
"Regionals is today, you know…" Rachel was trying to be serious, but failed miserably when Finn surprised her by flipping her over to face him. She broke into a fit of giggles as his lips assaulted every inch of her face with feather-light kisses and his fingers tickled her sides. "Finn!"
"Alright, OK…" he conceded. "Let's get up, get some food and get ready."
"And then we'll get some last minute practice in!"
"Of course," Finn said, rolling his eyes. Every practice had been last minute. And he figured if they weren't ready now, they weren't going to be any more ready by performance time tonight. But if it made Rach feel better, then he wasn't going to complain.
Rachel had already sprung out of bed and was frantically buzzing about the room.
"Babe, we have all day. We're talking hours. Relax! Take a deep breath.
/glee/
Thanks for reading!