On a gray, cold, dirty, February day in South Park, Stan's world started to unravel. He sat in the backseat of Cartman's sputtering Oldsmobile with Bebe, Kyle, Wendy, and Cartman. They prattled on to each other about their upcoming double date while Stan stared glumly out the window. It looked the way he felt, like shit, covered in a layer of snow infused with the grimy smog of the city. "Did you hear Stan? Kyle won a national merit scholarship!" Bebe bragged. "I'm so proud of my sweet-ass," she quipped, leaning over to kiss his cheek. Kyle blushed shyly. Stan held back a groan. What kind of pet name was "sweet-ass" anyway? He asked himself. Bebe and Kyle had the most tumultuous relationship ever, and that was saying something considering his own history with Wendy. They were constantly on and off and annoyance possessed Stan anytime they were on. Today was one of those days, but who could say about tomorrow?
"That's great Kyle!" Wendy exclaimed from the front seat. Stan noted her hand entwined with Cartman's on the gear shift. A dull sense of residual jealousy jumped in his chest. He saw Cartman lift his hand and heard the snap of a lighter before a whif of weed smoke smacked him in the face. "Eric! You know I hate that!" Wendy scolded him.
He lowered the window still clutching the joint. "Babe, relax, I'm blowing it out the window," He said sweetly. Stan hated the twinge to his voice, the same one he always got when he was weaseling someone into getting his way.
"Don't call me babe!" Wendy protested, "I am not your property!"
"Well what else am I supposed to call you. Woman?" Cartman prodded. Wendy shouted, offended again, and smacked him on the arm. Stan felt sick from the smoke and all the fake affection surrounding him. Couldn't any of his friends see how they deluded themselves?
Stan turned to Kyle, who was sitting beside him. "So, you got that scholarship?" Stan's heart leaped into his throat as he continued, "What are you going to do with it?" He looked down as he waited for Kyle's response. Kyle was the only one of them worth anything, he thought bitterly.
"Well, I've applied to every ivy league school, so I guess I'll wait and see," Kyle answered nervously.
"Great," Stan grumbled. Hurt flashed across Kyle's face before he turned to stare out the window again. He knew Kyle wanted him to share the joy of his future with him. But he was going to leave. The future he celebrated didn't include him. Stan's mind raced at the thought. How can I feel happy about staying here without him? He hung inside a cloud, waiting for Kyle's acceptance letters, waiting to crash and burn. For the rest of the card ride, Stan tuned out his friends and stared into the void of his fears.
As they neared his house, Kyle asked, "Hey dude, do you still need help with physics?" Stan snapped out of his funk and looked at Kyle.
Really, he looked through Kyle and answered, "I'm not going to pass anyway."
Kyle's eyes scrunched with building frustration. "Well you won't if I don't help you," He snapped. "I'm coming over later. I just need to drop Bebe off." Bebe smiled, mooning over him. She laid her head on his shoulder. He snaked his arm around her waist and smiled. Stan grimaced.
Thankfully, the car stopped. Stan leaped from the seat and slammed the door behind him. He didn't bother to respond. He knew Kyle would appear no matter what he said. The thought brought a smile to his face despite his despair.
Sure enough he appeared shortly after 4 pm. Stan slumped downstairs to the door. Kyle's face tightened at the sight of Stan's haggard appearance. "Dude, you didn't even say goodbye!" He complained. Stan sighed heavily and gestured for Kyle to enter. Kyle glared at him and followed him up the stairs. Stan felt the disappointed frustration vibrating off of Kyle. This mix of emotions seemed to be his only expression lately. Every day Stan drove them closer and closer to the edge of a cliff like a game of chicken. He wondered who would break first.
Kyle sat down and opened his books. Stan didn't even bother to retrieve his. Instead, he sat low in the chair at his desk throwing a football back and forth between his hands. Occasionally he swung back and forth in the chair. Kyle barely contained his angry glower as he talked about physics. "So how do you calculate the force on an object?" Kyle asked.
Stan thought about it and responded, "It's always 9.8." He smiled triumphantly. He remembered something.
Kyle gaped at him. "Dude, that's gravity!" He exclaimed impatiently.
"Well that's a force right?" Stan retorted. He dropped the football as Kyle's eyes hardened. He leaned to pick it up, keeping his eyes locked with his friend's. Kyle intercepted the ball as Stan sat back up. They tussled a minute before Stan gave in. He folded his arms and began to jitter his leg.
"Dude, you're not even trying!" Kyle accused. Stan looked straight through him with a smirk plastered on his face.
"We're done in three months anyway," he grumbled. "None of this shit means anything anyway." Kyle's eyes opened with shock. He stared at Stan for a long minute. Indecision hung in his eyes. Finally, he glowered and stood up, quickly shoveling his books into his bag. Stan's heart began to pound. "Dude, look I'm sorry," he pleaded. He stood and grabbed Kyle's wrist. Kyle's eyes pierced him suspiciously. A fierce anger Stan usually saw reserved for Cartman burned in his deep hazel eyes. "Maybe we can just play some video games and relax. Then we can study," He suggested. Kyle looked at Stan's hand lingering on his wrist. He sighed and his eyes softened. Stan felt his heart slow and he smiled.
Kyle returned the smile hesitantly. "Alright," He conceded. He pulled away and sat his bag back down on Stan's bed. "BUT—" He qualified sternly, "Afterwards we study."
Stan bounced about excitedly, grabbing his iPod player and soda stash to set up for their gaming. "Yeah sure," He responded distractedly. He didn't see Kyle gritting his teeth behind him.
Stan and Kyle settled into the downstairs couch and played the new Terrence and Phillip game, Dick of Truth. They laughed easily as they defeated enemies with different forms of noxious farts. The queef sisters even appeared as bonus characters, expelling lady juices on enemies for double damage. "Man girls are gross," Kyle commented.
"Even Bebe?" Stan teased. He recalled his friend's disgust with girls growing up. While he was trying to kiss Wendy in the tree house, Kyle hoped to make the girls eat bugs. Even though his words hadn't changed, the sentiment rang hollow.
Kyle looked over at Stan with surprise and blushed. "I don't know," He mumbled. "I don't want to talk about her."
Stan's arm brushed against Kyle's and he thought he noticed his cheeks darken further. He giggled nervously, "Dude, relax. I'm kidding."
Kyle sighed. "Sorry, it's just we're not really doing well right now."
"What's new?" Stan scoffed. Kyle looked hurt and went quiet. They sat awkwardly and focused on the game. A strange tension floated between them, undefined.
After what seemed like forever but was likely only a few minutes, Randy entered the front door waving about the mail. "Hey boys!" he greeted them cheerily.
"Hi dad," Stan growled. He knew what his dad was gesticulating about and it made his stomach tie in knots.
"Hi Mr. Marsh," Kyle said politely.
"Guess what showed up today Stanley?" Randy proclaimed. He threw a large envelope onto Stan's lap and stood trembling with excitement. He waited for Stan to open the envelope. Stan only stared disinterestedly at the Red University of Denver logo branded on the front. "Well, aren't you going to open it?" Randy prodded. Kyle looked to Stan. He could tell Kyle was just as curious as his dad about the contents of the envelope.
"I got in," He stated flatly. Kyle and his dad just stared at him. "There's no point in opening it. Even if the envelope didn't give it away, I know I got in. Dad, you work there," He reminded his father. Randy groaned and stormed away angrily.
Kyle still stared at Stan expectantly. "Aren't you happy you got in somewhere?" He asked, puzzled. Stan just stared harder at the game. He would say nothing. "Maybe we should go study again," Kyle suggested. "I mean, you want to get ahead for school."
Stan stood and tossed his controller on the couch when he heard his dad slamming things around and grumbling in the kitchen. "Sure," he responded dully.
After they returned to Stan's room he threw himself onto the bed and closed his eyes. "Dude, what's wrong?" Kyle's voiced mixed with surprise and concern. Stan felt comfort at the kindness. He hadn't heard that softness in his friend's voice in a long time.
"Look," Stan responded. He tried to match his friend's concern without cynicism or negativity tainting his voice. His attempt sounded strained even to his own ears. "I don't have any choice. My grades were too shitty to get a scholarship and DU is free. I have to stay here," He revealed. He hoped that Kyle would feel the same gaping hole open beneath him that Stan had upon this realization. He had clambered to escape that hole since he sent in the application.
"Well maybe if you get your grades up you can get a scholarship and transfer," Kyle advised.
"Dude, just face it, I'm gonna live in this crazy ass shit hole of a hick town my whole life," Stan protested over Kyle.
Kyle let out a frustrated shout. "Your attitude sucks!"
Stan sat up and glared at his friend. He hated the anger on Kyle's face. He felt his eyes rip right through him. That anger was for Cartman, not him. He only wanted smiles. He only wanted them to be downstairs laughing like they had been only twenty minutes before. "Easy for you to say, national merit scholar," he grumbled.
Kyle grabbed his bag and threw it over his shoulder. He headed towards the door, a scowl etched on his face. "Look, I'm showing you that I'm happy for you, why can't you do the same for me?" He left the question hanging in the air as he rushed out the door. Stan considered the question. He felt a darkness growing inside him and it seemed to consume him a little more every time Kyle left his room in a burst of anger. Lately, all they had done was fight. Stan resolved to fix the situation. Yet his doubts and fears about Kyle's impending departure gnawed at the back of his mind. He would get into every school he applied to with that scholarship and none of them were within even 100 miles of the shitty little mountain town of South Park.