Ok Yes I know I said I was done. Well this came tumbling out and I've been sitting on it for a while not wanting to look daft by publishing again - but what the hell - can't help it!
In the beginning
Caroline threw her pen down on the desk and spat out some venomous words about the colleague that Kate had just complained about. She knew that her nerves were frayed and she was emotionally exhausted, this was the straw that broke the proverbial camel's back. "I'm sorry Kate, that was rather unprofessional."
"Are you alright Caroline?"
Gentle, enquiring and surprisingly welcome words reached Caroline's tattered emotions.
"Yes, I am; actually, no not really." She began to cry; she swallowed hard, and looked at the table in an effort to avoid the caring and compassionate eyes that were staring at her. "It's personal, it's my marriage; it's over." It was out, no taking it back now; she had told someone, apart from her secretary, for the first time. Why choose this woman she thought to herself? It wasn't hard to answer that question. She had often found her gaze drifting to Kate at assembly or in meetings, walking in the corridors; she was beautiful outside and in. Her colleagues greatly admired her; the kids loved her teaching and she was a person people went to for advice and solace.
"I'm so sorry to hear that Caroline, it's a difficult time. Is there anything I can do? Would you like to chat? I've been through it myself and it helped me to talk things through with someone not directly involved."
There was no response immediately. Caroline was struggling to decide if it would be appropriate in her position to disclose all her sordid details to a colleague. She wanted to, God she wanted to.
Kate was aware of the difficulty of such an offer. "I can be very discrete; but I also understand if it isn't comfortable for you."
Caroline sat for some moments with her face in her hands; then she looked up at this lovely woman sitting across the table from her and took perhaps the greatest gamble of her life so far; "Would you like to come and have a cup of tea with me somewhere?"
"Yes, yes I would;" the simple reply.
"Ok I'll meet you in the car park in ten minutes and we'll decide where to go."
Kate hopped into Caroline's car after moving hers to the street, so as not to get locked in the school grounds. They had decided to go somewhere away from the possibility of bumping into students or parents. They drove to a small village a few miles away and found a lovely cafe. After ordering tea and scones, they settled back into the winged armchairs in front of a lovely open fire.
"Caroline, tell me as much or as little as you want, or nothing if that suits you today."
"You need to understand Kate; this is out of character for me. I'm a fairly private person and anyway this whole sorry saga is something I didn't see coming and I feel very foolish and somewhat out smarted by my idiot husband. I thought my life was stable, my kids are good, I have a great job that I enjoy, a beautiful home that I could only dream of and what passed for a reasonable marriage."
The tea came and Kate immediately took over and poured a cup for Caroline; "would you like me to jam and cream a scone for you?" Caroline nodded. Such a simple yet intimate gesture; it felt strangely right and comfortable. They settled into conversation over their afternoon tea; time passed as Caroline poured out all the heartache of the last few months; the lies, the cheating and the final split.
Out of the corner of her eye, Kate noticed the staff looking expectantly in their direction. She realised they were the only two customers left and it was actually past their stated closing time. Caroline seemed unstoppable once she'd started. "Caroline, I think they're waiting to close up."
"Oh gosh, yes I'm sorry." They headed for the till, paid the bill and apologised for losing track of time.
It was almost completely dark by now. They drove back to Kate's car in a comfortable silence. Once there, Caroline turned the engine off and turned to face her. "Thank you, it was kind of you to give me all this time. I'm sure you have a million and one things you could have been doing."
"No. I can't think of anything more important than spending this time with you. I'd like to imagine that I could be a friend to you and help you through this."
Caroline put her hand over Kate's in an intended gesture of gratitude. Neither woman could have foreseen what they felt in that moment. It was a touch that was more than hand on hand; more than superficial; it found its way inside and like a flint, ignited a spark.
After Kate had driven off Caroline stayed there for a few moments, and drifted back to the time she had felt something like this before; her first real sexual awakening. Sarah was a post graduate student. She was a tall, lean, auburn haired beauty and Caroline had felt an instant attraction for her which had quickly turned to lust she was afraid to say. The attraction had proved to be mutual and a relationship had started. For Caroline it was love at first sight; she had grown ever more dependent on and could hardly bear to be away from her, to the point where she believed that this was what she wanted for the rest of her life. However, for Sarah it seemed it was just another conquest and after a couple of months she had dispensed with Caroline and taken up a new attraction. She recalled this was the time she had gone home from Oxford so upset and had confided in her mother, who of course had steered her back on to what she thought was the 'right path'.
She shook the memory from her mind and drove home. Her kids were already there and immediately accosted her about the time and the fact that she hadn't begun to start their evening meal. Feeding two hungry teenagers and dealing with their everyday chatter took Caroline's mind away from the previous couple of hours; temporarily that is.
Kate sat down and looked at the meal she had prepared. She actually wasn't hungry; the scones, she told herself, that's what's filled me up. The scones were actually insignificant in comparison to the stirrings she felt when she closed her eyes and recalled Caroline's face, her tears, the touch of her hand. That's what was stifling her appetite. She grinned and told herself she was behaving like a love struck teenager. She wished she'd asked for Caroline's mobile number, you know just in case she ever needed to contact her; 'I must do that tomorrow' she told herself out loud.
Lying on her bed waiting for sleep, it occurred to Caroline that she could text Kate and thank her for being so concerned and so nice. She too realised she didn't have her number. 'Something to do tomorrow' she mumbled.
The next day, Kate toyed with the idea of going to see Caroline and explicitly asking for her number, however she thought better of it and sent her an email asking if she would mind. It was returned within minutes with the number and a request for hers.
The after work cups of tea and coffee became a regular thing a couple of days a week and then on one occasion, Caroline asked if Kate would like to have dinner instead, she knew a discrete little restaurant not far that did exceptional food.
She booked a table for the Friday evening. She stared out of the window of her office and wondered if the feeling she had was similar to the anticipation of a date. She smiled, shook her head and told herself to grow up; however the spark she had felt when she touched Kate's hand remained. It was a little troubling but illicit and exciting.
They met at the restaurant at seven. There had been no suggestion of either picking the other one up; that was a bridge too far at this point. Both women had obviously taken the time to look good and dress to attract. "You look very nice." Caroline said to Kate across the table. "You scrub up pretty well yourself." They ordered their food; it was so long since Caroline had actually been out for dinner, except with family, longer than she cared to remember. Kate was impressed with the menu. "The food here is excellent; I didn't know this place existed."
"Yes, I've been here a few times with colleagues from other schools. Do you live far from here Kate?"
"No actually I'm about a fifteen minute drive away; I have a small cottage on Hollows Lane." There she thought, now you know where I live. Kate waited to see of there would be a reciprocal response.
"Oh I know that area a little. My place is about a twenty minute drive from there in Conway Drive. Do you mind me asking how long you've been divorced Kate?"
"No not at all; more than three years now. My ex husband and I sold our home and I bought the cottage. He moved to London, a new job and new life. I came here, new job and new life."
"Right, right." Caroline felt a secret lifting of her spirits. So she was single and not living with anyone. It was looking hopeful. "Well of course you know my situation, my ex is shacked up with someone else and I'm at home with William and Lawrence."
"William's about to go to University isn't he?" Kate enquired.
"Yes he'll be gone in September and Lawrence will go into sixth form. It's hard to believe they're the age they are. I'm lucky they're both good kids and have made life relatively easy; that is until now. Lawrence has taken his father's leaving quite hard. There's a bit of acting out going on I'm afraid."
They chatted on easily for the next couple of hours. It did strike Kate that it was mostly about Caroline but she was happy to go with the flow. She knew that if this friendship, or dare she think any other kind of relationship, were to grow it would have to be at Caroline's pace and within her comfort zone; at least for the time being, as she had more to protect than Kate.
They reluctantly left the restaurant and walked to where they had parked their cars. Kate's was the first one they came to.
"Thanks so much for inviting me out tonight Caroline. I've really enjoyed it, both the meal and the company."
"Oh heavens, you're very welcome. I've had a lovely night too. I hope you enjoy the rest of your weekend and I'll see you on Monday." She stepped forward and kissed Kate on the cheek. It was soft and gentle but there was a momentary linger. Kate soaked up the feel of her lips and the smell of her perfume.
As Caroline lay in bed that night she reflected on the evening and on the woman she had spent it with. She realised that there were things going on inside her that she had not felt since she had her first encounter with Sarah. Her love life with John had been as normal as she thought it should be, passionate at first and then a comforting and relaxing intimacy. However, looking back she realised that there was always an element missing; a strong and deep emotional connection. She had felt that with Sarah, but had put the difference down to youthful lust, but the feelings that were stirring inside her these past few weeks were taking her back to those times.
Suddenly her phone vibrated on the bedside table; she reached out and looked at the message. 'Thinking of you, thanks again. Sleep well. Kate'
She smiled to herself; this is lovely. 'Me too, sleep well. Caroline.' She looked at the empty side of her queen sized bed and allowed herself to imagine Kate being there; it excited her to the point where she was contemplating things that it was far too soon to think of.
Not having had a relationship since her husband, Richard, Kate too was imagining all kinds of scenarios and having a great debate with herself about the wisdom of pursuing anything with her boss. It could prove to be a disaster.
A few days into the following week, Caroline called down the corridor at work, "Kate, could you come to my office for a moment please?" Kate excused herself from the colleague she was walking with and followed her boss.
"I've been asked to give the opening address at an education conference in Edinburgh next month."
"Wow that's an honour Caroline, congratulations."
"Thanks, but the reason I am telling you is that I was wondering if you would like to join me? It's over a weekend. I'm speaking on the Friday evening followed by a conference dinner and then my job is over."
"Oh wow well I think that would be a lovely idea but aren't there people from here going too?"
"No, oh no, this is for Principals and University lecturers. I know only a couple of other folk by name; they are doing workshops."
"Ok well yes then. How we will work it?"
"Well I was going to catch the train up on Friday lunchtime and then hire a car for the weekend. All the accommodation is paid for and they said partners were welcome."
Both women stood open mouthed at the statement Caroline had just made.
"Oh my God Kate, I'm sorry, that came out badly, I meant to say that you wouldn't have to worry about accommodation if you're comfortable sharing with me."
Kate put her hand on Caroline's arm. "It's OK no problem, I can share with you."
"Right then; if you put in a leave application saying that you are attending a meeting for school business, I'll sign off on you having the afternoon off. Leave all the arrangements to me, is that Ok?"
"That's very OK. Oh, and while I'm here, are you free any night this weekend? Would you like to come round to my place and I'll cook us a meal; we can just have a laid back lazy night in with a glass of wine and a good movie if you want."
"Yep and yep! How about Saturday night? I think the kids have both got stuff on. Lawrence is with his dad and William is staying over at a friend's place."
"Right then, I'll see you Saturday about six?"
With that Kate walked out and back to the staff room; there was an enormous spring in her step and a wide smile on her face. Both kids away from home she mused, the words 'staying over' also toyed with her excited emotions.
Saturday evening arrived and Kate answered the doorbell. Caroline stood on the step, dressed casually in her jeans, bottle in hand and a rather larger than usual handbag. There was a brief kiss on the cheek for each of them as had become their habit.
"Come in, it's good to see you." Kate ushered her into the sitting room. Caroline allowed her eyes to roam around the room and she was struck by the simple elegance of the place, it felt welcoming and homely.
"Sit down, and I'll go and get us a drink." Kate disappeared into the kitchen and came back a few moments later with a tray of nibbles and the opened bottle. She poured them a glass and invited Caroline to help herself to the food. Over the last few months they had developed a real ease with one another and there was obvious affection growing between them. Separately both women were happy at the pace their friendship was developing but they also knew within themselves, it wasn't where they wanted it to stop. It was all about timing, and for Kate, it was about Caroline making the first move.
Over the lovely meal that Kate had made, they talked about the up-coming conference and what the opening address would be. Caroline threw out some ideas and asked Kate what she thought and did she have any suggestions. It was an animated discussion and opened her up to Kate's wisdom and intelligence. After cleaning up they went back to the lounge and Kate offered to open another bottle. The idea of a movie had gone out of the window as they had talked for so long.
"Well, if you're offering to open another bottle, I have a decision to make; if I'm driving home then don't for me as I can't drink anymore; or if you insist then I can't drive home."
This was it; this was the moment Kate had been waiting for. Caroline had made a suggestion that they both knew was about something else other than whether she would drink more. It was about whether she would stay. The bulging handbag had earlier led Kate to think that she had come prepared.
She looked at Caroline searchingly and then slowly but determinedly opened the bottle and poured them both another glass.
"Does this mean I'm staying?" Caroline could hardly get the words out; she was being sucked into something here that she had longed for but was terrified of.
"Yes, I'd like that and I think we're both old enough and wise enough to know that I'm not talking about my spare room."
"Oh thank God, I'm allergic to spare rooms; I could even go into anaphylactic shock."
"Hey don't joke about that, I have a peanut allergy remember?"
Kate patted the sofa for Caroline to come and sit beside her. Their hands slowly but surely slipped into the grip of the other's. Hearts started to pound; eyes met; bodies began to stir and without a word they leaned into each other and kissed gently; once, then again and then more urgently. Kate pulled back, "Caroline are you sure about this? You are the one with the most to protect, your job, your family."
"I trust you; anyway I'm at the point where it is starting to matter less and less what other people might think."
Clothes were slowly removed each from the other and, after more kissing and stroking, Kate pulled Caroline up off the sofa and led her upstairs. At first everything was tentative and exploratory but soon they were overwhelmed by the intensity of their feelings and desires. Both women asked if what they were doing was ok for the other and they gently guided each other to what pleasured them, what brought them to climax.
Their love making seemed to have no beginning and no end, it just kept on giving and their enjoyment increased the more familiar they became.
Kate looked at the clock; three thirty. "Caroline, it's already after three we should get some sleep."
"I've been sleeping for five months;" she rolled Kate over into her arms and whispered. "Thank you, this is so beautiful, you're so beautiful." And began to cry.
Kate cradled her and felt an enormous need to be protective; the woman who was so on top of things at school, trying to keep her family together; right now she needed to be cared for and nurtured.
"Caroline."
"Yes."
"I think I love you; no I don't think; I do love you." She put her finger against Caroline's lips to stop her from saying anything. "But I can wait for the right moment for you."
Caroline removed the finger. "Kate, I'm only in your arms because I know it's what I want, because I know I love you."
Nothing else was said and slowly they both drifted off to sleep, content, happy and feeling like this was just the beginning.
The Conference
The two women settled into their seats and the train pulled out heading for Edinburgh. Kate had hardly slept the night before, they had not been together for the night since her place a couple of weeks before but had both spoken of how much they were looking forward to some alone time over the weekend.
"What time does your address start, Caroline?"
"Six thirty followed by pre dinner drinks and then the meal at seven thirty. I've booked you in for the evening session and conference dinner. I'd really value your feedback on how you think the talk goes."
"Sure, and if I may ask, what about the room situation?"
"Ah, well I've booked one room for both of us. I didn't give your name, they just asked if my partner would be with me and I said yes. I left it at that. I'm assuming, actually hoping that we will have a lovely big bed in a secluded part of the hotel. I intend to make a lot of noise!"
Kate turned to her and grinned. "I'm sure I can facilitate that,"
They approached the check-in desk and a friendly young woman asked for Caroline's details. Ah yes, Dr Elliot, one of our keynote speakers. You have a lovely junior suite on the fourth floor. Could you please fill in your details here and you husband's."
"My husband isn't with me, Ms McKenzie, here, is sharing my room."
"Oh, I'm sorry; would you prefer a twin room? I can arrange that very quickly?"
"Nope, no thank you," No further comment.
Suddenly the penny dropped for the receptionist, she grinned, a knowing grin, and continued with the check-in.
As they got in the lift they fell about laughing as they thought about the slow dawning of the situation for the receptionist. "Poor kid," Caroline said.
Their room was indeed very nice; it even had a small balcony and as they stood on it together they could see the castle illuminated on the hill. "This is lovely Caroline, thank you so much."
"Well, I'm sure it'll prove to be the best conference I've ever been too! Now come on we need to get ready, there's only half an hour before I have to give my talk."
They both stood staring at each other and the sheer elegance of the way they looked. Each had made a special effort, Caroline in her professional capacity and Kate because she wanted Caroline to be proud to be seen with her.
"You look gorgeous, wow," Caroline whispered in Kate's ear. "We'd better get out of this room or I fear I'll have to put in an apology for not appearing."
They walked into the conference room and were shown to their seats. Kate had been seated next to Caroline in the reserved spots. A few moments later the convenor walked up on to the stage and began to open the conference; after welcoming everyone, she invited Caroline to come up and give her address. As she introduced her, there were things on her resume that Kate had no idea she had achieved; it made her heart swell with pride; even more so knowing that this amazingly talented woman loved her; loved her very much.
The speech was impressive, even though she had listened to it a few times as Caroline practised, she knew that it had been polished up and if the audience was anything to go by, it was exceptionally well received.
Everyone walked into the dining room; probably a hundred participants in all were seated. Caroline and Kate were placed on the table with some of the other presenters. As the evening wore on, they became more relaxed; no-one had directly asked where Kate fitted into the picture and she was certainly able to hold her own amongst the academia. However what they were both secretly longing for was the moment when they could comfortably remove themselves and be alone.
As their room door closed behind them, Caroline pushed Kate up against the back of it and kissed her passionately. "Now the real weekend starts." Kate guided her backwards and gently steered her to the bed, falling on top of her. They began to peel off their clothes, dresses, shoes, underwear flying in all directions; giggling like love struck youngsters as they went. Suddenly there was a knock at the door. "Christ who's that?" Caroline said as she jumped up, grabbing one of the hotel bathrobes and throwing the other at Kate. She opened the door and Kate heard a gasp as Caroline said, "What the hell?"
"Hi, I hope you don't mind I asked the desk for your room number, told them you'd left your wrap at the table and I would bring it to you."
"John, what are you doing here?" she carefully pulled the door closed as far as she could.
He lifted his hands and there was a bottle and two glasses, "I thought we could share a nightcap for old time sake and catch up on what's been happening."
"Yes well I'm afraid this isn't a good time, I was just about to take a shower and have an early night. It's been a busy day."
"Surely you could manage to give me half an hour Caroline, I don't mind if you're not dressed, in fact I'd quite like it;"he grinned in a sleazy kind of way.
"Caroline, are you OK; who is it; what's going on?" Kate asked in a concerned tone.
"Who the hell is in there with you Caroline?
"My colleague, not that it's any of your business anyway." Kate walked over and opened the door. She looked at the man standing at there and it didn't take more than a few seconds for her to realise who it was. John looked over her shoulder and saw all the clothes strewn around the floor; it didn't take him more than a few seconds to know what he was seeing.
"John, I think it would be best if you left, this is not appropriate, they shouldn't have given you my room number to start with."
"What's going on Caroline? This looks a lot like you and she are well you know 'at it'."
Kate was enraged by this statement; she wasn't about to let Caroline or their relationship be belittled. "Do you mind? You heard what she said this is a bad time. Now I'm asking you to leave or I will call hotel security."
"Oooooh, she's rather sassy Caroline, scored a good one here eh?"
Now it was Caroline's turn to be angry on behalf of her lover, "Yes well, believe me second time around, the quality, not to mention the quantity, is much better."
John was humiliated by this comment and turned to slink away down the corridor. He looked back at Caroline, he wanted to tell her that his new found relationship was well and truly over, but the door was closed and he heard the click of it being double locked; there was no mistaking the large 'do not disturb' sign on the door handle.
"God Kate, I'm so sorry I had no idea he would be here; they must have sent him from the University where he lectures."
"Hey, not your fault, he's got some bloody cheek coming up here to disturb you, us. Come on, don't let it bother you. Now where were we?"
They walked back over to the bed and rid themselves of the matching robes, sliding under the sheets together. Caroline was overwhelmed by the feelings she experienced; Kate had taken hold of her mind and heart like she couldn't believe. This was more than an affair, it was a lifetime prospect, however it played out; even at this early stage, it was hard to imagine not being with her. Their night was filed with passion, loving and enjoyment such as neither had experienced for some years. Sleep was deep and restful as their bodies curled around each other and held on tightly.
After showering and getting ready they made their way down to the dining room for breakfast; they had planned the day out and were keen to get on and start their sightseeing. As they ate, discussing their day, basking in their enjoyment of the night, a familiar figure walked up to the table with a plate of breakfast. "Do you mind if I join you?"
"Well actually, I do John and in any case we are just about to finish and head out for the day."
"Oh so you're not attending the rest of the conference Caroline?"
"Nope, I was only expected for the opening speech; Kate and I are going to spend the rest of the weekend relaxing and enjoying the city."
John turned to face Kate, "Oh so you're name is Kate? We haven't been formally introduced, I'm John Elliot." He reached out his hand to shake hers; she simply nodded and said, "Yes I know who you are."
"You're a friend of Caroline's then?" Kate opened her mouth to answer, Caroline interjected; "Kate's my partner." A wide grin broke out across Kate's face as the colour drained from Johns.
"Your partner, what's that supposed to mean?"
"Exactly what I said; if it's too difficult for you to grasp, we're an item, a permanent one."
He put his plate down on the table and slumped into one of the chairs, put his head in his hands for a few moments and then looked up at Caroline. "How long has this been going on?"
"It's none of your business and I have no intention of discussing anything with you. You know that our marriage has been well and truly over for some time now and we are just waiting for the divorce to come through. I've moved on, you need to."
"Caroline, I'll leave you two to chat for a while and meet you back in our room."
"OK I won't be long." Kate left them and as she got into the lift, she felt her joy and excitement slowly being taken over by a sense that life was about to get complicated.
"I don't understand, Caroline. I asked the kids not long ago and they told me you weren't seeing anyone."
"Well that's because they didn't know. I've been with Kate for a few months now but we have been taking things slowly and working out what we both wanted."
"And now, have you worked it out?"
"Oh yes I have. This is it for me John, I love her, she loves me and we are good together, good friends and wonderful lovers."
"Okay, Okay you don't have to spell it out." He moaned. "I just thought, seeing you appeared to be still unattached, and I have ended my sordid affair, we might have a chance at reconciling our differences and moving on together. Are you at least open to discussing it Caroline; please?"
"No, no, I'm sorry that's out of the question. I want to be with Kate, she wants to be with me; that's it I'm afraid, I couldn't imagine not being with her now. I'm very much in love."
With that, she stood up and said goodbye, moving quickly out of his sight and up to the room so that she could collect Kate and get out of there.
"Kate darling, I'm so sorry about all this, I had no idea he was going to be here."
"What does he want; I thought it was all over?"
"As far as I'm concerned it is. It appears however that his affair has ended and he's looking to come back to me. I told him it was out of the question, I'm with you now and it's what I want. I can't imagine not being with you and I have no interest in him."
"How did he take it?"
"He's upset but that's not our problem. Come on let's get out of here and start enjoying our day."
Edinburgh.
They strolled through the streets together, taking in all the sights; visiting the Castle and having lunch on the Royal Yacht. Occasionally they would allow their hands to brush together, each wishing they were brave enough to just walk along hand in hand. In the afternoon it began to rain and so they decided to go back to the hotel and relax. They bought a bottle of wine and some good cheese and biscuits for later in case they didn't feel like leaving their room.
They lay on the bed and began to talk about what was ahead of them.
"Caroline, where do we go from here? I think we've established that this is more than a friendship or even a fling, and I suspect for you, as it is for me, the real deal."
"I couldn't imagine getting on in life without you, it's like you've always been here; I feel so at home and happy. It's not going to be a smooth ride because I have baggage that has to be negotiated. What about you, how do think your family are going to cope?"
"Honestly, I can't see there being a problem. My mum is very open minded. "
"When we get back, I'll sit the kids down and have a talk with them and then as soon as I feel they're coping, I'll arrange for you to come over and spend the weekend."
"Maybe just dinner first, Caroline, even if they are open to the relationship, it doesn't mean they'll like me just because you love me."
Those words, 'you love me' caused Caroline to feel a lump in her throat; she was so overwhelmed that Kate could say that so naturally as if it had been years.
Suddenly Caroline's phone vibrated; she picked it up and saw that it was a message from William. 'Mum, just spoke to Dad, what's going on? '
She showed the message to Kate, saying as she did, "Jesus is there no end to this man's intrusion into my life?" Kate put the phone down and reached out to Caroline. "There's nothing we can't get through together, with time; as long as we are solid."
"Rock solid." The simple reply.
By noon the next day they were on the train home. Parting and going their separate ways at the station was hard as the weekend had served to show them that they were relaxed and content being together. "I'll call you when I get home darling, I'm going to try to have a conversation with the kids; I can't let this drag on."
As she drove away alone, Kate reflected on the easy way loving words seemed to be trickling out of each other. 'Darling' it had come so naturally, so sincerely, as if it had been coming out for years.