A bit of a quick write, born when I was in kind of a sad time this week. As to the storyline, Brian and Olivia aren't together. She's gone back to living in her own apartment 4-5 months after the trial of William Lewis concluded.
It was already too late. Nick came upon the scene with his feet following his body as if he was stuck in slow motion. It had been a feeling, just a feeling that had him running to where he knew something was wrong. He was already in Olivia's building when his captain called him and told him about her attacker's escape. That sense, that connection that had formed between both him and Olivia was one that had told him she needed his help. And she did.
His gun was cold in his fingers, becoming even colder as he saw what awaited him. Just as he jumped into the apartment, no one other than William Lewis stepped forward after getting the upper hand in the obvious fight they'd already had. He spun Olivia so that her back was to Nick.
"Lewis! If you don't step away from her, I will blow your brains out."
The shot wasn't there, though. Lewis kept himself hidden behind his victim as he stabbed her. Olivia felt the knife slide in upward through her rib cage. Nothing could compare to the pain she felt coursing through her. Lewis chuckled in her ear before driving it further in, twisting it as he did. Another whimper, a cry of pain escaped her.
"I told you you wouldn't make it out of this alive." He whispered it into her ear as he gave the knife one last heavy thrust.
Olivia's mouth opened wider in silent pain. She couldn't see Nick when she looked behind her for him. The coming and going of focus in her eyes only added to her confusion. Lewis let his knife come out of her and watched her fall to the ground, blood staining the majority of her shirt.
Nick couldn't breathe, much less move, caught in a moment of absolute terror. He'd frozen. He'd hesitated too long. His partner fell slowly. Caught in a realm outside reality, he didn't even see Lewis turn toward him with the knife in his hands, Olivia's blood dripping over the tip all the way to the hilt. The grin was still there.
Olivia was breathing her last. She knew it. But the last thing she did, was to reach for her gun on the floor beside her. Before she'd been on the ground mere seconds, she cocked the weapon, and fired three times at the man who'd taken her life.
Nick instinctively dropped down at the sound, not seeing her fire. All he saw was Lewis swaying, a stunned look on his face. The large criminal then fell, harder than Olivia had. Nick holstered his gun, panicking already, his senses returning.
"I guess - we're even, then. Huh, Baby?" His words came through an expression seemingly half a grimace, half a sly smile.
The words were short. They were his last.
Olivia's hand fell, the gun clanking to the floor as her head fell back as well. There was no stopping it. She was already fading. Nick ran as fast as he could, sliding to his knees to where she lay, bleeding. Her hand reached his leg, a tiny squeeze coming from the last of her power reserves.
"Nick." It was the softest whisper he'd even heard. And yet, it was calm, not panicked.
He took her hand, her blood smearing across his own as he squeezed. There was too much damage.
"Oh god." He was about to collapse.
"Liv. Liv I'm so sorry." His words were laced with a tremor in his vocal chords, tears already beginning to stream down his face.
Olivia had trouble keeping her eyelids open all the way, and they fell nearly halfway closed. Nick reached out his other hand to bring her into his lap, lifting her into his arms. The grimace and noise of painful protest she gave him tore his heart into pieces.
Her hand didn't squeeze back anymore as he held it. She gazed into her partner's eyes as she accepted where she was going.
"Nick." The sound of his name again from her weak body wrenched at every emotion he held in.
"I'm here. I'm listening." He kept her close to him as he assured her of what he could.
She paused, swallowing difficulty.
"It's ok." She needed to leave the earth knowing he knew that. No matter how much it hurt to talk, she had to make sure she said it.
"You're going to make it, Liv. You're going to be ok." Nick tried his hardest to change the fact that he felt her blood seeping out of her body and onto his own clothes.
The slightest movement was what she used to communicate the shake of her head. "No."
She couldn't even see but an outline of Nick. A difficult swallow that made her throat surge had Nick's doing the same thing. His entire body shook as he held her.
"Liv, I need you here with me. You have to stay. I don't know - what I'd do without you. Please." His sentences were running together as his voice trembled with his body.
He thought he caught a hint of a weak smile showing through the one tear that had dropped from Olivia's eye.
"Thank you." She barely mouthed the words.
The pain had spread like fire to every nerve in her being. The burning intensified as she stared at Nick. He could see the growing pain, and he found a part of him wanting her to be able to let go, to ease her suffering. But another part never wanted to. To have her suffering there in the world with him might be better than having her leave the world altogether, never to open her eyes again.
He wasn't ready.
"We need you." Nick heard himself use a higher, softer tone than he had in a long time.
The tears were threatening to make sobs roll out of his throat, heaving in his chest as he held the bloody hand of his dying best friend.
"It's ok." She repeated, hammering it into him that it was her time. Her heart had slowed enough for her to realize that, even though she didn't realize it, she'd already accepted what was going to happen.
The ending was finally what it could very well have been so many other cases of her career. Any one of those close calls could have been her last. But this one was.
"L - Lewis." Suddenly fear sprung to her eyes. She had to know she killed him. She wouldn't leave until he had left the world he terrorized.
Nick squeezed her hand, giving her a small bit of comfort.
"He's gone. He's dead. He can't hurt anyone anymore." He assured her as the whisper rasped in and out of audibility.
Olivia closed her eyes, a much longer blink than usual, and Nick began to panic as he thought she wouldn't open them again.
"No. Stay with me, Liv." He could do nothing but hug her frail body to him as she lost the last of her strength.
"Please." He begged.
Olivia let him pick up her other hand as the edges around her vision blurred further. He was the only silhouette she could see. Her hands were numb, seemingly a part of someone else's body than her own.
Nick held them both between her body and his, trying to keep them warm as he cradled her. Her head let itself lean onto his arm, nestled as comfortably as it could have been on his shoulder. The only thing she had left to do was to offer the weakest smile she could give. She'd lost the ability to squeeze his hands back in appreciation for his safety and comfort.
The smile almost reduced Nick to loud sobs. But he held it together for her.
There was something he hadn't said. Something he knew he had to before she left without ever knowing it.
The cold attitude she'd first had toward him at the time of his transfer was nothing he hadn't seen before, but as he had gotten to know his superior, he found himself fascinated. The woman was so compassionate. And her beauty; god her beauty. There was nothing about her that didn't have Nick's body in hyperdrive every time he saw her.
The way her eyes communicated so much in their deep brown tone was something he'd taken for granted. Her beauty was like nothing he had ever encountered before and he was sure would never encounter again. She was an extraordinary woman.
Olivia took in air in a series of short gasps, the pain through her body taking over. It was the end. Nick brought her tighter to him, struggling to speak without painful heaves escaping his exploding lungs. He could barely see through his tears. But he knew he had to see her, for they were the last moments he'd ever see her alive.
"I love you, Olivia. I love you." The confession faded as his body began to shake with his crying.
Olivia felt more tears streaming down her own cheeks. The life she had left in her was almost gone, and she let her head lull further, forward into Nick's chest as she felt her eyes closing.
Nick watched in absolute horror. Then he caught the words on her own lips. She understood him. The way he looked at her, touched her, she had always known. But she had the confession to make on her part. She felt the same way back toward him. And he had to know that before she left.
She did her best to speak, but nothing but air came out. It didn't matter. Nick knew what she'd said.
"I love you."
The tiny grip she had had on his hands loosened as her head fell into him, her eyes completely closed, her chest ceasing in its chore of rising and falling in agony. He stared down, unable to cry. His mouth was open as he looked at the woman, dead in his arms.
"Oh god. No." The sobs began to come out in full force, along with another yell.
"No!" It was anger, confusion, panic, and grief in a wave of emotions that overtook him completely. Nick moved his hand from the two rapidly cooling ones he was clutching to the lower back of Olivia's body, pulling her into him and hugging her with everything he had.
There was nothing left. No breath from her lungs, not the beautiful smile on her lips. Only her empty shell laid with him in silence. The scream that wanted to tear from his throat somehow was too great to come out. The small airway he had could not support such a sound. Instead, he kept his chin on her shoulder as he cried.
He knew he had to leave before backup arrived. No doubt the news of Lewis' escape and shots fired in Olivia's building would grab the squad's attention. They would come in to find Olivia, lifeless.
Reluctantly, Nick loosened his grip on her and laid her back on the ground gently. His heart felt like it was going to explode, sending his body into a million pieces. His head pounded as he stood up, looking to his right to find the beast of a man lying flat on his back, eyes staring, unseeing to the ceiling, three bullets in his chest.
Nick raised his gun to the criminal's body, wanting to pump all the lead into him that he could. It had all started with an interrogation, went on with a brutal kidnap and torture, and ended in Olivia's death. Nick wanted to absolutely mutilate Lewis for what he'd done. But his gun fell to his side again. Unable to keep his fingers tight enough around it, the nine millimeter fell to the floor with a clank.
His phone rang. Cragen was frantic.
"We have a report shots were fired in Olivia's apartment. We have backup outside, SWAT just went in. Where are you?"
Nick could hardly make a sound. "I'm in the apartment. I'm coming out. We're clear."
He let his phone fall from his ear as the shock took over his numbed body. He couldn't even cry anymore. Nick walked out only after swallowing hard, taking one last glance at his still partner on the floor, soaked in her own blood.
His feet took him out to the stairs where he took one floor at a time, the spectrum of time slowing to half speed. He figured he'd intercept his squad if they were on their way up. He met no one but the members of the SWAT team sent in.
"It's clear. We need the medical examiner." He continued without even meeting their eyes.
As if in full circle, keeping his emotions in check, his frustration kept his crying at bay while the huge lump in his throat kept him from blowing up.
The doors of the apartment building were cold to the touch as he pushed them open. Officers of the NYPD waited in droves, holding back a crowd that had gathered as they waited to hear from the SWAT team they'd sent in.
Nick found Cragen right away. He, Amanda, Fin, and Munch turned and quickly jogged toward him. They all saw the astounding amount of blood soaking his shirt, the absence of Olivia at his side.
"You ok?" Cragen put a hand on his shoulder, trying to gain his attention.
Nick said nothing.
"Nick. Where's Olivia?" Munch chimed in desperately.
The questions were coming from so far away that by the time they reached Nick's ears, the words were distorted, impossible for him to interpret.
"Where's Liv?" Cragen repeated loudly.
Those words came through loud and clear. As Cragen held one of Nick's shoulders, Munch holding the other, Nick responded with a slow shake of his head.
Amanda's eyes got even wider, her mouth dropping open slightly.
"Lewis. Lewis got in." He began to speak, finding himself out of breath.
"She shot him." He finished.
Amanda and Fin shared a panicked look.
"Where is she?" Fin asked hurriedly, intensely.
Nick met his eyes. "He stabbed her."
"We need paramedics up there!" The captain was suddenly shouting.
Nick firmly grabbed his arm. "No we don't."
That was it. That was all he had to say. Amanda turned around, away from the others, her hands on either side of her head. She felt like she'd been hit by a bus.
Cragen couldn't even swallow. He'd forgotten how to breathe. His detective was in there, dead. It couldn't be right. He wouldn't believe it.
"You're sure?" Fin was loud when questioning Nick.
Nick didn't even reply. His eyes said it all, drowning in the remaining tears that had fallen before the shock set into his bones, ceasing all emotion from coming out at all.
As they silently awaited the ME to roll the bodies out, time stopped. Nick wanted more time, time that he would never get. Each member of the squad stood alone, dealing with the situation alone. Maybe it wasn't true. It couldn't be. Olivia would always come back. She always had before.
When the doors opened, the squad snapped their eyes up from where they stood, building walls of steel around their hearts in preparation. The first bagged body was followed closely by the second, in the hands of the professionals.
"Stop." Cragen couldn't keep his tongue still.
Munch would have said it if Cragen hadn't beaten him to it. Amanda grabbed Fin's arm as the second ME stopped.
Cragen was going to reach for the zipper in which he could sense the member of his family, but he couldn't lift his arm. The ME saw the silent begging that came through their eyes and slid the zipper of the bag down slowly. The pain when the face of Olivia Benson emerged from the dark of the bag made them each wish they were there with her.
Her features were pale and still in death, her eyes shut calmly, breathing ceased in her chest. The lights of surrounding patrol cars and an ambulance bounced off her porcelain skin playfully, failing to wake her.
Nick found the terrible feelings coming back through his numbness as his vision blurred. Munch, the seasoned sergeant who'd seen the best and worst of humanity, turned away and lost everything in his stomach.
It was like the world had disappeared. The world they had known was now a dark alternative realm where evil took control. Lying in Death's arms, Olivia said her last goodbye to them as they did to her.
Nick whispered over and over in his head as he held back from touching her cheek.
I love you.
His heart broke to pieces. Her beauty remained even when her heart wasn't beating.
I always have.
He grabbed the zipper of the bag, a place not fit for such a woman. He began to watch her face disappear as he thought the last short sentence of his confession in his head.
I always will.