A/N: Just something I came up with. I don't own The Fosters.

I've been lying like this for hours, ever since I got home from school. I haven't moved, but my thoughts can't say the same. They're everywhere. Doing anything is taking more effort than usual, even breathing. I just want to stay here.

I don't even know what to call this. Survivor's guilt? Maybe. I don't know.

I hear someone softly knocking at the door.

"Callie? It's Mama. Can I come in?"

"Sure," I allow, my voice hollow, empty. I have a feeling she would have entered regardless of how I'd answered.

The door opens behind me and I hear her footsteps on the carpet. "Are you okay? Mariana told us you weren't hungry."

"I'm not sick, if that's what you're asking," I tell her in the same tone.

"Good to know."

Mama is quiet for a few moments before she speaks again. "Do you wanna talk about it?"

"No, thanks." I just want to be alone.

"Do you need anything?"

"No."

"Okay. We're around if you do."

She proceeds to leave.

"Do you think everything happens for a reason?" I ask her suddenly. I can't help it. She has this innate ability to make a person feel safe. Her voice is warm; it melts the icy walls that I work so hard to build.

"I like to think so, yes." Mama turns around and returns to my side. "Even if we don't understand why or we never figure out the reason."

"Do you think there's some 'bigger picture' or...grandiose plan that everything's working towards?"

Mama sits down on the edge of my bed. "Hm. Maybe. Why?"

"I just can't stop thinking...why me? Why do I get to have everything I do now and kids like Daphne or Ty aged out and have nothing? No family?"

"I wish I could answer that for you. I really do. But, no one gets a free pass in life, Callie. Everyone has struggles in addition to the good things that come along."

"That's what Rita says."

"She's right. We have to embrace all of it in order to appreciate what we have. You haven't been dealt the best hand, yourself and you've overcome so much."

"I have you to thank. You took a chance on me."

"And I'd do it again." She places a gentle hand on my knee.

"I know." And I did. She meant every word. If Mama was one thing, it was sincere.

"I'm not gonna pretend to understand what you're going through or how you're feeling. You are entitled to that. Don't forget what you said in court. You are giving back. The drop-in center, Fost & Found...those are great things. I'd imagine that a lot of kids just want to get out and not go back. You're putting yourself out there in order to help. It takes special people to do that. A lot of courage. Just...don't sell yourself short."

After a beat, I roll over halfway and look up. "Thanks."

"Sure."

Mama places a hand on my head and kisses my hair. She exits without another word.

There's truth to what she said. I have gone through a lot. Somehow, I've come out the other side. Moms have been with me through everything; they never gave up, no matter how much I tried to. They were the first people I could truly count on in years. Maybe this was just meant to be.

After lying there for a few more minutes, I get up and go downstairs.

I step down into the kitchen see that Moms are putting dinner leftovers away. "Is it...is it too late to eat?" I sound so hesitant. Old habits.

Mama smiles. "Of course not. Come on, I'll make you a plate."

As I sit down at the table, I realize that I'm now left with less. I feel lighter.

I've never felt more whole.

A/N: I originally thought of this as a Stef/Callie thing, but Lena works better here.

Adoption is a complex thing and I like exploring what Callie thinks about it and what it all means to her. She's struggled with feeling like she deserves happiness and good things and that's not just going to go away.

I hope you all liked this.