Disclaimer: I don't own anything whatsoever to do with Supernatural.

A/N: I am currently working on a sequel to Hide and Seek called Threads of Light but this is something I wrote a couple of months ago. I wanted to post it now before I saw any of season five and started wanting to change things! Hope you enjoy.

With the Light

"You're a monster."

The words went round and round inside Sam's head. Dean saw him as a monster. His own brother saw him as a monster. Why couldn't Dean understand?

Even now that he was finally facing down Lilith, Sam could think of nothing else.

"Oh come on you little wuss. What's the matter? Too weak?" The demon sneered.

Sam raised his hand, too caught up in his thoughts of Dean to notice that Lilith seemed just a bit too eager to be destroyed. Light arced through her body as though she was being electrocuted.

It was harder to kill Lilith than Sam had imagined. She laughed at him mockingly as he took a break, panting from the exertion. He raised his hand again.

"SAM!"

His concentration wavered at the sound of Dean's voice.

"This is pathetic!" Lilith scoffed, "Child's play!"

Sam glared at her and prepared to hit her with the full force of his power, unleashing it only to find that Dean had stepped in front of him. Over his brother's shoulder he saw Lilith raise her hand.

What happened next was a blur. Dean staggered a little as though hit by some great force and a bright light bloomed in his chest. It spread slowly outwards and when it reached Sam he felt like he'd just been simultaneously kicked in the guts and hit over the head with something very hard and very heavy. He fell to the ground unconscious.

When Sam woke the light had faded. Looking around he saw that the bodies Lilith and Ruby had possessed lay still and motionless. He had no idea what had become of the demons. To be honest he didn't care. It was Dean he was worried about, Dean, who lay in a crumpled heap.

With a muffled cry Sam crawled over to him.

"Dean…Dean can you hear me?" There was no response.

He was pale and his skin was cool to the touch, his breathing was laboured and his pulse was faint. He was barely alive.

Tears welled in Sam's eyes.

***

Dean died with the light.

Or maybe the light died with Dean. Either way Sam was left alone in the dark.

Sam had spent all day beside Dean as he lay in his hospital bed, hoping, praying that he would wake up as he faded ever further. Talking to his brother he probably spoke more words than had ever passed between them in all their years of living in each others pockets.

"…I'm sorry…"

"…I love you…"

"…Please wake up…"

If Dean heard any of it he gave no sign.

As day turned to night Sam breathed with Dean, in and out, in and out, slower and shallower as time wore on, until he found himself gasping for air because Dean hadn't breathed in. Tears welled in his eyes and a thin wail escaped his lips as his fragile hopes came crashing down. Dean was gone.

"How's he doing?" Bobby chose that moment to arrive, panting as though he'd run all the way from the parking lot. Which he probably had.

Sam turned to face him and apparently his expression said it all, or maybe it was the tears now running down his face to drip off his nose and chin.

"He's not…?"

Sam nodded, not trusting himself to speak. Then he saw something he never thought he'd see. The great Bobby Singer, the toughest, most in control man Sam had ever met, was crying.

***

Two months later…

Sam pulled his jacket tight around him as he set out to visit his brother's grave. Bobby had suggested that he stay in today as it was freezing cold out and he'd been off colour for the better part of two weeks. He should have known he was wasting his breath.

It had become a daily ritual for Sam to visit his brother. Out in the forest clearing behind Bobby's house, where they had laid Dean to rest for the last time, he felt close to Dean. He would sit by the simple cross that marked the grave and talk to Dean. It helped him to cope and sometimes he could swear Dean was beside him, listening.

Sam hadn't hunted since losing his brother. He did research for Bobby's hunts and for other hunters who came to Bobby for information but didn't actively participate himself. He was still getting over his dependence on demon blood and didn't want the temptation to use his powers. Besides, he had lost much of his motivation for it. Before, he had hunted mostly for revenge but that was meaningless now. Lilith and Ruby were both at the very least back in hell, if not dead and when it came down to it Sam had no-one to blame for Dean's death as much as himself. It had crossed his mind more than once to kill himself but he had never been able to go through with it.

Reaching his destination Sam sat down gratefully in the grass and rubbed his eyes. He was so tired. He closed his eyes...just for a moment he told himself.

***

Sam had never seen any place more beautiful. The rainforest stretched out in all directions as though it had no end. A warm breeze caressed his face and the only sounds were those of bird calls and the faint rustling of small creatures going about their business. In front of him a handsome jaguar sat watching. Perhaps Sam should have felt worried being confronted by the magnificent creature but he felt completely relaxed.

The jaguar rose, throwing a meaningful look at Sam, and began to walk away. Sam didn't know why, but he followed it. As they went he noticed that the jaguar was following a narrow, winding dirt track through the undergrowth.

Night was closing in as they came to a clearing where the silence was broken by a thundering waterfall. Ahead of it a river flowed into the darkness. A human figure sat on a rock in the middle of this. Drawing closer Sam recognised him as Castiel. He hadn't seen Castiel since Dean died and didn't quite know what to think. The jaguar leapt across the water to join him. As it went its form wavered and blurred, coming back into focus as it landed not as a jaguar but as a man. He looked to be as tall as Sam with hair as black as pitch and green eyes like Dean's. There was an odd glow about him and the fact that he was with Castiel made Sam think he might be an angel.

"Well done. But then, Castiel did tell me you were bright." His voice was deep but gentle and oddly reassuring.

"I don't know about that. If I'm so bright, why did I trust that black eyed skank over my brother? Oh, and you probably don't want to poke around in there. You won't like what you find."

"Sam, humans by their very nature are imperfect. Yes, you should have realised that Ruby would never have your interests at heart. Yes, you knew that what you were doing was wrong and yet you kept doing it anyway. But before you write yourself off completely consider this: even after all you did Dean still considered you worth giving his life for, Bobby still considers you to be as good as his son and the worst did not happen. You didn't bring about the apocalypse."

Sam found this hard to accept. In his eyes the worst had happened. Even the apocalypse would have been preferable to losing his brother.

"He heard you, by the way."

Sam was confused. "Who heard what?"

"When you were talking to him in the hospital before he died, Dean heard you."

Confusion was starting to give way to annoyance.

"Who are you and how do you know so much?"

"My name is Gabriel and I am a messenger."

"And an insufferable know it all." Castiel chimed in.

Gabriel raised an eyebrow and grinned down at him. "I'm older, of course I know everything."

Sam couldn't help but laugh. The angels always called each other brother and sister but this was the first time he'd really seen them act like it.

"So is there any particular reason why you're invading my dream or are you just here for fun and fancy to please old Nancy?"

Now it was Castiel's turn to be confused. "Who is old Nancy?"

Sam sighed. "It's just an expression. Why are you here?"

There was a long pause as Castiel and Gabriel held a silent conversation. Finally, Gabriel turned to Sam.

"We are here to take you home."

Sam swallowed, afraid that he knew where this was going. "Please don't send me downstairs. Please, I'm begging you."

"Sam, I know you find it hard to forgive yourself but believe it or not, God forgave you the first time you asked." Gabriel smiled gently.

"But why now?"

"Because it is your time. The human body was not designed to channel so much power. Oh, and we were hoping you might be able to save St Peter from being driven mad."

"What do you mean, stop St Peter going mad?"

"Put it this way. If St Peter wasn't so patient and if Dean wasn't already dead I would have serious fears for your brother's life."

"Why? What has Dean been doing?"

"Well, you know your brother has a talent for…" Castiel trailed off, apparently searching for a word.

"Pissing people off?" Sam suggested

"You could put it like that," Castiel agreed, "Anyway, he's refusing to go anywhere without you. Hence he has been hanging around outside making St Peter's life a misery."

"I guess death hasn't made him any less stubborn then."

"He just doesn't seem to get that he can wait for you just as well on the other side of the gate!" Gabriel sounded frustrated. "It isn't safe hanging around outside. Dean isn't particularly popular with the demons right now – if they find out where he is they will have no hesitation in dragging his soul back to the deepest reaches of hell."

Sam swallowed. He wasn't sure he could trust the angels but after everything Dean had done for him…he would do anything to make sure his brother never saw Hell again.

"Then you better take me to him."

***

It looked like a meadow fringed with ancient looking trees of a species Sam didn't recognise. Beyond the trees this little piece of paradise gave way to an endless drop into a dark void. A stone wall, broken only by a simple wooden gate, meandered along the other side of the grass. Whatever lay beyond it was obscured by a silvery mist. A familiar figure sat in the shade beneath one of the trees seemingly ignoring the pleas of a small but muscular looking older man, who Sam took to be Saint Peter, for him to come inside the gate.

Sam looked back at Castiel and Gabriel nervously. The two angels smiled encouragingly.

Gabriel nodded in Dean's direction. "Go on."

He made his way towards his brother with his heart fluttering wildly in his chest. Which didn't make sense because he'd left his body behind next to Dean's grave. Spirits didn't have hearts did they? Either way, the fact was that Sam had treated his brother appallingly in the days before his death. He wouldn't blame Dean for kicking the shit out of him the moment they were reunited.

As he got closer Dean looked up. A smile lit his features. He got up and began to run.

"Sammy!" Dean breathed, drawing him into a bone crushing hug.

***

It was an odd sensation. The moment Dean touched him Sam felt something 'click' deep inside. He felt warm and loved, safe and protected. More than that, he felt complete. Had Gabriel been telling the truth? Was it possible Dean didn't hate him?

As though he'd read Sam's mind, Dean spoke. "For someone so intelligent you can be unbelievably stupid. I have been frustrated with you, annoyed with you, scared for you and unsure if I could trust you but I have never hated you."

Tears were flowing freely down Sam's cheeks now. "I'm so sorry Dean. I should have listened to you."

"Yeah, you should. But you didn't and there's nothing either of us can do to change that now so stop beating yourself up about it. Anyway, Queen Bitch and her right hand skank are out of the game for now at least and we never would have lived to see them crawl back out of the pit anyway. The war is over for us Sammy so let it go."

Saint Peter cleared his throat loudly. "Your brother is here now so will you please enter the gate? It isn't safe for you out here."

Sam scrubbed the back of his hand across his tear stained face. "Ready?"

Together they passed through the gates, a small blonde haired boy and his older, darker brother, two souls bound for all eternity.

Thanks for reading! Reviews are appreciated.