Summary: It's their last Christmas vacation together. Harry takes a further step, spending time watching Draco sleep, eloquently speaking, just not in words, of the love Harry has for him.
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. JK Rowling does, and, Warner Bros. too.
Author's notes:
Okay, so I'm back, pestering you again with my new fan fiction * grin *… But read at your own risk, because this contains more snogs than usual * evil grin *… for a change. Anyway, I got inspired by the song below, which by the way belongs to Lifehouse … So I guess that's it for now… Enjoy! ^_^
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Breathing
I'm finding my way back to sanity again
Though I don't really know what I am gonna do when I get there
"Harry…"
Instinctively, I reach out to you, unfulfilled desire pulsing through every vein in my body in
every heart beat. I push you back down, showering you with mad torrents of kisses while
savagely fumbling at the buttons of your robes, almost tearing them in the process. My hunger
for you increases, my every touch linked with my desperation to have you, and my love for you that
grows deeper and deeper everyday. You shiver in response, your fingers tracing the blade of my
shoulders, carefully stripping off my robes and leaving them trailing carelessly, tracing the sides
of my body with such gentleness that was so exclusively you. You slide your arms and link them around
the back of my neck, closing the remaining distance, drawing me closer to you. I feel your mouth catch mine,
hungry in manner, prying my lips apart, your tongue delving deeper until I couldn't take it anymore, and
I become lost in the sweetness and intoxication that was you.
I knew this is a dream, but this dream looks so real, that I can no longer see the difference between what's real and what's not. I don't want to wake up, I don't want to lose you when I have you right now, but this isn't right. I have to go back to that bitter reality, where evil and darkness surround the world I am in.
Take a breath and hold on tight
Spin around one more time
And gracefully fall back to the arms of grace
I wake up, opening my eyes with a start, leaving my dreams away, and I feel you by my side. I drew out a contented sigh as I watch you, tranquil in that mild stupor. I wish I could be just like that – peaceful, quiet, not a care in the world. But I can't. I just can't.
Gently, I trace the contours of your face, glittering in the waning moonlight. It was at times like these, that I find so much consolation in you – that certain kind of solace that only you could give me.
I smile languidly as I watch you stir in your pillows, and then I drew my hand back, settling it on your waist instead, resisting the urge of pulling you closer to me. I don't want to wake you up just yet.
'Cause I am hanging on every word you say
And even if you don't want to speak tonight
That's alright, alright with me
'cause I want nothing more than to sit outside heaven's door
And listen to you breathing
It's where I want to be
"Harry…" I heard you say. I watch you quietly, anticipating, waiting. Moments passed, and you remained quiet, sleeping peacefully. I listen as you breathe deeply, steady as you take in life, repetitive, a continuous cycle.
I bent in and kissed your forehead, assuring you even in your sleep, hoping that that kiss will make you realize that I'll always be here for you, that I will never, ever leave you. And even if the time may come that I will leave for a while, you'd know that I'll always find my way to go back to you.
I am looking past the shadows in my mind
Into the truth and I'm trying to identify the voices in my head
God, which one's you
Let me feel one more time
What it feels like to feel and break these calluses off me one more time
I remember how it was before. A lot of things, evil, terrible and darker events, have happened to me, and thankfully I've gone through all that. But these things still haunt me, even to this very day, especially at nights when they enter my dreams, nightmares that are altogether vivid and surreal, and I get scared, not only for myself, but also for you. Because I just can't afford to lose you – not now, not ever.
I know it's not over – that worse, more horrible events are yet to happen, and I have to face them with all the strength that I could muster. Right now you're the only reason why I'm still holding on. But sometimes these nightmares get too much through my mind that I can't quite distinguish your voice that tells me to just hang on from the screams of anguish that come from my nightmares.
I just wish that I could leave these all away, that I could be with you without these dreams haunting my mind like a ghost that lingers in my memory. I want to be free again, in all senses of the word, to break away from the manacles of despair and fear that encloses me and holds me like a helpless prisoner.
I don't want a thing from you
Bet you're tired of me waiting for the straps to fall off your table to the ground
I just want to be here now
"Harry?" Your voice was mildly questioning, your eyes, silver glinting in the dark, look up to me and gaze curiously.
I give you a wan smile. "Go back to sleep."
You shake your head. "I don't want to." An imperceptible urgency laced your voice.
"Are you sure?" I asked you gently, eyeing you in the pale moonlight.
Your cheeks become tinged with a hint of crimson, and you smile back at me, seemingly enticing and beautiful at the same time.
I brushed off the fringe that covered your forehead, kissing it all the way down to your neck, eloquently speaking of the love I have for you than words could ever express. Subconsciously you arch your body, yielding to me, desperately wanting for more. I ran my hand over the lean curve of your hips, and you writhe in response, moaning with intense pleasure as you lean in, nibbling at my bared neck. I bent in and captured your mouth in a deep kiss, letting my tongue slide over the warmth and sweetness of your lips, blinded with intense passion and desire, losing myself to the attraction that was you. I feel you thrash underneath me, and you invite me in, enticing me with an emotion raw and painful altogether. I press my weight on you, thrusting myself inside you, closing the distance that was left between us, and leaving my dreams finally coalescing with reality.
"Cause I am hanging on every word you say
And even if you don't want to speak tonight
That's alright, alright with me
'cause I want nothing more than to sit outside heaven's door
And listen to you breathing
It's where I want to be
I lay myself comfortably with you in my arms, feeling tired and contented at the same time. I look past the window, and saw the steady stream of sunlight from the early rays of dawn, reflecting on your hair, which glittered ominously in the darkness of the room, your face glowing from deep within. I couldn't quite thank God enough for having you right here in my arms.
"I love you," I whispered, my lips brushing your ears.
"Hmmm…" you murmured in reply, snuggling closer to me. Intuitively I reach out and pull you closer to me, holding you tightly, comforting myself to the warmth that was you, listening to the steady breaths that came from you. I finally close my eyes.
I didn't need you to tell me. I already knew it.
You're here. And that made all the difference.
I place my hand on the left side of your chest, feeling the constant beating of your heart. This is where I want to be.
--aPhRoDitE
1:32 AM, April 12, 2002