Hiccup was eating in the Mead Hall, poring over the Book of Dragons while Toothless slunk around stealing mutton for amusement, when Astrid slid into the space next to him with an innocent air. Seconds later Snotlout slid in on his other side, and then the twins sat down opposite. The entire thing took less than three seconds, and it gave Hiccup a distinctly 'run-away-now-and-don't-look-back' vibe.
"Hey guys. Something I can do for ya?", he asked nervously, and Snotlout, never one to beat around the bush, got straight to the point.
"We wanna know who tops between you and Toothless.", he said bluntly.
Hiccup's entire upper body spasmed, sending his head slamming down onto the tabletop before he reeled back in pain. "Yeah, c'mon Hiccup! Are you the rider...or the dragon?", Astrid asked mischievously, prodding his cheek in an effort to garner his attention.
"Doesn't matter either way, we're just curious.", Tuffnut promised, then thought about it before adding, "Well, it might if one of us ever learns how to make some of that pain-killing salve, but other than that...".
"Pfff, wha...why do you need to know? And why do you expect me to answer?!", Hiccup demanded, his face flushing as red as the mark on his forehead.
"We have a bet going on.", Snotlout said, again very bluntly, and Hiccup dropped his head into his hands.
"Of course you do.", his muffled voice said, and a moment later he straightened up and asked irritably, "Why can't you just ask Toothless?".
"Two of the reasons are very sharp and the last is almost as hot as Astrid.", Snotlout explained, getting an eyeroll from the blond and snickers from the twins.
"Wait, so you don't think I can be as dangerous as a dragon?!", Hiccup demanded incredulously, and Astrid raised an eyebrow as her attention wandered away from Snotlout.
"Hiccup? Hate to break it to you, but you're not exactly the…biggest tree in the forest.", she pointed out gently, but this only served to make Hiccup groan loudly.
"You really had to use that metaphor?", he demanded exasperatedly as Ruff and Tuff started on a rousing rendition of, "Twig, twig, Hiccup's a twig! He's really tiny, he's the opposite of big!". Not very catchy, but it was a miracle it rhymed, really. They got to the end…and then they started singing it again.
It was unlikely they'd stop.
"Oops. I forgot about that.", Astrid apologized sheepishly, rubbing the back of her neck, and Hiccup turned a deadpan stare on her.
"Lucky you.", he said sarcastically, then yawned abruptly and said, "Well, that's my cue to head to bed. Later guys!". He got up and headed out of the Mead Hall, breaking into a sprint as soon as they couldn't see him anymore.
"…Didn't we have to ask him something?", Snotlout asked Astrid quizzically, and a second later they both smacked themselves on the forehead as Ruff and Tuff continued in the background.