Jaller has seen lives come and go, the tide go in and out.
He's seen the supernova as the universe was reborn, a soul is like an atom when split and the fission of life departing sends out one hell of a shockwave.
He's seen trees grow tall, despite the pruning of branches too soon.
He's seen forests fall.
The Toa Inika of Fire remembers Hahli's eyes fading out, the apologetic smile on her face, whoops, it says, I meant to do part of that, the beheading-of-our-enemies bit, but not the ending part, with his sword through my stomach a split-second before I swung. That was an accident.
He remembers Macku crying by Hewkii's side in the same way he's sure he cried by Hahli's.
He remembers also, a little less sharp and sour, a little more numb and confused, Nuparu's grin; you'll be flying too high, Jaller said, I know, the Earth Toa said, but it will kill the bastard hanging on to me, won't it?
It will kill the other bastard too, Jaller says, but not out loud because he never was one for action unless he had a good long time to think about it, and Nuparu's quick and long gone.
Parasites, like everything else, have to breathe air. It suffocates, and the island is saved from an infestation.
Kongu mumbles to Jaller, a few minutes after a memorial stone has been set up, that he'd rather have the parasites.
Their friendship has time to bloom, and their bitterness time to fester.
Kongu's eyes go hard when he sees the Toa Nuva, ranged perfectly and missing no elements.
It should have been them, the Air Toa says bitterly, they're old and ready to die. We never got what they did, and they've never needed it anyways.
Jaller almost tells him to be quiet, but Kopaka and Tahu round on each other then, pouring acid from their mouths worse than any Bohrok. Pohatu pleads half-heartedly and Gali storms off, Onua doesn't even look up. Lewa hangs upside-down from a tree branch and watches his brothers wish death on each other with a bored expression.
Jaller hurls a fireball, blasting through the fight and nearly singeing Kopaka's mask.
You say that, he's shouting before he can stop himself, you say that and you don't know anything, never mind that Gali's turned back in shock and Onua has set down his book, you've never had to let anyone go.
I hope you get it, he spits out. I hope one of you gets his wish and the other realizes just how much of a son of a bitch he was for saying what he did.
He can't see for tears but some guardian angel (Hahli, he likes to think) keeps him from running into or tripping over anything as he leaves, and no one catches up to him.
Kongu finds him later at the graves, and sits next to him.
Damn, he adds. That was everything that's been eating me since Matoro kicked it.
Jaller's not in the mood to tell him to revere the dead and process of dying, because it's not elegant and it's not poetic, they're shorted out like a battery and gone with nothing left behind but caricatures in the minds of the people who can be bothered to remember them.
How did they look? he asks instead, because he's not done being angry yet.
Like someone punched them in the gut, Kongu says with satisfaction. I thought they might cry, they looked so ashamed.
Good, Jaller says savagely, then puts his head in his hands and just feels guilty.
It's a low blow, when Kongu goes. Too many years have passed, and Jaller's grown comfortable with the easy camaraderie of two.
It's a vicious fight, and from the start they've gone about it all wrong.
Even at the beginning of the battle, Jaller can sense it, the sinking feeling he got a few years ago when Tahu snapped at Kopaka that they were doing it his way, and if Kopaka had a problem he could leave, and Kopaka kicked at the strategy board but said nothing more in argument.
That battle ended with a wish, and Jaller was shaking so bad he thought he might throw up all over Kongu, who kept trying to steady him, don't look, don't look at the body, it wasn't your fault, it was Tahu's recklessness and nothing else, but Jaller sees Tahu crumpled and grieving, hears Gali and Pohatu crying, and blames himself anyways.
Blame this time rests with rahkshi and a carelessness only Air Toa possess in the midst of a brawl, and Kongu gets the guy but ends up blinking, oh shit, the air Toa mumbles, wow, I didn't know you could do that with the blunt end of a staff, and Jaller's come full circle as he's alone at the end of a battle cradling the being, who, for all intents and purposes, is the only one that matters.
Jaller can't remember how he died, actually, one moment he was there and bleeding and breathing and the next he had ceased occupying anything but his mind. It could be years or seconds that he stands in the darkness, trying to orient himself.
Am I dead? He asks the void, and the void talks irritably back, Yes, you are, and you're blocking the door, move that way please.
There's a tunnel, Jaller thinks with considerable astonishment. There's actually a tunnel.
It's the people at the end of it who make him catch his breath, blink back tears that can't exist because he no longer exists, and all the mythical air is knocked from his metaphysical lungs as Hewkii, Hahli and Kongu smash into him with a yell, and Nuparu's grinning like he's going to split his mask. Behind them all is someone he hasn't seen in decades, wearing smooth white armor without scars, unlike like the rest of them. Saving a Great Spirit does wonders for your complexion.
I'm definitely dead, Jaller says, and then contemplates how much of an ass he must be to not even get out a 'hello' first.
You took your sweet time, Hahli tells him, but that's okay, we preferred it that way. It's not bad here.
What is 'here'? Jaller asks.
A bridge, technically, Matoro says. We're supposed to be moving past it. He gestures behind himself.
There is a light at the end of the tunnel, Jaller thinks. Takua would be in hysterics.
Why aren't you there now? he asks instead.
We weren't going without you, kolhii-head, Nuparu says indignantly. We were waiting.
We can all go now, Kongu says happily, hanging off Hewkii's shoulder.
Is he coming? Jaller asks, catching sight of another figure leaning against the wall in the shadows of the tunnel.
Blue eyes blink out of the darkness at him. No, the figure says calmly. I'm waiting.
Jaller hesitates for a moment. I'm sorry, he says.
Don't be, the figure tells him. To be honest, I knew it would happen long, long before it did.
It's turned out all backwards, hasn't it? Jaller says, looking all all of the young, dead Toa around him and the one old one.
Not really, the blue eyes fade as their owner closes his non-existent eyelids. Brighter stars burn faster than ones that are only big.
Matoro beckons them forward, leaving the figure behind.
Follow me, he says. I've gotten to know the place.