Title: Blindfold
Written By: Aijou
Summary: [Onesided TxN. Onesided YxH. Yaya X Tamao. Unrequited love's the worst kind of love. In order to cope, Tamao and Yaya look to eachother to outlet their pain through a game of pretend. But you can only play games for so long... Love polygons abound.
Disclaimer: Story set sometime after episode fourteen, then goes off into its own storyline. Read and see.
As much as I loved you, it never stopped you from loving her more.
I guess it's my fault. I never made a strong enough move until it was too late. Too much, way too fucking late. A kiss too harsh. I wasn't thinking. I just wanted things to turn out differently. Maybe, you'd realize that I could be anyone for you. Something more than a bestfriend. Someone...that you love for real.
It was my fault for misreading you. Our "I love yous" meant two different things. I kind of knew it when I first saw you talk about her. The way your eyes flashed. The way you tried your best to keep from smiling like a goofball. The nervous way that you'd occupy your hands with something. I knew, because that's the same way I get about you. Sure, I don't mess around with my hands like you do. The things that I do aren't as cute as they way you do things. A hug from behind. A compliment here and there. I cover up my true feelings with those kinds of gestures, hoping that, maybe, you'll get the hint.
You never did. You're not one for picking up on things. I know you. I know you more than she does and yet... You go running off to her. You'll sooner go on a horse ride with her than have lunch with me. Where did things go so wrong? When did you actually like someone? I thought you weren't that type of girl and I thought wrong. I thought I could keep you from liking other people...but you can't stop love. Nothing gets in its way.
Nanto Yaya wasn't the kind of girl who acted on her feelings without being one hundred percent sure beforehand. She'd gotten hurt enough in her younger years to know to shut up when things were getting too good. When things were going well, you can't ruin a friendship by admitting your thoughts. She did it once before. Nothing good comes out of it unless you know things for sure.
She dressed Hikari up with a smile. Breathed in the scents that she'd picked out for her. Hikari smelled a beautiful mix of peach tangerine. Dressed in the perfect summer outfit, innocent dress and all, she was a pretty sight. Yaya had made sure that Hikari would look that way, even though she was dressing her up for someone else. It was nice to pretend that that outfit was meant for a date with her.
When Hikari left, Yaya laid out on her bed and closed her eyes. Beneath closed lids, she imagined her own date to the movie with Hikari. They'd walk in, holding hands. She'd buy the popcorn. No, a blueberry icee. They'd share it; one straw for the both of them. And, they'd watch a scary movie "by accident". Hikari would snuggle up close to her and, then... And, then...
And, then, what? You kiss her? Give yourself a break. Yaya thought with a sigh. Whose bright idea was it to make love so damn tragic? Bad enough she'd fallen for a girl. Weeks were spent trying to figure out Hikari's preferences before she gave up. Never, not even once, had she seen Hikari remotely interested in anyone except for Yaya herself. Hikari wasn't one for crowds, Yaya guessed, but further investigation proved that there weren't any crowds actually inviting her to join them. Weird. She seemed to be more into singing than meeting a bunch of people. That was alright, though, completely okay.
So, I take her in. At first, things were pretty innocent. They became roommates within weeks. Bestfriends within days. Singing partners in a matter of hours. Yaya would never forget the day that they met. The song of an angel, singing so far away.
This time, Hikari was the furthest away than she'd ever been. Away, with that Ootari Amane girl. The fucking Prince of Spica, the one that would ride off with the princess in the end. And where would that leave her? The best friend waving goodbye to her first true love, watching the two leave for their happy ending. Without her. There wasn't enough room in the sunset for three people, after all.
Oh, she was crying. Since when did she cry? Ever since your chances started to run out. This could be your last.
Kaname's words rang in her mind: the only thing that can beat love is love. It sounded so retarded, but...but this could be her last chance to show Konohana Hikari who loved her the most. She'd prove to Hikari that her love was there all along. Look at me now, Hikari. See me as someone you can be with. More than a best friend.
And she took a chance when Hikari came home from her movie date with Amane. She made her move. Put her hands on Hikari's shoulders and moved on in. Pushed her up against the closed door. Felt her chest. Forced her tongue into Hikari's unwilling mouth until --
"No!!"
But, Yaya pushed harder. She was taller, stronger, than her blonde angel. Too fragile ("didn't I tell you to be more careful?). Now, she saw how easy it was to take advantage of a girl like Hikari. Now, Yaya could understand how easy it was for Kaname. A simple shove and Hikari was crumbling.
"Yaya-chan, no!!!"
Too much all at once. Hikari pushed her best friend away, sending her down to the carpet. "W-why are you doing this?"
There was so much she could've said. I love you, for one. I was taking my last chance, for two. I shouldn't let you go, for three. All she could say was, "Hikari... Um, I..." Too slow and not enough. Not nearly enough words to fix everything. Everything was ruined.
"No. No. No!"
I should've kept my mouth shut. Love beats love, who was I kidding? I'm just a stupid girl who ended the best thing she ever had.
Even though they had made up days later, nothing was ever the same again. Every time Yaya approached Hikari, she'd shake. In her sleep, she'd shake. At the prospect of a handshake, she'd shake. A fucking handshake! The lunch "dates" Yaya had so desperately looked forward to during her time at Spica had ended. Their lunchtime together was replaced by Hikari spending time with Amane.
It was lonely at first, sure. Yaya could never get over it.
"It would've been nice, if the two of you had gotten together," Tamao said. Today, Tamao had joined her for lunch. A temporary replacement to a long lasting problem. With Tamao, she could at least begin to try to forget. Emphasize on the trying part. "I'm sorry for getting in your business." She busied herself with studying the floral designs on her teacup.
"Nah, don't say sorry." Yaya's eyes were far-off, distant. "I think the same thing could be same about you two."
"What? The apology?"
"No. Don't dodge it by playing dumb." She smiled gently, her eyes mildly hurt now. "I'm talking about you and Nagisa. Doesn't it hurt, seeing her play around with Etoile-sama? You can't lie to me about it. I know it has to hurt a lot, hm?" Suddenly, she didn't feel like finishing her lunch anymore. Neither did Tamao. The tea was starting to taste bad.
Tamao sighed. "You're right. I mean, to see perfect Nagisa-chan running off with her like that... It's insane!" There was a sadness in her voice that was all too familiar. "Doesn't she see that I've always been by her side? I warned her about Etoile-sama since the beginning. Didn't you hear me warn Nagisa-chan about that girl? But noooo. It's Etoile-sama that gets her, in spite of everything!"
There was a pause. A moment for things to sink in.
"That's funny. I feel the same way."
They agreed to skip the rest of the school day. It wasn't like the Sister was keeping tabs on them, seeing how each was a top student (more or less) in their respective schools. The Miator student and the Spica student met up beneath a leaning tree. Its branches reached over them, curled up at the ends like gnarled fingers ready to snatch. The leaves on the tree were sullen looking. Brown and half-dead. Autumn was a long way off, so the fact that there was a dying tree surprised the girls.
"Love sucks," Yaya mumbled. "Look where it's gotten us. Two beautiful girls whining about the ones that got away."
"Beautiful?" The blue haired girl picked up on that word instantly.
"Sure. You're pretty. What, you don't think so? Or, are you still stuck on thinking that she's prettier than you are?"
They sat facing one another. Tamao was leaning with her back against the tree, a worried look on her face. There was something off about the way Yaya's eyes were.
"Yaya-chan, why are you getting so close?" A faint blush tinted her cheeks. "Stop joking around."
"Shh, Tamao-chan, you're ruining the moment." Yaya leaned in closer, until a pair of delicate arms held her back.
"W-what are you trying to do?" The faint blush deepened as she realized what was going on. "I don't like you like that."
"But what about Nagisa-san? How do you like her?"
"I...um...like her a lot."
"Then, close your eyes. Let me be your Nagisa." And you, you're my Hikari-chan. "Call me by her name. I don't care." A game of sweet, sweet pretend.
Yaya's lips were already on Tamao's by the time their eyes were closed. She heard the other girl gasp out Nagisa's name when her hands found their way onto Tamao's chest. Slower this time, less rough. Less needy. Something a gentle, tentative girl like Nagisa would do, except she was doing all of the work. One hand lowered, pushing up the Miator's skirt. Higher and higher; slowly now, or else there'd be shaking.
She moved her mouth from Tamao's to trail kisses down her neck. "You're so pretty," Once the Miator tie was undone, the uniform opened up easily. "Hey, you're not wearing an undershirt..."
"Wait! Stop!" Tamao's eyes opened up wide, her arms blocking her chest from view. Her words came out amongst heavy breaths of air. "D-don't do that here."
"Where should I do it, then? Down here, maybe?" Yaya's hands disappeared, going their way into Tamao's skirt. The Miator girl's breath hitched. "Mmm, look at you. You're so naughty." The bluette pushed Yaya away, regaining control.
"There's no way we can do this here, okay? Um..." Her face was turning bright red. Yaya laughed, shrugged her shoulders nonchalantly, and stopped completely. "No, seriously, what if someone catches us?"
"Okay, okay. I get it." She held up her hands in surrender. "I'll talk to you later, then. We'll be having tea tonight, right?"
"...Right."
"See you tonight!"
"Tamao-chan! Where were you today? I was looking for you everywhere," Nagisa's loud voice filled the dorm room. "You completely disappeared."
"Oh, ah, um, I..."
"Yeah, Tamao, where were you?" Yaya smiled innocently.
The usual group was sitting around the low table in the center of the room. Yaya sat across from Hikari, every now and then receiving uncomfortable glances from her crush. She paid the looks no mind on the outside. On the inside, she was feeling sick. How could she have been so desperate to have her? Keep it together, girl. And her thoughts on the matter went away, even though she knew that she'd be thinking about it after all of this. For now, she'd be happy all over Yaya. Later, she'd be sad all over Yaya, when no one would be able to see her.
The rest of them weren't doing anything too special. Chiyo was picking lint off of her skirt. Weak like she always was, she was barely looking anyone in the eye. Tsubomi was smirking, waiting for Tamao to answer the question. Her arms were folded mischeviously. All eyes (Chiyo's too, only indirectly) were waiting on Tamao's answer.
"Oi, Yaya, you weren't in class, either!" Tsubomi piped up. Tamao sighed with relief. "Hey, you're not off the hook just yet. What're the odds that both of you are missing?"
"How would you know I wasn't in class? You're not even in my grade!" Yaya shot back.
"Well, you missed meeting with the Saintly Chorus. That counts for something." The pink haired girl uncrossed her arms.
Nagisa jumped in. "And, Tamao-chan didn't come back to the dorms until real late. That counts for something, too!"
"I-I-I'm sure there was a reason for Tamao-senpai being late." The squeak of Chiyo's voice was hard to hear over Tsubomi's increasingly loud accusations. Louder and louder, the pinkie's voice got, until even the pitch of things was unbearable. Tamao herself was reduced to an embarassed mess, not saying a word for fear of slipping up. Yaya was keeping her mouth shut as well, except for the hotly shot-back comment or two.
"Maybe we should just forget about it?" Hikari asked in polite rescue. "I mean, look, the tea's gotten cold..."
Sure enough, in their arguing, the tea sitting out on the table was reduced to bitter tasting water. Disgustingly lukewarm, it tasted terrible to Tamao's lips. All it provided was an excuse not to open up and talk. She knew that as soon as the words came pouring out, they probably wouldn't stop. Hoping for a better defense, she glanced over at Yaya.
"Whatever. We can always make more," Tsubomi replied. "These two have got some sort of secret they're keeping. I'm going to make sure I get to the bottom of this!"
"You're right. Whatever." Yaya's tone was set to scathing. "I'll tell you where I was. It's not that big of a deal. I was shopping for something, that's all. Um, Tamao was with me, too. Now, can we get back to the tea issue?"
"Something? What the hell would something be?" Tsubomi was the type of girl who never picked up a hint, or, rather, ignored the hints until she got what she wanted. Kind of like a fly immune to all forms of a swatter.
Yaya's eyes narrowed. "Something is something. Drop it."
"Fine. But don't think I'm going to forget this!"
"Do whatever you want." You're such a pest! Are the words "buzz off" in your vocab? When it became increasingly obvious that Yaya was in no mood to discuss the issue further, the topic was dropped in favor of something more light-hearted. Something about a new teacher coming 'round. A girl from the archery club got a new boyfriend. Chikaru's brand new magical girl club (another one?). As the other girls' conversations jumped from topic to topic like sparks from metalwork, Yaya retreated to her own thoughts. The center of those thoughts? Hikari.
And the center of Tamao's thoughts? Nagisa, of course. And what was with Yaya today? She couldn't exactly ask Yaya to talk with her in private. No. Something like that would start the interrogation all over again. It was bad enough having to go through all of that the first time. The tell-tale blush in her face felt permanent, the embarrassment had been that bad. Oh well. At least Nagisa had noticed she'd been gone. That was always a plus.
"Well, I think I'm going to hit the hay," Said object of her affections yawned. "It's been a long day, sorry." Tamao couldn't help but smile. Nagisa sure was something.
The tea party-goers said their goodnights, except for one. Yaya, as expected, with the excuse of wanting to talk with Tamao. Tsubomi was too busy cleaning a tea stain out of her uniform to care. Nagisa, thankfully, was already asleep by the time Tamao found the words to say. The room felt almost empty, the sound of Nagisa's gentle snores providing a calm background music.
"I don't know if I can do this, Yaya," And by this she meant the game they were playing. "I don't know if this'll work out."
"Why? Is it because of Tsubomi? Jeez, don't let her get to you. She's just a kid."
"No. And keep your voice down! You might wake Nagisa up!"
"You're the one shouting." Yaya pointed out. "Besides, you seemed pretty willing to do this before."
"I don't want to do this anymore. It's not right. I don't even like you like this."
Yaya sighed, moving close enough to touch Tamao with her breath alone. Tamao's back stiffened in response. "But you don't have to like me." She whispered. Taking a deep breath, she brushed her lips against Tamao's. Gentle this time. A feeling too light, it was hard to tell if it was even a kiss. Their breath mingled in the space between them. Inviting, wanting, until they pressed their lips together. On instinct, Tamao's lips parted, allowing entry for tongue. It wasn't long before their arms were wrapped around eachother, pulling one another as close as possible to deepen the kiss.
It ended when their lungs gave protest. "See? All you have to do is like her. And keep playing make-believe with me," Yaya continued. "It'll be enough for now."
Although there was a part of her that wholeheartedly disagreed with this, there was a stronger part of her who wanted to pretend. Like a kid with an imaginary friend, she'd play this little game as long as she could blind herself to the facts. Tamao gave the slightest of nods. Right now, this was exactly what she needed, almost. It was nearly as good as the real thing.
While both girls waited, they had eachother to dull their senses. With a quick, approving kiss, Yaya said goodbye, leaving Tamao alone to think. In the bed next to hers, lay Nagisa, totally oblivious and totally asleep. And totally falling for someone else, but Tamao wasn't in the mood to acknowledge that.
Today, I'll pretend you love me as much as you love her.
A\N: This chapter's dedicated to the ones I've wronged by being selfish. More to come, leave a review even if it's one as short as "continue". Thanks.