A/N: I know I know " Rae, by golly! just finish CaK already!" but I saw this post on tumblr and it just...I had to write this. I promise I'll get back to my usual shenans after this! For now, enjoy the ride! Tally ho!
you know it's gonna be one of those days when you don't even bother to fuck with your hair.
Your name is Dave Strider, and you feel as shitty as you look.
It's not that you're sick or anything, because ironic cool guys don't get sick. It just doesn't happen okay. You do feel like shit though, in an emotionally unattached, locked up in your head kind of way. On the outside most people would just think "oh he just rolled out of bed and came to school, whatever." but you can see it, you can tell you're fucking miserable. Under your shades your eyes are dull and sunken with bags indicating a lack of sleep. Your hair hasn't been washed in... fuck knows how long. You just look and feel like shit. But of course no one can tell.
No one but John, that is.
He's the exact reason why you're like this. Of course that goofball doesn't have the slightest clue. It started about 2 weeks ago, after you were partnered up in Science class to dissect a frog. Of course, John did most of the work. Little dork loved science. He talked on and on and on while you just took notes on whatever the fuck was going on. Your pencil lead snapped when you heard something that made your stomach drop, and you swear it sounded like a fucking gunshot.
"Dave? Hellooooooooo. Earth to Strider, come in Strider. I have apple juice." You snap out of it and look John in the eyes. Well, your shades look him in the eyes, you're too busy watching his lips as he repeats himself.
"I was saying that yesterday when I was with Karkat, I had a lot of fun!" You mentally slap yourself. Wow Strider, way to freak out over nothing. "Oh yeah?" you ask, nearly deadpan. John doesn't pick up the discontentment as he carries on. "Yeah! We watched a bunch of romcoms all day and ate popcorn and I made him mad and we cuddled-" Wait what? "And it was really nice, since I don't usually cuddle with anyone." Oh hell no. "Why would you cuddle with that grey shell of PMS?" You try to keep your voice calm, but John looks at you worriedly. Shit.
"Dave, it's not weird. We're just friends! He knows I'm not homo." Despite his protests, a blush creeps onto his face. You roll your eyes behind your shades, your anger seeping through your hands as you write at break-neck speed. "Whatever, just get back to dissectin' the fucking frog Egbert." You both sit there in silence, and you hope he had gone back to cutting the frog. One glance out of the corner of your eye tells you nope, he's staring at you.
"Dave." Your name sounds like thunder in your head coming from him.
"What." It almost comes out as a whisper.
"...Don't be mad."
"I'm not."
"Dave." You look down and realize you're holding the pencil so hard it's about to snap. You relax your grip and look at John.
"I'm not fuckin' mad, John." He rolls his eyes. "Says your accent." Oh god, he was right, your accent was leaking through. Shit.
"Just tell me what's up Dave. Please?" You sigh and run a hand through your hair, which falls back into place because Striders don't get bed head, that simple. "Maybe later, okay." It's not a question, and John just shrugs his shoulders and goes back to cutting up the frog.
As soon as you lay down on your bed, your laptop pings. "Son of a-" John is pestering you.
- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 3:04 - -
EB: Dave! :B
EB: Dave
EB: come on Dave
EB: I know you're there :B
TG: yo
EB: there you are!
TG: sup
EB: are you okay?
Well that was pretty straight forward.
TG: yeah man why wouldnt i be im as chill as ice in the freezert hat shit was born not giving a fuck
TG: i'm helping the icecream stay cold so it has the courtesy of gracing your hot gives-too-many-fucks tongue and chill you out
TG: shit be tamed here bro
TG: like a sleeping lion
TG: i aint eating no circus freaks today
EB: Dave
TG: i think they taste bad anyways
TG: maybe ill be a vegetarian lion
EB: Dave
TG: what would you say to that Egbert
TG: shits too revolutionary for you to handle
TG: need to get a fuckin lion tamer out here
TG: force the meaty goodness of reality down my throat
EB: Dave
TG: spend the rest of my lion days rapping about anarchy and shit
EB: DAVE!
TG: woah calm down bro
TG: whats up
EB: that's what I want to know
EB: don't lie to me
EB: I saw you in science today
TG: caught me red handed
TG: be sweating over here like a criminal
TG: getting ready to be put up for trial
TG: all stressed waiting with my cell mate lile
TG: he sells wicked shit thatll strand you a mile
TG: out in your own motherfucking head man
TG: shit isnt a joke
TG: dont fucking poke
TG: this lion
EB: Dave stop it, you're word vomiting and rapping and I don't want to deal with it
TG: oh
TG: sorry
Sorry? Striders don't apologize. The hell is wrong with you?
EB: whatever, just tell me what's making you so weird
TG: nothing
TG: like i said shits as chill as
EB: I know I know
EB: chill as the south pole
TG: exactly
EB: don't make me get Rose
TG: oh god no
TG: fine
TG: just
TG: dont tell anybody
EB: yeah okay
Were you really going to do this? You suppose you should tell someone. But John? You're asking to be ignored for the rest of your life.
TG: well you know how Washington aint exactly tolerable of... other sexualities
EB: yeah...
TG: well...
TG: i think i might be..
TG: you know
TG: gay
Oh god why did you just say that John's going to hate you. Why oh why oh fucking why you dumbass. Not even Karkat's colourful insults would fit how stupid you feel right now. You jump when you hear a ping, and hesitantly look up at your screen, expecting the worse.
EB: Really?
EB: huh
TG: ….yeah
EB: well I mean
EB: that's cool that you trust me but uhm...
TG: what
EB: I don't know...
EB: it's just weird to think of you that way?
EB: I mean I'm not used to gay people?
TG: used to gay people
TG: are you fucking kidding
EB: sorry
You flinch at his response. Wow Dave, good job. Jesus Christ why.
TG: well i mean i dont expect you to be
TG: you know
TG: comfortable with it
TG: but if i had a best bro who was gay
TG: id be all yeah man you get that D
TG: dont let anyone tell you it's wrong
TG: youre the boss
TG: keep it up
TG: id be a fucking gay cheerleader
TG: wearing a miniskirt and shit
TG: i wonder what pompoms are like
TG: either really fucking itchy or smoth as clouds this Strider will never know
TG: Bet thats why cheerleaders get so many dudes
TG: pompom witchcraft
TG: forbidden magic bro
TG: shits weird
EB: Dave
TG: sorry
EB: but why is that such a big problem?
EB: I mean
EB: its just a sexuality
TG: ha
TG: fucking ha bro
TG: just a sexuality
TG: its everything
TG: you dont get it
TG: living in your own little "no homo" world ironically full of unicorns and rainbows
TG: parading around not afraid of jack shit
TG: IM GAY JOHN
TG: I CANT just walk around like i own the fucking joint
TG: ill get ran outta town
TG: fuck that outta state
EB: Oh...
TG: yeah fucking oh
EB: I'm sorry, I didn't think of it like that
TG: whatever
EB: Well... I have to go, dinner time. See you in science
TG: yeah sure
- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 5:20 - -
You stare at your screen. You hadn't even realized you'd been talking for that long. Time really flies huh? You're just hoping it will stop so you don't have to go to science class tomorrow.
Unfortunately, tomorrow comes screaming at you in full force through your blinds. You shield your eyes and swear, not caring if your Bro can hear you. You try to locate your shades and hear them clatter to the ground. You roll off of your bed and pick them up, swearing again because you opened your eyes and it's fucking bright.
You walk the twenty or so minutes to school completely spaced out. You can't get your conversation with John out of your head. What if John got mad at you and is spreading rumours? No. He wouldn't do that. You get to school and suddenly your stomach twists into knots. You wonder for a brief moment if you can convince someone you're sick enough to go home.
The thought vanishes when you see Rose though. She's been your friend for god knows how long, and you like to think of her as a sister. Of course if you ever told this to someone, it would be under the conditions that you're killing them anyways. Can't have rumours of Dave having emotions wondering about.
You walk up to Rose, sitting beside her under the tree. She looks up from her book long enough to smile at you. A moment of silence passes and she's still reading as she says, "It's John, isn't it." Rose was the only one who knew you were gay before you told John, and she also knew you had a huge secret crush on your best bro.
You sigh, "Last night I told him I was gay and I ended up yelling at him. I think I made him mad or something." Rose looks up at you with a tsk. "Oh Dave, if he was really mad at you, you'd probably want to die. He isn't one to hide his emotion and if you had angered him you would definitely know." You sigh again, digging your hands in your pockets so Rose can't see you fidget. She does. "Quit being so paranoid. What did he say when you told him?"
"That's the thing, all he said was 'Really? Huh'" You try your best to sound like John and it makes Rose smile. "Well at least it isn't negative." You snort. "It wasn't exactly positive either. What if he tells everyone and I get run out of town?" You don't know when you started pacing. Rose grabs your hand and forces you to sit. "Dave, just calm down, I'm sure it will be okay." You nod, but you're not so sure. You get up when the bell rings, waving at Rose over her shoulder as you get ready to face the day.
The first two periods of the day go by in a blur of notes and loud teenagers. You don't even realize where you are until Jade practically slams her tray on the lunch table. You raise an eyebrow at her as she sits down with a huff.
"What is it this time Harley?" You say with amusement in your voice, of course your face is the perfect picture of a poker face. Jade glares at you. "None of your business, Dave. God I fucking hate that asshole!"
"Who, Tavros?" You jump at the voice next to you, not even realizing Kanaya had sat next to you.
"Yes Tavros! That little jerk wouldn't stop whistling in my ear during woodshop! Fucking pissed me off!" You smirk, "I can see that." She throws a pudding cup at your face and you dodge, hearing it hit...Something.
"Dogonit!" You turn around to see Jake staring down at his chest, pudding covering his shirt and an empty pudding cup on his tray. "What was that for, mate? Did I do something I am not yet aware of to offend you?"
"It wasn't you, Jake, she was merely fuming about her black quadrant with Tavros." Kanaya says, a smirk playing on her lips. "I am not black for Tavros!" Jade yells, standing up.
"Really? Sure looked like it to me last time I saw you two under the bleachers." You smirk. Jade turns red. It had already become school wide knowledge that the two had been in the middle of sloppy makeouts last Friday when you found them. You were never going to let it go.
"Hey guys!" John calls cheerfully as he sits down next to Jade, who is grumbling about privacy and 'fucking trolls'. "Yo Egderp." You try not to look at him, hoping that maybe if you don't look you can actually stomach your lunch without your gut twisting up more than it already has. John and Jade immediately launch into conversation as Jake sits next to you, and soon Dirk joins. The table is filled with new gossip and you can't find yourself interested in any of it. You look up at John from behind your shades and quickly look back to your lunch when you catch him staring at you. You both look away and Rose raises an eyebrow. You blow her off and go back to staring at your lunch.
The bell rings and you sigh. You all get up, John waiting for you to throw your lunch away. As you walk with him to science, he looks up at you with a knowing smile and laughs. You raise an eyebrow at him. "What is it derp?" He takes a minute to stop laughing before responding, "I know who you have a crush on~" You face goes red and you realize you're not breathing. John opens the door to the classroom and you numbly walk in, feeling your face growing hotter. You sit down and John is looking at you.
"Dave? Dude it's not that bad, I won't tell anyone." You look at him incredulously. "I- you- what?" John nods. "It's none of my business who you like, I mean hey, if you want to like Karkat then I don't care." You blink. "What." It isn't even a question. You're so confused. "I saw you staring at him in the cafeteria dude. Don't try to deny it." No, you weren't. Well, maybe you were? Technically? He was sitting next to John and you didn't want him to catch you. Well, you guess it's good that he doesn't know, right?
"O-oh... Yeah, I totally have the hots for a shorty with anger issues." John laughs and the teacher yells at you both for being too loud. You go back to work, not saying another word between the two of you for the rest of the period.
When the bell finally rings, you bolt out the door and almost fall on your ass when someone grabs your hoodie. You spin around to see John smiling at you deviously. You sigh internally. You're not going to get out of this one. You straighten up and walk out the door with John. He remains silent until you reach the part of the walk where you have to part ways, and he grabs your sleeve. You look at him with a raised eyebrow.
"Uhm... Dave... Who is it that you like?" He seemed more nervous than he should be... Or was that just you? Yeah, it was probably just you, you're pretty fuckin nervous, not that you'd ever say that out loud, Striders are never nervous. "Why does it matter?" John looks at his shoes, sadness spreading over his face. You can't stand seeing him sad. "I... just wanted to know, sorry." You sigh, because you feel like shit. No shut up John looks so pathetic. "Don't worry about it, I'll tell you later." You little shit, what are you doing?! "Alright John?" John beams up at you and your heart skips a beat. Well shit. "Sure!"
Lucky for you John and you usually hang out at your place after school, which meant for the duration of the walk over to your apartment, he would keep asking "Is it later yet?" "Are you going to tell me now Dave?". If he wasn't so- no, not saying it. Point is he's lucky you're his friend or you would have already decked him. You finally reach your apartment and begin the long climb upstairs. The elevator had been fixed recently but none of your friends use it out of habit, you just prefer the exercise. Wouldn't wanna get fat would we?
You hurry to your door and fumble with the keys, trying and failing several times to get your keys in the door. John sighs from beside you and your face heats up when his hand wraps around yours and guides your keys into the lock, turning them and opening the door. You practically tumble through into the apartment, catching your balance and turning to John.
"The fuck are you looking at me like that for?" You hope you sound like you don't care. Please sound like you don't care- "Dave the hell is with you? I told you I wouldn't go telling anyone, and I don't really mind you being gay, you're still my best bro." You let out a breath you hadn't realized you'd been holding in. Good, so he doesn't hate you, good to know.
"So are you going to tell me yet?" He sounds excited and it takes you a minute to remember why he's here today in the first place.
"Oh, uh, y-yeah." You cough, looking away from John. Did you seriously just stutter? If Karkat was here he'd call you an ignorant fuckass for being so stupid around Jo-
"Alright, I'm gonna find a game to play, you get the snacks, and we'll talk after a round of me beating your ass!" As he walks by his hand brushes yours and you shiver.
This boy is going to kill you.
– turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 3:48 –
TG: rose
TG: rose
TG: rose
TG: rose
TG: rose
TG: god dammit rose
TG: answer woman
TG: get off your girlfriend's gross alien bulge and help me
TG: rose im serious
TG: come on i need you
TT: Hello Dave.
TT: What is it you need help with?
TG: fucking finally
TG: rose johns gonna kill me
TT: I doubt he would mean you any actual physical harm Dave.
TG: no rose you dont understand
TG: hes fucking sitting here all cute as shit
TG: asking me who i like
TG: and the more impatient he gets the cuter it is
TG: and hes acting...close
TG: its fucking weird
TG: what do i do
TG: rose i love him
TG: i dont wanna fuck this up
TT: Well I don't think you will be "fucking this up".
TT: Just go for it.
TT: trust me.
TT: ;)
– tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 4:10 –
TG: fuck thats weird
You log out of Pesterchum, more confused than when you had signed on. Rose said to go for it so... should you? She hasn't been wrong once since you've known her... But this is John we're talking about, she can't possibly know what he'll say... Can she?
You sit down next to John, hoping he can't somehow feel you're rapid heart beat through the couch. It would be just like him to have a lame superpower like that though. What would his hero name even be? Vibrator Man? No that sounds homoerotic... What about something symbolic like Thief of Breath? You're torn out of your train of thought by a fist knocking on your head.
"Helloooooooo, Daaaaaaaave! Earth to Daaaaaaaave!" You glare at him through your shades. "You need to stop hanging out with the spider bitch." His grin grows and he brings his hand down to rest on the arm of the couch. "Who, Vriska? No way! She's like the only other person at our school who appreciated Nic Cage like I do."
You smirk at him. "You mean the only other one in the school to get a hard-on for him." John pales. "Ew no! I'm not a homose-" John freezes, staring at you like he just got accused of skinning kittens. "Fuck I'm sorry I wasn't thinking about it and I-" You wave a hand in his face, turning back to the game you guys were playing, face stoic and unreadable. "I don't care, lets just finish the game."
Throughout the rest of the game the only conversation is you two cussing each other out as you both purposefully knock each other off the rainbow road. Leave it to John to pick Mariokart to play on a bad day. You order a large pizza and end up eating most of it, drinking it down with a whole container or AJ. John gawks at you as you finish off the giant bottle, throwing it in a corner.
"Dude, that has got to be unhealthy for you." You side-glance at him and turn your attention back to the TV, that is to say, you just shift your eyes. "Who cares, it's my life." John looks like he just found dog shit on the carpet. "But what about that guy you like? What if you get sick and he doesn't even know you like him before you die from overdose of cheese and AJ." You scoff. "I doubt it, besides he doesn't like me back. Shit's more obvious than Terezi's blindness was to that fucking PE teacher last year, remember that shit?"
In your freshman year, the PE teacher had gotten mad that you and Terezi wore glasses inside but only bugged you after Terezi pretended to run into a wall 'on accident'. Guy was a fucking idiot, but after scaring him with your 'devil eyes' he never questioned anything. Ever. Easy A in your opinion.
"How do you know? You probably haven't even told him how you feel yet! He could like you back and you just can't tell, you know." You shift your entire body so it's facing John as you take your shades off. After seeing your eyes in a playground mishap, he doesn't even blink when you take off your shades in front of him. "I just. Know. Okay? Drop it." Your tone is a warning and thankfully he gets it, turning back to the game and finishing the race.
After you've played every race on that fucking game, he turns back to you. Your pulse quickens as your promise races through your mind, and the conversation you had with Rose rises to the surface. Yeah, take a leap of faith, trust Rose, tell John. No you idiot, he's obviously as straight as a fucking pole, he'll think you're gross or something and he'll never want to talk to you again.
"Dave?" The voice is almost a whisper, cautious and tentative. You look up and see John watching you with concern obvious in his features. You sigh, "Yeah?" John bites his lip, looking everywhere but you and you start to internally freak, what's wrong? "Are you-... Are you mad at me?" You breathe a mental sigh of relief. "No man, why would I be mad?" He stares at his hands in his lap and you can't help but do the same. "I was being rude earlier and said some stuff-" "Like I said Egbert, it doesn't matter, I don't care." "O-okay..."
You sigh. You've been doing that a lot lately... Oh well. You feel the anxiety flood your stomach as you look back up at John. "So you wanted to know who I liked right?" John instantly perks up and grins at you "Hell yeah! Where doing this, where making this happen." You laugh at the reference and take a deep breath. Now or never.
"Well, he's a great guy. Always positive, not afraid to fight for what he wants, he's always protecting his friends and family." You hadn't realized you took your shades off, everything was bright but you forced yourself to focus. "He can be a dork, and there are lots of people out there with better taste than him, but he's kinda cool I guess." John is smiling, you think he knows, but you keep going before he can interrupt. "A lot of people think we're polar opposites but I don't think so, I think we just, I don't know, fit together. Like clockwork. We've known each other most of our lives and he's a nosy fuck but hell it's so cute. He's messy and loud and just so likeable, no one can hate this guy. He's not but in highschool who is really, it's overrated. I don't know when it happened but-" You look John in the eyes. "One day I woke up and realized I just couldn't live without him, y'know?"
John smiles, leaning closer until your lips met in a chaste but sweet kiss. "I love you too Dave, you dork."