The Game We Play
"Finally"
I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I don't know what happened to me, but I know I've changed. Somehow, life's purpose has become clearer… although I have no idea what that purpose is. I just know it's there.- which is better than thinking that none exists. I'm actually quite proud of myself for taking something that made me cry, cry and cry and turning into something positive. I just know that I'm alive again, finally. For perhaps the first time in the life that I can remember, I'm looking forward to tomorrow. And the funny thing is, I'm not too sure why. Maybe it's because I've realized that I love someone so much that there is no point to being sad anymore. I think the reasons we cry is because we're only thinking of the immediate consequences. Why did I cry when I was little just because a grown-up yelled at me for something stupid? Because it was affecting me right then at the very moment and I hadn't matured enough yet to realize that it wouldn't matter the next month.
This why I don't cry about it anymore. I can see him sometimes, and in reality, that's all I need. The whole "need" thing isn't real. It's something in my head. And I'm happy. I'm happy. Really.
Marron put down the pen she was writing with and let the tears that had been poised to flood her eyes do so, her writing becoming smeared with water marks. She sniffed and let herself smile through blurred vision. I'm so crazy. The need was real, and the realization of this fact created a dull ache somewhere inside. The all too-familiar ache that she loathed writhed and pained her heart but she couldn't do anything about it. It was there and it wasn't going to go away. She was happy somehow, in some sick way, she thought. Some people go through their whole lives not loving anyone. At least I have love. …At least he loves me back. She felt more alone than ever, now living alone in the tiny house she had grown up in and shared memories with her family. She realized how long it had been since she had kissed him.
She let a fresh batch of tears roll down her pinked cheeks and jumped when the doorbell rang. She thought that she should probably take care of her face, but didn't care anymore. I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I don't know what happened to me, but I know I've changed.
She opened the door and stared. Yamucha stared back. She stared some more. He handed her flowers; she took them. She clutched at them for life, not half as sure as herself as she had thought she would be when this time finally came.
"C-Can I come in?"
She threw her arms around his neck and cried some more. "Of course you can, dummy!" They both smiled through tears now. He half-carried her into her own house and closed the door. He didn't make any attempt to remove her from her current position,
"Mar, I'm so sorry. I don't know what else to say except that I got you into something that I couldn't finish, and then when your dad almost found out, I did the manly thing to do and - ran." He gave a bitter laugh, but didn't have time to dwell on his own ineptitude, "I love you. And I can't deal with life anymore unless I'm allowed to love you. I'm sick of being a dirty old man sitting around yanking it, thinking of someone I might never see again… because of my own cowardice-" His voice broke and he paused for a moment, and realized that he wasn't quite prepared for this- all the words he'd planned on saying were so perfect. To perfect. He knew now, with her fragile form back in his arms, that he wouldn't be able to hold back. The words he had planned weren't real, but this was. This definitely was. His head started to hurt.
"I don't care!" She kissed him then, long and hard and unrelenting. Emotions were released so suddenly, they seemed to create a swirl above their heads. Tension seemed to be gone and two hearts melted into one. They broke off the kiss and he continued, tears welling up in his dark eyes,
"Mar, I can't guarantee anything. I'm never sure when I'll have a break or when I can see you… but I want you to know that I love you more than anything I've ever… I want to do this every day. I wanna hold you and give you flowers and make love and… I have no idea what I'm going to tell your father, or how I'm going to explain this to King Enma when I die, but…I can't help it. And something has to be done." He let out a breath and kissed her hand. Marron allowed her tears to keep flowing, not sure whether or not they were tears of happiness, relief, sadness, realization,
"Yamucha," She whispered, and it was as if the world went silent. "You left without a word. And I hated it. But I've never- never," Her voice broke, "hated you. I love you. And I know exactly what we're going to do about it." She kissed him again, and ran her hands over his chest, shoulders and face. She sighed and placed her head against his chest. "I want this, forever. I want to be able to hold hands with you and not care who sees. I want you. I want you…" She let his shirt drown out her voice until she couldn't say it anymore. He held her hand as she had said she wanted and kissed her cheek.
"I want you more," He said and smirked, dying for some release. The emotional static in the room was becoming threatening. She looked up at him and smiled broadly,
"That's my Yamucha." She laughed hesitantly before grabbing hold of both his hands and leading her into the rest of her small house. She regained the mischievous spark in her eye that he had seen so often years-was it really that long ago?- before. She kissed him again and led him to her tiny bedroom. She stood in the doorway, but couldn't keep up with her old mischief. He noticed her face contort, and realized she was trying not to cry again.
"Oh, Marron, what have I done to you?" He hugged her tightly and led them over to the bed, setting her down softly. He stroked her hair, "I'm…"
"It's okay. I- I'm just so happy to see you, I can't be sad anymore," She looked in his eyes, "I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I don't know what happened to me, but I know I've changed. I love you. You've changed me. And I don't care." She said firmly, and wiping away tears with her sleeve, smiled. She laughed, "I don' t care!"
*
After her declaration of unrelenting love, Yamucha didn't give a rat's tail about what others would say and made love to her. Shamelessly, they made love the way that Marron had always imagined it would be. Afterwards, she lay her head down and played with the hair on his chest. He smiled at the action and stroked her own hair lovingly.
"I- This may sound silly, but I've been dreaming about this since forever." She whispered against his bare skin.
"It's not silly," He whispered back, and could think of nothing else to say but, "Marron, I love you," and kissed her cheek.
*
"I'll call you- soon. Tomorrow. Four o'clock." He said, his voice unwavering, though he felt somehow that if he left now, everything would turn back to the way it was before.
"Right."
"Goodbye, Marron. I'm coming back for you this time." He kissed her quickly and turned to get into his air car. She waved as he pulled away. He waved back. She smiled.
I still don't know what's going to happen, but I know that he'll be back. I'll hear his voice and see him often. And I don't know when, but I'm going to marry that man, whether he knows it or not. He's changed me. And that's all I care about.
*OWARI*
I hope you've enjoyed this… If the ending seemed abrupt, I'm sorry. Keep in mind that I'm using my own personal experiences to write this to some extent, and you have to understand that emotions and love are abrupt and unexplainable. I hope you've liked. A good soundtrack from Marron's POV would be "Paint Pastel Princess," by Silverchair. And one from Yamucha's POV would be "One day, Someday," by The Stereo. Enjoy. :D
-Faye/Mistress