Disclaimer: All characters and things associated with The Hunger Games belongs to Suzanne Collins and Lionsgate. This writing is for pure entertainment only.
Summary: Katniss finally though everything was going to be alright and her children would grow up in a safer world then she and Peeta had, but something changes and a new set of games begins.
Prologue
I have never wanted children. For as long as I could remember, I have never wanted children or to be married, but Peeta talked me into both. He has always been able to talk me into doing things I don't necessarily want to do.
Now, however, I am glad he was able to. And I am glad that after fifteen years of marriage I could give him those children. He had patiently waited for so long for them.
I remember when he first really brought the idea up to me. It seemed so foreign, so stupid on his part. After all, we had talked about it before, though not seriously, and children were never something I had agreed to when we were married...
"Katniss, don't you ever think about…I mean…we would be good parents, don't you think?" Peeta asked one morning in out kitchen as I skinned a squirrel I had caught in a trap the night before.
I glanced up at him, clearly caught off guard by his question, "What?"
"I just…I was thinking…Agnus Berthale came into the bakery yesterday with her two kids…she is having another one, you know…" Peeta didn't glance up from the bread he was making.
I didn't know Agnus personally but I knew of her. She lived across town, but her husband loved to buy any meat I brought to the Hob. She was a little younger then me and always seemed to be exhausted, but I guess three kids will do that to you.
"Anyway…they came into the bakery…got me thinking about us…maybe having kids…someday…" Peeta seemed to hesitate as he slowly looked up at me.
"Peeta, I thought we talked about this. I don't want kids," I said.
"No, we didn't really ever talk about it. That's all you ever say to me is you don't want them," Peeta's voice was a little harsh, hurt even, and it caught me off guard.
I sat up straight in my seat and set the dead squirrel down, "I…"
"I mean, we would make good parents…why not?" Peeta cut me off.
"Because…I don't want kids. I don't want to worry about something happening to them…like the games, or starving or—" I rambled on.
"Katniss, all of that is behind us. We don't have to worry about that stuff," Peeta told me, but he sounded defeated and his blue eyes looked sad as he turned back to baking.
Suddenly, I realized something. I had always said I never wanted children, but it had never occurred to me that Peeta had wanted them this much. I just assumed he had accepted the idea of not having kids when he married me, but maybe I had been wrong.
"Peeta, I never wanted kids, you knew that. The day you married me you knew that!" I can hear myself getting hostile now.
"I know that," Peeta sounded sad.
"So then, why did you marry me? If you wanted kids, why marry someone who doesn't?" I asked, though I know it was such a selfish question.
Peeta instantly looked up, more hurt then before. "Because I love you, Katniss. If it means no kids then…never mind, that's fine."
I take a deep breath, realizing I deserved the punch to the gut that Peeta's words had delivered. He had always been so selfless, and I knew Haymitch was right; Peeta was always too good for more, "Peeta, I'm sorry…"
"No, Katniss, its fine. You are right…I knew when we got married and I wouldn't change it. As long as I have you…" Peeta smiled up at me; A sad smile, but a smile.
And that smile broke me down. I didn't tell him right then and there, but I did leave the kitchen, heading for the woods to be alone. I stayed in the woods for hours, thinking about all of it. I knew my reasons for not wanting children were silly; the games were over and my children would never starve. Still, the idea of having another life dependent on me, a life I could lose, was not something I wanted. I liked things the way they were; I liked Peeta and me.
But I knew Peeta wanted this. Children were the one thing I could give him that would really mean something. He had always scarified for me, always put my needs about his own. Maybe, just one time, I could do the same for him. And so, I decided in the woods that day, I would see where things went. I would give Peeta a month and not use any protection when we were being intimate, though I decided not to tell him this. If I wasn't pregnant in a month it wasn't meant to be, and that would be that.
Two months after that, however, I realized that it was meant to be. I had been throwing up for days and had finally decided I needed to see a doctor. We did not have many in District 12, but I managed to get an appointment with one while Peeta was at the bakery. I told him my symptoms, he ran his tests, and I realized I was going to be a mother.
I remember walking back to our home that day in a fog, not sure if I was happy or sad. I knew I was scared and I constantly kept touching my stomach, trying to wrap my mind around the idea that a child was living inside of me. It was not easy.
I knew Peeta would take the news so much better then I had.
I sat in the kitchen, waiting for Peeta to come home for what felt like hours. I just kept taking deep breaths trying to control myself, though I felt like I wanted to scream. Every time I glanced down at my still flat stomach I looked away, wondering if I had made a dumb decision leaving something like pregnancy up to fate the way I had. Maybe I really wasn't ready for it, maybe I was never meant to be a mother.
I heard the front door open and quickly stood, taking another breath and brushing my braid off my shoulder. I stood, straight and tall, like a solider as Peeta entered the kitchen.
"Katniss? Are you okay?" Peeta asked, giving me a funny look as he unloaded some loaves of bread onto the table.
"We need to talk," I told Peeta, my voice shaking slightly.
Peeta looked up at me alarmed, his eyes narrowing. "Something wrong?"
"I went to the doctor today," I told him.
Instantly, I could see Peeta freeze, "Is…is something wrong? I know you haven't been feeling well lately…"
"Well…not wrong. Something…happened," I decided to say.
"What?" Peeta asked, his skin growing pale and I worried he was going to have one of his fits before I could get the news out.
"Peeta, I…I'm…" I took a deep breath, deciding it was just better to blurt it out, "I'm pregnant!"
Peeta looks startled and I realize its because I yelled it loudly and directly into his face without realizing it. "You…you what?"
"I…I'm pregnant," I repeated softer and suddenly my head dropped to my hands and I started sobbing. It's all too much to take in, and I don't even know if it was what I wanted.
Peeta's strong arms were around me instantly, "Katniss, how did this happen?"
I swat hard at his arm between sobs, "Oh, don't do that! You know exactly how this happened!"
"No…I don't. I mean…we have always been safe…" Peeta told me, allowing my head to fit in the crook of his neck.
I pulled away, however, looking up with guilty grey eyes, "No, we haven't been."
"What are you talking about?" Peeta shook his head in confusion.
"I…I…I wanted to give you a month to see…see if you were right, if we were meant to be parents…it was after we talked that day in here. I felt so bad, Peeta…you obvious want kids and I was being selfish—" I sobbed.
"You weren't being selfish. You were just being you," Peeta told me which only made me feel worse. He could never say anything to make me feel bad.
"Yeah, well…I thought about it…I gave you a month…I stopped taking my pills…and what do you know? You were right…apparently we are supposed to be parents," I have calmed down enough to be sarcastic.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Peeta seemed hurt, betrayed even.
"Because, it was only a month. If nothing happened…I didn't want to get your hopes up," I explained.
Peeta nodded, as if he was trying to understand. We remained silent for what seemed like ever, our arms wrapped around each other.
Finally, Peeta spoke, "I am so sorry I made you do this…"
"Made me? You didn't even know," I reminded him. I didn't want him to feel guilty.
"Well…you did it for me, not for you," Peeta said.
And now I felt guilty for making him feel bad. Even though he had a point, that I had done this for him, I know deep down that might not be entirely true. I don't dislike kids, and I loved taking care of Prim when she was younger; it had made me feel important to someone, and the idea was appealing, just not when you live in the Seam. But I don't know, and I think the idea that I could provide for a child was appealing to me in some ways, but only at the most primal level, and that must have been the level I had used when I decided to let Peeta get me pregnant.
"Peeta, you have known me a long time…when do I ever do something I don't want to?" I asked, forcing a smile. I knew, whether I wanted this baby or not, it was coming, and Peeta wanted it, and I wanted Peeta, and I wanted Peeta to be happy, so a part of me wanted that baby to.
"I guess you are right," Peeta said with a soft smile before kissing me on the forehead.
"I love you," I whispered to him.
"I love you too…" Peeta said as his hands slipped down to my flat stomach, which he caressed gently, "Thank you."
And I knew he was thanking me for the baby. The baby I wasn't even sure I wanted.
That baby was a girl. A beautiful little girl with long dark hair and bright blue eyes. She is everything to me, and the second I held her, I realized I had loved her and wanted her all along.
We named her Emberly, which means spark, low flame, and burning coal. It fit her perfectly. After all, she is the daughter of the Girl on Fire and the Boy Who Bakes the Bread (using coal) and it pays tribute to what our home of District 12 stood for. Not to mention that she is a spark.
Emberly is fifteen now and every bit her father's daughter. People say she is a spitting image of me, and I get why. She is feisty, and a hunter. I taught her to shoot with a bow when she was just three, though Peeta was not happy about it, and she can be stubborn, independent, brave, and is fiercely protective of her younger brother. She climbs trees nearly better then I can, and for a girl, she is much stronger then I had been at her age.
But I say she is Peeta's daughter because she is. She and I get along, but we also butt heads and often times our relationship is strained; maybe because we are so much alike. I think that is why she is so close with Peeta. She needs him like I need him; for all the reasons I love Peeta, she clings to her father desperately. I realize now, as I watch her with him, that I must have been the same way with my father. I looked for his approval and company as much as Emberly looked to Peeta.
I am just glad Emberly will always have Peeta. She will not lose him like I lost my dad; not for a long time, thanks to the Capitol.
It seemed when we were in the games, all of the probing and prodding that the Capitol did to fix Peeta and I after the games left some other effects. In all honesty, Peeta and I hardly look much older then we had in the games, though we are both in our forties now. We have aged a little, I am sure I am startling to get a small wrinkle or two around my eyes, but it really is bizarre how young we still look.
I think it also bother's Emberly. Her friends often joke we look like sisters more then mother and daughter, and I understand why Emberly wouldn't want to hear that. I certainly wouldn't.
But as much as that may bother Emberly, it doesn't seem to faze her younger brother Galen. Galen has just turned thirteen and is a spitting image of Peeta except for his eyes. He has greys like me, but they have the same calm and compassionate demeanor that Peeta's do and I am glad for it.
Galen and I are very close in the same way that Peeta and Emberly are. I guess, because he reminds me so much of Peeta it calms me down. We spend time together everyday, though he is hardly interested in hunting and is much more interested in learning about all the berries of the forest. I gladly teach him, knowing he takes the berries with him to the bakery every morning where he helps Peeta bake. He is determined to learn the family business and he is quite good at it already.
He has also taken up painting, just like his father, and I enjoy watching him paint. It calms me, but then again Galen always has.
When I first realized I was pregnant for the second time, I was unsure again how I felt. I knew I loved having Emberly, but wasn't sure how I would handle two children, how I could love someone as much as Emberly. It had been a nerve-wracking day to say the least.
"Peeta!" I grumbled as I moved through the door with a two year old Emberly on one hip and a bag of groceries in the other.
Peeta moved out of the kitchen and greeted me with a smile that I did not return.
"Daddy!" Emberly tried to wiggle free from my arms and reached for Peeta.
"Hello, Princess…" Peeta greeted Emberly scooping her up from my arms. "I see you are all smiles today…"
I huffed passed Peeta and into the kitchen, where I overheard him finish his sentence to Emberly.
"And apparently Mommy is not smiling today…" Peeta said.
"I heard that!" I barked from the kitchen.
"Is something wrong?" Peeta asked as he joined me in the kitchen and set Emberly down on the floor.
"I don't know if wrong is the word to use…" I mumbled as I put a few pieces of fresh fruit on the table that I had gotten from the Hob.
"Mama is mad…" Emberly pointed out as she moved toward the table and tried to quickly grab my hunting knife from it.
"Emberly, no!" I scolded as I snapped the knife up before she could get it, reminding myself to put it away since Emerbly seemed to be fascinated by anything sharp lately.
Emberly looked up at me with Peeta's blue eyes and her lip quivered. I knew what was coming next and I was not in the mood for it.
"Emberly Prim Mellark, do not start crying! You know better then to touch Mommy's knife," I ordered which only made Emberly bust out into tears.
"Katniss, come on, she is only a baby…" Peeta said, scooping Emberly up and letting her settle her face into his neck.
"She isn't a baby, Peeta, she is two…and you don't want her playing with a knife either!" I reasoned, feeling bad I made her cry, but also not in the mood for a lecture from Peeta. It seemed, when it came to Emberly, I had to be the stern parent.
"Well, no, but she is still a baby to me…" Peeta said and kissed Emberly's dark hair softly.
"Well, you will have another one of those soon enough." I mumbled. That was not exactly how I wanted to tell Peeta I was pregnant again, I was just so irritated. I still wasn't sure if I was doing a good job with Emberly and now I had another one to worry about.
"I…what?" Peeta froze in place.
"I…I found out today…I had been feeling strange…like I felt with Emberly and so I went and got it confirmed…apparently one night unprotected is all it takes with you Peeta Mellark!" I said over my shoulder as I move to put the fruit away. It was true. One night Haymitch had had a party at his house for the arrival of his own son Damir. Damir was a surprise to everyone including myself and Peeta. Apparently, he was the product of a one-night stand with a younger girl who had moved from District 10. Her name was Sarah and she seemed to hardly want anything to do with Haymitch other then let him have their son once a week. She lived down the street from him and hardly talked to him.
At the party, both Peeta and I had come home just ever so slightly intoxicated and we had forgotten to use something while having our own celebration that night. In the morning we cursed ourselves, for drinking in the first place, me more for the lack of protection used. Though we were both sure nothing would come from one single night.
"You're pregnant?" Peeta could hide the excitement in his voice.
I turned and looked at him as if I was stupid; as if he had not just heard what I said, "Apparently."
Peeta smiled proudly, but then his brow furrowed as I turned back to putting the fruit away, "You're upset?"
I turned to look at him, not wanting him to feel guilty. This time, it was just a mistake we both made. After Emberly, he had never asked me again for another child. He seemed content with her, as if he didn't want to ruin things by being too greedy.
I sighed, "No…I'm not upset. It happened…I just…I am just getting the hang of her…" I motion to Emberly who is no longer crying in Peeta's arms but is now glaring at me as if she can really tell I am speaking about her and my skills as a mother with her.
"You will be fine. You are a natural with her," Peeta said. I don't know if that's true, but he's not the only one who tells me that so maybe it is.
"Well…we will find out, won't we?" I sighed again though I give him a small smile.
Peeta smiles back, "You will be happy, just like you were when Emberly got here."
"I is here." Emberly said with a huff.
Peeta laughed at her and so did I. She could be a lot of work, but she was always a joy. I hoped Peeta would be right about the second one.
Of course he was. The second I held Galen I knew it was true. He calmed my nerves, was such a quiet baby. So different from his sister, and yet equally as rewarding. He seemed to be telling me from the first day I saw him that I would do just fine; and he remained that calm his whole life.
Galen is a quiet boy, with a big heart and a moral streak that might rival Peeta's. He, like Peeta, can bring me the calmness I often seek when the fire Emberly brings home with her will ignite my own.
Both of my children are everything I would have wanted in a family; everything I do want, everything I didn't know I wanted. To be able to see them grow and learn and be free in a world where they don't have to worry about food, or the Hunger Games, or a rebellion, it is truly a dream come true.
But I should have known that dream wouldn't last. My nightmares have always been stronger then my dreams and this one was no different. I should have known it would have only been a matter of time before that dream was shattered.
And the unexpected arrival of Effie Trinket did just that.