"Ne, Heichou, what do you think of this world?"
"Hah?"
"The world, Heichou. Do you like it?"
"No. I can't say I do. How can anyone possibly like this filthy world?"
"...I don't like the world within the walls. It's as if we're all cattle waiting to be slaughtered by the Titans. There's also a lot of beasts in human clothing making everything even worse. But I... I don't hate the world. I like to believe that it's a beautiful world. No matter how cruel it can be."
"A cruel yet beautiful world huh?"
"Yes."
Beep Beep Beep Beep
The sound of an alarm clock gently snatches a young man from the clutches of a deep sleep.
"Ahh, I dreamt again... No, a memory."
He swiftly turns off his blaring alarm and slowly gets himself out of his spacious bed. The youth then proceeds to do his daily ritual. Stretch, go to his bathroom to cleanse himself, get dressed, go to the kitchen to make a simple meal and then eat his breakfast while watching the news on the television.
"Crime, crime, crime and more crime. Nothing has changed as usual."
The young man places his dishes in the dishwasher after turning off the television and silently makes his way to his front door. He stops by the side table near the door to grab his briefcase and sees himself in the mirror. Messy looking brown hair, smooth and rounded face, slightly furrowed eyebrows and wearied large amber eyes.
"I, too, have not changed."
He turns away from his reflection without another word and leaves his house to begin another day at work.
"Ne, Heichou."
"Hm?"
"Are you afraid of death?"
"No. In this world, specially in our line of work, death is always besides us. You too, know that."
"Yes."
"Why, are you afraid of dying, shitty brat?"
"No, not really... I'm more afraid of being left all alone."
"...Tch. Stop worrying about such things. You'll never be left all alone."
"Ah, you're right. Heichou promised to be the one to end my life after all."
"..."
Eren Yeager can currently be found in his office sorting through medical files, trying to arrange his patient appointments. With a weary sigh, he drops the files he's currently reading and leans back on his chair. He rubs his aching shoulders while looking out of his window. A clear blue sky greets him along with a couple of birds flying freely, seemingly without a care in the world. The young doctor lets out another sigh and stares at the two birds with eyes filled with soft envy and wistfulness. A soft knock on the door brings his thoughts back to the present.
"Yes, come in."
The door opens to reveal a beautiful petite young woman dressed in virgin white clothing.
"Yeager-Sensei, why are you here?"
"...I work here, Emi-san." He replies without turning away from the window. A soft giggle is heard.
"My apologies, Yeager-Sensei. I meant to say why are you still here? Your shift ended an hour ago." The girl reiterates while raising a delicate eyebrow. Hands on her hips in a mock imposing manner. At this, the young man finally tears his eyes away from the window and pays full attention to his co-worker.
"Ah, has it? I never noticed. I was busy trying to sort through my files." A gesture is made to bring to attention the said files littering the table.
"You really shouldn't be bothering with those. That's part of my job as a medical secretary, not yours." She says while making her way to the other and dragging him out of the comfort of his chair. "Now then, it's time for you to leave and go home or have fun. It's your day off tomorrow. You deserve a break, it's been a really busy day, specially for you. Shoo. Shoo!" All of this is said while softly shoving the unresisting Eren out of his office.
"Ah, but-"A briefcase gently shoved at his chest cuts his sentence off.
"Here you go, your bag. See you in two days time, Yeager-Sensei!" The overly mothering woman waves before slamming the door in his face, effectively cutting any possible retort or resistance.
He stares blankly at his office door for a moment before turning away and making his way out of the busy hospital.
xXx
An hour later, instead of home, he finds himself sat down, silently staring at the other people at the park. Kids can be seen playing either with their friends or family members. Couples are either sat down or walking side by side and there are some individuals just by themselves lounging, reading a book, jogging, painting or just like him, merely sat down, lost in his thoughts.
A gentle but insistent tugging at his trousers interrupts his musings. He looks down to inspect the source of disturbance and sees a young girl peering up at him with the most innocent eyes he has seen in a long time. Eyes that are also filled with curiosity and wonder.
"Hello." He greets while forcing himself to smile.
"Hi!" The little girl replies while grinning toothily. She then proceeds to heft herself up the bench and sits herself comfortably right beside him. Eren angles his body to face her easier and raises an eyebrow in confusion.
"Are you here by yourself, little girl?"
"Tsuki!" The child chirps.
"Huh? Tsuki?"
"Tsu-chan's name is Tsuki. Not little girl." The girl named Tsuki replies with a big smile.
"...Ah, I see. Now then, what are you doing here, Tsuki-chan?" Eren questions while looking around, trying to find either a worried parent or sibling.
"Tsu-chan's here to go home. Tsu-chan has to go through the park to get to her house." The girl replies while nodding to herself as if to re-affirm her answer.
"Are you by yourself? Where's your parents?" He questions again after giving up in looking for any possible worried relative of the girl's.
"Yes. Tsu-chan's parents are still at work. Tsu-chan always goes home by herself." She replies with bowed down head and lightly tugging at the hem of her skirt.
After sensing the little girl's sadness, Eren softly ruffles her hair which causes her to look up at him once again. He gives her a more natural smile. A more gentle smile.
"You know, little girls and boys shouldn't talk to strangers. Didn't anyone tell you that, Tsuki-chan?"
"Tsu-chan knows! Tsu-chan's papa and mama told her before. And so has Hanako-Sensei!" She answers grinning again and while puffing out her chest proudly. "But Onii-chan's not really a stranger. Tsu-chan has seen Onii-chan here before many times already!"
"That doesn't mean I'm not a stranger though. You need to be a bit more careful next time, Tsuki-chan. What if I was a bad guy who wanted to hurt you?" Eren questions while trying to stifle his exasperation with the child's naivety.
The girl's smile drops and gets replaced with a thoughtful look. She then stares at Eren intently as if she will find an answer if she looks at him hard enough.
"...But Onii-chan's not a bad guy." She replies plainly.
"And how do you know that?" He couldn't resist letting out a long suffering sigh.
"Well, every time Tsu-chan sees Onii-chan, Onii-chan always looks like he's going to cry." The girl reaches out and gently holds one of his hands on her own. "Ne, are you sick, Onii-chan? Are you in pain? Tsu-chan wants to help Onii-chan!"
Eren stares at the little girl. Face frozen in shock. It takes him a minute to snap out of his surprise and finally look back at the girl. This time, he really looks. What he sees is worry-filled grey eyes staring up at him.
'Just like his eyes...'
He lifts up his hand and gently places it on her own hands that is holding on to his other one. He gives her another smile, this one filled with unadulterated sadness.
"Ne, Tsuki... Would you like to hear a story?"
If the girl was surprised with his sudden change of mood and way of addressing her, she didn't show it. Instead, she merely squeezed his hand harder and nodded her head determinedly.
"Yes please, Onii-chan."
Eren lets out a deep sigh as if to prepare himself for an inevitable fate and finally begins his tale.
"This is a story that happened a long long time ago. A time where the world was still divided by walls. Where people were caged away from the vast world. When Titans still roamed the Earth."
"Titans? You mean the giants from the scary bedtime stories that mama tells to Tsu-chan when she's being naughty?" Tsuki interrupts with a tilt of her head.
"...Yes. The very same. Now then, there used to be a boy. That boy joined the Scouting Legion along with his two childhood friends. He joined in order to fulfil his dreams of being able to travel to the world outside the walls. He wished to be able to see lands covered in sand, ice and even more, he wished to be able to see the ocean that he's only ever heard about in books."
"Eh? He's never seen the sea before?"
"Yes. There wasn't any inside the walls... But aside from fulfilling his dreams, the boy had an even bigger goal. He wanted to quench his thirst for vengeance..."
"Vengeance?"
"Yes. Do you know what it means?" Eren asked with a small smile.
"Yes! Sorry Tsu-chan interrupted. Why did the boy want vengeance?"
Eren turns his face away from the innocent child and solemnly looks at the slowly setting sun.
"When the boy was younger, the wall that protected humanity from the Titans fell. Well," A humourless laugh "to be more accurate, the wall was broken. Many Titans got inside the city and many people died... Along with those who died was his mother. He saw her get eaten right in front of him. He was too weak to be able to do anything. On his way to safety with his two friends, he vowed to kill every Titan in the world."
"Onii-chan, I feel sorry for the poor boy!" Tsuki exclaimed with a pout on her cherubic face. "But... At least he wasn't alone. You said his two friends were with him? Even when he joined the... Umm..."
"The Scouting Legion." Eren fills in with a soft laugh.
"Ah, yes! That! So umm, did the boy get to kill all the Titans and travel the world?"
"Well, he did. But before that, he gained many companions and suffered many losses..." He pauses his tale when he sees the girl giving him a very intent look. "Is there something wrong?" He asks her gently.
"Onii-chan, did the boy fall in love?" Once again, he finds himself frozen in shock.
'This child...'
"Yes. He did. Even though he tried not to. Even though he fought his feelings, the boy found himself slowly but surely falling in love... He fell for his superior, his idol. The person that was known to be humanity's strongest soldier."
"What happened? Were they happy? Did he love him back?" She asks while brimming with excitement.
"Yes... He loved him back. And for a long time, the boy was happy for a while. You see, the boy, he was a bit different than other people. And because of this difference, many people hated him, feared him. So he can join the Scouting Legion, his life was entrusted to his Superior, the one he later fell in love with. After many things happened, after he found out many things, the boy made his lover promise him something."
"What did he ask?"
"He asked his lover to kill him once everything was over." A soft gasp had him turning back to the little girl.
"B-But why?"
"Because the boy didn't want to be killed by anyone else. I told you right? That the boy was hated and feared by other people? He knew that once his usefulness was over, that he would be killed. At the very least, he wanted his life to end at the hands of his most beloved."
"...What happened? Did... did the boy die then? Did his lover kill him?" The young girl hesitantly asked while clutching her bear shaped bag to her chest.
"No... His lover broke his promise. And even now, the boy still lives... All alone."
"Ne, Heichou, do you believe in reincarnation?"
"What kind of useless crap are you thinking about again? That doesn't really matter does it?"
"Maybe... But I want to hear your thoughts about it. Please?"
"I've never really thought about it."
"Ah... I see. I guess you are too busy with everything else to have time to entertain such thoughts..."
"..."
"I dream at times. I can't really remember what most are about but sometimes, sometimes I wake up crying."
"...Are they shitty dreams or something?"
"Haha! I'm not really sure. Most of the time I feel like I have seen something incredibly sad. But... I don't think they're all bad."
"You finally admitting that you're a masochist, you shitty brat?"
"Geeze, Heichou. Of course not! What I meant is that sometimes, instead of plain sadness, I feel an overwhelming longing instead... "
"Longing?"
"Yes. Longing deeply for something to return but I can't remember what..."
Beep Beep Beep Beep
Once again, Eren finds himself being woken up by the insistent nagging of his alarm clock. He lets out a long sigh.
"I seem to be sighing much more." He looks at his alarm while turning it off. "8 o'clock... Ah. It's my day off. It's going to be another long day." Another sigh.
The whole day was spent quite unproductively. After getting up, Eren did his daily rituals in the bathroom, cooked breakfast, ate and then cleaned his whole apartment. He then cooked lunch, ate, went to lay down and got lost in his thoughts until it was time to cook again and eat dinner. After resting and washing up all his dishes, he went and worked out at the gym, went home, took another shower and finally went back to sleep to rest his body.
xXx
Sunday is no different from any other day of work. He mechanically went about his morning. Stretching, go to his bathroom to cleanse himself, get dressed, go to the kitchen to make a simple meal and then eat his breakfast while watching the news on the television. The same actions for any days when he goes to work. Rinse and repeat without a fault. The eternal boy has been doing the same things over and over again after all for many many years. After everything has been done, he once again looks at his unchanging self in the mirror and heads off to work.
"Ne, Heichou..."
"Haa... What is it this time, shitty brat?"
"Do you love me?"
"...What kind of stupid question is that?"
"My kind. Haha! ...So, do you?"
"Isn't it obvious? And haven't I already told you before?"
"I'm sorry, but I'm selfish. I want to hear it again."
"..."
"Please?"
"Hah... Fine. Spoiled brat. Yes, I do love you. Happy now?"
"Haha! Yes, thank you!"
"Tch."
"Ne, Heichou."
"What now?"
"I love you too. So much. Probably forever too."
"...You' really are an embarrassing brat aren't you? And there's no such thing as forever."
"Hmm, maybe. But even so, I know that no matter what, I'll definitely love Heichou for as long as I live... Possibly even beyond."
"Good morning, Yeager-Sensei." Eren abruptly stops walking and turns to face the approaching person.
"Ah, good morning Emi-san."
"How was your day off? Did you rest properly?" The woman asks with a caring smile.
"It was okay. I rested properly. Thank you for worrying." He replies while giving a small smile.
"That's good. Oh, here's your notes by the way."
"Thank you." He takes the offered clipboard and quickly scans through the pages, checking how many patients he needs to see. "Ah, I have a new patient?" He inquires after seeing an unidentified log.
"Ah, yes! At the orthopaedics department. He was actually Tanaka-san's patient but you know, the old man went off to Hawaii. Ahh, lucky~!" The woman replies while dramatically sighing in envy.
"I see. Thank you." He stops looking through the papers, gives the smiling again woman another small smile and walks off to begin working.
The brightly illuminated hallway if filled with the pitter pattering of the rain. Eren continues walking while occasionally glancing at the room numbers that he passes by.
'Rain when it's sunny... Fox's marriage, huh? This is my last patient for the day. I hope the rain stops before I leave.'
He stops his musing when he finally sees his intended destination and approaches the room. The young doctor knocks softly on the door and finally opens it after hearing a soft 'come in'. He enters and gently closes the door. What he sees makes him halt in his tracks, his breath catches on his throat, heartbeat escalates, and he stays rooted by the entryway.
A man who looks a few years older than him is propped up in bed. Head covered in glossy black hair cut with an undercut is turned away from the entrance, gaze directed at the window. At the sound of his clipboard falling on the floor, the man turns and faces the still frozen doctor. Cold gray eyes meets with tears filled amber. The man's eyes widen.
"E-Eren...?"
"Heichou!" The young doctor as if finally freed from a spell hastily runs towards the still in shock patient and buries his face in his chest. Long suppressed tears flows as if a dam has finally broken.
"..." The man stares down at the sobbing doctor on his chest.
"Heichou! Heichou! L-Levi-Heichou!" Eren continues to cry while hugging the immobile man.
After hearing his name, the man too, snaps out of his stupor and wraps his arms around the crying mess.
"Eren..."
"Na, Brat, do you believe in reincarnation?"
"...Eh? Haven't we talked about that before, Heichou?"
"Ah, but you didn't tell me your thoughts about it."
"Eh... Umm..."
"Don't make it complicated and just answer the shitty question, brat."
"Okay... I'm not sure I do. But... I guess I want to. Life's not good to me after all. Well, at least not this current one."
"What?"
"I want to be able to be happy with the ones I love. Once the world is free of all the Titans, I want to explore the world with Armin, Mikasa and everyone else. After that, I want to live in peace with you, Heichou. I want to be able to grow old with you, to die together. But... I can't have that. Not any of that. I vowed to annihilate all the Titans after all. But I'm a Titan too..."
"Eren..."
"So you see, this life is no good. I don't want to be alone too... At the very least, I want to die by your hands, Heichou. And after that, I wish to be reborn. I want to be reborn with everyone else. Reborn into a more peaceful time. A more peaceful world where all sufferings are caused only by people, not monsters. And then, I want to be with everyone again... With you, Heichou. And then, surely, I'll fall in love again. And that time, we can truly be happy. Together. Without you carrying the burden of having to kill me."
"I see... I never really believed in wishes or God but I guess one wish or prayer will be fine. I hope that everything you just said will come true. And surely, in the next life, and the next ones after that, I'll love you over and over again."
*Shoots self* OMG, I think that is possibly the most cheesiest thing I've ever written in my life. EVER.
First, I'd like to apologize if it was too OOC and for the fact that the 'Park scene' was really long. I actually wanted it to be short but it seemed to develop a mind of it's own. I'm sorry too if the whole story is confusing or badly written. I've had writer's block for such a long time that I literally struggled so dang much in writing this. *sobs*
I would also like to apologize to my old readers who are waiting for more D. Gray-Man or KHR fanfics. I'm sorry, I actually did a ballot but SnK got chosen instead... I'll do another ballot again when I'm next ready to write (whenever that is.)
Oh yeah, I know that Eren actually has teal eyes in the Anime and Gray in the Manga but I really liked how he looked with Amber eyes in some Fanarts. Ehehehe...
Anyway, finally, Thank you everyone for reading (and specially finishing) my first ever Riren FF! I hope that I didn't disappoint you all too much. ^^; Please feel free to comment or PM me if something (or everything) didn't make sense. See you all soon~! ^_^