"Decorating, Sweetie? Easy Enough."
By ElementsOfSapphire
DISCLAIMER/Please Note: This story is purely for fan-fun purposes only; no copyright infringement intended. I own none of the rights relating to either 'My Family', nor 'Absolutely Fabulous'; none of the characters, sets, the lot. I'm awfully sorry if posting such stories relating to the show is not allowed or is unwanted. In which case, please accept my every apology and inform me so I can take them down. Once again, I'm just a teen fan that wants to get their work shown and evaluated, so please tell me if its is wished for my story/stories to be taken down- or even my entire username. Thank you :)
Extra Notes: I'm a massive fan of both Absolutely Fabulous and My Family; both being two of the greatest comedies ever to exist! This will only be a short story, but if the combination works, I'll be willing to write some more! This chapter just sets up the story to be honest, but the real havoc will begin in chapter 2!
"Sweetie, sweetie" called a somewhat plump middle- aged woman in a rather... extrovert... abode. She waited a while for a reply, and slowly arrived a figure, a floor too high. "Bubble, darling, there you are."
Down the stairs amply wandered a peculiar excuse for a human being; her hair must have originally been blonde, but today it seemed to be aggressively scrunched beneath a shooting cap, hidden beyond recognition. Her clothes were equally as bizarre; proper hunting attire but at a size one could consider considerably too large. Even so, her employer greeted her as though nothing was unusual, hurriedly grabbing the armload of mobiles that the strange lady held.
"You're late milady; they've been waiting for you to come" said the weird one, tuning her voice to be at the same pitch as some rough, field-working man. The other lady, her hair ginger and frizzy and awkwardly covering her eyes, tried her best to fathom what her secretary could possibly mean. She'd grown accustomed to her strange ways, but even that said; this time she hadn't the foggiest what she meant this time.
"Who?" She inquired desperately whilst pulling on a brightly coloured cardigan, several sizes too small. "Who is waiting? Where am I meant to be?" As urgent as the larger lady's request seemed, Bubble appeared to not pay much care, idly tapping at each smart phone in attempt to make one come to life.
"The people that phoned this morning." She replied, gasping in shock as one of the devices finally lit up and hence dropping it fatally to the floor. "ooh, sorreh'"
"Sweetie, darling, what people?"
"You know the common ones; phoned you weeks ago to decorate their house. You're meant to be there today." Bubble tsked, giving the impression that it was in fact the other woman's fault for not remembering, not hers for forgetting to mention the fact that after how many years they finally had genuine employment of sorts.
"Bubble, do you mean I have a job? Where, when, who?" The ginger one demanded, not raising her voice in knowledge that it would only lead to the other one screeching and running away. "Who hired me?!"
"Eddy, it's the Harpers." came another voice, as a figure appeared from the kitchen stairs. They walked with a certain element of suave into the hall, their blonde mop tucked into a beehive on their head; a cigarette in one hand whilst the other rubbed the space between her nose and lips.
"Patsy, darling" Eddy greeted, shuffling over and kissing the air beside the other woman's cheeks. "Who are the Harpers?"
Patsy regarded her friend with what could be interpreted as a mixture of both confusion and worry. Surely Eddy could remember the Harpers? What would the sixties have been without Ben Harper- fair, she may not know of Susan, but then, neither did she know of her except for the name. But Ben, oh, how could she forget Ben?
"You remember Ben Harper, don't you darling?" she asked, her voice tinted with concern. The tubby woman shook her head, gathering her face up to show she truthfully had no idea. "Ben Harper... The Revolutions?"
"The Revolutions!" cried Eddy as the stroke of genius hit her. How on earth did she forget about The Revolutions? That was the first gig she ever went to; shameful and badly tuned, but all the same, it was up there in her fondest memories (of any she had left.) Oh, those were good times, trailing after the band as their groupies, touring along the open roads to the next tiny venue. She wondered how much of it Patsy remembered; heck, she was surprised she could remember that far back- wasn't it all a blur to her until 1968?
"Oh, those were the days, Eddy. Just you, me and the band; free alcohol, free holidays, free..."
"love" finished Saffy bitterly as she trundled through from the lounge. Jane held her mother's hand tightly, her eyes giant with fear as she saw the treacherous pair in front of her. The little girl wasn't afraid of Bubble; no, if anything their similar mindsets left them as good friends, but the other two... Eddy was a genuine fear; so large and loud and brightly dressed; she was so different from the calming, soothing nature of her mother. The other, Patsy, was tall and scrawny and the poor child would have thought her a villain from her story books if it wasn't for the modern dress.
Patsy hissed at the two new members of their company, hatefully beckoning them through to the kitchen with short hand waves. Saffy appeared to be no more willing to stay around them, snarling at the taller one as she left with her daughter. Eddy saw the looks they shared, and hence turned her gaze curiously to her friend: did Saffy know something about their job that she didn't?
"Wha-wha-what was that about?" she stumbled, looking to Patsy for an answer. The woman simply shrugged her shoulders as response, proving little help to Eddy's suspicions.
But that was the end of that.
"He phoned to moan at you, Miss Monsoon" bleated Bubble in the same masculine voice as previously used. "They told ya to be quick."
"Well, why didn't you say?" Eddy grumbled back, snapping out of their little memory-fest and taking Patsy's arm in hers, dragging her hurriedly through the front door and to the car. Eddy had no doubt Bubble hadn't a clue where the Harpers lived, and didn't have the effort reserved to consider using her old address book to check herself. So instead, she simply rushed to the driver and announced:
"To the Harper's house; and quickly!"
"I take it these will be your friends?" Susan inquired, glancing out of their side window to the street out front. She watched as a rather large car pulled up and onto their drive, a man leaving his chair in the front to open the door to a slightly stout woman. She waited for another person to leave the back seats, but was pleasantly amused as the other clambered out of the boot, their hair bouncing back up after hitting the root. How much hair spray?
Ben joint his wife at the window, placing his arm around her waist in affection without even realising he was doing it; so long together meant that they shared the sweetest moments without even noticing they were doing so.
He looked at the pair leaving the vehicle and smiled as the memories hit him. They came from a time before Susan; before dentistry, before Nick and Janey and Michael... decades before Kenzo. The times he'd spent with them by his side had been some of the best of his life, and after all that time, by chance they were outside his house once again.
Susan was eagerly anticipating the change to her house; the colours had become so monotonous and bland; so familiar and dull. They needed to see their home in a new light, create a place to spend their older years instead of living with the clutter of their busy family life. She'd heard about Miss Monsoon from some woman called Bettina that she just happened to get talking to in the gallery some day. She told Susan that Eddy was sure to clear her home and create a Zen area out of it all; perfect for the twilight years...
It would have been a nice idea, having the house all sorted and cleared for their future, predominantly as grandparents. But the Harpers were entrusting their house with the wrong people:
Eddy Monsoon and Patsy Stone.
If only they knew...
So there is the end of the first part! Patsy and Eddy have arrived at the Harper's household; Susan and Ben have no idea what they're letting themselves into.
Keep reading if you want to know what problems derive, and just what that look by Saffy meant...
Hope you guys enjoyed; please leave a comment if you can :D Cheers :)