Disclaimer: I don't not own Gilmore girls or any of the characters. This is simply for entertainment purposes. The title isn't mine either, but is own by Goo Goo Dolls (Amazing band, amazing song!)
Finn wasn't a man of many words.
Sure, he was a very talkative person and had a hard time staying quiet for too long, especially when intoxicated, but when it came to the serious conversations he often had a problem expressing how he felt.
This was one of those times.
He cursed himself as he watched her gather her jacket and her purse, a million emotions showing on her face, anger and sadness included. He opened his mouth to beg for her forgiveness but the words died on his tongues.
What a stupid thing pride was.
As she cast one last look at him, she shook her head and disappeared out the door, leaving Finn to ponder.
He had worn that the day he ever hurt her he would kill himself. From the start of their relationship he knew that what they shared was something incredible. Something not many people experienced in their entire life. He had made a promise to himself that he would never ruin what they had, never hurt her.
Unfortunately Finn wasn't very good at keeping promises either.
He wasn't entirely sure how it happened or why. All he knew was that once again he had been a fool and had screwed up the best thing that had ever happened to him and without even realizing it.
It hadn't been the first time they had fought but somehow he knew this time was different. All the other times it had been more casual, less serious. A few words were exchanged before he would kiss her and make her realize the desire she felt for him.
The love she felt for him.
This time she didn't even want to talk. She had simply starred at him with those big blue eyes, so full of disbelief, anger, disappointment. He had never felt lousier. Then, without even giving him a chance to explain, not that he was sure he could, she had told him it was over. For good. The seriousness in her voice scared him more than he wanted to admit.
It killed him to think of his life without her in it.
So maybe he wasn't going to hang himself in the tree outside his window, take an overdose of aspirin or do anything as drastic as that, but he sure was going to get drunk.
If he had just lost his girlfriend, his best friend, his soulmate, he sure had the right to.
He had stopped counting after he took the first sip of his seventh beer. The cold drink was slowly calming him down and he thanked the God, who invented beer, at least every minute.
The pub was crowded as it usually was on a Friday night. Guys were playing drinking games in the corners while girls were flirting around in small miniskirts and shrunken tank tops, but Finn wasn't paying much attention to them.
His mind was occupied with other thoughts.
One in particular.
Sure the beer was nice and made him feel a sense of calmness, but it didn't stop him from thinking about her. For the first time in his life he realized that alcohol wasn't going to fix his problems, not even make him forget them for a while.
"You okay man?" Colin asked as he laid a hand on his friend's shoulder. Finn pushed it away irritated. "I'll take that as a 'hell no!'"
Logan grinned slightly as he shook his head.
"So," he began, his brown eyes fixated on his drinking friend. "When are you going to tell us why it was so important that we went to the pub tonight? What happened with Rory this time?"
It was clear to Colin and Logan that she was the cause of their friend's great desire to get drunk tonight. Over the past few months the blue-eyed brunette and their Australian friend had formed a weird kind of relationship. Something that insisted of both a strong love and an incredible annoyance toward each other.
She was the only one who could make him feel this way.
They both had expected him to tell them to mind their own business and were clearly surprised when he silently explained.
"I messed up." His head was in his hands, his eyes closed. "I accused her of having an affair." He immediately lifted his hands to his eyes as he waited for his friends' responses.
"You what!" Logan asked, sitting straight up in his chair, glaring at Finn.
"Why would you do something like that?" Colin asked frowning, honestly confused.
He opened his eyes and looked at them with regret and guilt. Both of the guys softened a little.
"I saw her with this guy and they were looking very friendly. I mean, he had his arm around her!" he responded, the anger coming back once again.
Even if he had misunderstood the situation it still hurt him. No matter who that guy was he had no right touching his girlfriend.
Ex-girlfriend, a little voice in his head reminded him.
"So that means she is cheating on you? Because a guy had his arm around her?"
Finn was sure that if it wasn't because of his obvious hurt, Colin would have let out a laugh.
"You didn't see them!" he tried to explained, but Logan kept glaring while Colin sat there with a raised eyebrow. "Turned out to be an ex-boyfriend of one of her friends. Dan, Dave or something like that."
"So what happened?" Logan asked after a minute.
"Told me I was paranoid and obviously didn't trust her. Which was why she thought we shouldn't be together anymore." His eyes fell to the table as he took a sip of his beer. "She didn't even want to talk about it, just told me it was over and we were done. Like I had nothing to say!"
"So you are done?"
Finn slowly nodded his head and hid his face in his rough hands. "Apparently. You should have seen her. She looked so sad, so disappointed. Like she just had been betrayed by her best friend. She looked so heartbroken."
Had he looked in a mirror he would have seen the exact same expression on his own face.
"She'll come around," Colin assured her. "After all, it wasn't that big a deal. It wasn't like you cheated on her or something like that."
But his words gave no comfort to Finn. Trust was a huge deal to Rory. A part of him was actually pretty sure that she would have been less sad if he had simply cheated or lied to her.
"God," he began as he let out a sight and massaged his temples. "Did I just ruin everything?"
His question was left unanswered.
He wasn't sure what he was supposed to say, he hadn't exactly planned on doing this. Sure, at some point of course but not right after he had spend the night drinking and trying to forget her. He knew he wasn't very convincing when drunk, but he had made up his mind.
This couldn't wait.
Somewhere in between being miserable and whining to his friends, he came to the conclusion that he only thing he could do was talk to her. So half-drunk, swaying from side to side, he made his way to her dorm.
He was going to make her believe that he trusted her, that he loved her more than anyone else, which couldn't be very hard considering it was true. She would listen to him and in the end they would make up and everything would be all right again.
But as he stood outside her door, even knocking on the door seemed like such a challenge.
He was afraid of so many things. Would she turn him down? Was she tell him that this time she truly meant it and nothing he could say would make a difference?
"What are you doing here?"
He jumped slightly and turned around to see her standing behind him, her eyes big and questioning. For a moment he completely forgot about there problems and was about to step closer to her when her voice snapped him out of his trance.
"It meant it when I said it was over Finn. We can't do this anymore."
Her voice sounded more angry than sad and he wondered if maybe she didn't care about him as much as he cared about her. If she was simply offended and not really hurt.
He pushed the thought in the back of his head.
"We need to talk Rory," he spoke up, his voice harsh and shaking. "I need to talk to you and explain. Please."
She starred at him but said nothing. Her eyes were filled with blame and he had never felt smaller than he did in that moment.
She surprised him by walking passed him and opening her door, leaving it open for him to come in.
Almost hesitatingly he walked in after her.
"You walked to talk," she said as she stood more than four feet away from her. "So talk."
He took a step closer but she immediately backed away, almost as if she was afraid to get burned. He smiled bitterly to himself. Why shouldn't she be? After all, wasn't that what he kept doing to her? Burning her.
"If you are not even going to talk then why did you come here?" she asked as she crossed her arm over her chest in defence. "I don't have time for this Finn, say what you want and then go."
"Why?" he asked, his eyes flashing. "Got a hot date?"
As he saw the anger in her eyes change to bitterness and utterly disappointment, he mentally cursed himself.
"Why did you come Finn? I told you why it doesn't work, why we don't work. You do not trust me! And if you came here to convince me otherwise, you are dong an awful job." She paused as she closed her eyes briefly, taking in a deep breath. "The only thing I hate more than being lied to-" she began as she opened her eyes, glaring at him. "-is not being trusted."
"I do trust you-"
She waved her hand, cutting him off. "You just accused me of having a date, when we haven't even been apart for a day, Finn. A day."
She shook her head and ran a hand through her long dark hair. She was hurting. He almost wished she would go back to being bitter and angry. Anything from seeing her crystal blue eyes filled with hurt.
"No matter how much you and I both want to believe it and want it to be true, it isn't. You do not trust me," she whispered, her eyes beginning to water.
He stood still for a moment, progressing her words. As he first had seen her outside her dorm he had immediately sobered up, but this was the first time all night he actually was thinking clearly.
It hid him like a brick in the head.
She needed trust and he couldn't give her that.
He didn't trust her.
She must have seen his eyes widen or his mouth drop, 'cause she nodded her head slowly and shot him an almost sympatric smile.
The rain went unnoticed by him as he walked outside in the cold night. The wind was blowing softly, the sky was dark and filled with grey clouds.
It matched his mood perfectly.
He couldn't say he was sorry or that he regretted one minute of it. Of their relationship.
It would have been a lie and Finn Morgan wasn't a liar.
Life with her had been more than he had ever dreamed of. Never had he actually believed that be would have bee the one to get the smart beautiful girlfriend, that all the guys wanted. It was like a dream.
He should have known it wouldn't last long.
Pushing his bitterness aside, he smiled softly as the cold breeze reddened his cheek. He should be thankful for what he had. Better to have loved and lost than to never have loved, didn't they say that?
And some day, in a week, in a year, whenever, he would be the man for her and she would see that. And they would be together again.
He might not have been the one for her right now, but they both knew a love like that wouldn't just go away.
Not a love like theirs.
Well, that is it. Just an idea that popped into my head and I was bored so I thought why not? I'm not sure if I'll make a sequel that will take place several years after. Maybe. Depends on what you guys think. Anyways, please review and make me a happy girl!
- Line.