Hello, some of you may know me as Strike of Shadow, or perhaps Rachel. Anyway, hi. I wrote the story you are going to read in like 2 minutes. You may know me from my crazy story Quest for Sanity. This story is similar, but doesn't have Galbatorix acting like he's on weed. Well, maybe. I don't know. I may make some jokes from Quest for Sanity in this story, so I'd read it. :D

So to all of the important stuff!

Summary: Eragon is accepting applicants for the Varden army to defeat Galbatorix. Little does he know that training these applicants will probably cause him to lose several years off his life. Oh, and also teach him what alcohol is! Forgot that tidbit.

Disclaimer: I don't own Eragon or any of the characters. If I did, Galbatorix would be the druggie king and Eragon would wear a tye-dye shirt. That would be freaking sweet. Oh yeah, and Arya would like Eragon. Forgot that detail. Oh, and there would be Panic! At the Disco lyrics would be in it. haha just kidding. Put I do love Panic.

Rating: T for Teen for language and crap.

One morning, a teenager named Eragon woke up from his sleep in Surda.

"Wow, that's a great introduction." Eragon complained.

Eragon then punched himself in the head for no apparent reason. He rubbed his head and shook his fist at the sky.

"What was the for?" Eragon yelled.

Then a knock came at Eragon's door. Eragon opened to the door to find a man with a note. The man gave the note to Eragon. Intrigued by the note, Eragon ripped the note open.

"Shut up before I pelt you, blondie. Love, Tisha. P.S. Stop stealing my men." Eragon read out.

All of a sudden, the door slammed open. Orik ran in immediately after that.

"The British are coming!" Orik yelled out.

"The British?" Eragon asked.

"Whatever their names are!" Orik said. "Galbatorix is bringing some of his evil minions with him to get rid of us very soon!"

"How did you figure this out?" Eragon asked astonished.

"Spies!" Orik exclaimed.

"Spies?" Eragon exclaimed.

"Yes, spies!" Orik said. "Disguised spies, mind you!"

---

"I can't believe I am actually doing this." Arya said dressed in a Girl Scout dress.

"Just knock on the door, say you are selling Girl Scout cookies, and he'll have to talk to you." Orik said. "Then start to come on to him and maybe he'll reveal something to you."

Orik hid behind a bush and watched Arya at the door.

"This is so gross." Arya said as she knocked on the door.

"Who is it?" the butler asked.

"I'm a Girl Scout selling cookies." Arya replied.

"We don't..." the butler said before he was interrupted.

"COOKIES!"

The door slammed open and Galbatorix jumped out of the door.

"Give me any cookies you have!" Galbatorix ordered.

"Well, they are 3 gold coins a piece." Arya said.

"I want them all!" Galbatorix exclaimed. "All of the cookies for me!"

"One minute please, I have to get the order form." Arya replied.

"Cookie...cookie cookie." Galbatorix muttered repeatedly.

Suddenly, Arya "accidently" dropped the order form in front of Galbatorix. She shuddered in her mind while she bent down and grabbed it.

"Next time, I want to see that dweeb hiding in the trees in a skirt," Arya thought to herself.

"How much is your as...I mean I'm attacking the Vard...I mean how much are the cookies altogether?" Galbatorix said quickly.

"Well, sir..." Arya said.

"You can just call me Galby," Galbatorix said seductively.

The laugh erupted from the trees and Galbatorix looked at the tree.

"That better not be those damn teenagers again," Galbatorix yelled. "with all of their hoopty-a-ha and that damn racket they make!"

"You know what, you can just have them all for free." Arya said while she walk away.

"No, baby, come back!" Galbatorix shouted. "I wanted to cuddle! Cuddle!"

Galbatorix began to follow her, and then the butler stopped him.

"You can't afford another restraining order, your majesty." the butler said.

"I know." Galbatorix whimpered.

"There will be other ones, sir." the butler said.

"I guess." Galbatorix agreed.

"Come on sir, there are some goldfish crackers in there for you to play with." the butler comforted.

"Yaaaaaaaaay, goldfish!" Galbatorix yelled as he ran into the house.

---

Eragon had a a horrified look on his face. Orik moved his hand over his face to see if he would react.

"Eragon?" Orik asked. "Are you okay?"

Eragon didn't move at all.

"Come on Eragon," Orik said. "You can't be horrified for the rest of your life."

Eragon still didn't move. Orik poked Eragon for a minute. Then an evil smile appeared on Orik's face.

"Arya's naked." Orik teased.

"Where?" Eragon asked.

"I'm naked?" Arya asked from the doorway.

"Uhhh..." Orik and Eragon said at the same time.

"I am just going to back out of this room, and close the door," Arya said as she closed the door. "and pretend that I never came in here."

The door closed, and then Eragon punched Orik in the shoulder.

"What was that for?" Orik asked rubbing his shoulder.

"You fool, you just embarrassed the hell out of me!" Eragon said.

"It's not like she'll ever like you." Orik said. "Unless she was intoxicated or you brainwashed her."

Then the door slammed open again, and Roran ran in.

"I have to gooooo!" Roran yelled as he did the pee dance.

"Next room over." Orik said.

"Thanks," Roran yelled as he ran out of the door.

He slammed the door shut and ran the other way. Orik rolled his eyes, and then looked at Eragon.

"Anyways, Eragon, since you're so smart," Orik said. "how are we going to defend the Varden?"

"I don't know," Eragon said. "What do they do in all of those nerdy books?"

"Well, I read in this book once that they create huge armies of people and then the other side creates a big army, and THEN BAM!" Orik replied.

"Bam?" Eragon asked.

"BAM!" Orik said. "They clash in this huge war, and the good people win! Meaning us, by the way."

"So basically you are telling me to create a huge army." Eragon asked.

"In around-about way, yes." Orik replied.

"So,I guess this is the point of time where I walk out the door and look for people to join our army, right?" Eragon asked.

"No this is the part where the chapter ends." Orik said.

"Oh," Eragon said. "that sucks."

Read and Review people. :D Next chapter is all about Galbatorix and Murtagh. Yaaaay.