Please Forgive Me, a dark angel fanfic

Please Forgive Me

By: Calypso

Disclaimer: I do not own Dark Angel. No profit is being made from this. The song 'please forgive me' is by Brian Adams

AN - This story is in third person save for the section about Logan. For some odd reason I just couldn't write it in third person so that it sounded right to me. I hope that this isn't too confusing. This is liable to be one of the worst most uninspired pieces I've ever written, but I needed something to remind me of the good old times before MW went bald so please don't fall asleep while reading.

Logan

I've looked out this window a million times, glanced at the distant lonely stars as many times as they've watched me. But I can only look briefly at them tonight, the fog around my mind wishes my attention elsewhere. I don't like the silence here any longer, don't like the solitude, but perhaps what I don't like most is how so many things here bring her to mind. Every time I step from one room into another I expect to hear her laughter or see her smile. Only she's never here, and I never do see her.

How many times has she told me that whatever we had is gone? How often has she shoved me aside? I know she wants nothing more to do with me, not even professionally, so why then can't I simply let her go? Why can't I just write her off as another chapter of my past? I think I've asked myself that question every day since I first thought her dead, I think that perhaps I've been seeking a profound or at least a logical answer. But the only answer I could even think of was that despite everything, I love her.

Yeah, some love. I doubt she even cares about that much, if she did she wouldn't drop out of my life like this. Wouldn't kill my heart just so my body can stay alive. My attention wavers and my mouth doesn't quite meet the wineglass in my hand. Damn it. I hate it when things spill; when they get messy like this. I hate it when I get messy, but love does that to people doesn't it? Obsession does too I suppose. I wonder if that's all it is sometimes, if everything I've ever felt towards Max is nothing but an intense fascination.

It feels like I'm obsessed, for she is all consuming. Like a burning brooding sensation, a foggy feeling I'm never quite rid of. I deposit my wineglass on the dining room table, and I remember all the dinners and conversations we used have there, her hand on my shoulder when I needed her strength the most. Her touch warming me when I felt numb and frozen. I can't stand to be in this room anymore, can't stand her presence flooding in at me from every angle.

I shut my bedroom door and throw off my wine colored shirt. Perhaps if I leave the lights off I will find a few moments of peace. Yet even so, the last thing I see before I drift off into oblivion isn't the roof above me, but her face.

Joshua

The painting was almost life like, the woman seemed almost happy. Her smooth tan colored skin almost radiant with life. How beautiful she seemed. Pity she was dead. The Painting occupied almost all of Joshua's time. When he wasn't talking to it, he was thinking about it. Or if not it the woman in it.

In fathers books it said that the worst kind of love was affection that someone refused to accept. Joshua disagreed with that. The worst kind of love was that which society refused to accept. The worst kind of guilt was knowing that your love was what caused the one you loved to die.

The worst kind of feeling was remembering everything that you wanted to forget. Joshua remembered Annie, it was impossible not to. Annie and Billie, two of the sweetest living creatures he had ever met. The warmest most indiscriminant and unprejudiced hearts he had met since entering the wide world outside of Manticore. And it was because of him that they had died.

He remembered Annie's smile the most. It didn't have the jaded edge that Max's and Alec's did the touch of sorrow that was always in Logan's. It was warm and genuine, the way that Isaac's use to be. Seeing it made feel awkward, but pleased. She made being isolated from the world just a bit more a bearable, made believing in people just a little easier.

Joshua looked at the painting once more, then covered it with a black cloth once more. "I love you Annie."

I'm still holding on - you're still number one
I remember the smell of your skin
I remember everything
I remember all your moves - I remember you
I remember the nights - you know I still do

Max

The Seattle wind was always a cooling wind, speeding through it on her motorcycle made the effects of the breeze even more keen. Unfortunately the chill wasn't enough to stop Max from feeling the way she wanted it to. It wasn't enough to stop her from missing Logan like she did nearly every moment of every day.

How she missed him. It was so strange to know that she could hear his voice every day, that she could see his face every evening, but that even so he was a world away from her and a thousand miles out of her reach. Worst was that it was all her own creation; that she had been the one to do the distancing and not him. Yet how could she do anything else knowing that the price for seeing him might be his life?

Life was a bitch. Max had pretty much known that for as long as she could remember. But for a whole year Logan had been what made life feel bearable. What made her feel better about being a freak of science, and now that very same science caused not only her life to feel like hell, but if she guessed correctly his as well. To put it simply love seemed to be a bitch as well.

She needed to forget him, needed to shove him out of her life once and for all, and yet she didn't again and again. Max sighed, and sped her bike up, maybe a little more speed and a little more cold.

Please forgive me - I know not what I do.
Please forgive me - I can't stop loving you.
Don't deny me - This pain I'm going through.
Please forgive me - If I need you like I do.
Please believe me - Every word I say is true.
Please forgive me - I can't stop loving you.

The Angel watched the world below with a sorrow that she was unused to. For joy was what she had become used to feeling. Joy and wonder. In her time on earth she had never been able to see and the wonder of her new found sight inspired her heart as the sights of heaven inspired her soul.

She could dimly remember the love that made these people below so sad. And while she grieved for them she also rejoiced for she was privy to a secret that they were not. The angel knew that love conquered all, that if they would only keep faith they would find joy again. Joy and perhaps love as well, for in love would they find themselves.

~ Fini ~