A/N- hey guys, this is my first fanfic ever, so be kind, I'll update soon. Please review and let me know if it's any good. Or any suggestions. I've written ahead, but suggestions are still appreciated :)

CLARY POV

Clary lay with her head buried under her blankets, tears streaming down her freckled checks and sobs racking her body. The constant knocking at her bedroom door was getting on her nerves.

"What. Do. You. Want!" Clary shouted, emerging from under the pillows.

"Open the goddam door Clarrisa Fray! I'm sick of your bullshit!" Her mother, Jocelyn, shouted from behind the door.

"Just go away, leave me alone!"

"Look here, Clarrisa," her said sternly, "you are not the one getting divorced, I am! And it's all your fault, so if your not going to own up to that and grow up. Then as far as I'm concerned you get get out of this household! "She shouted.

"I'll happily leave you, I'll just go move in with Simon and his family, since they definitely love me more then you!" I cried back to her.

"You brother, Jonathan would never have acted like this." Her mother mumbled as she hit her door once more and stormed off.

The last words her mother had said stung Clary. She missed her brother, so much, when he died it was like a piece of her was ripped out. Clary always blamed herself for everything that went wrong in her life, whether is was Jon's death, to her mother and Luke getting divorced. Clary hadn't had a great life, her brother died only 2 years ago in a horrific car crash when she was 13 and he was 15.

He had gone out with his close friends, when he was supposed to be babysitting Clary, but she reassured him she would be fine.

She had many disastrous relationships, mostly from her fear of intimacy, most guys don't stick around after that. All she wanted was a guy to stick around, and wait until she was ready, a guy who didn't car just about sex, but there weren't many of them around.

Clary and Jocelyn also had a very unkind relationship even before Jon died, she was always compared to her perfect brother. She was short, with no curves, long red curly locks, and freckles that covered her face and legs, she wasn't very active and was only talented in drawing, where as her brother was tall, slim, muscly, sporty, had beautiful white hair and deep blue eyes.

Before Clary's father left, he was a very violent man. He whipped Clary and Jonathan with his belt and wooden spoon, she has a few white scars across her back. She also remembered seeing him hit her mother. Luke had been the one to tell him to leave, he and Jocelyn became much closer than friends after that.

Now clary was being blamed for her mothers and Luke's divorce.

Clary couldn't handle all the pent up pain, and she only had one outlet for it. She walked into her bathroom and opened up the white draw, she opened her her markup case and slid her fingers between the cut in the side and slid out the shinny sharp blade. She sat down on the floor with her head resting against the glass shower screen, she slid up her long sleeved shirt showing all her old and new scares, there was no more room on her arm until the latest cuts healed up. She rolled up her pyjama pants instead up to her high thigh, there was older scars from when Jonathan had just died on her legs. She slid the blade across her upper thigh-

Three time for Jonathan's death

Five for each baldy ended relationship

Four for her father

Six for her mother hating her

And finally seven for Luke

By the end her upper thigh was slick with red flowing blood. The pain eased the pain inside her heart. She didn't notice how much she was bleeding until the blood started soaking her underwear above her leg. She quickly striped off her clothes and blasted and boiling hot shower.