This just came to me, and I had to write it down. There is an established Darcy/Bruce pairing running through the story, with hints of some others. My mind is wierd. That is all. You guys are awesome.
"So, Clint is..."
"Legolas." Darcy confirmed. "It's undeniably undisputed."
"Not that I'm complaining..." Clint whined from the love seat across the rec room, prompting Natasha to snort with laughter not so subtly into her glass of Diet Coke. "Legolas is awesome, and everything, but what have we really got in common?" Darcy raised an eyebrow at Clint, and he amended his statement. "Without the obvious, I mean." He gestured towards his bow and quiver, resting against the wall by the door where he had left them after returning from a mission to join movie night. The team had all gathered in the rec room of Tony's penthouse to share expensive takeout and enjoy the benefits of 100' screens and a surround sound speaker system.
"You're both highly trained and experienced killers," Darcy explained, frowning slightly as she thought. "And you've both got major sex appeal and fluidity with your weapons." Clint smirked, and underneath Darcy, Bruce coughed slightly.
"Sex appeal?" he murmured into her arm. "Should I be concerned?"
Darcy twisted so that she was sitting sideways on her boyfriends lap, looking him directly in the eye. "Not at all," she smiled, pressing her forehead to his. "I find the mad, fluffy scientist thing to be very sexy." Bruce's lips twitched into a smile, and Darcy turned back to Clint. "Beside, Legolas is totally Natasha's favorite character." Natasha spat out her Coke back into the glass as Darcy sent a pointed glance in the direction of the two spies sharing the love seat. "Don't even try to deny it," Darcy warned her. Clint blushed slightly, but he looked incredibly smug. Natasha glared.
"If he's my favorite, then who am I?" she demanded.
"Eowyn," Darcy said without hesitation. "A total bad ass, and you could totally kick any one of the guys butts." Natasha's glare softened, and Darcy figured that her chances at death by the former Russian's hands had just decreased slightly.
"You'd better believe it," Natasha grinned wickedly, and Clint flinched away slightly. "Of course, I would never let a thing as silly as love get in the way of my war," Natasha said. Clint's face fell ever so slightly, but Darcy ignored that, rolling her eyes.
"Of course you wouldn't." Darcy wished that the two of them would just fess up to their feeling and have sex, already. The sexual tension between he two of them was positively horrifying. Darcy turned to her next victim. "Which brings us to our Captain."
Steve blushed, shifting his eyes away from Darcy quickly towards the enormous screen on the wall, where Lord of The Rings was playing silently. "Are we still watching this?" he asked, trying desperately to change the subject. The movie had been running mute for nearly 15 minutes, ever since Darcy had first made the comparison between Clint and the elven archer.
"Don't try and change the subject, Cap," Darcy warned him. "Steve here is clearly Aragorn."
"Really?" Tony questioned from the couch next to Bruce and Darcy. "I would have said Thor, being the son of a King, and all." Darcy shook her head.
"Thor's got the background, and the hair," Darcy admitted, "But Steve's closer to the personality. He's the unwilling but accepting leader, you know? The one with the most level head, who we turn to in a crisis. Annoyingly modest, but protective and loyal too."
"Thanks?" Steve questioned from the couch. Darcy shrugged.
"What about me?" Tony prompted, poking Darcy annoyingly in the side. She flinched and squealed, swatting his hand away. Darcy felt Bruce shaking with laughter underneath her, and she pouted. Tony widened his eyes, giving Darcy his best puppy-dog eyes, and she sighed.
"Gandalf," she decided. The others groaned while Tony cackled with glee.
"Thanks, Darcy," Clint said with heavy sarcasm. "Tony really needed that ego boost."
"It's not my fault that Darcy thinks I'm an awesome wizard," Tony smirked.
"I was thinking more along the lines of wise cracking old man, actually," Darcy teased. It was the other's turn to laugh as Tony turned his most affronted stare on to Darcy.
"I let you live in my Tower!" he exclaimed.
"Only because you think I'm kick ass," Darcy pointed out. "And because you were trying desperately to get Bruce laid and thought I was the best for the job of tempting him." Bruce squirmed a little, and Darcy laughed. "Now that I've succeeded where you couldn't, you can't kick me out for fear of pissing of Bruce so that he won't help you blow things up in the lab anymore."
"Stop making sense," Tony pouted. "I'm not that old."
"Your not getting any younger either." Darcy's expression softened a little. "In fairness, Gandalf is also everyone's clear favorite Plus, he's charming and funny and he had all the best toys." Tony looked slightly mollified.
"What about Point Break?" he asked. Darcy turned to Thor, who had been watching the entire exchange silently from his seat. His hands were folded in front of his chin and he surveyed the room and its occupants with feigned disinterest. Darcy could see the glimmer of a smile in his eyes, however. He actually looked surprisingly regal for a large man wearing a cape and sitting in a purple bean bag chair.
"Gimli," Darcy stated, and Thor met her eyes and grinned. "Gruff, but everyone loves him. Always competitive, the toughest one in the group. Also, unintentionally funny at the best possible moments." Darcy returned the smile.
"I will take that as a compliment, Lady Darcy," Thor rumbled from his seat.
"Okay, so we've got Clint as Legolas," Tony confirmed as his hands flew across the holographic keypad of his latest Starktech tablet, composing a list. "Natashalie over there is Eowyn. Steve, our blushing Capsicle, is Aragorn. I am Gandalf. Thor is Gimli..." Darcy ticked off a finger for every name that he listed. "What about Bruce?"
Darcy looked down at her boyfriend, on whom she had been perched through the entire movie. She had hardly felt him move, apart from when he had begun playing with a strand of her hair at the beginning of the battle for Helms Deep. He smiled slightly as she frowned in concentration at him, the corners of his eyes crinkling adorably. It made it harder for her to concentrate. "Merry," she said finally.
"Merry?" Bruce wrinkled his nose, and Darcy's concentration faltered again. " A hobbit?"
"He's sweet," Darcy said defensively, staring deeply into her lovers gorgeous brown eyes. "And smart, too. He tricked the Ents in to going to war against Saruman. And he's playful, but serious when he needs to be, and he's got a bit of a dark side to him. A protective streak, really." Darcy laughed breathlessly, and Bruce's face softened into the shy smile that she loved. "I could have gone with my first thought and said Gollum." Bruce's face twisted in surprise and distaste.
"Trouble in paradise?" Clint laughed, and Darcy glared at him before turning back to Bruce.
"Multiple personalities, Big Guy," Darcy laughed. "It was just a passing thought. Besides, you definitely have considerably better hair than he does." Darcy reached out and ran her fingers through the thick mop of dark hair on her scientist head. Tony sighed.
"You two are so cute!" he said dreamily. "Get married already!" Bruce pulled his head away from Darcy's hand so he could shoot and angry but alarmed look across the couch at his best friend.
"You know, Tony, I never specified if you were Gandalf the Grey or the White," Darcy threatened, a playful smile gracing her lips. "I could very easily demote you." Tony smirked and drew a finger across his lips, sealing them.
"If I'm Merry," Bruce's lips quirked into his wry smile, "Who are you?"
"Pippin, of course," Darcy said as if the answer should be obvious. Bruce rolled his eyes slightly.
"Of course."
"I'm funny," Darcy listed. "And quirky and innocent and amusing and generally just very odd. I protect my friends, and I'm not afraid to get a little kick ass with my taser."
"And you have a tendency to do stupid shit that gets you into even deeper shit so that we have to come and save you," Tony snarked and Darcy glowered.
"You've been demoted, Tony." Bruce laughed at Tony's bemused expression and Darcy's furrowed brows. She was so adorable when she was trying to be angry, he thought. Bruce grasped Darcy's hand in his own, entwining their fingers together. Darcy turned her glower away from Tony, Her face relaxing into a smile as she met Bruce's stare. Her eyes glinted with mischief. "Plus, everyone knows that Merry and Pippin totally have a thing for each other."
"Do they?" Bruce raised an eyebrow and Darcy teased the hair along Bruce's ear, brushing it back and tracing her hand along down his jaw and to his chin before repeating the action.
"Of course. Haven't you ever read the fanfiction slash?" Darcy traced the outline of his lips, parting them slightly as she leaned forward to press her mouth to his. Steve's blush deepened, and he grabbed a pillow off of the floor to bury his face in. Clint and Natasha rolled their eyes before Clint stalked forward to swipe the popcorn out from between Tony and Bruce on the couch. Tony cleared his throat loudly, and Darcy flipped him the middle finger without pulling her face away from Bruce's.
"Lady Darcy, while I admire the strength of the relationship that you and the good doctor share, I believe that in accordance to Midgardian customs, it is not polite to engage in such passionate affairs in public," Thor thundered. "I should wish to continue this most amusing conversation of ours."
Darcy pulled away from Bruce, gasping for breath. Bruce's face was flushed bright pink, and his untidy mop of hair was even fluffier than usual. Darcy patted Bruce on the cheek before turning to Thor. "Alright, buddy. But Bruce and I will continue this later." Bruce's sighed contentedly, while Steve just cringed into his pillow. "Fire away."
"If we're working our way through the ladies associated with the team, what about Point Break's girl?" Tony asked.
"Jane?" Darcy mused for a moment. "Faramir."
"I do not understand." Thor looked incredibly confused. "Why is my Jane portrayed by a male?"
"There's not enough females in the movies for everyone," Darcy explained. "No offense intended. Jane's just like Faramir though, in the sense that she always wants to impress somebody. She's single minded and sometimes reckless, but you know that she means well," Darcy finished fondly. Thor looked contented.
"What about Arwen?" Clint asked. "She's female."
"Pepper," Darcy said. "That woman can kick ass when she needs to, and she doesn't take anyone's crap. Not even Tony's." Tony nodded, smiling fondly. "She's also the worrying type, though, always wondering where her man is."
"In this case, her man being Gandalf, not Aragorn," Tony shot a glare towards Steve. "Hands of my woman, Capsicle." Steve frowned and chucked his pillow across the room at Tony.
"I have my own girl now," Steve reminded him.
"And hallelujah for that!" Tony sang. "When are you going to bring Beth around to meet us all, anyways? Shouldn't we be asking her to declare her intentions towards you?" Steve blushed and mumbled something about 'not wanting them to scare her away'.
"Beth is like Rosie," Darcy said.
"Who?"
"Rosie Cotton. That hobbit girl that Sam wants to marry. She pretty and seems nice, but no one really knows anything about her. Mostly because Steve won't bring her around to meet us." Darcy clarified, ending with a smirk in Steve's direction. "Really, Steve, how bad could it be?"
"I'll let her meet you guys eventually," Steve defended himself. "As soon as I'm sure that she's prepared. And preferably when Tony is out of town." Tony frowned as everyone laughed around him.
"When did this evening become a night to gang up on me?" he demanded.
"Ego control," Natasha chimed in. "Just trying to do our part, Stark."
"JARVIS?" Tony frowned at the red headed assassin. "Change all of Natasha's access codes for the building, will you?"
"I'm afraid I don't feel that is such a good idea, sir. Miss Romanoff currently has several weapons concealed on her person." Tony blanched as he stared at the assassin. She was reaching into one of her sleeves, the smile on her face murderous. "Might I suggest an alternate showing of disapproval, one that will not result in your immediate dismemberment?"
"I appreciate it, JARVIS." Tony sighed with relief as Natasha's hand withdrew from her sleeve empty. "Hey, Darce? Who would JARVIS be?"
"Sam. He saves your ass often enough. Loyal, too," Darcy smiled. "The best AI ever."
"I appreciate it, Miss Lewis. Thank you."
"Anytime, JARV." Darcy smiled.
"What of my brother, Loki?" Thor demanded. "I find that he most resembles to me the White Wizard Saruman." Darcy pondered this.
"Yeah, I guess. I would think more along the lines of the Witch King, though. It's the helmet, really. It completes the bad ass look."
"I will take that as a compliment, Miss Lewis." The team spun to find Loki standing behind Tony's fully stocked bar, and glass of scotch in one hand and an unstopped bottle in the other. As they stared at him with varying degrees of terror and shock, Loki simply smiled and took a sip from his glass.
"What the hell are you doing here!" Clint burst angrily, rising to his feet. His eyes flashed quickly to his quiver and bow over by the door.
"I do what I want," Loki shrugged, a smirk gracing his lips. There was a small cracking sound and he disappeared, taking the bottle of scotch along with him.
"NO!" Tony wailed. "That little shit! That was 80 year old scotch! I've been saving that for years!" The rest of the team turned to him, bemused and frightened.
"Tony, why was the God of Mischief just standing in your living room?" Natasha demanded. Tony shrugged, still mourning the loss of his scotch.
"He just pops up sometimes. It's not like I can stop him. And he never really bothers me, so I just don't care." Tony stood and walked quickly over to the bar, examining the contents of his liquor cabinet. "At least he didn't touch the bourbon." Tony pulled out a bottle and a glass, filling it quickly. Natasha frowned.
"Do you have any idea how furious Fury would be if he found out about this?" she frowned. Darcy snickered.
"Furious Fury," she smiled. "Try saying that ten times fast."
"Well, Furious Fury can suck it up. It's my tower, and I can have whoever I want in it." Tony pouted, tossing back the entire glass. "Loki owes me a bottle of scotch, and he's damn well gonna make another appearance and pay it back. If Fury doesn't like it, he can take his Eye of Sauron ass back to Mordor."
"Eye of Sauron, good one," Darcy snorted. Tony held up his now empty glass, toasting her. "He's probably an Elrond, though. I mean, Fury can be an asshole, but he did bring us here together. He's not all that bad."
"Speak for yourself," Tony muttered, pouring himself another glass. "He and Hill together are the scariest sons of bitches I've ever met. No offense, Natasha," Tony grimaced at the assassin. She shrugged.
"If Fury's Elrond, that makes Hill Galadriel," Clint said. "Everyone knows that there's totally something going on between them. There's even a running bet about it among the Agents. I have 50 on them secretly banging on the bridge of the hellicarrier when they're alone."
"Not a mental picture that I needed," Darcy shuddered. "But yeah, I can see Hill as the scary elf queen. And Coulson..." Darcy stopped herself mid sentence. It had been a long time since the battle against the Chitauri, but Coulson's death was till a sore subject for the team. Clint slumped back into his seat, his excited smile falling from his face quickly replaced with a stoic mask. Natasha's expression remained unchanged, but her shoulder fell ever so slightly. Steve grimaced into his pillow, recovered from Tony, who had tossed back yet another glass of the bourbon with a frown. Thor sniffed once, tears threatening in his eyes but refusing to allow them to fall. Darcy glanced back at Bruce. His expression was pained, and he placed a hand comfortingly on the small of Darcy's back.
"He was our Frodo," Bruce said quietly. "He brought us all together and gave us a purpose." He looked at Darcy and smiled. "He never let any one of us give up."
"He sacrificed everything for us," Thor rumbled. "He was a noble warrior."
"If anyone deserves the honor of being compared to Frodo, it was Coulson." Clint almost smiled. "Lord of the Rings was his favorite movie."
"Along with Men in Black." Tony walked back over from the bar, abandoning his drink to sit with his team. "I don't think I ever saw him wear something other than his suits." Natasha giggled, an uncommon sound for her, and the team stared at her in surprise.
"Singapore," she said by way of explanation. Clint looked at her and laughed.
"I'd almost forgotten about that!" He turned to his very confused team mates. "I was undercover at this dingy strip club in Singapore, trying to get a closer feel for one of my marks. I ended up hog tied in the back of the joint when my cover was blown. SHIELD didn't want to risk anyone else by rescuing me, figuring that I would get myself out." Clint smiled at the memory. "Phil wasn't going to have that. I remember when he came bursting into my cell to rescue me. He was wearing a purple sequined dress, because that was the only way they would let him in," Clint laughed. "It was a surprisingly good look for him."
"Agent in a purple gown?" Tony looked bewildered. "Who would have thought he had it in him."
"That is nothing," Thor boasted from his seat. 'Once, I dressed myself as a bride and Loki as my handmaiden in order to retrieve Mjolnir from the clutches of the King of Giants, Thrym." Darcy stared at him.
"You know, Thor, that's not something that most guys boast about," she snickered. "Does Jane know this story?"
Thor blushed. "I had not thought to tell her. She needn't know-"
"What, that you've cross dressed?" Tony laughed. "There's no avoiding it now, Point Break, you have to tell us. Unless you want me to bring Loki back her to tell the story." Thor's blush deepened and he began, rather flustered, to recount his tale. Later, when he had finished, the team had shared a laugh at Thor's expense, before proceeding to tell their own stories of cross dressing, in Tony's case, and public embarrassment. It was a good evening.
Later, long after everyone had gone to sleep, Darcy slipped out of her room and made her way from memory to the elevator, then up to Bruce's floor. The door to his room was unlocked, and Darcy quietly slipped inside, shutting the door behind her. The room was dimly lit by the light of a single lamp that sat of the table next to his bed. Bruce lay there on top of his sheets, wearing nothing but a pair of purple boxers. His glasses were perched of his nose and he stared down them at the book he held in his hands. Lord of The Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring. "Oh Lord, I've started something, haven't I?" Darcy teased as she tiptoed across the floor to her lover's bed.
Bruce closed the book and set it on the table beside him. He pulled off his glasses and folded them on to the front cover of the book as Darcy climbed on to the bed next to him. She lay down at his side, wrapping an arm around his bare chest and resting her head so that her hair tickled his cheek. Bruce smiled, breathing in her sweet scent. "I think so. Not that it's a bad thing."
Darcy snorted. "I made the ultimate booboo today. Thanks, by the way, for covering my ass." She breathed against his skin, pressing her lips into his shoulder.
"I wouldn't have anyone else doing it," Bruce teased. He wrapped his arm around Darcy's shoulders and pulled her up slightly into a sitting position against the headboard of the bed. Darcy leaned against his side, tucking her feet up underneath her. "It wasn't such a bad thing. I think that its good for us to talk about our pasts, the good and the bad. Phil wouldn't have wanted us to mope around for so long after his death." Darcy laughed.
"He'd have been pretty pissed at us, actually." She smiled. "He never really lost his temper, but when he did..." Darcy whistled. "Phil was a force to be reckoned with. Definitely our Frodo." Darcy turned her head and smiled up at Bruce. "Thank you for that."
"Anytime," he promised. He turned his lips into the wry smile that he knew she loved. "Am I still a hobbit?"
"Yes." Darcy nodded.
"Damn." Bruce pressed his lips to her cheek. "Anything I could do to make you change your mind?" he whispered into her skin. Darcy shivered, but she shook her head.
"Nope. My mind is set. I like Merry's curly hair, and his little grins, and that look he gets on his face when he has some kind of breakthrough." Darcy pulled away from Bruce's body, twisting herself up on to her knees. Bruce sat up in anticipation. "I like his sly jokes, and his adorably rumpled good looks." Darcy ran a hand across Bruce's chest, twining her fingers into his hair to pull him closer. "I like that big, sexy brain of his, and big feet." She smiled as she pressed her mouth against the sin at the hollow of his throat.
"Well," Bruce's voice was rough, "You know what they say about guys with big feet." Darcy laughed into his skin, pulling her face up to stare into his eyes. Bruce wondered what he could have done in his life to deserve the beautiful, funny and amazing woman in front of him. He dove forward, pressing their lips together. She parted her lips teasingly, grazing his skin with her teeth and he growled slightly, tossing Darcy back on to the bed. Her laugh was breathless as she stared up at her fluffy scientist.
"I think I love you," she smiled, the words falling easily from her tongue. They hadn't been said before int heir relationship, and hearing them now, Bruce felt himself agreeing wholeheartedly with that statement. He lay down beside her again, kissing his way slowly up her collarbone, her neck, her jaw finally coming to a stop hovering just over her mouth. His lips brushed across hers as he spoke, repeating her words back to her with just as much meaning and conviction behind them.
"I love you, too."