The world had grinded to a halt. The love of my life was dead and I never got the chance to tell her my feelings.
I fell to my knees and screamed. "No!" No one gave me any strange looks because my best friend had just died. While that was true, Tris wasn't only my best friend.
It wasn't fair. Tris shouldn't have died, much less for her traitor brother Caleb.
"You!" I pointed at him. Fueled by grief and instinct, I ran towards him and punched him square in the jaw. "You did this. It's your fault she's dead!" Tobias and Zeke had to physically drag me away from him.
"Hurting him won't bring her back," Tobias said. His voice trembled. He was a good friend, but I envied him so much because Tris returned his affections for her. I had had no such luck and now I never would.
"Well it's the next best thing, isn't it?" He couldn't argue with me there.
The next few days were some of the worst I've ever lived. I barely ate, slept, or talked. I was numb to the world. How could I go on after what I'd been through? I don't know how I made it out of bed.
Losing Uriah didn't make things any better. Most of my friends I had made during initiation were dead; the ones who had lived may have been broken beyond repair. We had all seen too much, whether we were living or dead.
-Two and a half years later-
I still haven't loved another; neither has Tobias. Every now and then, we can hold a casual conversation about her, drop her name a few times. He knows how I felt about her and doesn't hold it against me. The others have expressed the same sentiments. No one dares to say the obvious: that she wouldn't, couldn't have loved me back. She was too oblivious and loved Tobias too fiercely for anything weaker than death to rip them apart. Nevertheless, I almost wish I had been stronger. I was strong enough to get into Dauntless, but not strong enough to win the heart of the girl I loved.