Authors' Note: Okay, so this story is for ShinagiMuramaki (who came up with the idea and edited some of it) and Nii who also fixed even more stuff AFTER ShinagiMuramaki did. (I'm horrible at grammar and they are the grammar Nazi. -- It can get REALLY annoying. But I love you guys :DDD) But other than that a huge thanks to them for helping me a whole much with it. I hope you like it!! --Sora
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He's a Lady
"Demyx! YOU'RE TAKING THIS WAY TO FAR!" I exclaimed eyes wide. Demyx never was this cruel to anyone. Why did I have to be his first victim?!
"You lost the bet. I told you I would have been able to score on Zexion within a night without raping him." He laughed and looked me up and down. It kind of reminded me of how you would look at a piece of meat at the grocery store. I had to admit it was really creepy to have a good friend of yours check you out like that. But I suppose he had to take measurements to see if it would fit.
Trying to ignore it I asked, "How the hell did you get him to..." I trailed off. He knew what I meant no need to go into detail.
"Axel! You should know by now I am the freaking master at pick up lines." This set me in a laughing fit. Demyx pick up lines WERE original, but...how would you put this? Lets see: oddly true, yet somewhat scary, and sometimes so perverted you didn't actually get what he meant 'till days after he said it.
"No laughing!" He said, putting his hands on his hips and leaning forward a bit, for some reason Demyx had to be extremely close to you when he talked. With Demyx if you had a privacy bubble it would surely pop the first time he was around you.
Calming myself down enough to be able to talk, I challenged, "Which one did you use this time? Not another one from Brittany Spear's 'Toxic' again I hope."
"That Brittany Spears one was a once in a life time one," he smiled and then answered my question, "I used: 'Hello Marshmallow man lets hit it fast and hard on the bus'. I didn't think it'd be that easy but it totally was. My guess is that he OD-ed on his happy pills and decided to take a chance-" I stopped him there; I knew if I didn't he would go into a detailed story about his night.
"Okay, back to the problem. DO YOU WANT TO KILL ME!?"
"Kill you? No no Axel! I wanted you to embrace your gayness. It'd do ya some good ya' know?"
"So, now you're making gay jokes? What the hell? Are you against gays now even though YOU'RE gay?" I demanded. I truly wasn't sure if I wanted to hit him or laugh my ass off. It's a rather weird combination to have at one time.
He laughed at my comment and then teased me with, "Well, ever since Roxas said he need a break from you, your gay level has dropped."
"Gay level? Great one." I said in the most sarcastic tone I could possibley get, "I don't understand why your making me cross-dress though. Its horrible to make a person like me do something like that! AND TIL MID-NIGHT! You may not have a social status to worry about but I sure as hell do."
"I know, right? You lost the bet. Pay up. Well, we better start on your hair it may take a while, and you gotta be out there by 7."
"Lucky me."
Within a few hours my hair was done and I wouldn't be surprised if my head had 3rd degree burns.
"HOLY Wombat!" exclaimed Demyx. Leave it to Demyx to come up with the stupidest phrases. I secretly wondered if he even knew what a wombat was but said nothing. Instead I pointed out that it truly wasn't that long. He disagreed. Truth to be told my hair was pretty damn long. Who knew that after straightening my hair from its normal pine cone like spikes it would be this long.
Good thing the spikes came naturally or I'd have a serious problem. While Demyx chattered on about nothing I was interested in, I attempted to calculate how much gel it would take. About five minutes later I just gave up deciding I wasn't much of a mathematician.
"Were you listening Axel?"
"Yeah, sure."
"Mm, then get up! We have to get your make-up ready." he urged.
"Make-up?" I asked wide eyed with a moan.
"Well, yeah. You can't just go out like that. Although your hair is extremely gorgeous down and straight like that. You need make-up. How many girls have you seen without make-up around here?" he tested me.
"Plenty. I can list some if you want me to."
"Well, not you! Plus I already bought it." he grinned and led me to an over-sized mirror in his bathroom.
"Fine. Do whatever you please." I knew I would regret that comment later but right now I just waited for what was coming for me. It felt kind of like a death penalty.
After waiting a few minutes Demyx asked,"Umm, Axel...Do you know how to put make-up on?"
"Demyx. Maybe you haven't realized this. But...I'M NOT A WOMAN, nor do I cross-dress. Why would I know how to put on make-up?"
"Good question. I dunno. Some people just know random things. Do you know anyone who would know how?"
I stopped to think. If I had to go through it, it better be good.
"Larxene?"
"She's a little to bitchy. I don't really want to be around her if I don't have to. Plus, I'm not actually sure she is a WOMEN. She looks kind of manly."
Then it came to us at what seemed to be at the same exact moment, "XEMNAS!"
He was always talking about how beautiful he was and he was always trying to drag us into his room so he could give us makeovers. One time he dragged Zexion into his room, he was in there for three hour straight. When he finally got out of Xemnas' room he practically screamed bloody murder and ran into his own room and stayed in there for months on end. Despite all that, he could do make-up… but neither of us knew if he was any good at it. Either way I was praying he would say he was too busy.
Of course, the day when I don't need Xemnas he comes in a heart beat. He was all excited about it. Just thank God he didn't make fun of me the whole time like everyone else. I shuddered at the thought of Luxord finding out. The first painful experience passed quickly.
I had make-up on and I had on the stupid sparkling black dress that Demyx was making me wear. To make matters worse, I had to shave my legs. Demyx had said that it took away from the vision but at least he couldn't force me into high heels.
"Okay! Time to look in the mirror!" Demyx exclaimed. I hadn't looked in the mirror since before I had any make-up on. I turned towards the mirror and looked at my reflection. I took a sharp breath in, it was worse than I thought it was going to be. I had every make-up product a person could possible have on their face.
Instead of my normal pale complexion I know looked closer to white, the bright pink blush seemed to clash with everything , I had blue eye shadow on and my eyes were lined with red eyeliner. Yet above everything else the bright chili colored lipstick was the worst. I cursed silently under my breath. What the hell was I a prostitute now? You sure as hell could mistake me for one. The bright color of my hair did not make anything better.
"I look like Kairi." He was dead when all this was over.
Demyx snickered, "Yes, a very pretty Kairi indeed." (Authors note: 'a Kairi' a whore :D)
I groaned but Demyx seemed to ignore my pain and looked at the clock over him. "ITS SEVEN O' ONE! YOUR LATE! GET OUT OF HERE!" he said pushing me towards the door.
Before shutting the door he reminded me, "This is a once and a life time deal. Make the best of it." Then shut the door in my face.
"Bastard." I sighed and made my way down the stairs to the town.
Hours seemed to pass quickly and I was thankful for it. I was embarrassed but I would never tell this to Demyx. I was also glad Demyx had a date with Zexion tonight so that he couldn't come and watch. For he would have made me go in a million busy places and kill my pride as much as he possible could. Some good friend he is, making me do this when Roxas broke up with me not too long ago. Just as that thought occurred to me a car beep bought me back to reality.
I looked over where the beep came from and stared at it. I wasn't sure if it was beeping at me or not, so I stood there praying it wasn't. Then the tinted car window rolled down and a hand popped out and beckoned me to a window. I wanted to cry but I walked up anyways.
"Get in here." a voice came from the car. It sounded oddly familiar but I couldn't place it so I figure it was my imagination. I did what the person said because if it was some pervert, I could totally kick their ass in a heart beat.
"Hello." It said as I got in the car as elegantly as a man can. That was when I got a good look at him…bad idea. I wanted to scream like Zexion had after he'd gotten out of Xemnas' room. The man in the car was not just a normally creepy, in fact he was a creeper to the extreme, and not only that. I knew him and he knew me. The man was Vexen. I prayed he didn't already know it was me.
"Don't you talk pretty lady?" OH THANK GOD HE DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS ME! Then that was when it occurred to me. I never thought about how hard it would be to talk like a women. Shit!
'Here goes nothing.' I thought.
"Yes. I talk." I added in, what i thought, sounded like a girly giggle.
Vexen smiled, "What's your name?"
I had to be quick. I mean who the hell didn't know their own name?!
"Lea!" I exclaimed.
"Oh, I see. You must like your name seeing how you practically screamed it." he pointed out.
I hadn't noticed.
"Oh yes!! It was my mothers!!" I laughed again this time it was on the edge of a hysterical laughter. If this put me in a insane asylum, I was taking Demyx with me.
"Hmm, good enough reason. So how much?" he asked.
"How much?" I repeated. What did he mean. Then my eyes widened in knowledge. I began to twitch.
"No."
"No as in no price? You mean your free?" he answered surprised.
I opened my mouth to say something but before I could he had my dress lifted up.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" I yelped helplessly and slapped his hand. But by then it was to late. For one after seeing under my dress it was obvious that i was no women. And I had also blown my cover. I had used my actual voice. Our faces must have reflected each others.
"Axel." He wasn't a question it was a statement. He stared at me in complete horror.
"Vexen." I confirmed.
"What the hell is going on?"
"Long story. What the hell are you doing?"
"It's what I do every Friday-"He then trailed off embarrassed. We looked at each other for a few more minutes and then at what seemed at the same time we nodded. It was confirmed. If I didn't tell he wouldn't.
"Shake on it?"
"Of course." I then reached out for Vexen's hand but he didn't reach back instead he reached in the back seat. And before I knew what happened there was a flash and then the next minute I was sitting on the curb confused. We didn't shake hands. Why not? Soon the questioned turned into, Did that even happen? Denial is a great thing, let me tell you.
The next morning I woke with a start as when there was a loud knock on my door. Groggily I walked across my room and opened the door to a smirking Luxord.
"What?" I asked stretching.
"I didn't know you like to dress up as a girl on weekends."
"HUH?! WHAT?! I DON'T I JUST LOST- Wait...how do you know?"
"This." he said and held out a piece of paper. I stared down at it with horror. It was me in Vexen car with my hand out-stretched waiting for Vexen to grab it. Then everything made sense, the flash was a camera. I grabbed the paper from his hands and ripped it. But the smirk stayed on his face.
"What are you smirking about?"
"Did you real think that was the only one?" he asked and then opened the door wider. There was so many papers flooding the floor it looked like it had snowed in the building. There was only one thing I could do for now. And that was pull a Zexion and stay in my house for months. But once I had the pride to come out,Vexen was going down.