Caligo
"Yet from those flames, no light, but darkness visible."
-John Milton, Paradise Lost
Chapter 1: The Girl
The world was a swirl of distorted noises.
Everything had its own voice, even those things that lacked the ability to speak. It was just as well that everything had its own smell, even if some could be quite unpleasant. She refused to think about the person in the seat beside her as his smell was the most repugnant of those she could make out within the area of the classroom. It was really quite disagreeable.
The young girl, who was conveniently bored, had many thoughts that some would find to be of a distasteful nature for a child of her stature and age. Fortunately, she had enough sense to keep quiet around those people and remain tactfully aware that everything she did would shape her path in life. Her parents found it in themselves to beat those lessons into her the hard way, seeing as she was a very spirited girl who many thought did not belong in a gentleman's family. This was the reason why she was sent to a town in the middle of nowhere in order to study at what the aristocratic circle called the best school for…'problem children'.
She wrinkled her nose in distaste.
Obviously, she was classified as a problem child. This, of course, was a result of having some pure and harmless fun. That had involved sneaking into a chicken coop. But what was life without risks? The problem was that she had gotten caught in the act, which had caused a chain of reactions that she had absolutely no control over. So what if she had gotten caught wrestling a chicken for an egg? Other children had been captured as well and they had not been punished. It was really very unfair in her opinion, and she had hoped her parents choked on their next meal.
Well, not really. She wasn't that bad. But she had wished for some kind of bad luck to fall upon them. Her childish mind had not thought of the fact that whatever affected her parents would, in turn, affect her as well.
At any rate, she was stuck in that town of who-knows-where as a result of her mistakes and treated as a problem child because of it.
She sighed. Life was not as exciting as it had been a few weeks ago.
She was barely listening to the monotonous drawl of her teacher's voice, her mind drifting elsewhere, dreaming up a world in which she would not have to be so mindful of rules. She was sick of rules. Everything was restricted because she was a child, and she was even worse off for being a girl.
A girl. What on earth was wrong with being a girl anyway?
Just because they appeared more delicate, they were worthless. Or at least worthless until you could have children, and once you could, you would be forced to squeeze out a couple and then act as trophies to pompous husbands who competed against each other in order to see who had the biggest reason to be an egotistical bastard. But the families outside of the aristocratic circle had not been that way. There had been boys there who were not afraid to approach her, who had grinned at her with dirty faces and offered her a chance to have some fun. The girls had also been less restrained. They had played just like any boy, talked like any boy, and had fun like any boy would have.
And for the first time in her very short life, Takamachi Nanoha, daughter of one of the world's most rich and powerful nobles, had been jealous. She was jealous of those girls who were allowed to speak their minds and do whatever they wanted, because it was the only thing she had not been granted since she had been born.
She sighed again.
"Miss Takamachi…if you are so bored with my lesson, then please, step outside and allow my other students to concentrate."
She would have gladly accepted the offer had it not been for the little voice –the irritating one that she knew was right – in the back of her head that told her it would be rude to stand up and leave for the sake of being spiteful to her parents. She was sorely tempted to simply drop her books and waltz outside. Oh…how delightful that would be.
"I'm sorry. Please continue with your lesson, teacher."
She bit back her frustration and tried to pay attention even though she knew it was useless.
XxX
It was snowing outside, chilly even for the middle of November.
She hopped from spot to spot, following Arisa's footsteps as she led the way towards what she would call 'salvation'. Her gloved hands were frozen stiff even with the additional warmth of cotton and she had to bite her tongue in order to resist trying to warm them by rubbing them together. It was not proper for a lady to do such things, and as she was in the company of two very high class girls, she did not want to seem as though she were nothing but a mere bumpkin.
Then again, Arisa and Suzuka were both in her company because of her school, which only allowed problem children so…
Nanoha's eye twitched.
"Oh, forget it." She said with shuddering breaths that were, much to her dismay, visible in the sunlight, "I'm getting warm one way or another."
And she proceeded to blow at her hands and rub them together, hoping the friction would provide heat. Her cheeks were flushed from cold and it didn't take long before she noticed that the other two girls were much in the same state. It only took a few seconds for Arisa to cave in and indulge in the low class behavior, and after that, it was only a matter of time before Suzuka followed their lead and began blowing into her hands.
"I'm blaming this on you, Nanoha." Arisa accused, "If we get caught, that is. Behaving this way is one thing, but being out here in the middle of day while it's snowing is another."
For you see, it had been her bright idea to go outside after class in order to see the vegetation. To explore a little while, because they had all been bored after that terribly dull lesson taught by that frighteningly uninteresting professor whom they all hated. This was why they were now trudging in snow, feet probably developing blisters, trying to get back into town before anyone noticed they were missing. But how could she have been expected to know that it would start snowing and that their tracks would be erased?
It was just her luck.
"How was I supposed to know it would start snowing?" She defended herself, huffing a little as she was blamed for everything, "Besides, you didn't have to follow me."
Suzuka grinned wordlessly for a moment before saying, "For that, we have no one to blame but ourselves. But it was still your idea. You were the one who planted the thoughts in our heads."
Nanoha nearly rolled her eyes. She didn't because it was unbecoming of a properly bred lady.
"And now I'm the cause for all evil."
"But of course." Was Suzuka's teasing reply, before they all lapsed into a companionable silence.
It wasn't long before Nanoha's mind started to wander again and she thought about the beauty of the unrestrained sky, wondering what it would be like to fly so high up no one would be able to catch her. The prospect held an infinite amount of attraction for her and she couldn't help but long to be a bird, regardless of the dirty feathers. She'd be damned if her freedom would be tainted by something as trivial as the plumes on a bird's back.
They were within sight of the town's gate when they bypassed an abandoned house at the edge of the forest. About to run forward with a sudden bout of eagerness, she instead froze in her tracks as she heard something that startled her. Arisa and Suzuka paused in front of her, looking annoyed as they were delayed once more. They had been looking forward to their cups of hot chocolate.
"What is it now, Nanoha?" Arisa snapped, short tempered as always, but this time with a good reason.
The blonde could have sworn that she could see icicles forming on her eyelashes.
"Didn't you hear that?" The ever curious brown haired girl asked, taking a few steps back towards the forest.
"No, I didn't. And either way, there's no trail in that direction. There's no way I'm going in there."
Nanoha's lips twitched.
"Fine then." She replied, amusedly watching Arisa's nose twitch at her nonchalant façade, "I'll be right back."
And she darted towards the forest, ignoring the cries of "Nanoha! Get back here!" and instead tried to focus all of her attention on listening for the noise she had heard before.
The twelve year old girl had never been that deep inside a forest in her life and the curiosity and prospect of an adventure excited her beyond belief. It was then that she chose to remember the stories of the dangers that were rumored to surround the town. Tales of giant, murderous wolves who tore into flesh, bears that would tear open anything in their path. Rumors of bandits that preyed on unsuspecting travelers and captured and sold young, innocent girls like herself. She was now shaking with apprehension, thinking that maybe it had not been such a good idea after all.
She had nearly decided to run back to her friends when she heard the sound again. And this time, there was no mistaking it.
Someone was in pain.
She rushed forward, the kinder side of her nature surging forth with all the force of an overflowing river. What she saw would be forever imprinted into her memory.
A white sheet of snow had covered the clearing. Blood splattered across the whiteness of the ground, leaving trails of dragging feet and paws, side by side as though an unspoken alliance had been formed between animal and man. There were a few wolf carcasses at the edge of the trees opposite her, the gouges of claws marked deep within snow and carved into trees. A man's body bled out to the side, his throat torn open for the entire world to see.
And then there was the girl.
Her breathing was shallow, beautiful eyes struggling to remain open. Blonde hair spread out wildly around her. And for the life of her, Nanoha could not remember how to walk as she saw the deep gashes along her bare waist, arms, and legs.
For a moment, the world changed.
Something flashed before her eyes. It was subtle and conniving, akin to a knife being held against her throat.
Because for a moment, the girl changed.
For a moment, she warped into something unexplainable.
It was a flicker, happening so quickly she did not know how to understand, could not understand what it was that she had seen.
Golden fur. Eyes like wine. Like snow stained red with blood.
And then it was gone and the girl was back again, eyes fluttering open and closed, lips red and lightly chapped. And the girl was naked and everything Nanoha wasn't, dirty and injured to the point of being near certain death.
For the first time in her short and haughty existence, Takamachi Nanoha ran to save someone else's life, and when she appeared before Arisa and Suzuka, lacking her coat and shivering and stumbling past them, it was apparent to them that something had gone terribly wrong.
"A girl…! In the forest…! Injured…!"
And that was all they needed to know before Arisa sprinted ahead, ignoring all disapproving eyes, and informed one of the guards about the situation.
XxX
"Can I go see her now?" She asked for the umpteenth time, pacing back and forth anxiously.
"No." The doctor replied, standing guard outside the injured girl's quarters.
"Why? It's been days now." She inquired, exasperated.
The doctor gritted his teeth in frustration. The girl had been pestering him nonstop since they had established that the girl would survive. That had been five days prior to the current occasion.
"Because she's resting, Miss Takamachi. I'm sure that she'll be very grateful for your finding her, but if you would let me do my job in peace…" He trailed off, praying that the girl would get the message.
Nanoha sighed.
"Fine." She muttered resignedly. "But please inform me when I can see her."
"Of course." The old man replied happily; he was glad to see that the child was finally listening to reason.
Nanoha rounded the corner and waited. Surely the old man was bound to go outside at some point in the day. So, with a plan in mind, she waited until she heard footsteps and the sound of a closing door. Darting back into the hallway, she grinned victoriously as she found that the doctor had, indeed, left after she had played her 'I-shall-do-everything-you-say' card. Nervous for a reason she could not grasp, she gripped the doorknob and twisted it, feeling the entrance give away easily and without a sound. She slipped inside and closed the door.
The girl was sleeping, as the doctor had said. Her wounds were wrapped in blood stained bandages, but her breathing was even and she seemed to be okay. Nanoha moved forward and briefly touched the palm of the girl's hand, feeling an immense curiosity for the child she had undoubtedly played a part in rescuing. She smiled as warmth invaded her stomach, genuinely pleased at actually having helped someone. It had felt nice to hear that her efforts had been rewarded with the preservation of the girl's life.
"I'm glad you're still alive. I only wish you would be here to tell me your name…" She told the girl, and then blushed, embarrassed at having talked to someone who couldn't hear her.
It qualified as speaking to herself, didn't it? She laughed slightly but continued her one-sided conversation, unaware of the slight shift in the stranger's breathing.
"I wonder how you would react if you knew that someone half crazy was the one who rescued you." The words were flowing now, and it didn't seem as though she would be able to stop, "Sometimes, I catch myself thinking all these things that don't make sense to the other people of my stature, but they make sense to me. I don't know how to explain it. I wish there was something wrong with me, so that there would be some tangible proof of how incredibly…odd…I feel…"
She trailed off for a moment when the girl's hand twitched. Fighting off a rising bout of nervousness, she took the ivory skinned pianist's hand in her own and continued her soliloquy.
"You know, my parents sent me here because they thought I was too…rough to attend the pompous all girl's school they wanted to send me to. At first, I hated it here, because it was everything I had never been surrounded by. I mean, trees and wilderness, the lack of respect by the people here…" She laughed softly, "It was hard to adjust. I met Arisa and Suzuka –I was with them when I found you – and they helped me a lot. It…was fun. Or at least, it was some freedom from the restraints of the world I used to live in…My world- it just has so many rules that I- the pressure of being someone so looked up to and respected is…"
She stared at the sleeping girl, subconsciously tightening her grip.
"…I envy you." She blurted out, "I envy you and I don't even know you. I envy everything about you, even your injuries. I hardly know pain, but if it meant having true freedom, if it meant a world without lies, I would suffer as much as it would take…I'm so tired of pretending... I can't take a step without the whole of my family being judged. I think that's part of the reason why… my parents sent me here…To…to get rid of me while they still could…"
Her eyes stung as she studied the girl's ashen complexion. There was something so terribly comforting about talking to her about her worries, even if the burgundy eyed girl could not hear her. That being said, there was something unbelievably soothing about her. She exuded an aura of gentleness and calm, and even if the brown haired girl had never seen her before in her life, an odd sense of déjà vu threatened to overwhelm her.
Nanoha traced the golden haired child's most visible vein, running her index finger across the faint green line down to the wrist where it seemed to split in two. She smiled suddenly.
"It's funny. It feels as though we've done this all before in a thousand different ways over the span of a thousand different lives." Her voice was thoughtful, the smile still painted across her face in a way that looked almost painful. "I should hope you get well soon. I do want to refrain from calling you 'the injured girl' all the time." She scrunched up her nose and an odd little smirk stole across her countenance as a thought popped into her head. "…I can't help but think that you wouldn't like that."
As if in response, the girl's hand twitched under her fingers. For a second, nervousness –the kind that made her flush – threatened to overwhelm her. But then she was happy, so giddy she could hardly stop the barrage of giggles that were trying to crawl out of her throat. She stood up once she had gotten herself under control, deciding to leave before she got caught.
She brushed the girl's golden hair –for some reason not disgusted by the visible grime as she would have had it been anyone else – and smiled at her, a light blush settling over her cheeks like a blanket. Her heart fluttered at the thought of the girl waking up. She wanted to be there when it happened.
Resolving to visit her every time she came across an opportunity, she walked towards the door, opening it and stepping through before she seriously considered staying for a longer amount of time.
She closed it behind her and then stepped towards the exit at the end of the hall, past the doors of the sick ward and through the painted archway.
She felt small as she looked up at the ceiling, in the company of angels and demons, werewolves and dragons, ogres and warlocks, and many other creatures she could not name but had heard terrible legends of. The paintings were old, one of the only things she had come to respect about the town, and she loved to come inside the hospital in order to look at them for a while, hoping to better understand the legends behind them. Her footsteps echoed within the cavernous room, resounding like the dulled roars of animals.
Her flesh crawled.
Once upon a time, she would have been able to walk through these halls and not pay attention to the way eyes seemed to follow her as she walked. But this time she was overpowered by a sense of unease, as if something was really watching her. As though she was truly in the presence of ancient gods.
XxX
The letter came in early December.
It was the first letter she had received from her family since she had arrived. Its request was short and simple. It was also critical, as well as arrogant and self centered.
"You are to take a carriage on the nineteenth and are to remain with us for a week thereafter. We wish to speak with you about your education. You are not doing as well as we had hoped. And what is this about saving a filthy child? Refrain from gallivanting with those that are below you. Do not associate with them. They are not worth your attention."
There were no 'We miss you's, 'How are you?'s, or anything that might remotely imply that they cared. She had smiled, perhaps a little bitterly but with otherwise with no demonstration that this had upset her. And she would comply with all of their demands but one.
She was not willing to give up the girl.
XxX
"How have you been getting along with your classmates, Nanoha?"
The brown haired child stared indifferently at her food.
"Well."
Her parents exchanged glances at her behavior.
"Well meaning…?"
"…" Nanoha had to muster all of her willpower in order not to sigh. "I've met two girls from distinguished families. They've been taking care of me. They are well mannered and well behaved and set good examples for all the other children."
"Ah." Her father was pleased. "And what are their family names?"
"Bannings and Tsukimura."
"Count Bannings and Earl Tsukimura. I have heard they are well off." Her mother commented, shooting her son a furtive glance. "I've also heart that Earl Tsukimura has a daughter your age. Maybe we should call upon them."
"Indeed." Her father agreed.
Nanoha watched as her brother shrugged and looked to the side, crossing his arms over his chest and watching as the servants walked about. She looked down again, her face a mask, her eyes unreadable. There was a feeling in the pit of her stomach, a sensation of dread and unease. She felt as though she was crossing a river on a sheet of thin ice. As though her world had just begun to change and everything was beginning to come unhinged, spinning inside a vortex than no one could control.
The rest of the dinner passed in silence.
XxX
When she returned to town, the weather was clear. It snowed lightly as she stepped out of the carriage, and she rolled her eyes in annoyance at having to wait for someone to get her bags when she could just get them herself. For a few very brief seconds that felt as though they were an eternity, she waited until her father's servant hefted her bags in his hands and walked beside him towards the dorm. After they had finished putting everything back in its place, she accompanied him outside in order to see him off.
"Alright, Miss. This is m' second t'last stop 'fore goin' back to the Master. I hope ya'll enjoy the time 'fore comin' back home." He smiled at her apologetically. "Yer father only wants what's best fo' you, y'know? Dun' be too hard on 'im."
She hesitated for a moment. Then she hugged him and smiled at his startled expression.
"I shan't be, Richard. But thank you for your concern. Have a safe trip."
She watched as he walked back toward his carriage and spurred the horses forward. He waved at her hesitantly, his smile widening as she grinned at him sweetly and waved back. The carriage soon faded into the distance but she stood there for a while longer, hands buried in the pockets of her winter coat, breathing deeply as she realized she was not at all sad to be back here again. Her heart beat accelerated slowly as a flush crawled into her cheeks. A tight ball of energy welled up in her stomach.
She half walked, half ran forward, heading in the direction of the infirmary. She was so agitated that she nearly tripped as she moved up the steps, pausing only for a second to fix her skirt before pushing the door open and stumbling inside. Her already frazzled nerves jumpstarted.
Noise. She could spy a small group of doctors through the archway, all standing in uniform outside a door at the far end of the corridor.
"Someone, please! Get me a sedative!"
She stepped aside as a nurse shoved past her, running to the storage room in order to get what was needed. Dazed and with a dread filled stomach, she moved forward and tugged on one of the doctor's sleeves.
"What happened to her?" Her voice shook with emotion.
The old man –the one whom she had tricked before – looked at her and pushed her away from the door.
"Nothing." But his tone was the only proof she needed that it was everything. "She just woke up. She was startled. You should go back to the dorms."
"No."
She tried to push past him in order to see into the room but was stopped by a firm hand. Helplessly, she watched the nurse returned and stepped inside the room.
There was a sudden scream. Pained.
Nanoha whimpered and began her struggling anew.
"Let me see her! I can help!" She begged, and she could see the girl in her mind's eye, afraid and shaking as people she didn't know surrounded her. "I can help!"
"Get out of here!"
Another pained scream. But this time, it was a man's.
There was a crash.
The sound of glass smashing.
"She's run outside! Go get her! Now!"
A sound so akin to a growl that for a moment, Nanoha froze in fear.
The hairs on the back of her neck stood on end.
Golden fur. Eyes like wine. Like snow stained red with blood.
She ran out of the hospital, nauseous and leaving a very confused man behind. She ducked around the back, an incomprehensible need filling her veins, and she ran, searching for the broken window that she knew she would find. And soon she found it. A chair had been thrown straight through it and serrated shards of glass littered the floor.
"Hey you! What do you think you're doing out there?!"
A doctor was shouting at her from the window.
Startled, she muttered a quick apology and walked away. Once she was a safe distance from the hospital, she ran along a section of the wall that protected the town from attack, desperately looking for any clue as to where the girl might have gone.
That was when she found it.
A trail of blood –drops, small, insignificant drops that disturbed her more than they should have – leading along the wall towards the southern exit. Towards the place where she had originally found her. She followed it, all the while covering it with fresh snow.
A ringing echoed in her ears.
She recognized it as the town's bell, something used only in emergencies. They were looking for the girl when she obviously did not want to be found.
And still she ran and covered the trail because she wanted to help the girl, even though she did not know what that entailed, or what could happen if she did. It was instinct, something she could not resist. Something she did not want to resist.
She nearly cried in relief when she found the exit unguarded. She pushed herself forward, ignoring the fatigue that was beginning to make her movements lethargic. The snow made it harder to move, but she persisted, even as it managed to slide into her boots and make her feet cold.
And as soon as she cleared the gate, she could see a golden blur moving towards the green of the trees in the distance.
Nanoha did not dare shout after the girl just yet for fear of bringing attention to them. Instead, she ran after her, towards the shadows of the trees, past frozen willows and dead oaks, and all she could think was that the girl was incredibly fast. But slowly, ever so slowly, she was beginning to catch up. The girl was stumbling a lot now, the graceful lope she had maintained for a while beginning to twist the wrong way. And when the girl was nearly to the trees, bypassing the abandoned building, Nanoha shouted to her.
"Wait!"
Her voice echoed softly and the girl froze, whirling around to face her.
The brown haired child ceased her steps.
The girl's facial expression was fierce and defiant, even though her eyes were dazed and swirling with a mixture of emotions Nanoha did not recognize. Her stance was defensive, ready to take off again if necessary. And the girl was still beautiful, but she was pale and perspiration lightly covered her face. She was panting heavily, jagged gasps that sounded pained even to her untrained ears.
Something caught the corner of her eye.
Drops of blood falling from the girl's hand.
A red welt pulsed on the girl's arm, small and circular. But that wasn't what made Nanoha's stomach revolt.
It was the fact that the girl held a glass shard in her left hand. It dug sharply into her skin, and blood seeped through her fingers and onto the floor as they were clenched tightly around it.
The girl was shaking. She was struggling to stay awake.
"Please…please…" She murmured softly, somehow sure that the girl would hear her despite the distance. "Let me help you."
The girl's eyes flickered. Surprise colored her features for naught but a second before it reverted to the defiant mask she wore before. And even though Nanoha was sure the girl had never been anywhere near royalty or nobility, she held herself with a natural grace and poise that was meant to be admired.
"…Why?"
Her voice was rough from lack of use. And yet it contained a velvet-like quality to it, smooth and clear like a polished stone. Nanoha swallowed dryly.
"Because…because it's not in me to betray you."
A quiet confession. Guilty.
And suddenly, the girl's eyes widened. Agitation took over her features as she stumbled forward.
"You helped me in the clearing…" She stopped directly in front of her. Her burgundy eyes bore straight into her own of slate blue. "How long has it been? How long ago did you find me?"
Anxiety poured into her tone.
"It's been three weeks…" She answered, and she dreaded the next question.
"Were there any survivors?"
Hope shone in those eyes. Hope that the girl was desperately trying to squash.
Nanoha's throat tightened. She was looking sideways as she replied.
"No."
Silence took over the world for a minute so long it felt like years before it was broken.
"…And the wolves? …Were they all dead as well?"
The girl's voice was bitter now. Nanoha looked up to meet her eyes.
"Yes."
This time, the girl smiled in a twisted way. Her eyes were dark with anguish.
"Good." Her left hand tightened convulsively.
And Nanoha's eyes watered.
She impulsively grabbed the girl's hand and pried the shard from her fingers, even though her own were cut in the process. The golden haired child just stared at her with empty eyes, hardly feeling it as Nanoha forced her hand open to inspect the cut. Blood flowed freely from the wound and stained the ground beside her shoes.
Something in her stomach hardened.
"Do you want my help?" She looked up at the injured girl, her voice fierce.
The other was unreadable, eyes penetrating.
"Well?" She insisted, "Do you?"
They watched each other, for a moment feeling as though they were the only two people left in the planet. For a moment feeling as though they could take all the time they needed in this decision.
Both ignorant as to what it would bring and how much it would change their lives.
"…How can I trust you?"
She immediately replied, "By staying over there," She pointed at the abandoned building, "while I get the things you need."
The girl's lips twitched.
"That wasn't funny."
Nanoha nodded.
"I tried."
A very awkward and self imposing shyness slowly overpowered her. She blushed.
"I-I'm Nanoha. Takamachi Nanoha."
The girl smiled tiredly as the sedative caught up to her.
"I'm Fate. Fate Testarossa."
She collapsed.
A/N:
Mmm...I finally got the chance to post this. A week after Fay (Arigatou Sheitarou) ordered me to. XD...Sorry. Uhm, well, call me Alicia. I'm kind of a sporadic updater, so you'll have to bear with me. But, erm, the second chapter is already...nearly finished. I'd just have to finish writing the last scene or two, and then I'll send it to...well...Fay's beta.
Anyway, this whole story, the real story, will take place when they're both nineteen. So please. I'm not going to make them fall in love at twelve. Bleh. That'd be creepy. And heh. Almost the whole cast will appear on here, with very specific roles. In other words, it's bound to be a long story. But it'll be interesting, I promise. And if you're interested, well, I'm posting another story soon. Chimerical Perceptions. But that one deals with darker themes, still NanoFate, but darker themes.
Ehh...when I post it you'll see. Thanks for reading.
:nudges gently towards review button:
...The above was Fay's idea. Mmm. Later.