Basil: Manuel! MANUEL!
Manuel: Ci, Mr Fawlty?
Basil: (Sighing) There is a taxi outside, please get their bags…
Manuel: Eh?
Basil: POLLY!
Polly: *Distant call* Coming, Mr Fawlty!
Basil: *Muttering* Oh for the love of…
*Sound of running down stairs*
Polly: Yes, Mr Fawlty?
Basil: Oh, never mind! They're coming in now! No help with the bags, no one to say how nice it is they're staying!
Douglas: Oh, Martin, watch out! The step's –!
Martin: Ahh!
*Martin flies face-first into the closed section of the door*
Douglas: - Uneven…
Martin: Ouch! That really hurt!
Carolyn: I'm not surprised! You put a dent in the door and your nose looks more like a tomato!
Basil: Oh, I do apologise. You must be… First Officer Richardson.
Martin: WHAT!? No! I'm the captain! Captain Martin Crieff!
Basil: Oh! Terribly sorry, Captain. It's just –
Martin: It's just that Douglas looks more like the captain; yes, yes, I know. I hear it twenty times a day! He's older, more experienced, not so anxious –
Douglas: And I don't head-butt doors –
Martin: Thank you, Douglas! If we could just see the manager…
Basil: I'm the manager.
Carolyn: Really?
Basil: Yes!
Douglas: It's just you look more like the…
Manuel: Bag-monkey?
*Basil slaps Manuel in the back of the head, Manuel falls into Arthur*
Manuel: Sorry! Sorry!
Arthur: It's ok; I'm always doing that!
*Arthur helps Manuel up*
Basil: *Takes a breath* I AM the manager.
Carolyn: Oh. Alright. If you could…
*Carolyn gestures to Martin*
Basil: Ah! Yes! Of course. Polly!
Polly: Yes, Mr Fawlty?
Basil: Fist aid for the captain, here.
Polly: But he looks –
Douglas: The short ginger one with the bloody nose. I'm the first officer.
Polly: … Really?
Martin: Yes!
Basil: I didn't believe it either, not to worry Polly.
Martin: But I'M the CAPTAIN! I AM!
Douglas: Martin…
Martin: Shut up, Douglas!
Basil: Really, because you don't look it!
Polly: Mr Fawlty –
Basil: Be quiet, Polly!
Sybil: What's going on?!
Martin: He is insisting I'm the first officer when I'm the CAPTAIN! A-at least I d-don't look like a… b-bell boy!
Basil: Right!
Carolyn/Sybil: Martin!/Basil!
Basil/Martin: Yes, dear?/Yes, Carolyn?
*Muffled voices as Douglas takes Polly away from the group*
Douglas: Isn't it stressful? Having superiors like *Shudders* that.
Polly: *Sighs* And when I end up fixing everything for him.
Douglas: Oh, I know that feeling…
*Douglas and Polly's conversation is muffled as Carolyn and Sybil talk*
Carolyn: Martin; up to your room!
Martin: Yes, Carolyn
*Martin exits*
Sybil: Basil! In the office!
Basil: Yes, dear.
*Basil exits*
Sybil: I can't BELIEVE he thinks he's in charge!
Carolyn: Oh, I know! It's obvious, isn't it?
Sybil: I thought so.
Carolyn: Thank you for sorting those two out.
Polly *calling*: Just give me a ring!
Douglas: Certainly will!
*Douglas puts folded paper in his jacket pocket*
Carolyn: What's that?
Douglas: Polly's number.
*Carolyn and Sybil groan*