I'm back with the second part of my series I called "They say hope is happiness". Phew, I spent a lot of time correcting this fic before it satisfied me.
Enjoy!
Komaeda knew what and how exactly it would happen, he had planned everything and checked it so many times there was no room for mistakes. He had prepared all his messages, had imagined the whole time line of this murder. Everything was ready and there was no way he could fail now, he couldn't allow himself too. It was for the best, it had to be done.
Reminding them how powerless they were in front of a dangerous weapon like a bomb wasn't useful, though it was good to know he still possessed the ability to make them lose their right mind.
The luckster feared it might appear suspicious if he insisted too much. After all, there was a large hole in his story, so obvious he was surprised no one noticed it yet. How could he have enough bombs to destroy the whole island? It wasn't credible at all, but they did believe it, searching desperately for something that didn't even exist. He would laugh if he were in a different situation.
However what Komaeda had never expected was for Kuzuryuu and Sonia to lurk around and follow him when he left the cafeteria. Komaeda didn't think any second they would even notice him leaving. They had to find the so-called bombs after all, he was the last of their current problems.
Furthermore, he was so used to be ignored as much as possible, to be hated far enough that no one would ever want to be around him more than it was absolutely necessary that he didn't even think one of them could watch where he was heading in hope it will lead them to the bombs. It was an incredibly logical and easy reasoning, not any big plan made by a detective mind and Komaeda really should have considered it a possibility but he hadn't.
Kuzuryuu had been smooth, more than he had to be anyway since the white haired boy was so caught in his plan he wouldn't have noticed him anyway, and he kept his distances to make sure Komaeda wouldn't ever see him. When the yakuza watched him enter the warehouse he took his time, and silent enough for the luckster not to hear him over the sound of the music he was installing, he followed him in the building and quickly spotted the "bombs".
It seemed to be a terrible joke for the luckster, with how unlucky it was that Sonia and Kuzuryuu managed to bring all the students within the space of a little more than five minutes. He could hear them from the warehouse, angry and frustrated (with the exception of Nanami probably) but he ignored the sound.
Little did he know that they wouldn't even see the messages in the laptop, would rush in the warehouse way before the record could show. Komaeda did made sure to have enough time, to set his messages at a certain time so he would be ready for long at the moment where they would realize the bombs are only fireworks but he made a miscalculation again.
Nanami pressed her ElectroID in the card reader next to the bombs as soon as they understood what it was for, and when it didn't do a thing they all tried to make sure it wouldn't work since they thought they didn't risk anything. When it was obvious the so called bombs wouldn't turn down, the yakuza told them the last place he saw the luckster go.
"He's probably still there, this fucker! I didn't see him leave and it's the only exit anyway."
Komaeda's lack of wariness grew into a catastrophe when they rushed to the door, bursting it open without any second thought. However, the students realized this decision wasn't exactly the best one as they saw the flames rising devastatingly, licking the walls of the warehouse. Hopefully none of them were afraid of it, each student more struck by the eerie music than anything else, the sound getting louder and louder in the room where the oxygen was likely to be quickly burnt.
Hinata frowned, the music was so out of place in the stressed atmosphere it made it deeply disturbing, and made him wonder the luckster could even plan. Himself was thankful of the tape which muffled his surprised yelp. They were early, far too early! That wasn't according to what he expected and he panicked.
There was his reason yelling to him that he needed to stay calm, but his whole plan had been foiled and he was lost. He didn't had time to do everything he prepared, what could he even do now? They were going to bring the poison, but the crime scene would be far less intriguing.
He had been so thorough in the elaboration of his scheme, yet it was disgusting how easily he lost his own right mind at the sight of the fire, releasing the knife that he'd only began to slice his right tight with.
Thinking of it he probably should have stayed, if the smoke didn't asphyxiated him the poison would have been enough, and even if a part of his plan was ruined, the most important thing would have still worked. The spear would have been sufficient.
Yet instead he foiled his whole own plan himself by his irrational fear, fumbled to grab the knife and immediately cut the cords, without even thinking of the consequences. He released the spike once he got up, and let it fall loudly in a metallic sound. Removing the tape from his mouth quickly, he left everything behind, not even bothering to hide it before crossing the burning warehouse in an irregular path to avoid the flames.
The blood pumping hard in his veins, Komaeda was unable to feel any pain with the adrenaline. It wouldn't hurt much anyway though, his injuries were light – at least he expected them to be – after all the only place where the skin was exposed was his hands, and he didn't stay long enough in the fire for the marks to be serious.
In fact the white haired teen was so caught in escaping the burning room that he didn't even see Hinata before bumping into him.
No look was shared: the luckster fled so quickly that Hinata barely had any time to see his figure, failing to notice the ashes on the jacket. However he did realize – a bit too late to follow Komaeda – that he left a dark stain on his own shirt and it was really easy to understand what just happened as soon as he noticed where the other came from.
He wasn't really thinking when he suddenly threw the extinguisher in the fire before running after Komaeda. Turning around in a sharp move to check if anyone was after him, Hinata was stunned to see everyone followed his example, and that thus they were all running after Komaeda, who was already out of sight
Apparently Komaeda had no intention of interacting with them, but they wouldn't let him go, not with the blatant lies he spew about his whole traitor thing. None of their ElectroID worked, meaning – if there was a traitor – that the machine the white-haired boy used wasn't functioning well. Unless Komaeda himself was the traitor.
These theories were starting to be seriously ridiculous, and they were all running an acute danger so Hinata thought he'd better ask the luckster about it when it was time. Right now, the emergency was to disarm the bombs.
They had to split up when they completely lost any idea of Komaeda's path, and Hinata was left in mutual agreement with the first island. He hadn't really thought of where to search the one who was causing them all these problems but everything made sense when his feet began walking on their own accord.
On a second – or at least it seemed – he was by the bright beach, and the moment after he was heading to Jabberwork's park without even thinking of it.
Subconsciously, he knew where to find Komaeda, he understood. Was it because of the first time the luckster really opened to him or just a baseless assumption he didn't know, but to him there was no doubt where the white haired boy was currently.
Hinata understood something went awry when he saw Komaeda flee, it was so very rare for him to try and hide! Probably because he didn't usually need i, considering how all the students avoided him as much as possible but for once the luckster clearly showed what he wanted.
But they needed answers, because this fire wasn't natural and it was easy to be suspicious in this atmosphere of murder. Hinata was so sure of the luckster's implication in this accident he would bet his right hand Komaeda was the one who set it.
Hinata didn't really know why he headed for the park but in the end it didn't really matter because his guess was right. Mirroring the behavior he had just after the first trial, Komaeda was strangely silent, looking at the clock. The brunet had no idea what to say so he just sat on the bench next to the other.
The white haired boy kept ignoring him completely to the point where Hinata wondered if he'd even noticed him come. At first Hinata did nothing, afraid to move and break the silence, barely breathing and only listening to the other's loud rasps. The silence was uncomfortable, so the brunet occupied his mind. He tried to order all the events that happened lately, and form the questions he had in his head, but he found no answer to them
It didn't made him keen to break the mute atmosphere that set itself between them though. He felt very awkward but speaking out of the blue would make it even worse. Abruptly, he wondered if Komaeda could feel the same. Did he ever felt embarrassment of any kind?
Hinata realized he did nothing but interrupted him the other; it would make sense for him not to acknowledge the brunet. The reserve student couldn't stop the uncomfortable feeling that came, telling him it was a mistake to follow the talented one and destroy his loneliness
He was wondering if he should just leave when the other students stepped in, shattering the heavy silence in a second. The reserver had barely noticed them that Owari was already in front of him, scolding him for not telling them he found the luckster.
Ah right, he completely forgot didn't he? It came out of Hinata's mind at the moment he sat next to Komaeda. Hence, it was only any other proof that the white haired teen did nothing but distract him, and Hinata gritted his teeth. It was a wonder why the luckster's sole presence was affecting him so much, but it only contributed to brunet's frustration.
Komaeda didn't react any more to the other's presence than to Hinata's. No matter how loud Owari yelled, he didn't seem to hear or see them, as if he wasn't even aware of his surrounding. It was an eerie feeling and it disturbed the reserver a lot when he saw the gymnast shake Komaeda – not really violently though, since the way his body swung frightened her – without earning any acknowledgment either, since he was keeping silent mostly because the Ultimates were troubling him.
Everything Komaeda needed was calm to reflect and think of a new plan but the other students didn't seem ready to leave him alone. He was already frustrated enough that he foiled his murder himself when he prepared it so thoroughly, the last thing he needed was them yelling they wanted answers. He didn't owe them anything.
Owari's shouts were overwhelming, he already hated them at usual but right now the luckster wanted nothing else than tell her to stop because it was useless. However, he actually couldn't.
Right after Hinata arrived Komaeda had felt the sensation he dreaded so much, his body becoming numb and losing slowly his sensations. He didn't know why his condition seemed to have worsen since he was on the island, and could only suppose Monobear's stolen memories were about a few years.
He refused to think about the other explanation he may come to, so instead he focused on his body that was now much more fragile, exposed to any kind of sickness. If he didn't consider that possibility that had been hinted to him, it was a miracle he didn't contract any other illness than the despair fever.
It was nothing short of scary though. Now that he was the nearest of the symbols of hope, how unfortunate it would be for him to die without any hand to kill him? When he could help them to create the brightest hope, it would just be the worst luck not to be murdered; dying solely because of his illnesses. That was mostly the reason why he precipitated the first murder.
Although his aim was different now, he still wouldn't afford to die before accomplishing anything. He had to make the super high school level despair disappear. Komaeda didn't believe in a second chance for them, unless they were able to turn back to their previous selves by a situation that would force them to use all their potential. The strongest hope would prevail in his own trial, whether it would be the former Ultimates' or not.
Though currently Komaeda was completely unable to prepare any plan again, trying to calm his panicking body and avoid the seizure. He could feel when he was going to faint, it always came with a scent of decay that was probably only his imagination. The thing he always lost first was the vision. Everything was becoming dark as if he was about to black out, which wasn't so far from the reality.
It was disturbing to admit his senses were failing him, but easy to fathom – the cognitive had reduced its accuracy at an alarming rate when the dementia hit him – and Komaeda wasn't exactly surprised.
It still infuriated him that the gymnast had the audacity to simply grab his shoulders and shake him because he wasn't speaking. However, he had to admit it was sort of convenient. It gave him something to support his upper body that was really threatening to fall, since she was holding his shoulders, but it would be better if she didn't feel the absolute need to move him and disorient him any more than he already was.
Komaeda's body felt like writhing even though it was hardly possible that he actually was – Owari would have released him if he had been moving so erratically. He wanted to tell her to stop, but he knew if he opened his mouth he might just puke on the second.
Thus the luckster waited until he felt less light-headed, until he felt his senses slowly come back. He must have had a weird expression at some point because now they were all staring at him in semi suspicion, semi concern, especially the reserver whose gaze was getting more and more scrutinizing as his suspicion of Komaeda not being conscious was growing.
As Owari was shaking Komaeda, he remained oddly limp and completely unresponsive, his body swaying as if without any control. If at first Hinata thought the other was pretending he was beginning to doubt it as an even more unpleasant feeling clawed at his chest.
Hinata didn't wanted to admit it but he obviously was concerned by the sudden strange behavior, that reminded him of Komaeda's words, the ones he chose to ignore and think as lies, but that may be truths.
Was it possible for Komaeda to be dying? It seemed frankly hard to believe but, though he didn't trust the other boy and his constant ploys for hope, Hinata didn't enjoy the thought the slightest.
What could be the symptoms of lymphoma and dementia? Of course he couldn't have a clue about it. He was only a reserve student after all, not a therapist.
Hinata suddenly frown, interrupting his train of thoughts when he realized how unnerving it was that Komaeda always managed to twist his point of view, making himself almost omnipresent in the reserver's thoughts. To distract himself from his thoughts, he tugged a little at Komaeda's jacket, turning his attention on the other and watching his reaction.
Surprisingly enough, the white-haired teen's head slowly turned his way. Komaeda looked... exactly like usual, except maybe for the reddish marks that were so light they appeared to be fading already. The luckster was absolutely the same, and Hinata couldn't fathom what could be happening to him, why he was so silent. Komaeda wasn't exactly exuberant, but having him keeping quiet was rare enough to strike the brunet.
Komaeda's pupils were dilated when he let out a particularly loud gasp, suddenly breathing heavily, ragged sounds like rasps escaping him. Owari flinched at the unexpected noise but when she noticed his body trembling uncontrollably, she kept holding him, not quite understanding what was happening.
He kept scrutinizing Hinata with an inquisitive gaze and the other boy's gaze was fixed on him in return.
Komaeda looked almost normal like this, especially when his breath eventually calmed down and the gymnast released her grip on him, but he was nothing short of uneasy. Nervousness prickling at his nerves with every worried and caring look on Hinata's face, he wanted nothing more than to leave if only to escape this boy who was getting far too close to him.
Hinata seemed to know exactly how to make him lose his self control, how this kindness brought a sweet ache, far worse than any physical abuse. But Komaeda couldn't show how much it was affecting him, so he let out one of his usual smiles. It was really forced though, and he could tell Hinata didn't believe the apparent cheerfulness he was displaying.
Was he so weak he couldn't even mimic a smile? Or perhaps the grin was good enough, but the deep annoyance that showed in his eyes was betraying it. The luckster really couldn't remember the last time he had been so destabilized by someone.
He couldn't remember either the last time he loved and knew nothing good could come from this affection, but the fact stayed the same. He couldn't let Hinata get close to him, he wouldn't afford another regret. Komaeda had to repeat himself many times that he couldn't say anything, that they had to get rid of, to calm down the urge to spill at least something under these shining eyes.
"Are you alright?" Hinata felt like it was necessary to ask.
The luckster merely glared at him with an expression that showed nothing but irritation. He was at least satisfied he could fool himself enough to appear angry when the only thing he felt was highly disturbed and deeply insecure because Hinata did care.
Komaeda showed no sign of his inner turmoil, because it really couldn't have stung more than this. He tried to ignite anger to hide the fresh wounds, and immediately he felt lost. Truth was he had no idea how to react, it had been so long since someone gave him a bit of affection he didn't know what to do.
It was no good though, the luckster knew perfectly what happened to the daring ones that tried to get close to him. So why did it feel as if he was pushing away everything he could have? Why did Hinata look so harmless despite all the hurt he was bringing him? He was working for despair after all. Komaeda never wished to associate himself with the seeds of despair.
Anyway, the brunet probably pitied him more than anything else, knowing he was a lost cause from the beginning. Komaeda still wished the traitor could be the reserve student he couldn't understand why he loved, even if he was supposed to be hopeless. He wished Hinata could survive, because he truly had potential, he was carrying his own hope. It intrigued the luckster, who couldn't even fathom how it was possible.
Hinata was supposed to be as worthless as him yet he still managed to spread hope around him as if he was one of them. It had infuriated Komaeda to no end because he felt even more worthless and pathetic, but really it was bound to happen. To imagine Hinata as perfectly normal was a mistake he wouldn't make. It wasn't surprising for him to find himself the lowest human being, and it built his desire to create the ultimate hope.
His self hatred made his dedication for hope even stronger, because if they all had potential, they could create the shiniest hope if Komaeda helped them in an appropriate situation. So, to have Hinata pity him was an insult to the brunet's true hope. He really shouldn't concern himself with the luckster.
The worry displayed hurt like nails on skin, and Komaeda wanted to yell. He wished he could have succeeded, he wished he didn't have this foolish survival instinct that forced him to go through it again. It would have spared him the trouble.
Komaeda threw a glare at Hinata, that was already enough of an answer and the other seemed content with it.
"What just happened?"
Komaeda huffed but kept unresponsive before sharply shoving his hands in the reserve student's face on an impulse. He didn't really know what to do, he only wanted to get away from them but they wanted answers. He had to turn the conversation to his advantage but he couldn't think, his mind was in a thick fog.
"I burnt my hands."
He hissed in an unfriendly tone, looking down at him as if it was the most obvious thing in the world and he was an idiot for not knowing it.
Hinata could feel his blood boil, he hated it when Komaeda used this scorning tone. Yet surprisingly, Komaeda didn't add anything so the brunet forced himself to calm his mind and moved the other's wrists, careful not to grab the hurt hands.
The wounds really looked terrible and Hinata could see that if the burns on his face were almost non-existent – since he probably covered it with his hands and his thick hair even protected his whole scalp – the ones on his hands were much more acute. There were already big blisters oozing clear blood. It was unfortunate that none of them knew how to help them heal since Tsumiki, well she wasn't with them anymore.
Biting down a harsh answer, Hinata wondered what he could even say to him. Komaeda was staring at him again, trying to infuriate all of them. He clearly didn't intend to give any answer at the moment, and it was frustrating to acknowledge how much he could play with them. There was no straight answer with Komaeda, no easy way.
Especially when the luckster was going as far as thinking the most pissed they would get, the better it would be for him. After all, even if they went as far as beating him, none of them would kill in front of the others. He knew they wouldn't risk their life to take his, which was really convenient. It would be a pity to die here without having accomplished anything.
What bothered him far more was that even after showing he clearly despised them, the sickening worry Hinata showed for him didn't ever stop and it disgusted him. Komaeda hated this compassion he was getting. Hinata probably didn't even comprehend how much this bittersweet, careful behavior stung.
But it was obvious Hinata was wasting his sympathy on the luckster, and he thought himself truly hopeless for ruining it like he had always did because he was too selfish to actually push the brunet to stop. The white haired boy had tried discouraging the reserve student, but not with any determination. Yet, although this attention Hinata was giving him – as the benevolent, amazing, but despairing person he was – hurt more than anything else, Komaeda couldn't resolve himself to abandon it.
The luckster felt even more lonely now that Hinata broke the shelter he built between him and the others. He never regretted being by his own before the other came around him and never left. Hinata didn't bother consider Komaeda as a mere stepping stone for the symbols of hope. He grew as bold as to dare insinuate the luckster was equal to them. But how could he know a thing about it, since himself wasn't even a part of the hope's peak academy students?
Surprisingly Hinata was completely talentless but nowhere near hopeless. Komaeda couldn't understand, Hinata broke every expectation he had: he wasn't born to be talented yet he achieved the rank of symbol of hope himself. Though now he couldn't be anymore, it was all about despair.
Though now he was only despair, they all were, including himself. How repulsive he was, he could only guess it probably was partially his fault. Even in the case it wasn't, it made him perfectly useless, not even able to save them from this depravity.
They all were its preacher, including himself. It was disgusting to think he probably killed amounts of people, suited to create the brightest hope. It made him want to scream at the top of his lungs that he had believed himself important enough to take lives from his own hands. Even challenging the students in a final trial that will determine the end of their despair, or the restitution of their hope, wasn't meant to be made by Komaeda. There wasn't really anyone else who could force it though.
The white haired boy was the only one who could trigger an event that would leave them no other choice than to use the best of their abilities and create the ultimate hope. But he needed time to plan it, he had to fade away even if the others were preventing him from doing so. Thus he played along, trying to end the conversation quickly.
"Were you really the one who set on the fire?" Hinata finally asked. Komaeda considered not responding, but he couldn't really resolve himself to ignore him.
"Who knows?!" was his only answer, and if his tone was more aggressive than the first time it still was still far from snappish.
Komaeda never really seemed angry after all, giving pretty lies and wide smiles, little frowns sometimes and sassy sarcastic answers more often than Hinata would like but he never yelled. The luckster hid almost everything behind this smile of his.
"Indeed, I was in the room where the fire started. I was doing something in the warehouse before it began to burn so you could say it's not surprising there are some marks left, and I'm glad it's all." he continued mercilessly without waiting for any answer, his voice full of disdain and something that sounded too much like resentment.
"But then, how did the fire even start?" Hinata wondered aloud. Truly, they barely spared a glance at the warehouse before following the luckster so the cause of the flames was unknown to the students.
Ignoring his statement, Komaeda continued talking.
"You could have killed me in this you know!"
It was obvious he was dissatisfied, yet Hinata couldn't tell if he was really mad or just frustrated.
"Aren't you the one who told us to kill you anytime if it could bring us hope?"
Hinata knew the question was harsh and honestly very rude but he couldn't stop himself. In the span of a few days, Komaeda broke out again the character he made of him, becoming completely unpredictable. It was so unlike him to say he would kill them all if they didn't make a decent job at searching said bombs.
There, Komaeda was proving again that he didn't seem to have that sort of admiration, almost devotion for them anymore. He didn't look that eager to kill or die for them right now, and this was too far from anything Hinata had knew of Komaeda.
The white haired boy didn't respond but Hinata didn't really think he would. His face held a deep frown and it perturbed the brunet, not seeing Komaeda hiding his emotions behind his signature smirk.
He couldn't understand what Komaeda was anymore.
After a while though, the luckster suddenly grimaced before merely saying that he did say that, a disgusted look on his face. For some reason though, it made Souda terribly mad.
"What the hell is wrong with you anyway?"
The white haired teen didn't respond at first, only scoffing. But then he almost yelled, breaking completely the brunet's expectations, though Hinata could tell it wasn't in wrath. Or maybe it was, but Komaeda was way too good at hiding and disguising his thoughts.
"What's wrong with me is that there is something wrong with all of us!" he hissed, but then refused to explain himself, and started to ramble on something the reserver didn't even know.
"Komaeda, stop dancing around the subject. What have we done?" Hinata cut him after some time, fed up of his habit to orientating the conversation where he wanted it.
They both expected his voice to be exasperated but it sounded calm, a little concerned and he looked more confused than angry. He should have watched more attentively, to noticed Komaeda flinching a little, shifting uncomfortably.
It was rare for the luckster to see Hinata not getting irritated truly easily. On the contrary, the reserver was thoughtful, humming just slightly at the back of his throat. It was a low, calming sound, so difficult to hear Komaeda thought maybe he was imagining it, and it was very probable. It wouldn't be the first auditive hallucination he ever had.
While Komaeda expected him to be as frustrated as he had been in their first meeting, Hinata was collected, searching – desperately maybe though the luckster doubted it. This was a sight of him Komaeda didn't get to see often, almost only in trials.
It only added to the white haired boy's confusion because it was undeniable proof that the reserve student paid attention to his words, he was listening and trying to understand when Komaeda tried to make it sound like nothing but a useless rant. The reserver was far too focused on him for the luckster's liking.
Yet, the fact that Komaeda stayed unresponsive and unwilling to share any information unnerved Hinata, even if he didn't show it. He didn't expect the luckster to respond, but why did he always had to make it so complicated?
"Can't you just tell us what you know for once?" the reserver said in an irritated tone, and surprisingly enough, Komaeda responded immediately.
"I have disposed of all the intelligence" the Ultimate stated in a blank tone, his voice void of emotion. "Looks like it all burnt in the fire." he added with a knowing smile that was desperately infuriating.
It seemed to be nothing but a lie, yet Hinata couldn't force Komaeda to open to him if he didn't want to. That fact didn't make the feeling of helplessness less unpleasant though.
"So you set the warehouse on fire only to destroy all information? This is so fucked up!"
Souda was the only one to interfere in their conversation, and somehow the brunet was glad that at least one of the survivors wasn't simply glaring at the two of them like all the others. However, Komaeda refused to turn his gaze to meet the pink haired's one, only glared at the reserve student.
The luckster was still flashing an eerie smile, yet he looked a little on edge, so slightly Hinata wouldn't have noticed if he hadn't been staring at the other with such attention, trying to analyze his reactions. Komaeda wasn't acknowledging anyone else's words. They wouldn't be going anywhere with this, though it was probably exactly as he planned.
The change in the white-haired teen behavior – that went from encouraging them to murder him to planning of killing them all – was perfectly impossible to understand for the reserver. Perhaps he should have paid more attention the only time they mentioned what could be the luckster's true motivations.
A flash of inspiration crossed his eyes when he found something odd he didn't pick back at their encounter on the park after the first trial. He suddenly started to stare at Komaeda with a look of doubt and cold determination which made the other grimace.
"When you talked about the time left for you last time I found you here, it wasn't as factual as you claimed it was." From the neutral tone he used, it was obvious no answer was expected.
"You were speaking about that illness, weren't you?"
Indeed Komaeda should have expected such a thing. There was a time where he over crossed the boundaries and this had been his biggest mistake with Hinata. He allowed him to understand a part of his line of thought, to be able to predict his actions a little.
Even through their starved state, it had been a horrendous choice to talk about the diagnosis given to him since the brunet gave it a lot more importance than he should have. There wasn't any way to get this out of his mind now, wasn't it? What a ludicrous situation, there was nothing to be said on his diseases, this conversation wasn't meant to be.
"I really don't see what you mean Hinata."
The honorific didn't come in the icy toned voice and the reserver visibly shuddered, finally snapping out of his deductive trance and sighting. He really was growing tired of Komaeda's habit to close doors on every single discussion they had.
"What exactly did you plan with this fire?" Hinata inquired to change the subject.
He certainly didn't think Komaeda would respond, much less immediately so he didn't catch the meaning of the whisper he was answered by, but then apparently nobody had.
"Pardon?" he said softly, wanting to apologize for not listening in the first place when he was the one who asked.
The contrast between his and Komaeda's voices was great, far too important not to strike everybody, especially when the luckster did nothing else but shouted. A striking divergence from his usual character.
Hinata was beginning to think the other actually discovered information that genuinely shocked him. He was a bit afraid to know something that seemed so serious it could break down Komaeda's personality now. Though anyway he wouldn't obtain it since Komaeda was so unwilling to share and there was no way in hell any of them would force him.
"There aren't any bombs!" he exclaimed and Hinata saw Souda flinch with the suddenness of his loud claim, out of place in this situation.
Immediately the brunet believed him, the luckster wouldn't be so mad if his claim was false. This whole threat was a horrendous lie, a huge bluff they all thought true to discover an identity yet that revealed nothing in the end.
Hinata did wonder though if Komaeda was he still hiding something or not. His schemes were always so complicated it was hard to imagine this was the end of it. It was frightening, terrifying really how completely lost they were between Komaeda's little plans. They couldn't know what to expect at all.
"Obviously they're fireworks. Where do you expect me to even find enough explosives to wipe this island off the cards? It's such a ridiculous thought! I was lucky you didn't take the time to debate clearly about the matter, you would have found immediately it made no sense!" he huffed in disdain.
It was a bit too clear for Hinata that Komaeda was blaming nobody else than himself. It was nothing but the accuracy of his plans that he was criticizing. The reserver had never seen the luckster so utterly furious. Komaeda usually hanged around a constant self-depreciation, but he had never stopped being deadly calm, as if nothing could phase him yet here he was, almost shouting and displaying a violent scorn.
It only made Hinata doubt the situation to be far more important than the discovery of fake bombs, and the failure of one of the white haired boy's plan. What may Komaeda do with the intelligence he had?
"Why are you doing all of this? You didn't need to take such measures if you just wanted to discover the traitor." Hinata couldn't stop himself from asking.
Komaeda remained quiet this time, refusing to respond to his question as if it had personally offended him; which only confirmed Hinata's suspicion that he was indeed preparing something much bigger than some bluff.
"Haha why is it even important? You really need to learn to focus on the primary information Hinata." Komaeda mocked, relieved of his voice's stillness.
Komaeda was waiting for it to create the usual spark of anger, then the refusal to keep up with him and he wasn't disappointed. Hinata's expression turned so sour the luckster thought he might leave immediately. How convenient would it be? He truly wondered why his first reaction was one of panic.
Yet there was still a lump in a throat Komaeda never thought could be so narrow; like something he couldn't swallow. It became obvious very quickly that he was in denial. He couldn't care about any of the remnants of despair though, especially not Hinata who had always been far too close to him. Even in the hypothesis that the reserver was the traitor, he wouldn't forgive Komaeda for what he would have done.
The luckster had made a shelter that separated himself from any other person a long time ago, and even if Hinata managed to pass through, break it partially, it wasn't acceptable anymore. Komaeda had revealed too much and regretted to have been so open.
It was a shame Hinata lead him to even doubt his own unworthiness, to believe he could be the embodiment of hope. It was easy to tell himself that before interacting with the other he never would have thought he would become the super high school hope by eradicating the roots of despair, but also not completely accurate.
Komaeda became awfully arrogant by himself, someone as despairingly misguided as him didn't even deserve to turn the tables and intervene in this, to change their future. He was only allowed to watch them fight the despair and reach higher ranks, become the true symbols of hope, he could only give them a few obstacles sometimes, mess it up a little so they would use their abilities as much as they could. He wasn't worthy of testing them in a life and death situation.
"You really are a bastard."
It wasn't the reserver who responded, but the yakuza's voice was surprisingly calm, with a hint of exhaustion. It caught the luckster's attention almost immediately.
Were they tired because the stress hidden in the bomb threat that made them run and panic? Maybe they were even furious, it would be perfectly understandable. However there was no trace of anger in their faces, only fatigue mixed with annoyance and hesitance.
They were all fed up of his schemes, they were tired of being pawns in his games, in his petty ploys. For some reason, Komaeda wanted to apologize even though they really deserved it. They turned to despair after all, they all had responsibility in this. This whole mess wasn't the luckster's entire fault, he rationalized, and he allowed himself to think somewhere in the back of his mind that maybe, maybe it was alright for him to do it if it was for the greater good.
Komaeda couldn't understand why this failed attempt made him doubt his reasons so much, why he was so unsure of his plan being necessary for them. He knew he got something wrong but he refused to listen. To think that every single thing he could do was useless due to the potential nature of the place they got stuck in? That was just a bit too much for him.
"Ah, of course. You shouldn't be surprised Kuzuryuu-kun, I thought you already made your mind on this matter when Togami-kun was stabbed."
They all cringed at the mention of the first murder, as though they desperately wanted to forget the trigger of the murders and it was something particularly unpleasant to be reminded of. Hence none of the students responded. The conversation could have ended perfectly smoothly, letting the luckster leave without anyone bothering to call him back as according to his plans but Komaeda decided against. He selfishly wanted his last interaction with the former symbols of hope to be longer, more interesting.
"Is there anything the matter with you?" Komaeda asked without bothering to precise who the question was directed to, but it didn't matter because no one acknowledged it.
Somehow, Komaeda had completely obtained what he wanted. He was controlling the situation, orientating the conversation exactly where he wanted it to be. However, it didn't stop him from getting greedy, relishing the control he had and wanting the feeling to last longer.
Besides he knew this was nothing like the good luck that would come after his failed murder attempt – it was far too simple to be compared with the expected outcome – so he could allow himself to push the limits farther.
"You really look gloomy Hinata, you shouldn't make such a scary face!" Komaeda added, excluding every other student by this short sentence, almost forcing them to stay quiet.
Even though it was nowhere near an order, none of them dared to interrupt their little amusing exchange, not when they saw the reserver's face closing, his expression showing deep annoyance with eyes almost flashing with hatred.
"You really are an asshole" Hinata snarled in frustration, and Komaeda didn't respond.
The luckster didn't apologize, he wouldn't have meant it anyway. He never replied instead, merely showing his knowing, irritating smirk he used to make Hinata feel inferior, as if he was below all the students and would never belong because he was undeserving of their presence. It was awfully infuriating.
Hinata sighed, trying to calm down. With how perceptive Komaeda was, he couldn't let his face betray his every single thought. Working on appearing collected, he gave a look of pity to the luckster, not intending to mock him the slightest. It was painfully obvious how the luckster was directing the attention away from him, when the one that needed to be checked on was him.
His glance made Komaeda's throat constrict suddenly, almost unbearably. It was Hinata's turn to wear a piercing glare as if he could see all the lies and the false pretenses, put them aside and stare at the negative, self-destructive feelings Komaeda tried to keep hidden. For the luckster, it felt as if Hinata was trying to put him together, and the misplaced care stung.
"Ah is something the matter with you?" the luckster repeated his question in a hesitant voice while damning himself to sound so insecure.
"No, I'm alright. But are you?"
"Of course!" Komaeda replied with a smile that was obviously too bright to be sincere.
Hinata sighed again, apparently unsatisfied with his answer but his face stayed friendly, destroying the other's attempts to make his care stop.
"You know, I'm aware you have a lot of issues and all." Hinata began and the white haired boy felt a freezing sensation spreading to his whole body, the fear of anticipation.
"And I know we rejected you more than anything else since we are on this island. But if you want to talk to me about something, I'll do my best to listen."
Komaeda could feel his breath catch, and made a tiny choked sound nobody heard. It burnt in his chest. There was no way he could find a better description of "giving in". His control was an illusion, a figment of his imagination, especially on his own emotions. He was overreacting, with no idea how to stop panicking.
"Ah it's awfully kind of you Hinata, but I can't let you waste yourself on me. I couldn't hope to bother you and make you lose your time with my useless existence."
The voice was assured and almost amused with the small laugh he gave at the end of the sentence, but his eyes were betraying the coldness of it. They were flashing with animosity, making the broad smile displayed on his face obviously fake.
Komaeda couldn't recognize the tone in his voice, neither could he try to compose the same mask of cheerfulness he wore all the time. It seemed foreign in this terribly uncomfortable situation, that prevent himself from hiding his discomfort.
Was time freezing like the last time they met on this bench? Who would know, Komaeda wasn't able to think of anything else than the brunet's words. Hinata was prying to understand him and he was pushing him away, distancing himself from the only person who'd felt a little of sympathy for him since a too long time.
The only comfort he got after not experiencing it for so long he couldn't remember was rejected because the luckster couldn't stand it, he'd never wanted anything like this. He was terrible at lying to himself though.
Hinata's look turned even softer and Komaeda felt completely lost when he caught his gaze. There was no way he could get the hate back there, but he didn't know how he could deal with empathy.
"You're sure about that?" Hinata inquired and the luckster knew he wouldn't be able to answer.
It was almost fine since Hinata didn't expect an answer, as if he understood his current dilemma between his insecurities and the weakness that was a deep bond with someone he might kill. One weakness that was far too persistent, that Komaeda couldn't erase.
The reserver helped him greatly this time as he took it for an opportunity to leave, with all the others Super High School Level Despair and the traitor. Komaeda stayed frozen on the small, lonely bench for a while before he eventually pushed himself to move, a permanent hollowness following him.
Komaeda sluggishly made the way back to his cottage, slower than he needed to be. It felt like walking without aim, and actually it might just have been the case. Did he really have any purpose anymore?
When he pushed the door open, Komaeda was engulfed in the heavy, soothing silence: nothing could be heard with nobody around, not even the sea waves. It didn't help him to get his mind out of the deaths he might cause. It didn't make the situation any better, but from this point the luckster was aware nothing would, nothing changed what he had to do.
It was when he noticed the presence of a white folded note, that was definitely new to his current home. Opening it carefully, as if it might just blow in his face, Komaeda's gaze went at the neat handwriting, admiring his harmony and regularity before reading the few words. All it said was a promise of a beautiful future – that he would never have – laced with positive sentences.
There was an implicit promise from Hinata that he would improve their situation and the luckster found he couldn't help believing in it, even for just a second. The reserver was someone truly special, he could probably make it fine but not for the luckster who couldn't believe how much of a naive cheering it was.
It was just how much it took Komaeda to start wheezing, and within a few minutes he was laughing hoarsely in the deep silence. Breaking his composure, his breathing coming ragged and difficult. He couldn't stop himself, quickly out of breath, sounds coming too high and sharp, keeping the laughter until no oxygen could come anymore so he was barely rasping, his chest rising and falling erratically and with that he naturally stopped.
He wished he could have continued, to distract him from the realization that he was disgusting and perfectly useless. He didn't do anything despite trying to get air back to his lungs while the surroundings were too silent, lonely although he knew he deserved it.
Nothing occurred despite his repulsive sounds, and Komaeda crawled over his bed in a quirky thought, pressing his ear to the wall, trying to know if someone could have heard him but it was no use. Nobody else seemed to have stayed in this area which was really convenient. They couldn't have listened to his mad chuckles.
The luckster didn't want to be thinking about Hinata but it was necessary because he was getting awfully illogical and all these actions made absolutely no sense. His mind couldn't stop wandering on the fact that he was unable to accomplish what he needed to do: push him away.
He was confused yet he couldn't afford to be, couldn't stay so easily influenced but he couldn't get over this weakness. It wasn't surprising coming from someone as low as him.
Komaeda whispered himself a pitiful excuse: he was just human after all, he couldn't always succeed, it was just his luck anyway yet it was even more terrible because he couldn't let himself waste these strokes of luck anything worthless.
Komaeda needed his talent for his plan, it was absolutely necessary yet he had to wait now, only because he was weak: he couldn't miss it once again because he knew he wouldn't bear, it was already too much this time. But the risk of his luck foiling his new plan was too important for Komaeda to ignore it.
He realized he couldn't afford himself another breakdown like the one he just had, especially not in front of anyway. He had one last purpose to accomplish after all, wasn't it right? It was true that it was much more important than trying and failing to help the seeds of hope, he made such an awful job at it anyway.
However the Super High School Level Despair were ever released in the world in their current state, hope wouldn't be able to keep flowing, it would cease his existence. Komaeda had to change their nature, and kill them eventually if they weren't able to become to symbols of hope again. He had always been working for it after all. Even if they were far more than pathetic beings working to cause the world's end, he had to destroy and shape them again. For hope's sake.
Would he be able to do it though? After everything he'd failed, especially a plan that had no room for mistakes. Should he give up like usual, like all the weaklings do, because this purpose wasn't his, he wasn't anywhere capable of accomplishing anything as grand as changing completely five former students that only preached despair.
Should he go back to believe in them? They were still surprising, entertaining, fascinating even to look at. But should he really rely on the ones who brought the world to its knees?
Maybe they were right, and he was just smiling at despair. They found no hope in death as Komaeda expected. They wouldn't understand there wasn't anything left out there for him. If there was still some sort of hope left for them, there had never been any for him. No hope or despair in life or death, just a meaningless emptiness that was slowly, hopelessly rotting.
But Hinata's care, his gentle looks and words, it was eating his putrid soul. When the only thing the luckster possessed was his convictions, the brunet was taking them away. Whispering nonsense about a potential worth he might have. Leaving him without anything.
Komaeda should have closed the door – literally – on their conversation the first time Hinata showed at his cottage. After spending so much time with him around, there were some things he couldn't hide. Hinata was far too great at reading him, it was overwhelming and impossible to overcome. Especially since the white haired boy didn't deserve to be looked at so carefully.
It only reminded the luckster that they never were equals, even in despair. Because they did matter when he wasn't anyone important. He was undeserving of interfere in a plan so capital. He wouldn't leave any mark on the world, just disappearing without anyone getting to really remember him. And this was fine.
Komaeda wasn't thinking twice about his decision when he headed straight to the warehouse once again, because then he would regret it, which was exactly what had to be avoided.
The warehouse was as deadly silent as his cottage, in the exact state where he left it. The cords, the spear and the knife. He didn't even spare a look at the former two, only bending to grab the latter then quickly getting up again. It would be dirty but Komaeda couldn't care less, and he knew he deserved to suffer anyway.
Komaeda sat on the left side of the room, leaning on the wall. Hesitating one second, just a meaningless moment that didn't matter when he pressed the knife on his palm. He had no tape this time, didn't bother to take some, so he didn't end the gesture. He had to stay at least a little quiet.
When the kitchen knife first cracked his skin open, it didn't hurt. Not the slightest, Komaeda couldn't feel anything which was mildly concerning. He couldn't determine what caused the loss of sensation, since it couldn't be the lack of hemoglobin. The red liquid had barely started spilling out of the wound. He curled his lips, looking at it with disgust. It was better if it weren't the dementia, but there was some things he couldn't really ignore.
He started drawing light, red lines on his arms, tracing a changing pattern, the cuts barely deep enough to ooze blood. It wasn't the aim after all, he didn't want to have to wipe his arms clean many times.
Komaeda made sure for the wounds not to be any deeper than scratches, efficiently not drawing too much blood, while still harming himself. The light injuries hurt a lot more than he thought, which made it tough to keep quiet, yet felt better than anything else. The pain was deserved.
It suddenly came to his mind that harming himself was perfectly useless. He could cut himself, even maim himself, it would do nothing in the end. This body wasn't anything material, just a projection of his mind. In the simulation...
It was obvious that the hint had been given to him, he just refused to consider it rationally before. Committing suicide in order to make the stronger hope prevail, then waking up in the real world? It didn't sound like something he would ever be able to stand. And of course he would wake up from this artificial world.
If Komaeda had paid attention he would have been able to guess they were in a simulation far before, instead of letting the information come to him. He could have collected the dots before, but his mind was opposed to it.
Their arrival, Monokuma's self existence, the executions in themselves wouldn't exist if they weren't in this environment. And Nidai would never have changed body completely in the reality. They would never have had an infinite stock of food without any delivery.
The virtual nature of this world made all of these occurrences possible, and reduced the luckster's body to a simple blood vessel. Worthless as if he didn't even exist. Why was it so hard to admit everything they lived had never been real? He felt betrayed, but he couldn't figure by whom.
His chance to meet the Ultimates, his attempts to sacrifice themselves for them, for the hope he wished would flourish... it was only orchestrated by the one who let all of them in this simulation. Why would it matter if he died? It wouldn't change a thing. If his plan did function, they would be all dead in the simulation but still living in the real world, able to spread their despair.
Was it despair really? Komaeda wondered what he was even fighting for anymore. Maybe the hope of the students could surpass his wish to die. In the end, if they lived, if they died... It was all pointless.
Whatever drove him when he was executing his first scheme – hope or despair it didn't matter since it came from him – was gone, and there was an overpowering feeling of emptiness that was crushing him.
Worthless, his existence wouldn't change anything. Why would he live a life tainted with pity? There was a burning desire to just go with it, push the blade in his chest right now and end it. But even this was perfectly useless.
If he committed suicide, he would just be in the real world again. If he kept living, he would leave the simulation one day or another. He had lost everything he once had, left without any choice but a hollow life. He felt furious towards the one who left him in such a hopeless situation, forced to keep living a meaningless life. It was pitiful.
Komaeda wasn't sure how much time it took him until he was satisfied, his arms tainted with crimson, dripping dark liquid. Though it was a bit gross, at least it was refreshing to see how easily he could cause his own self-destruction.
At some time, he changed the knife location and pointed it straight at his throat, pressing it hard at first, breaking through skin. He couldn't allow himself to be thinking anymore, not when himself didn't even know where he was going. As sharply as he put the blade on his throat, he backed away before pointing it to the neck again, with a burning desire to slam it right in the bottom of his throat.
The hold on the knife was limp and the move seemed sluggish, just like a slow motion. Is it how it feel when you're about to die? Or maybe it was because he was regretting, and it wasn't completely what he wanted.
But then someone dared to interrupt the white haired boy. The bad luck was biting him back ironically, destroying his plans again, especially since it was no one else than Hinata. Komaeda yelped in surprise at first, but then dread was all that could fill his mind. Hinata saw him, he saw him like this, in this pathetic state.
And when he had caught sight of him and called him out, what could he do? So he threw the knife next to Hinata's head, meaning for it to frighten the other. Hinata was making him frankly desperate. What else could he do against the other than to give an empty threat?
Hinata did far more than just flinch when the razor sharp knife was thrown, hitting the wall in a deafening metallic sound, only a few inches from his head. He screamed, long and loud in incomprehension, frustration, terror, fury.
"What the hell?! Oh my god why the fuck did you throw that, you could have killed me!"
Realization caught him far too late once again that it may have been the luckster's aim. He was visibly boiling in anger under this wide smile of his, patience completely worn out. There might also be a slight tremor shaking his hands which were clenching again and again in anxious nervousness, but Hinata couldn't tell anything more because the next second Komaeda was fleeing again, gone without leaving the brunet any hope to reach for him.
At that time he was far too aghast to stop the other when he ran away, pushing him out of the way once again. It was getting repetitive, as if their conversation didn't change anything but Hinata knew better. They had prevented another murder, thanks to Kuzuryuu and Sonia they saved at least one life.
His discussion did shake Komaeda's beliefs, that much was obvious upon staring at the blade of the knife he grabbed, tainted with barely dried blood. Droplets of a dark liquid were scattered around the floor, and there was no doubt on their nature. Certainly not, with the stain the brunet noticed Komaeda left, spreading on the sleeves of his jacket as quickly as fire.
Hinata was shocked, but surely not enough that he wouldn't even think of going after Komaeda. There was an unbelievable level of danger in this situation where they were all lost, without any intelligence while Komaeda possessed it all and refused to share it, in a horrified reluctance.
Yet, Hinata was well aware that he didn't know how to interpret the luckster's words and actions completely correctly yet and maybe his hypothesis were all wrong. His assumptions were based on pretty much nothing else than Komaeda's odd behavior.
His sole proofs were the bunch of weapons he found that could – very well – be meant to be used in another way. His whole reasoning could be completely incorrect. Why did he trust Komaeda when he said he wouldn't kill any one of them? The evidence he found in the warehouse a few minutes ago could very well be used for the murder of a student.
The problem was the sole presence of the luckster in the warehouse, who prepared something thoroughly, lit a fire for some reason. Hinata was starting to doubt who his real target was. No, in reality he perfectly knew, he only refused to admit that Komaeda could be doing this again.
It was as if they were back at the party, Komaeda triggering the murders with an awfully well planned suicide. The brunet still couldn't figure what it would bring to kill himself but he didn't like it at all.
Maybe he was just imagining things, but the smiles he got a few hours ago at Jabberwork's park looked so dull he couldn't ignore the uneasiness that creep on him. Sure, these grins have probably never been very sincere yet they were different from usual, as if there wasn't anything left to hide.
If anything Komaeda seemed to be an empty shell – which was frankly a scary idea – and Hinata had to understand why. Just like last time, he had to find a clue for both everybody's and especially Komaeda's sake.
Hinata realized he needed Komaeda to admit his actions and tell him his real motivations. Without his cooperation, they would go nowhere. The only thing he had to do was follow the other to his cottage, and be insistent enough for the luckster to cough up the information nobody else than him had.
Hinata was well aware the other didn't intend to be found this time, but there wasn't any other solution. The knife was a message, one of rejection and refusal. The luckster wanted him to take his distances and stop urging him for the information. It would surely be difficult to make him accept to speak, but Hinata was stubborn.
He was also determined enough that even the surprise of finding the cottage completely closed, almost sheltered with the dark fabric that covered the windows, didn't turn his mind from his aim. He knocked once. Twice. Three, four, five, six times...
After thirty he lost count but still didn't stop. He stayed in front of the door for an undetermined time, trying to get the answer that wasn't coming.
Komaeda didn't respond, not a word or even a sound came from the inside of the cottage. As if it was empty.
Hinata left for a few hours, then came back knocking. After a few times he would leave.
The fifteenth time he came to knock, there was a semblance of response. Hinata heard a harsh cough from the other side of the door and when it stopped he was tempted to call Owari to break the door – there was no sound again, not even a breathing. He was a bit worried, not sure if the luckster was alright.
The brunet started banging on the door violently, trying to get a sign of acknowledge, an answer, at least something! A single knock resonated in the middle of his, so faint Hinata wouldn't have noticed it if he wasn't paying so much attention. There was the sign he searched for. He left for a few hours.
When he came back, there was a note on the door. "Go away" Komaeda was telling him, more straightforward than ever.
There wasn't any use in knocking, nothing would come. Hinata gave up.
I hope you liked it! I'll publish the second and last chapter in a few days. I'd appreciate it if you left me a comment :)