Title: Joss Sells Out
Author: Nopporn Wongrassamee aka The Evil Author
Summary: Joss Whedon pitches a new spin-off to the network executives.
Disclaimer: The characters and settings belong to whoever owns them. I'm just too lazy to look up who they are.
"Not another Buffy spin-off!" the network executive wailed.
"Trust me, you'll love this," Joss replied. "Trust me, it's got everything you guys would want in a series. Action. Explosions. Pretty girls in skimpy outfits."
"What about story lines?" another executive asked. "You always got these convoluted stories that no one can follow."
"We're looking to make this a more episodic series," Joss replied. "I'll even let you guys have more input on the scripts."
A low murmur broke out among the executives.
"Okay, let's see this demo tape," the lead executive said finally.
Joss hit the PLAY button.
A black screen. Ominous music plays. Words fade in.
Caption: In every generation...
Fade in to a foggy graveyard scene. It is obviously night even though the graveyard is oddly well lit. Fade back out to black.
Caption: A Slayer is born...
Fade in. The camera is now focused on a single grave. The dirt is stirring. Fade out.
Caption: One girl in all the world...
Fade back to the same scene. As a vampire rises from the grave, a feminine figure in tight leather pants visible only from the waist down steps in between the camera and vampire. Fade out.
Caption: Chosen to fight the vampires...
Fade in to a close up of the vampire's face as it rises into view. When the vampire's face is fully in view, it stops as the muzzle of a shotgun appears, aimed at the vampire's head. Fade out.
Caption: Until now.
Fade in to a wide shot. The vampire is half surrounded by a dozen young women in tight skimpy clothing. The women are all carrying or wearing a variety of obvious weapons both modern and medieval. One woman (PATTY) to the left of the obvious leader (KENNEDY) is holding a shotgun to the vampire's head.
The shotgun is fired, and the vampire's head is shown being blown off before he is dusted.
KENNEDY turns to the woman with the shotgun.
KENNEDY: Hey! That was mine.
PATTY: Sorry, boss.
Cue music and montage. Music is a generic rock and roll tune with a fast beat. Montage is a series of quick images.
KENNEDY fights multiple opponents with a sword in one hand and a long stake in the other.
A dragon soaring through the air is blown out of the sky by a missile. Immediately following is a shot of a girl looking up from the sights of a shoulder fired missile launcher.
A monster made of water rises from a swimming pool, fighting multiple Slayers. The Slayers are all in bikinis.
A Slayer is firing a gatling gun almost as big as she is on full auto at the camera. The gun seems to have no recoil.
A scantily clad Slayer is dancing a sexy dance with some guy in a nightclub.
A Slayer lands on a concrete floor behind a group of vampires. As the vampires turn to her, the Slayer holds out her empty hand towards them and shouts something. Flames erupt from her empty hand to engulf the vampires.
Kennedy and some other Slayers are engulfed in light and vanish; their empty clothing falls to the ground. Close up on Kennedy's fallen clothes reveals a tiny Kennedy struggling to get free.
A Slayer with her back to the camera is in a helicopter with a large sniper rifle at the ready. Over her shoulder can be seen a giant demon climbing up the side of a skyscraper, clutching someone in one of its hand.
Cut music. End montage. Switch to a night rooftop scene with city lights visible in the background. KENNEDY and ANDREW are in the foreground, having a conversation. A few other Slayers are visible but obviously not part of the conversation.
KENNEDY: You're our what?
ANDREW: I'm your new Watcher.
Switch scene to an obviously sleeping KENNEDY in bed. Kennedy's eyes suddenly open wide as she starts to gasp in horror.
Cut to black. The show's logo fades in.
Caption: Slayers
Caption: Special Weapons And Tactics
Joss hit the stop button and turned to his audience. "So," he said, smiling. "What do you all think?"