Disclaimer: Don't own HP.
Dear Fanfiction Writers,
This is Harry Potter. This morning I was at a muggle library when I was brutally asualted by a girl who happily declared herself my 'fangirl'.
I promptly said, "Excuse me?"
She blushed profusely and left. I tried to forget her and got onto one of the free computers to do some research on a new case I am working on. I, in a twist of odd destiny entered the wrong site and happened across here. Upon finding my name, I was curious and opened one story. Then another. Then another.
I do not know who this J.K. Rowling is, but I can tell you that nobody owns me. I do not know how she knows so much my life and I am completely wigged out!
Upon thouroughly exploring the site I was nearly sick on many occasions. Let me set quite a couple things clear.
I am completely human, 100 percent human. No question about it.
I am married to Ginny Weasley, and very happily married if I do say so myself. She did not trick me into marrying her, feed me a love potion or pretend to be somebody I actually love.
Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley are like MY SIBLINGS! I have no romantic interest in either.
I have not gone to the dark side.
I am quite straight thank you very much. I am not in love with Draco Malfoy. I have never had sex with Severus Snape. I DO NOT FUCKING LOVE LORD FUCKING VOLDEMORT!
That anybody could think such a thing completely disgusts me!
Next: I am not all powerful.
Though, unpleasant, my relatives never beat, or raped me.
Severus Snape is NOT MY FATHER!
I do not know what you all are thinking when you write these fictions about my life. You certainly have no right to do so. Where you get such idea's is beyond me.
I am sure to have nightmares for a very long time.
Quite Hatefully,
Harry Potter
P.S. I would very much appreciate if you could keep graphic descriptions of both me and my wife off the internet. Thank you.
AN: I'm not saying anything against these fics, ideas, pairing. I read alot of them.