[Douglas storms on stage. His jacket is still on, but unbuttoned; his hat is discarded; and his tie is loosened so it hangs around his neck. Carolyn enters a second later, trying to match his stride. Her blouse, waistcoat and knee length pencil skirt are neat, but not meticulous.]
CAROLYN
I don't understand what the problem is!
DOUGLAS
You must do! It's breaking my heart!
CAROLYN
Don't be such a drama queen, Douglas.
DOUGLAS
Carolyn, Martin is cheating on me!
CAROLYN
*Pretending to be serious* Oh, Romeo, Romeo; where fore art thou, Romeo? *Smirking* Oh, that's right, he's sleeping with the neighbour!
DOUGLAS
This is serious! It's Helena all over again!
CAROLYN
And Susan; and Rose; and Gerald –
DOUGLAS
Carolyn!
CAROLYN
You're paranoid! He could be doing anything!
DOUGLAS
Or anyone!
Because that's what life is.
CAROLYN
Douglas…
DOUGLAS
Who'd want me?
An old Sky-God's still old,
Doesn't give one much glee…
I mean, really now. Truly happy? Arthur's words hit me like a ton of bricks. I've never had that. If I wasn't so busy worrying I might have that with Martin…
CAROLYN
That doesn't sound like the Douglas Richardson I know…
DOUGLAS
That's because that Douglas Richardson, the infallible Sky-God with the inexhaustible supply of good luck is just an act.
CAROLYN
Douglas…?
DOUGLAS
Always thought I was the best,
Met wife number one twenty years ago.
I thought it was paradise,
Like New York in the snow.
Well… Now I'm older,
A bit more wise.
Thought she was lucky to have me,
The best thing in the skies.
That wasn't true, though,
It was I, who was lucky,
As I always am.
CAROLYN
But… you weren't lucky. She hurt you, Douglas…
DOUGLAS
It was better than I deserved
Someone should have told her that long ago.
It was for her own good,
There's no quid-pro-quo.
And why would he love me, anyway?
With those perfect lips, and that soft hair?
He could have anyone he wanted,
Someone who might care.
CAROLYN
But you do!
DOUGLAS
I don't show it though, do I? He's better off with someone… better.
CAROLYN
Douglas –
DOUGLAS
I don't want to talk about this anymore…
[Exit Douglas. Carolyn stares after him]
[Martin is running around a shop, uniform still very neat, including his hat. Arthur trying to keep up; his steward's uniform looking a little worse for wear.]
MARTIN
Come on, Arthur! We still need more orchids!
ARTHUR
(Panting)
Coming Skip!
MARTIN
I have to make this perfect!
Why else would he say yes?
Not like I'm handsome or charming,
This is the only way, I guess…
ARTHUR
Why do you say that, Skip? Douglas loves you!
MARTIN
But I'm ordinary, at best! He's a handsome Sky-God with enough charm to talk his way into anyone's underwear he wants!
[Martin breaks the fourth wall – Stage whispers to the audience]
And he is really good in bed!
No, he's the greatest man ever!
And here I am,
Just ordinary Martin Crieff
So what if he's been acting weird – damn!
ARTHUR
What's wrong?
MARTIN
Nothing. It's just… Douglas has been acting a little… Distant, recently. Like… He doesn't quite… love me anymore…
ARTHUR
That's silly, Skip! Of course he loves you!
MARTIN
But… Why would he? Should I just not bother?
ARTHUR
No, Skip! Douglas is going to love it because he loves you!
MARTIN
But, what does he see?
There's nothing about me to love.
Skinny bones, ginger hair, skin that's far too pale, cheekbones like razors
Though I don't want to let him go, for all the sky above.
ARTHUR
Skip –
MARTIN
And why would he love me, anyway?
With those shining eyes, and that mind?
He could have anyone he wanted,
I know that, I'm not that blind.
ARTHUR
You should get back to Douglas, he'll be worried.
MARTIN
Yeah… See you Arthur…
ARTHUR
See you Skip…
[Exit Martin]
ARTHUR
I need to tell someone! I need to tell someone now!
[Arthur breaks fourth wall]
ARTHUR
Oh great! Look, you don't know me and I don't know you and you don't know who I'm talking about but I need to tell someone! Skip is going to propose to Douglas! With a flight deck full of orchids, too! Because their pilots and it's a little joke about a trip we took to Helsinki; don't worry, I didn't expect you to get it… Oh! That's a lot better!
CAROLYN
Arthur!
ARTHUR
Mum?
CAROLYN
Arthur, please tell me why Martin is sneaking around!
ARTHUR
What? S-sneaking around?
CAROLYN
Arthur – tell me.
ARTHUR
It's a secret!
CAROLYN
What secret?
ARTHUR
(Whimpers)
CAROLYN
Tell me…
ARTHUR
Skip's going to propose to Douglas!
CAROLYN
… Really?
ARTHUR
Oh no!
CAROLYN
Oh dear…
ARTHUR
Mum… What's wrong?
CAROLYN
Douglas thinks Martin is having an affair…
ARTHUR
But he'd never do it!
CAROLYN
I know that, and you know that; but Douglas is more insecure than we thought…
ARTHUR
Really?!
CAROLYN
I blame those ex-wives of his!
ARTHUR
Mum… What are we going to do?
CAROLYN
I don't know…
[Fade into darkness]