Title: The Sun Will Rise
Rating: T – mentions of triggering situations – sexual assault, overdose, PTSD.
Pairing: Eventual Arizona/Callie.
Summary: Arizona's life was in so many pieces she didn't even know how to begin putting it back together, until one day, in her darkest moment she realized – she didn't have to do it alone. Arizona. Eventual Callie/Arizona.
AN: This is my first foray into posting fanfiction, I've written it on and off for years before I even realized it was fanfiction I was writing, this story will start dark but it will not always be that way. I promise. I am not a doctor but Grey's is a medical show so I have tried my best to make the medical speak as accurate as possible but this is also un-beta'd as I have no idea how to find one so all mistakes are mine, thanks in advance.
hello darkness my old friend
i've come to talk with you again
because a vision softly creeping
left it's seeds whilst I was sleeping
and the vision that was planted in my brain
still remains
1.
The sounds of Seattle swirled beneath her as Arizona Robbins staggered closer to the edge, the light blurring beneath her as she closed her eyes, losing herself in the painful memories that threatened to consume her.
"Arizona," the familiar voice of April Kepner, one of her only remaining friends in Seattle filtered through the stillness of the rooftop, breaking her free from her haunting trip down memory lane.
Opening her eyes Arizona focused her attention on the street below her as a red car pulled to a stop outside the very building she was perched atop. She could hear her friend's familiar, confident footsteps edging towards her until she was so close she could almost feel her breath on her neck.
Reaching out April rested her hand on her shoulder, letting it drop as her friend's body tensed at the contact. "Arizona. Dr. Robbins, it's freezing up here, why don't you come inside?"
Lifting the almost empty vodka bottle Arizona took a long swig, the clear liquid burning its way down her throat, an action that she repeated until the liquid was gone, swaying on her feet as her prosthetic almost slipped out from under her, she dropped the bottle to the floor, sending a loud smashing sound echoing across the rooftop as the pieces shattered at her feet.
April could feel her heart hammering in her chest as she watched her body sway dangerously close to the buildings edge. "Arizona. Please step away from the edge."
"I like it here," Arizona shrugged, her voice sounding as broken as she felt.
Desperate for a way to help her obviously distraught friend April ran through the events of the last few hours, starting with the moment that a distressed Alex had called her begging her to help and ending with her stood on the roof watching as one of the strongest people she knew teetered on the edge.
"Arizona, I know you're hurting right now but New York is … it's not the other side of the world, you'll still get to see Sofia as often as you like," April tried, not knowing what else to say.
"She hates me," Arizona stammered.
April reached out again, this time taking Arizona's freezing hand in hers. "She loves you."
Shaking her head Arizona wiped furiously at her face as tears fell freely down her too pale cheeks, hating herself for showing weakness. "She thinks I gave up on her, that I let her go, she has no idea how hard I fought for her because if she did then she would hate Callie … so she hates me instead."
"Why don't we go inside?" April suggested. "It's freezing out here and you have nothing but a scrub top on," she pointed out.
Arizona shook her head, bending down on unsteady feet and picking up a bottle of wine that she had placed there just moments before April had joined her. "I like it here," she whispered, repeating her earlier statement.
"At least step away from the edge, it's not safe up here, not with the wind as strong as it is and you're not looking very steady on your feet," April tried, desperate to get her to safety.
Arizona looked down at the street, her feet just inches from the edge as she lifted the bottle to her lips, her hands shaking so much that the contents splashed out the top leaving a trail of blood red liquid seeping into her scrub top. "Foot," she laughed bitterly. "I'm free here. It's like I'm standing on the edge between life and death and no one gets to choose which way I go but me. I get to make all the choices here April, step back or step forwards, one choice, one step, two very different endings but I'm in control … I have all the control here, me, me, me and only me."
Confused and terrified by her words April tightened her grip. "How about we sit down eh? Talk?"
"Talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, I wanted Callie to talk …well I wanted her to listen whilst I talked but she wouldn't she was so mad, I tried to tell her that I was sorry, that what happened was a mistake and I thought she understood, I thought she had forgiven me but then she walked away, just walked away, fell in love with someone else and took my daughter to New York," Arizona replied, her words nearly as jumbled as her emotions.
"I'll listen, for as long as you need me to," April offered. "Just please, step away from the edge and hand me the bottle," she pleaded.
For the first time since she'd joined her on the roof Arizona turned to face her friend. "Why? It's mine."
"Don't you think you've had enough?" April tentatively suggested, not wanting to upset her more than she already was.
Arizona shook her head. "No. When it all stops then I've had enough."
Not knowing what else to do April reached out to wrap her arms around her, hoping to offer her broken friend a little comfort in her distraught state. What she wasn't expecting however was the violence of her reaction.
"Don't touch me," April growled as she pushed April away from her, the force of her actions sending her dangerously close to the edge.
Torn between wanting to respect her wishes and needing to bring her to safety April decided that her safety needed to come first as she reached out and grabbed her arms, pulling her almost limp body away from the edge and into the middle of the roof.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Arizona but I couldn't let you fall," April whispered into her ear as she lowered Arizona's shaking body to the floor and held her close.
Arizona weakly struggled in her arms, too exhausted to fight properly. "Stop. Please. Stop … I said … stop … please … don't hurt me."
Her words pierced through her heart in a way April didn't think possible as she loosened her grip on the other woman, just enough to let her know that she was listening but not enough to allow her to run.
Arizona could feel the coldness of the ground creeping into her bones as she tried to catch her breath, the rational part of her mind knew that April wasn't a threat, that she was just trying to help her, but the fear was overwhelming as flashes of past events danced across her mind, taking her to a place she never wanted to go again; a place full of fear, pain and hopelessness.
Wrapping her arms around herself in a self-protective manner she tried to stop the bile from rising but it was no use as she found herself bending forward, her body convulsing as she brought up what little she had managed to eat over the last 48 hours.
When she was finished she sat up straight, her eyes darting around as if she was constantly on the lookout for an invisible threat that only she could see, her mind spinning and her heart racing as starbursts of light started to flash before her eyes, her breath coming in short, sharp bursts, hyperventilation a real possibility as she struggled to catch her breath.
"April," she wheezed, her head suddenly feeling too heavy to hold up as she practically collapsed against her.
April didn't know what to do except pull Arizona closer to her, hoping that the steady, gently rhythm of her own breathing would help ease her distress. "I'm here."
Her words barely registered with Arizona as the colors faded in and out around her and the sky tilted before her, the darkness of the night and the brightness of the stars taking her back to a different time and place. Suddenly she was no longer on the rooftop of the place she had called work for many years, instead she was huddled in a dark room, pleading and begging with a faceless evil as he crawled on top of her, clawing at her with a violence she had never imagined possible.
And then as quickly as it started the flashback finished and Arizona found herself looking into the familiar eyes of her closest friend. "No, let me go … I need to go … I need to make it all stop."
"You need to breathe," April countered, trying to stay strong and in control of the situation despite the fact her heart and soul were shattering as the pieces started to fall into place, creating a picture that she never wanted to see.
Shaking her head Arizona tried to break free from her friend's hold. "No. No breathing … I don't deserve to live."
"You deserve the world Arizona," April whispered into her ear as she held Arizona's body close to her, her tiny frame trembling with such force she thought she would break.
"I … no …no … breathing … stupid … hate … over … gone."
Her words were pained as she struggled to control her breathing, her head spinning as the lack of oxygen getting to her lungs began to reach a critical point.
"Breath with me," April instructed her panic growing as her struggling stopped and she collapsed against her.
Arizona's eyes fluttered open tiredly as the world seemed to disappear from view. "Can't … stop …"
As if really looking at her broken form for the first time April watched as exhaustion finally overtook the fetal surgeon and she succumbed to the blackness, the heaving of her chest slowing to a gentle, rhythmic pattern. Leaning forward she cradled her in her arms, alarmed at how cold her body was, she'd always been pale but in the glow of the moonlight her skin was practically transparent and her normally blood red lips were void of any color.
"It's going to be ok," April whispered into her ear as she motioned over to the fire escape where Alex and Richard stood, motioning towards Alex she untangled herself from her friend as Alex carried her with ease down from the roof and back into the hospital, taking an abandoned corridor to avoid Arizona once again becoming the center of gossip as they finally arrived at Richard's office.
April was the first to speak. "What was all that about?"
Lying Arizona down on the well-worn couch Alex placed a finger over his lips warning everyone to keep their voices down as he grabbed a blanket and wrapped it around her still shivering body.
Once he was satisfied that she was safe he motioned for April and Richard to follow him to the other side of the room.
"Now obviously I'm the only one out of the loop here so does someone mind cluing me in on what is going on?" April demanded to know.
Alex and Richard shared a guilty look.
"What happened up on the roof?" Richard asked, his gaze shifting between April and Alex.
Licking her suddenly dry lips April puffed out her cheeks before speaking. "I don't know… she's a mess."
"She's not a mess she's just drunk," Alex lied, not wanting April to push the subject further.
Shaking her head April sat down in one of the chairs. "No. This is more than that, something happened to her … something that has … she's broken, I don't know what happened tonight but whatever it was it sent her over the edge, she's dealing with something big … I don't know for how long but tonight … she was on the edge, literally."
"April please, don't push this," Alex pleaded.
April looked up at her colleague. "You called me Alex … you called me … I dropped everything … just like you asked, I deserve an answer."
"Arizona and Callie had a fight," Alex whispered.
April frowned. "Callie's in Seattle?"
"No," Alex sighed.
"Over the phone, Arizona was supposed to be in New York but she couldn't get on the plane," Richard interjected, realizing how much April was struggling with seeing her friend in such a distressed state.
April's eyes narrowed. "Surely Callie understand, getting on a plane is … hard for her, really hard, Callie must know that better than anyone."
"Callie said that she should never have promised if she had no intention of getting on the plane, that enough promises had been broken," Richard whispered, as he looked over at his sleeping friend, as much as he hated getting involved in personal matters Arizona Robbins meant a lot to him.
"What exactly does that mean?" April asked when Richard didn't continue.
"From what I can understand Callie is mad about the way Arizona handled the aftermath of the court case," Alex began, picking up the story where Richard had left off. "She's mad that Arizona took a leave of absence for 4 weeks and didn't tell her, she's mad that she arrived back unannounced just as they were leaving nearly making them miss their plane … "
From across the room a small, tired voice spoke. "She thinks I don't care. I fought her with everything I had to keep my daughter in my life and she … she thinks I've walked away. I knew when Callie first mentioned New York that it would be like this, that getting on a plane would be hard. I also knew that she wouldn't exactly put our 6-year-old daughter on a plane every other weekend by herself. I was upset … I went to a bar and I drank … a lot."
"I must have passed out," Arizona continued. "When I woke up I was in my house and it hurt so much that I knew straight away what had happened … the pain … my clothes were gone … I called Callie so many times but she didn't answer, she was probably too busy celebrating with Penny so … I panicked and I needed to get out of there but my leg was broken and I couldn't move and then Alex was there …I was sat on my bathroom floor for 48 hours before he found me because my leg was broken and I was too weak to pull myself to the phone or chair," Arizona wheezed as her whole body shook with a cough.
Alex watched as Arizona struggled to continue, sitting down on the couch he kept his distance. "I went to her place to check on her, when I got there the door was open, there was a broken glass on the floor and I heard a noise from upstairs … I knocked but there was no answer … so I went in … she was on the floor … I knew straight away; the bruises, the way she was shaking and her eyes, they were so haunted. I tried to help her stand up but she panicked and threw up all over me."
"I wanted Callie, I know it wasn't rational, we hadn't been together in so long but I just knew that she could make me feel safe," Arizona remembered, picking up the story for Alex, her breath coming in short, sharp wheezes. "But I couldn't speak, everything was such a blur and I could see Alex's mouth moving but I couldn't hear what he was saying and then … when I woke up I was at Seattle Pres," she sobbed her whole body shaking.
April was by her side in seconds, taking her friend into her arms as she cried herself to sleep for the second time that night.
Closing his eyes Alex stopped, almost as if he was trying to go back to that time and change the outcome of events.
"When we got to Seattle Pres … she was shivering so badly I thought she was having a seizure and under the harsh glare of the hospital lights … the bruises were … it was bad. She had a fever of 103, broken ribs, internal bruising and she just kept mumbling over and over again about how Callie could never know that she broke her vows again," he explained, his eyes bright with tears.
"I tried calling Callie over and over again but she wouldn't answer and then when she was more lucid Arizona didn't want her to know anymore … she said that Callie had moved on and she was nothing to her anymore, that perhaps everyone was right and it was for the best that Sofia went to New York with Callie because everything she touched ended up broken or dead," Alex continued.
Richard looked down at the sleeping, double-board certified surgeon who was probably one of the most brilliant women he had ever known and he had known a lot of brilliant women in his time. "She called me the next day, told me … most of what had happened and asked for a leave of absence, I agreed as long as she promised to stay in touch, which she did. I needed to know she was safe."
"I don't think she'll ever feel safe again," April whispered.
Balling his fists up Alex clenched his teeth together. "Nobody will get anywhere near her ever again."
April watched as the pediatric surgeon's face turned an angry shade of red, whilst it might seem to the outside eye that he was uncaring, standoffish and not exactly the most sensitive of people. It was obvious to all of them that it was destroying him to know that someone had broken her in the worst way possible.
Broken; the word seemed to echo around her head. Broken was never a word any of them would have associated with Arizona, she was the perky, heely-wearing surgeon who brought her patients desert because it made them smile. She had survived being faced by a gunman, a car crash in which she had nearly lost her fiancé and newborn daughter. She had lost her leg in a plane crash, learnt how to live with a prosthetic, fought through PTSD and debilitating phantom limb pain. She had survived the breakdown of her marriage whilst mastering one of the hardest surgical specialties in less than a year. She was hardcore, unbreakable. She was Arizona Robbins.
"What happens now?" Richard wondered, asking the question that was on everyone's minds.
April sighed. "I don't know."
"What happened tonight?" Richard questioned. "She was doing so well and then … I know she had an argument with Callie but … what happened Alex?"
April watched as Arizona shivered and curled into herself, her skin shining with sweat as she muttered nonsensical words. Reaching out she gently rested her palm on Arizona's head. "She's burning up."
Alex mirrored her action. "Should we wake her up?"
"I don't want to startle her," April worried.
"We can't just leave her," Alex countered. "She was up there with no shoes or jacket; it's below freezing out there."
"I know," April agreed, sitting down on the empty space next to her. "Arizona. Arizona," she whispered, running her hand softly through her hair.
Arizona's eyes slowly fluttered open. "Callie?"
"No, it's me April," the trauma surgeon whispered, her heart breaking at how, even after nearly 2 years apart her ex-wife was still the first name the on the fetal surgeons lips in her time of need.
Closing her eyes against the sudden brightness she pushed herself into a sitting position, wrapping the blanket around her shoulders as she shivered against the chill.
"My head," Arizona mumbled.
"You're probably going to have one hell of a hangover, vodka and wine should never be mixed," Alex pointed out his tone even, soft and free from any judgment.
Richard was the first to address the question on everyone's lips. "Arizona what happened tonight?"
"'m gonna be sick," Arizona mumbled, her face looking even more pale than before as she bolted forward on the couch and leaned over before she threw up all over the floor.
All eyes turned to face the fetal surgeon as she leaned heavily against the couch, her face pale, her hands shaking and her eyes glazed with fever as a loud, painful cough shattered through her thin frame.
Alex was on his feet in seconds, running some tissue paper under the tap he placed it on the back of her neck. "It's ok, you don't have to tell us unless you're ready."
Arizona leaned heavily against April, her breaths pained and labored as she fought to control her coughing. "Please, I…"
"Oh my God," Alex exclaimed, unable to believe that he hadn't spotted it sooner as his eyes rested on the subtle bulge of Arizona's stomach. "You're pregnant?"
Richard glared at the younger man before turning his attention to Arizona. "Arizona," he whispered. "Is it true? Are you pregnant?"
Tears streamed angrily down her face as she nodded, too afraid to look up and meet anyone's gaze. "Yeah."
Realizing that the whole situation was more of a mess than any of them could even begin to comprehend April chose not to say anything instead she stood up and ran her silk scarf under the tap, walking over to Arizona she sat down on the other side of her and placed it on her feverish friend's head.
"Arizona. Talk to us please," Richard pleaded; terrified of what toll recent events might have taken on the health of both Arizona and her unborn child. After all she had spent God knows how long on a rooftop in Seattle in below freezing temperatures, not to mention the vodka and wine she had made her way through before passing out.
Arizona opened her eyes slowly. "What else is there to say? I'm a pregnant whore who deserves what she gets."
"Don't say that," April insisted stunned at the total un-Arizona like language. "Don't even think it Arizona, you do not deserve any of this."
"It's true," Arizona cried. "I should have fought but I didn't, I didn't stop him."
Alex reached up and wiped at her tears. "That is not true. You know what the hospital said, you were drugged Arizona, this is not your fault if you ever believe anything in your life believe me when I say you are not to blame for this, what happened to you it's … one of the worst things anyone could possibly experience-"
"You don't know … you don't know what I did … what happened … I should have … I … oh God …"
Arizona's words were abruptly cut off as a loud, painful cough shook her whole body sending fresh tears streaming down her face as she bent forward and threw up all over the floor again, not having the strength or energy to even try and make it to the sink.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry … You shouldn't have to put up with this, you should leave … you shouldn't have too you should leave, actually it's your office Richard, I should leave," Arizona stammered trying to push herself into a standing position.
"Accidents happen Robbins, we're your family and what's a little bit of mess between friends," Richard reassured her.
Arizona nodded. "Ok."
Silently Alex set about cleaning up the mess as April held Arizona close to her, afraid to let her go for fear of what she would do to herself. "As soon as you're ready Arizona we are all here to listen."
"You'll hate me," Arizona whispered.
April ran her hand soothingly through Arizona's hair. "We could never hate you. Like The Chief said we're family."
"'m tired," Arizona yawned, feeling physically and emotionally drained.
"Then sleep," April instructed as she shuffled over so her head was resting in her lap, the burning of her skin a harsh reminder of how sick she currently was.
Once April was sure Arizona was asleep she voiced her biggest fear. "How is she going to have his … his baby?"
Three hearts stopped beating at once as April finally said what everyone was thinking.
"I don't know," Richard breathed, his heart breaking to think that someone had hurt Arizona in such a way.
April held her finger up to her lip as Arizona began to stir, her whole body shaking with the effort it was taking her to get air in and out of her lungs. "That does not sound right."
"Pneumonia?" Richard questioned.
"Probably," April agreed.
Alex watched as Arizona snuggled closer into April. "We should take her to get examined, she probably needs antibiotics at least."
"No. No tests," Arizona stuttered, her eyes half flickering open.
Adjusting her slightly in her arms April smiled softly. "How long have you been awake?"
"Long enough," Arizona wheezed.
"We're just concerned about you," April explained.
Arizona nodded her head tiredly. "I just need to sleep."
"Robbins, you need more than sleep, you need to see a doctor," Richard suggested. "That cough of yours does not sound like it's going to go away on its own."
Slowly, as if it was made of lead Arizona shook her head. "Not going … you're all doctors."
Even though they all knew she was right Richard was the only one to speak. "Robbins. Arizona…we are doctors but we're also your friends, you need medical attention, maybe even admission."
"Please don't. Please don't make me go," Arizona sobbed her eyes wide and wild with panic.
Wrapping her arms around her April pulled her back into her. "I'm not going to make you do anything you don't want to but you're not well Arizona, you have a fever, a horrible cough and you also have the baby-"
"I can't think about that right now," Arizona admitted her voice barely audible.
"Ari-"
"Thinking about it means thinking about how it got there," Arizona explained, looking down at her hands for fear of what she would see in her friends' eyes.
April could almost feel the emotions running through her as she let herself go back to that moment. "Arizona we are all here for you, as soon as you're ready to talk … we're here. But just … you need to let us help."
After that April remained silent, holding her close so that she knew she was there and she wasn't going anywhere but being conscious not to say anything for fear that Arizona would retreat back into herself.
"It's not even here and already I am the worst mother in the world," Arizona wheezed.
"Please don't talk like that. I know it may seem hopeless right now but things will get better," April tried to assure her, even though she knew there was no guarantee.
"He's never going to be gone," Arizona whispered. "Part of him is still here … growing inside me and I don't even know who he is … this monster … this faceless figure … these hands clawing at me … a laugh that haunts my every moment … he … he's never going to go away … the drink … it makes the noises stop but then I wake up and he's still there … I tried to make it go away … the drink … the pills … but it's still here," Arizona sobbed, her whole body shaking with fever and exhaustion.
As her words registered with him Richard felt his heart skip a beat. "Arizona. Please tell me you didn't …"
"I tried," Arizona admitted. "I had a plan, I was going to make it go away, make me go away but it didn't work … I woke up."
"Rob-"
Arizona shook her head, cutting Richard off. "Please. Don't look at me like that. I failed ok. I'm still here. I failed at that just like I failed at everything else. I'm already failing this … this … ba … this … just like I'm failing Sofia. I don't deserve children. I don't deserve anyone"
"When did you take the pills?" Alex asked.
"This morning," Arizona admitted. "But I threw them straight back up. It seems like already this … thing … is making all the decisions for me."
Alex couldn't help but notice how Arizona refused to acknowledge her unborn child as anything more than a thing, she was a fetal and pediatric surgeon, she saved children and unborn babies every day, she loved being around them, "Arizona. Robbins, please promise me you will never do anything like that again and that if you ever feel that way again you'll talk to me, to anyone."
"I'm just so tired, all the time," Arizona sighed, curling her legs up under herself.
April ran her hand through Arizona's hair, the heat radiating off of her reminding her once again just how sick she really was. "I know you said no doctors but I really think we need to get you checked out, even if it's one of us that does it; the fever, the cough, the pills, the baby … did you see anyone after … the … were you tested?"
"After the … incident … at Seattle Pres they did all the tests … but since then … no," Arizona admitted, her eyes fluttering shut as exhaustion once again threatened to take over her.
"Arizona?" April prompted. "Please nothing too invasive I promise, just a blood test and an x-ray," she suggested.
Richard had an idea that might make things easier. "We can go to the 5th floor, the lift is directly outside and although it's being renovated the rooms are set up, no one has access but me. We have everything we need there and that way no else need ever find out."
"Please Arizona for me?" April pleaded.
Arizona could hear the desperation in her voice, after everything that had happened recently she knew they were right, and she also knew that saying yes was the only way to get them to give her some space. "Ok."
"Ok. Good. I'll go ahead, double check the coast is clear," Richard suggested, knowing that way they could hopefully be in and out in less than an hour.
"April-"
"We're coming with you Arizona, you don't even have to ask," April reassured her.
Alex cautiously ran his hand through Arizona's hair. "You're stuck with us."
Closing her eyes Arizona allowed herself to feel comforted by the familiar presence of her friends, her village in Seattle might be small but it was her village and right now she needed that.
"Someone needs to talk to Callie," April said, finally addressing the real elephant in the room, once Arizona's steady yet labored breathing reassured him she was asleep.
Letting out a strangled laugh Alex shook his head. "She doesn't want her to know."
"She was her wife, they have a child together," April reminded him.
"Well she has a funny way of showing it," Alex raged, barely able to conceal the anger he felt towards the orthopedic surgeon and all the heartache she had caused by uprooting her daughter for a relationship that by all accounts was barely hanging on.
"She should still know," Richard agreed stepping back into the room, whilst he might not have been Callie's biggest fan after the way she had torn into Arizona for being unable to get on the plane. He also knew that she and Sofia were probably two of the only people that could reach Arizona right now.
"It's not our secret to tell," Alex reminded him. "Unless Arizona wants us to and right now all she wants to do is get drunk and make everything go away… don't you think she's already had enough of people making her do things she doesn't want to," he whispered, his heart breaking at what his friend and mentor had been through and was still going through.
"This is hardly the same thing," Richard argued. "Callie was her wife, they shared a life together, a daughter together and you saw the way she called out for her tonight. She needs her family here."
April rolled her shoulders trying to relieve the cramp. "Yeah and not in New York. But Callie took that decision all by herself, she took their daughter to the other side of the country knowing how hard it would be for Arizona to see her."
As Arizona slowly started to wake up Richard held his hand up, putting an end to the discussion. "Arizona needs to come first. Right now, we need to make sure she's ok and that … that she's ok and when she's feeling stronger then we can talk."
April and Alex nodded as they watched her fight the pull of sleep.
April slowly helped Arizona in to a sitting position. "You ready?"
Arizona nodded. "Yeah."
GA – GA – GA
Sitting in his office Richard looked at the pictures on his desk, there was one of the GSMH staff he had taken during a dinner party he and Catherine had held, Callie had her arm around Arizona as she rested her head on her shoulder a contended smile spread across her lips. Things were so simple then, Arizona looked happy, carefree and most of all she looked safe nestled in Callie's arms, like nothing could ever hurt her.
Looking up he watched as Alex entered the office. "The x-ray and bloods are done I had one of the interns take them to the lab, labelled as Jane Doe just in case, now we just have to wait for the results."
"What did the x-ray show?" Richard asked unable to hide his concern.
"A nasty right sided consolidation plus some patchy areas in the left lower lobe, which means it's probably bacterial. Also she's pretty wheezy, she said you used to suffer from childhood asthma but hasn't had any flare ups since she was 7, so she probably has bronchitis too which is causing the wheeze. April set her up with an albuterol treatment which seems to have given her some relief," Alex sighed. "She needs to be admitted, I know her oxygen levels are holding steady but … she's in a bad way, she should be in a hospital."
"She has us, we can make sure she's not on her own," Richard suggested.
Alex nodded. "I know I was against calling Callie but-"
"She went to the airport, she was hurting, terrified and … sick, she tried to get on the plane, she got as far as the boarding gate, but the panic was too much and Callie wouldn't even try to listen, Torres isn't in the right head space now to be what Arizona needs," Richard explained after having time to think about he had changed his mind, right now after going over recent events he thought that calling Arizona's ex-wife was one of the worst things they could do. Picking up the picture on his desk and sighing sadly.
"She's lucky to have you," Alex smiled.
Downstairs in the exam room Arizona watched as her hand shook, almost as if it had a life of its own. "Can you er … get Richard?"
"Sure," April agreed, leaving Arizona alone as she went to get Richard
Minutes later Richard stepped into the room. "Is everything ok?"
"I need to see it, make sure it's ok," Arizona explained, motioning over towards the ultrasound machine.
"Are you sure?" Richard asked.
Arizona nodded. "I need to see it before I can make a decision and I can't move on with my life until I've made a decision. I need to see that it is real."
"Ok," Richard agreed as he started up the machine.
As she lifted up her shirt Arizona felt her breath catch in her throat, although she knew April and Richard would never hurt her she felt her heart rate increase at being so exposed in front of other people. "Sorry," she apologized.
Both doctors shook their head as Richard moved the wand slowly across the screen Arizona closed her eyes, unable to look as the older surgeon clicked away, measuring various parts of the baby before pausing it.
"Arizona," April gently coaxed.
Arizona opened her eyes, after the pills and booze she couldn't help but feel like a convicted felon waiting to find out if they were going to be found guilty or not guilty. "Well?" she asked, unsure if she was ready to even hear the answer.
"Look at the screen Arizona," April whispered.
Arizona closed her eyes, silent tears rolling down her cheeks. "April … please … don't do this."
"You need to see this Arizona, you said so yourself that you need to see for yourself," April insisted.
Slowly as if waking up from a really long sleep Arizona opened her eyes, her vision blurred by tears as she looked at the monitor. "It's a girl," she whispered, her voice cracking.
"It's a girl," Richard agreed.
Arizona looked back at the screen. "A perfectly healthy little-girl."
"You're about 18 weeks Arizona, maybe more," Richard pointed out as he took the final measurements.
"19 weeks and 5 days," Arizona whispered, lifting up her hand and gently tracing the outline of the baby's face. "There's no other time it … she … could have been … 19 weeks and 5 days."
April watched with alarm as Arizona's chest began to rapidly rise and fall. "God … baby … there's a baby inside me … growing and living and relying on me to … oh god … I … the drink … the pills … what if I hurt her … what if …"
"Arizona I know you can see exactly the same as me so I need you to look again, to look at her perfectly formed brain, the beating heart with 4 chambers, 2 arms, 2 legs and your dimples … she's strong Robbins, she has your fight," Richard tried to reassure his distraught friend.
Arizona slowly lifted her free hand from the bed and rested it on her stomach. "I've tried not to think of it as a baby but that's what it is, it's my baby and she doesn't deserve everything I've put her through. Sofia's gone … Callie hates me … everything is all messed up … my head is all messed up."
"It makes perfect sense Arizona, this is a horrible situation and you're not going to be thinking clearly, that's why you need to take time," Richard suggested.
April looked away from the screen. "Does that mean you're keeping the baby?"
"I can't have an abortion … 19 weeks … I can't … in 4 weeks she might be strong enough to survive outside me … I've delivered babies earlier than that, seen them fight, seen them live … I just … she's my daughter," Arizona cried. "It doesn't matter how or … it doesn't matter, she's mine."
April nodded. "We're all here for you Arizona, however much or however little you want us to be."
The moment between them was interrupted by a knocking on the door. "It's only me," Alex shouted through the door.
Pulling her shirt down Arizona sat up, swinging her legs over the bed she stood up. "We should let him in."
"It's open," April shouted back.
"Everything ok in here?" Alex asked.
"It's a girl," Arizona whispered.
Alex might not be an OB or even a fetal surgeon but even he could make that out from the image paused on the screen. Baby Girl Robbins certainly wasn't shy about making sure everyone knew she was a she.
"Congratulations," Alex smiled.
"Thank-you," Arizona breathed the situation suddenly becoming very real.
April placed her arm on Arizona's back and helped her towards a chair. "We should see if your bloods are back."
"My head hurts," Arizona admitted, sitting down on the chair.
"Your blood pressure was a fine, a little on the low side if anything and there was no protein in your urine," April reminded her.
Arizona rubbed her eyes tiredly. "It's probably just the fever, look we already know I have pneumonia so do we really need to wait for my bloods, regardless of what they say I am not being admitted so just write me a script for antibiotics and let's blow this joint."
Alex, Richard and April all turned to face her their eyes wide in alarm.
"What?" Arizona asked, wondering if she had suddenly grown a third head.
"You're … spunky ," Alex laughed.
Arizona frowned. "Spunky?"
"Yeah … you're spunky and fighting and … all Robbins-y," Alex elaborated.
Arizona stood up, shaking her head at Alex's eloquence. "Well I guess I just found something to fight for," she whispered, realizing just how much her life had changed since she had moved to Seattle. She had never wanted children, ever, but then she met Calliope Torres and Sofia was born, taking over her heart and soul completely. And now here she was 6 years later about to become a mother for the second time; in just over half a decade she had gone from never wanting a child to feeling her heart break at the idea she could have harmed a child, a child that no matter how she came to be, belonged one-hundred-percent to her and only her.
"I'll drive you home," April offered as Richard handed her the script for antibiotics.
"I er … I don't live at the apartment anymore … I haven't stayed there since that night," Arizona admitted.
April silently chastised herself for not realizing that of course Arizona wouldn't still be staying in the same place she had been violated. "Right, yes."
"She's living at mine," Alex spoke up. "I'll take her home."
Motioning towards the script Richard smiled softly. "How about this; you let us give you a dose of IV antibiotics now, then Kepner can pick up your script and drop it off at Karev's place when her shift finishes," he suggested as the trauma surgeon nodded her agreement.
"Ok," Arizona relented, although she wanted nothing more than to leave, right now, she also knew that she needed to get better and right now that meant listening to her friends.
"I'll do it," April offered, motioning to the IV that was still in Arizona's arm.
Looking over at the ultrasound Arizona reached out as Richard made to turn it off. "Could I … could you … perhaps print that image off first … before you turn it off I mean … just …"
"Of course," Richard agreed, clicking a few buttons before the image printed off from the printer underneath the ultrasound machine, smiling gently to himself as he handed it to her. "She's beautiful."
Biting her bottom lip Arizona nodded, although she knew it was going to be a hard road ahead, that there would be good days, bad days and days that she would barely make it through she also knew she had to try, not just for her unborn daughter but for Sofia and for herself too. "She's mine, my little-girl and Sofia … she's Sofia's little sister … she's always wanted to be a big sister," she whispered, wondering how on earth she was going to break the news to Callie that she was pregnant, after all her inability to commit to a second child was one of the main reasons they had lost themselves in the first place.
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I don't hate Callie, promise, her actions will make sense as the story moves on. Sorry if this was all over the place but like I said it's my first real attempt at writing and some of the characters are hard to get a feel for. I have also played with events a little, April is not pregnant and Derek is alive.
Each chapter has a song that I feel fits it's mood - this one was brought to you by The Sound of Silence, the Disturbed version, which is also where the lyrics at the start came from.