Alright guys, I felt like writing a father/daughter piece, but I didn't like what I wrote for that, so I went in a completely different direction . . . and then it didn't feel right, so now this is here! Yeah, this is why it takes me forever to update sometimes: I'm not easily satisfied. This is a sequel to my fic "I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing", but you don't have to read it to read this (although I would appreciate it if you did). Basically, all you need to know is that Clare and Eli have a daughter named Rachel and Clare is in college. Title inspired by the song "In My Daughter's Eyes" by Martina McBride. Read, review, enjoy!
Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi or the song "In My Daughter's Eyes".
In My Daughter's Eyes
Over the past two years, things had been a little less than crazy in our home. Clare and I got married a year after she proposed to me and we were more than ready to begin our lives with our five-year-old daughter, Rachel Janice Goldsworthy. I swear, she was growing up more and more every day, but it was a relief knowing that Clare and I were both there to see her do so.
I got my book published and it hit the shelves six months before Clare and I got married and, thanks to that money, she did not have to work at Little Miss Steaks anymore and I did not have to work nights at the radio station. We did not live in a small apartment anymore; we now live in a small, one-floor house that was just right for the three of us. Even though we were secure financially, I kept writing; it was one of my addictions, along with listening to music and spending time with my girls.
Clare was in her final year of university and was ready to graduate within four months so she could start working as a journalist and eventually become an author. We were planning on writing a book together, but that was an idea for the future. Right now, the present was more important to us.
It was now the night of February 13th and Clare, Rachel, and I were making some homemade valentines in our living room. Tomorrow, Rachel's kindergarten class would be having a day dedicated to the holiday, and that included a card exchange. We made every card differently, considering our little princess loved to experiment with the glitter, construction paper, stickers, and markers in different ways.
We had done enough for almost everyone in her class and each one was different in its own way. She had written Happy Valentine's Day in each of them, but she made sure to write a nice message to each of her good friends. We all had fun making the valentines; Rachel's green eyes shone with happiness while glitter kept shimmering in her light brown hair. Although doing arts and crafts was not my forte, I could not deny that I loved doing this with my daughter and wife . . . my girls.
Rachel had just got done adding glitter to a piece of light blue construction paper and picked up her green marker.
"Now who is this one going to be to?" Clare asked as Rachel started writing on the card.
"Brandon," she said as she began writing down his name.
"Brandon," I repeated. "That sounds like a boy's name."
"He is a boy," Rachel informed me as she wrote her special message to this kid.
My stomach dropped a bit when I learned that my daughter was writing a message to someone outside her gender. Last year she would not even consider the idea of talking to boys, now she was giving a valentine to one? Did my little girl have a crush on this boy? Did he have a crush on her? Did they play house together at recess? Did they kiss on a dare? All these thoughts were going through my head and swallowed the lump growing in my throat.
"That's really nice," Clare said, reading the letter Rachel wrote to this Brandon kid. I could not help but notice how this note had more words than the rest of them.
"Do you think he'll like it?" Rachel asked Clare.
"I think he'll love it," my wife said. I'm glad she was taking the reins here; I could not find my voice to say anything. "Is that everyone?"
"Yep," Rachel said.
"Alright, then we'll just leave these to dry overnight. Now, who wants some ice cream?"
"Me! Me! Me!" Rachel chanted.
She raced to the kitchen in enthusiasm, Clare chuckling before she turned to me. There was no doubt she saw my somber expression, especially when she put her hand on my shoulder.
"It's just a valentine, sweetie; not a love note."
I looked at her as she followed Rachel, wondering if she knew that she had just given me the definition of a valentine.
()()
Clare and I tucked Rachel in and stayed up a bit longer to watch a movie. Throughout the whole thing I could not stop thinking about that valentine Rachel wrote to Brandon. I did not read what it said, but it still surprised me that my baby girl was now becoming friends with boys. After that, she would get crushes on them. Then she'll get romantic feelings for them . . . and then . . .
I stopped myself before thinking any further. I reminded myself that she was five, not fifteen. Still, the idea of Rachel getting older was alarming to me. It felt like just yesterday she had the nightmare about her stuffed unicorn, Chuck, being taken away by monsters and now she was writing notes for boys. It was hard for me to get my head wrapped around.
I was even thinking about it as Clare and I got ready for bed. She was now coming out of the bathroom in her pajamas as I got changed.
"Are you okay?" Clare smiled at me as she ran a brush through her hair.
"Yeah," I answered as I stripped down to my boxers and then pulling on a simple, gray shirt.
"No, something's on your mind," she said; it was kind of creepy how she could sense something was wrong with me. "Is this about Rachel's little friend?"
"No," I said a bit too quickly.
"Yes it is," she said, catching me in the act.
I sighed; Clare and I told each other everything, but sometimes it took the other time to come clean. I did not want to keep my walls up and I knew she would get the truth out of me eventually, so I let her in to my thoughts.
"I guess I just feel weird about this whole Valentine's Day thing," I admitted as I climbed into the bed. Clare chuckled.
"It's an innocent card exchange, Eli; it's not like they're arranging marriages."
"I know, but . . . she's giving a card to a boy."
"She's giving a card to everyone in the class; that's all the girls and all the boys."
"But . . . last year she thought boys were gross and now she's . . ."
I sighed. I'm not sure if I was overthinking this, if I was just being overprotective, or if I could not stand seeing my little girl grow up, but something was going around in my mind and I could not stop it. I lied down, trying to figure out how I was feeling.
Clare climbed into the bed next to me and propped her head up on her elbow. I felt her hand rub my chest and I turned my head in her direction.
"It's okay, honey," she promised me. "Anything she feels for this guy won't last long; she's five-years-old and you'll still be the number one man in her life."
"Until she grows up, gets a boyfriend, and then gets married," I said.
"That's not going to happen for a while," Clare attempted to console. "But, even when she does grow up and everything, you're still her daddy and that will always mean something to her."
"I know, but . . . she's growing up," I said. Now that I said it aloud, it became more real and it hurt a bit to accept it.
"At least we're here with her," Clare reminded me. "At least we see her every day and we can see her get older and everything. It's better than hardly seeing her and then seeing her and wishing you spent more time with her when you had the chance."
This was true; I've been with Rachel every day since she was born and I spent as much time as I could with her. I knew that she would grow up one day and maybe have a family of her own, but I also knew that I had been around to see her childhood.
"Remember when she was born?" I asked. "I would not let her out of my sight for more than a second."
"Yeah," Clare smiled. "And you insisted that she'd stay in our room for the first couple of months."
"And I would've let her stay in there longer if she wasn't such a crier."
She laughed before leaning down to kiss my lips.
"Are you going to be okay?"
"Yeah," I nodded. "Goodnight."
"Goodnight. Love you," she said as she turned over and lied down.
"Love you too."
()()
"Is that all of them?" I asked Rachel as she and I carefully put all the valentines in a plastic bag.
"Yep," she said.
"Is Brandon's in there?" I asked, trying to keep Clare's words in mind.
"Yes, I made sure," Rachel nodded.
"Good," I smiled. I looked up and caught Clare's eye as she pulled on her jacket; she smiled at me, letting me know that I was handling this well and everything was fine. "Now, you don't want to be late."
"Nope," Rachel said as I helped her put on her jacket.
"Alright, lunch," I said, passing Rachel her lunchbox. "And you have a good day at school today, okay?"
"I will," she smiled at me before giving me a hug. "I love you, Daddy."
"I love you too," I said before giving her a kiss. We both then walked towards the door where Clare was. "Love you."
"Love you too," she said before giving her a peck on the lips.
"Ew," Rachel squealed. Clare and I both laughed as she covered her eyes to avoid the PDA between us.
"Come on," Clare said. "See you, honey."
"Bye," I said to my girls as they left the house.
Once the door was closed, I went back to the couch to work on my next novel. I sat down and was about to reach for my laptop when I noticed a heart-shaped card lying on top of it. I quickly grabbed it, hoping I could get this valentine to Rachel so that way none of her friends would feel left out. When I picked it up, however, I noticed that it was meant for any of her friends at all. The card was light green with little hearts drawn on it in company with some glitter. In the center of the card was a single word that was written in blue marker:
Daddy
That was me and I smiled. I opened it up and I saw nothing but words . . . and there were plenty more words on this card than on Brandon's.
Happy Valentine's Day, Daddy. I love you very, very, very, very, very, very much. You're the bestest of the bestest. You are the best daddy in the whole wide world. Love Rachel XXXOOOXXXOOO
As I looked at the card, I felt a smile come onto my lips and a tear come to my eye. In that moment when I stared at all the hugs and kisses, I realized something: Rachel Janice Goldsworthy was my little girl and she always will be, and no one in the world could take that away from me.
So, yeah . . . review.