Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
I don't understand. I don't understand anything. How am I supposed to? Gale or Peeta? Peeta or Gale? How am I supposed to chose? Why do I need to choose? Don't I have bigger things to worry about, think about, and obsess about? I would not think that I would worry about issues of the heart as much as I worry about the issues of life and death that follow me everywhere.
I never wanted to. I never wanted to have these thoughts at all and now I can't escape them. If I wasn't hurting them I would avoid these thoughts with all I have I would run into the woods and hide from this reality for the rest of my life. I would escape in the green, in the trees, in the smells, in the sounds, in the hunt. But I am hurting them. They stand before me, waiting, waiting for me to make a decision. To pick one of them, anyone of them just to put them out of their misery of waiting themselves. They want me to break one of their hearts. To destroy their hopes and dreams and how can I do that. How can I do that to either of them? I never wanted to feel this way.
I planned to send my life alone, to never be dependent on anyone and to never have anyone else dependent on me. I was to dedicate my life to my sister Prim as I always had. I would watch her grow, fall in love, get married and have kids. She was to do all the things I swore to myself that I would never do, the things I was too afraid to do. The things that I still won't do even though I still have to make a choice.
I'm going to have to choose but even the one I choose will not get everything they want so even the one who wins still loses. Everyone loses. I have to hurt one of them, one of the boys who have become men in their suffering of loving me. They love me and I don't know why. They love me though I have never asked them to. They love me even though they know I will break one of their hearts. I never wanted to care for them but I do. They snuck into my heart and mind and I do not know how to get them out or even if I really want them out.
Hope you enjoyed my first story. Review to let me know what you thing. Thank you.