Naminé's entire life existed from one prison to another, if not in a physical place, then bound to a person.
Castle Oblivion's soulless white walls. Hours spent wandering in utter isolation and silence before the Organization came...
Larxene and her sharp, merciless cutting knives and voice, hours of bleeding and healing to erase evidence...
Marluxia and the way he sent shivers of dread through her when he touched her shoulder, ran his hands down her arm, whispered in her ears, and (no, no no no don't think about it).
Axel and the casual way he killed his allies and would kill her if she acted in a way detrimental to his goals (he would have killed her if he had any clue what she would one day do to Roxas and...).
DiZ and Riku. A man more inhuman than Nobodies, filled with such hate it felt like she was burning up inside when he looked at her, like she should wither away and die as the worthless waste he said she was. And the boy... the boy who would damn himself and anyone else in order to save his friends. He never learned, and Naminé prayed Sora never found out just what part he had to play in Roxas's fate, because she knows Sora. She doesn't fear for Riku, she fears for Sora, realizing that Roxas had been forced into returning to Sora, had been lied to, forced to sacrifice himself to wake Sora up...
Because it had been a lie.
Because Naminé had returned to Kairi, only to discover it was another prison. An even worse cell. To watch as Kairi, Riku, and Sora slowly settled back into their normal lives after Xemnas had been defeated. To see the life she had never had, would never have, and had denied Roxas. If her consciousness had faded away, if she had truly become Kairi, it... it would have been okay (not fair... it's never fair). But it wasn't. So she looked for the one thing she had truly hoped for. She looked out of Kairi's eyes whenever she was near Sora, but she never saw anymore sign of Roxas. After they had willingly assimilated into their somebodies inside of Kingdom Hearts, and for a brief moment on the beach as the lingering essence of that artificial Kingdom Hearts faded away...
That had been it.
Just her in the worst prison she had been in yet.
Even worse because she had doomed Roxas to this fate to when she didn't have to. When if DiZ had just given her more time... another year or so, maybe... maybe she could have separated the memories she needed from Roxas for Sora to awake without killing him. Because it was murder. She had ended Roxas's life in exchange for waking Sora up. For doing the 'efficient thing' as DiZ said, and dumping all of Roxas's power into Sora in order to combat the Organization. When in truth, Sora thrived off friendship, off of allies, if they had existed together, just the thought or Sora and Roxas fighting back to back, and Axel would have tagged along to if that was what Roxas had decided... things could have ended so differently for them...
Roxas...
"I think I understand. I see myself the way you remember me. And you see yourself the way I remember you."
He didn't know any better.
He was so young, had such a loose understanding of the worlds at large, yet had fought so hard to stay himself, even after being forced to join Sora, he had still come out one last time to fight him after Axel died, and then at the end... he had looked to her. She had put on a brave face, and led Roxas to his fate, taking her own jailer's outstretched hand and disappearing into her.
There was a thin line between acceptance and resignation.
Her entire life had been resignation...
It was the strangest thing, to want to cry, to want to choke up and sob, feeling like she was, without actually doing so. Because it hurt, not for her, never for her, she never mattered, she wasn't worth it, she only caused pain. She hurt for Roxas...
"Kairi? What's wrong?"
Naminé looked out of Kairi's bleary eyes, at Sora looking at her with deep concern as her somebody spoke, "I... I don't know. I just... I felt so sad for a moment..."
Naminé wanted to wail. Could she have nothing? She couldn't even feel grief for what she had done without inflicting it on Kairi?
Why did she still exist?
Why hadn't her consciousness and memories and existence join Kairi?
Why hadn't she faded away?
Why hadn't she just died?
Why why why why WHY?
There was a choking, gasping sound, and it took Naminé a moment in her self-loathing to realize Kairi was on her knees on the sandy beech, sobbing as Sora fluttered around anxiously. "Kairi?!"
Naminé forced herself to cut it away, bury it deep down as much as she could and pull away. It took Kairi a few minutes to collect herself before wiping her eyes and staring down at her hands, sifting them through the sand anxiously. "I... think that was... Naminé."
"Naminé?"
For a second, she thought she heard Roxas's voice in Sora, and she was back to looking out of Kairi's eyes desperately, but all she saw was Sora, and despair took her again, making Kairi gasp. Naminé wanted to breath, take in deep shuddering breaths, but there was nothing. She had no body, she was just... inside of Kairi, a prisoner who could do nothing but float and grieve. Alone, always alone...
Kairi took another shuddering breath, and Naminé tried to bottle it up again.
"I... thought she and Roxas were gone or something?" said Sora, sitting down, "Honestly, that whole thing was weird. I still don't understand what exactly happened."
"Neither do I," admitted Kairi quietly, "And that... what just happened was scary... I've never felt that kind of... of suffering before."
"She... hurt you?" asked Sora, confused.
Naminé looked away. Always hurting people...
"No," said Kairi, "She's the one hurting."
If she had a throat, it would have constricted at those words.
Kairi stood up, "Where's Riku? He might have some kind of idea what's going on. Because Naminé made it sound as if this was the only way for her and Roxas to live on, so why is there this pain?"
Oh no...
No no no...
She watched with despair as the pair found Riku on the small island across the bridge and cornered him. The questions started flying, and Naminé wished she could sink so deep into Kairi she'd disappear forever...
"Okay, so Naminé was a different kind of Nobody?" asked Kairi.
"DiZ said that she was 'highly unusual'," explained Riku, "Because she didn't have the body nor memories that a Nobody is usually born with. Roxas got Sora's original body, and you kept yours, she's like a phantom. The truest Nobody of them all."
Nobody... that's all she was, nothing...
"Don't," said Kairi sharply, a rise to her voice, "Say that."
Riku blinked. "Say what?"
"Don't call her that," hissed Kairi, "It hurts her."
Riku gave Kairi a confused look. "How? For one, she's a part of you now, she should be gone. For two, she's a Nobody, she doesn't have emoti..."
SLAP
Naminé watched, stunned, as Kairi's hand ripped across Riku's face. "Bullshit!"
"Woah... uh... easy Kairi," said Sora, reaching forward and pulling her back.
It was like Naminé was in an ocean of red. Everything was hot, melty, a burning sensation in her chest. It was... anger. That was anger... it felt like it could swallow her up, but it felt... good to feel it... something to sink her memories into that felt right...
Riku watches Kairi, wide eyed, hand up to his face, saying nothing.
"You can't feel nothing," said Kairi slowly, angrily, "And feel that kind of anguish, self-loathing, isolation and loneliness..."
Riku looked away for a moment. "Maybe since she returned to you she can feel through you, she... had a pretty crappy life. Maybe she needs to sort through that before she fades into you."
Was... that it? Just acknowledge what had happened, and then she'd be free?
Free to fade?
"Why did she even have to?" demanded Kairi, "Why couldn't she live on her own?"
"Its like I said," explained Riku, "She was a phantom, her entire existence was unstable. The Organization wore their cloaks to protect them from the Darkness eating away at their existence. Naminé never wore one of those."
"Then why didn't you get her one?" exclaimed Kairi.
Riku hesitated. "I... never thought to? I'm not sure it would have mattered."
Kairi huffed. "And why not?"
"Nobodies are fated to fade away," he answers, "Their entire existence isn't supposed to happen. Its why they were trying to make Kingdom Hearts to get their hearts back and be whole. If they hadn't been messing with our worlds and lives, I wouldn't have done anything to stop them. But they were ruthless, cruel, emotionless monsters who..."
"Who just wanted his friend back," snapped Kairi thinly, "If you're thinking of Axel. I'm pissed he kidnapped me, believe me, but I heard him muttering enough about wanting Roxas back to understand what drove him."
Kairi's eyes narrowed. "I may not have really known Naminé outside those few minutes we were running through the castle, but not once did I ever feel like she was a bad person. Sneaky maybe, but not bad."
"I'm not saying she was...," began Riku.
"Sneaky?" butted in Sora.
Kairi looked away for a long moment, and Naminé could feel the girl's guilt and frustration, "I didn't know taking her hand would destroy her, she tricked me into it. Do you know what its like to see someone start to blur and fade away as you're running together and have no idea why? Then to realize later its your fault?"
Kairi looked down at her clenched hands. "I thought maybe, it was okay, if this was how she could live on, but it's not okay."
Her shoulder's slumped. "It's not. All those bits of negative emotions I've been feeling on and off that make no sense... they're not mine, they're Naminé's, and no one should feel like this. I... what she feels makes me think she came back to me not to be whole, but with the intention to die."
How... how did she...
"What in the heck..." began Sora, shocked, before rounding on Riku, "Okay, you said she had a crappy life, what did you mean?"
Pure panic ripped through her. Riku would tell them of Castle Oblivion, then they'd know what Naminé had done, replacing Kairi with herself, and everything would be even worse. Sora was forgiving, but Kairi? How would she react to that? No no no no no...
Kairi made another choking sound. "Okay... okay we... we need to pick this up tomorrow. I can't keep getting hit like this without downtime."
It took Naminé a moment to realize Kairi was running from Sora and Riku, practically sprinting towards the boats, ignoring the boy's calls for her to wait. Kairi rowed back to the mainland and bolted to her house, to her room, in what Naminé was sure was record speed. Kairi curled on her bed, bringing her knees up to her chest and putting her head between them breathing raggedly for a time.
"I... I'm sorry Naminé," whispered Kairi, curling her arms around herself, "I'm so sorry..."
Why was she sorry? She had nothing to apologize for. She was good. She was light. She was everything Sora would need. A real friend for everyone else. She had never hurt anyone else... not like Naminé had...
"I'm so sorry..."
When Kairi slept was the only time Naminé could really relax herself. When sight faded away, and she found herself sitting on the edge of a platform floating above an endless abyss of darkness. It wasn't real, just a manifestation of Kairi's heart, her prison made real in a dreaming mind. It still allowed her the motions of expressing herself though. Screaming out into the dark, crying, clawing at herself, breathing in and out, questioning her existence aloud, reminders of things she'd never have again...
"Naminé."
Her breath hitched. It couldn't be...
She slowly turned her head, and there, standing at the center of the platform, was a confused, but concerned, Kairi, staring at the young blonde's tear stained face. She took a step forward, hands reaching, but Naminé reflexively shied away from the hands that had taken everything away, making the girl stop. Kairi looked down at her anxiously, mouth opening and closing a few times, anguish and guilt on her face, before she spoke one word.
"Why?"
"I don't deserve to exist," whispered Naminé back, looking downward.
Kairi growled. "Like hell you don't. Everyone deserves to exist, Naminé."
She just shook her head, not looking up at her true self. "I'm just your shadow. I'm a Nobody, a nobody, I don't have the right to be. I just hurt people..."
Kairi closed her eyes for a long moment, fists clenched in anger, growing vicious. "Whoever made you think like this better already be dead, or I'll tear them apart myself."
Naminé didn't respond.
"Naminé... what do you want?" asked Kairi.
"To fade away," answered Naminé softly.
"What do you truly want?" stressed Kairi, "Because I refuse to accept that."
Naminé swallowed thickly, the way her true self was looking at her... she... she couldn't lie. "I don't want to be alone. I... I want to have had the chance to help people when it really mattered, not be forced to hurt them."
There is compassion in Kairi's eyes that makes Naminé want to shy away because she doesn't deserve it. "You're a better person than some of the people I've met or heard about if that's all you want. Naminé... no one deserves to be alone. Everyone deserves to be loved, and loved in turn. No one deserves to be forced to hurt others."
Naminé looks away, at least, until a light started to shine, making her look up at her somebody. Kairi was holding a glowing open palm at Naminé. "I refuse to accept this, I refuse to be a prison."
"I wont let you suffer," Kairi whispered with determination, "You deserve your own life."
Naminé's eyes went wide to see an blue heart shaped silhouette appear in the distance behind Kairi. That was... Kingdom Hearts? How..., were the Princesses connected to it?
Kairi illuminated with intense light, blue light from the Kingdom Hearts reaching out to entwined with her own, her voice radiating power, "I'm a Princess of Heart. What good is this power if I can't do anything with it? I brought Sora back from being a heartless, I have to be able to do something for you, anything."
The last thing Naminé saw was light exploding out of Kairi's hands, engulfing Naminé in its glory and warmth...
-She begs me with an intent as pure as her heart. Your life is free to do as you wish, Shadow of my child. Step out of the shade, into the light, into a time when you can truely help those who need it, and make your desire a reality-