A/N: 1x17 is such an angsty episode for poor Tim. That precious child deserves so much love. I'm afraid this fic isn't giving him any; it's angst top to bottom.
You remember, now, why you tried to stop caring.
Not that it worked. You could have downed a couple of six-packs—you have done so, in fact—and it still wouldn't make you forget.
He's gone, again. So is Billy, though Billy will come back. Just like last time—you stuck it out on your own for three weeks, then, and you could go longer than that now, you're sure of it.
You're just not sure why you would want to.
There's a difference between them. Dad and Billy. You can understand that better, comparing. You never really try to make Billy like you, never force yourself onto the straight and narrow for his sake.
With Dad? With Dad, there was some screwed up part of you that wanted nothing more than to figure out what he would consider to be a perfect son. Then, supposedly, you'd be that.
Someone different from the kid he left the first time.
Instead, you ended it. Gave an ultimatum, or whatever. Maybe you are different.
He still left you just the same. Hard eyes, something ugly in his voice. Just watch how easy this is.
Gone, and not coming back. Betraying your trust all over again, reminding you of what an idiot you really are and were and always will be, hoping where you shouldn't and getting kicked down every time.
You deserved this, probably.
But you wouldn't watch how easy it was.
You didn't want to see, though you already knew.