This is the "sequel"/companion piece to All For You. You don't need to read All For You to understand this, but just know that they are connected pieces.
Still trying my hand at a bit of angst?
A Lucas/Maya story with implied Lucas/Riley
Rated T for Turbulent Emotions
Disclaimer: I do not own GMW and am merely using the characters for my own entertainment.
"And then she poured the pudding down his pants! That taught him to mess with Farkle!"
"That's uh… great…" Lucas responds, scratching his head nervously, "But can we not talk about Maya?"
Riley's eyebrows rise, "What? But you love talking about how Maya messes with other people. Is something wrong?"
Lucas smiles and shakes his head to suggest there is nothing wrong. He hopes Riley can't see the discomfort in his features. It's not that he doesn't love talking about Maya. It's just that talking about Maya stirs up a few remaining, unsettled emotions and bitter memories, and he just knows that eventually Riley will see the expression on his face. She'll know something is wrong, and she'll ask about it. And he definitely doesn't want to talk about that.
"There's nothing wrong Riley." He smiles, "I just think we should talk about you instead."
"Oh!" She smiles and leans across the table enthusiastically, chin resting on her palm, "What do you want to know?"
"Well… How did you get detention the other day?"
"Oh man! That was a horrible day!" Riley rolls her eyes to the sky, slapping her napkin on the table with gusto, "So you know how Mr. Percy decided to assign us two partners for the project…"
Lucas stares off into the distance, tuning her out and trying to push the newly resurfaced memories out of his head to no avail. Because a lot happened…
Lucas stares at the words on the pages of Hamlet, trying to soak in the story, but his mind is just not in it today. Lucas's mind keeps running through his interaction with his father that morning and the aloof and detached way with which his father had responded to him. He keeps thinking about the argument his mother and father had about his father's late nights in the office. He feels restless and irritated, but he can't pinpoint exactly why, so with each passing moment, he only feels more vexation and grows more annoyed that he cannot enjoy one of his favourite pieces of literature.
He leans back and rests his head against the wall, staring up at the library ceiling dejectedly. At least he has the privacy of this dirty corner of the library to himself. A classmate had told him that during a rat infestation a while back, some dead rats had been found in the beanbags and now, nobody liked to go back there. He'd heard a lot of rumours of a similar sort, including farfetched ones like secret passageways to dungeons. It was stupid.
At least because of their fears, no one usually frequented the corner, thus he had a place to himself when he needed to sort out his thoughts. He had been coming to his special corner for a little over a month now, skipping classes when he was just not up to them. If his parents knew about his little hooky game, no doubt he would get in severe trouble for this. That's why he had to make sure no one knew or found out about this.
He starts to read again, hoping his mind has cleared enough for him to focus on the literature now.
Which is what he hopes he has accomplished…
Until Maya Hart rounds the corner with determination on her features, which quickly devolves into a shocked, silent stare. He doesn't quite look at her, instead continuing to read, though he does take note of her expression from his peripheral vision. She looks completely taken aback, like she never expected to see him. No doubt, she's surprised he is in the library while they are supposed to be in English.
He half expects her to ignore him, turn around and leave, and he doesn't realize he has been holding his breath to see what she finally decides to do until she saunters over and plops down heavily on the bean bag beside him in a flurry of limbs and flowing blonde hair. With her, she brings the pleasant scent of vanilla and some fruit scented lotion that slaps him right in the face. He forces himself not to inhale deeply and glances slightly to the side. He can see the rim of her Hello Kitty underwear peeking out of her pants and keeps a smirk from forming on his face.
Hello Kitty? Cute.
"Didn't take you for the kind to play hooky, Mr. Perfect." She says, teasing tone fully intact.
Here they go again. The playful back and forth that he learned to associate with Maya needing to feel superiour.
"Didn't take you for a fan of Hello Kitty."
Maya frowns and then glances down at her pants before smirking in amusement, making no efforts to fix it whatsoever. He forces himself to keep from looking at it again, lest she label him a pervert.
"Touché."
"I try." He replies tiredly, not really feeling the whole bantering game today. Any other day, he would be all for it, but he just doesn't have the mental energy for it right now. He wants to read his book and stew in his thoughts until he feels better to head back to classes for the rest of the day, but he knows how Maya operates, and he reckons she'll keep pushing and pushing even way past his limitations. And today, he doesn't want her to because he's pretty positive he'll snap if she goes too far.
Maya doesn't immediately reply and pulls her knees up to her chest, watching him curiously as he reads. Like she's trying to dissect him in her mind or something. He almost bristles under the pressure of her gaze and tries to focus on the words on the page in front of him. Her gaze is unnerving, and he doesn't feel totally comfortable being under her scrutiny.
"What are you reading?" she finally asks, not at all snidely. In fact, her genuinely inquisitive tone prompts him to answer truthfully.
"Shakespeare."
She snorts loudly, and Lucas crinkles his nose at the sound. Her snorts are always so forceful and disgusting.
"For a class?" He can hear the sneer creeping steadily in her tone and knows she's on the verge of picking back up her signature mockery.
"For leisure." He grins at her, not altogether happily, but not quite derisively. She drops her smirk and her face adopts a look of surprise that Lucas thinks is an altogether pretty cute look on her face. He doesn't understand why she always sneers and smirks at people when it distorts her face negatively. She is arguably pretty; she should adopt more natural looks on her face.
"Wait, seriously? You read Shakespeare for fun? While playing hooky in the library when you could do anything you want?" she asks incredulously, her eyes not disparaging, but more bewildered.
Lucas sighs and gives up on getting any reading done with Maya in a talkative mood beside him. Besides, he just read the same sentence about fifteen times. It was time to call it a day.
He sets his book down on the ratty carpet and leans back against the wall, hands behind his head, legs crossed and stares at the dark stains of dried mold on the ancient ceiling. If she doesn't want to leave him alone, then he would get her to shut up. At least one thing about Maya is that if she is caught off guard or thrown off her game, she grows quiet or stops being so pushy and ceases her vengeful teasing.
She wanted to know why he was reading? Fine. He would tell her.
"Sometimes life at home just gets kinda rough, you know. My dad is always on my back about being the best son in our circle of family friends. I have to be at the top. I have to get top scores. I have to be a super athlete. It gets to be too much sometimes. So this is what I do to get away from it all. Even if it is a little weird."
Lucas tapers off at the expression in Maya's eyes. She's not particularly emoting anything profound, but her eyes have this look to them. Like she's come to some startling realization about him. She doesn't look like she pities him or anything. It's hard to describe the look. It's like… respect or something. Like she's finally reached some sort of connection or understanding with him. Regardless, the look makes Lucas's heart rate increase minutely.
"I didn't know." She says quietly.
She's sitting awkwardly and looks like she regrets asking the question, and Lucas feels bad for her. He really did just spring it all on her without prelude. Of course she wouldn't know how to react to his sudden unloading. But he is rather surprised that she hasn't made fun of him or teased him about it. When he brought it up, he had honestly expected her to use it as a prime opportunity to mock him. He was vulnerable, but she hadn't taken the bait and just let his confession dangle in the air.
Lucas smiles, trying to help her feel less awkward about the whole thing. He isn't that bothered by it. In fact, he's more comforted now by the fact that someone else knows.
"Not many people do. It's not something I really talk about. My mom taught me from a young age that a gentleman never complains or talks about himself for too long."
"That's stupid! What do you do when you need to let some shit off your chest? Who do you talk to?"
He doesn't know how he had expected Maya to respond, but her look of disgust and outburst definitely weren't in his list of possible reactions. She looks genuinely peeved, and he's a little taken aback by how emotive she is being to his problem. Like she honestly cares about what is going on in his life. It's a little shocking since Maya generally behaves indifferently to everything around them.
He shrugs, "No one I guess."
Maya's eyes take on that look of regret once again, and Lucas finds himself almost blushing under the intensity of her gaze. Her eyes are shining with a kind of repentance and heartache that in turn makes him feel… supported. He doesn't know what she's thinking, but the way she is looking at him is very uplifting. And then she surprises him beyond belief with her next words:
"You can talk to me."
He can't believe she really said that. He can't believe those words came out of her mouth just now, and judging by the shocked and confused look on her face, she is just as surprised as well. She holds his questioning gaze and nods, reaching out jerkily and patting his leg, like she's not quite sure what to do to convince him.
"I'll listen."
That's news to him. The Maya that likes to turn everything about his life back in Texas into a cowboy joke will listen? There's no way she will listen. She's not that kind of person, besides, he already told her too much about his life already. There's no reason to reveal more and be subjected to more mockery.
"No offense, but you tend to mock people pretty frequently. How do I know you won't do that to me?"
Maya's expression darkens and her eyes momentarily flash in hurt, as if he's wounded her and Lucas mentally curses, hoping he didn't hurt her feelings by saying that. It is a little harsh as a statement, and he regrets it as soon as it leaves his mouth, but he had just been trying to protect himself.
Could you blame him? Maya could be brutal when she wanted to be. He has a few issues with trusting her. She frequently makes fun of him and often relentlessly. He doesn't want to have to deal with it every day if he tells her what is bothering him.
"Lucas." She says softly, to get his attention.
Something about the way she says his name, earnestly, like she needs him to believe her makes him blink at her in shock. Not only is this the first time in a long time that he's heard her use his real name, but her gaze is wholly sincere and her expression grave.
"I know what it's like to have it rough, even if we are on the opposite sides of the spectrum of rough." She continues. "You can talk to me. I promise I won't make fun of you… much."
He returns her stare, mouth slightly ajar, searching her eyes, but only finding a genuine assurance.
Well he'll be damned.
And suddenly, it's like he sees Maya in a different light. She always was to him someone he thought was all detachment and dry sarcasm and 'I don't care about life'. And now he sees her as someone who has trouble expressing herself and opening up to people. Maybe all this time, she's just been hiding behind her mask of sarcasm to protect herself, like he's been hiding behind his mask of Mr. Perfect to hide the fact that his home life is in shambles. And clearly, he's been wrong about her this whole time, because with that one sentence, she also revealed some of her life to him. She trusts him. She wants him to trust her.
And so he cannot think to say or do anything but smile wholeheartedly at her, to let her know he does accept her offer. And he will trust her. Maya's eyes widen, and he watches in amusement as she blinks rapidly and pulls her hand away from him, her breathing going a bit harsher.
"Thanks Maya."
"No problem Ranger Rick." She replies quickly, sounding a little flustered.
It amazes him how he doesn't seem to know Maya all that well. It's like he developed this idea about her and came to some quick conclusions on her personality and mannerisms, but she's managed to surprise him. And ultimately, he realizes that he wants to get to know her better. There's definitely more to her than the nonchalant teaser. And he knows if he continues to talk to her, she'll continue to surprise him.
"And then Farkle. He tried to devise some complicated system of picking partners for him…"
Lucas believes that was the day they had become true friends. Prior to that first significant library "date", he never truly spent time hanging out with Maya alone, but that changed when they began to hang out at the library talking about anything and everything. Maya, strangely, is a great conversationalist despite her abrasive nature, and he finds that in her presence, he can really let himself go and talk about his problems and his situation.
Maya isn't one to really share facts about her life that much, he learned over time, but when she would reveal little snippets about her life, he always kept the interesting, important, or unusual things she would say. Like how over the summer, she went on a road trip to confront her father for leaving her despite her mother's refusals to let her go. How her father hadn't even recognized her, and she had found out he left because he didn't want to be tied down to a kid. How he had a new family despite saying those words. How the new family didn't even know about the smudge of his past. How Maya's mom had known where she went, and since then, they had become much closer, having girl talk and making sure they kept up with each other's lives whenever Katy was free. Maya had grown up after that and vowed to never end up like her dirt bag of a father.
"And then George. You know, George the super tall guy with the droopy eyes? He threw the list out the window!"
Maya's deepest, most embarrassing secret? She frequently pretends she's getting married so she can go to different bridal stores in the city and try on their dresses just so she can feel like a princess for a few minutes. Lucas had had a field day with that one and teased her about it, but promised to come and pretend to be the groom one day to make it more believable. She had accepted and blushed to her hairline at that (which he secretly found absolutely charming).
Before Lucas knew it, it became tradition for them to meet in the library, discussing life and what things were like for them. He didn't necessarily plan to skip classes. It was just that he found himself naturally gravitating to her. He learned to recognize when Maya was in a really bad mood by the way she grunted responses, glared at him and left without prelude. He could tell when something really bothered her by the way her cerulean eyes would become foggy when she spoke about how hard her mother worked to support them. He could tell when she was suffering heartache when the blue would melt into a gray filled with misery and woe. Soon enough, he could read what she felt, and knew exactly what to say to alleviate her pain or cheer her up.
"So he climbed out our classroom's two story window…"
Pretty soon, he noticed that she could also read him by simply looking into his eyes… She could recognize his moods as well. And so he slowly found himself opening up to her without reservation. And in turn, she opened herself up to him.
Lucas watches Maya with growing disbelief as she makes quick work of the difficult problem he hasn't been able to solve in almost three days. He is beyond shocked because she doesn't even need the cheat sheet of formulas nor does she pause at all as she sets up the steps for the problem. It's surprising, not just because Maya has a solid C average in Pre-Calc, but because her homework would always turn up with red marks and X's all over the place.
"Honestly Maya, if you understand derivatives this well, you shouldn't be getting such bad grades in math."
She rolls her eyes exaggeratedly, and Lucas laughs when she shoves his math notebook back in his direction in annoyance. She stretches like a cat and sprawls all over the beanbag bed she had created earlier. Lucas quickly averts his gaze when her t-shirt rides up and shows the skin of her abdomen. He forces his blush down and stares dutifully at the problem to remind himself yet again not to ogle Maya.
"I live by a code, okay? If I don't do well, teachers don't expect much out of me, and then I don't have to live up to their expectations."
He frowns. That can't be right. Maya has proven time and time again that she wants nothing more than to never disappoint those she loves. It's the reason why she does everything her mother asks of her. It's the reason why she will never try to let Riley or the Matthews' family down by getting in trouble with the school or the law.
"So what you're really trying to say," he replies, eyes narrowed in suspicion, "is that you don't want to disappoint anyone when you can't be what they want you to be. And to make sure you never disappoint them, you just don't try?"
Judging by the fact that she glares at him, he knows he's hit the nail on the head with the proverbial hammer, "That's not what I said."
"But that's what you meant."
And he gives her a smug smile, staring into her narrowed eyes, knowing that he's got her. She can't hide the truth from him. She shoves him playfully away in slight irritation, and he feels tingles rise under his skin from where her hand presses against his chest.
"Shut up."
Maya's cheeks puff out in a pout at his laughter, and Lucas tries not to burst out in harder laughter. She just looks so cute with that pout. Like a little chipmunk. But he knows he's already skirting on thin ice and if he keeps laughing, she'll lose her temper and leave.
"It's not funny." She crosses her arms and looks away from him, though he notes the little blush that springs up on her cheekbones.
Honestly, he doesn't know why she doesn't try. Maya has a lot of potential to be superb. And she probably knows it too. His laughter tapers off as he realizes it is upsetting him to see his friend not make any efforts because of her fears.
"You know, Maya. You don't have to be scared to make an effort."
"Whoever said anything about being scared, cowboy?" she snaps, still not facing him, "I just don't want people to think I'm someone I'm not."
"But isn't that what you're doing now? Putting on airs and pretending to be a slacker? Being someone you're not?"
Maya stiffens at his words and turns back to him slowly, gaze set in an irritated glare. She looks put off and Lucas recognizes the look to be one of challenge. He knows her usual defense mechanism is kicking in. She's going to try to prove him wrong because she probably thinks he's hitting too close to home.
"You think you know me well, huh cowboy?" she drawls.
"Yeah Maya. I think I do."
Maya's face contorts into a fierce sneer, and Lucas prepares for either a caustic comment or a challenge.
"Oh yeah? Where is my favorite place to draw then?"
"That's easy. The roof of your apartment complex."
She frowns deeply, boring a hole into his head with her shrewd gaze.
"But why? Why is it my favorite?"
He can see it. He can see her thinking that there is no way he knows this one. And unknowingly, he rises to the challenge without hesitation. He knows she's trying to protect herself and hold on to some distance between them, but it's about time she acknowledged he knew her better than perhaps herself. He was going to knock down her walls, whether she wanted him to or not. It's about time their friendship became deeper. They already knew so much about each other. What was so wrong about deepening their friendship?
Lucas watches her wordlessly, thinking about how Maya is always telling him how she wants to one day just live in an isolated cabin so she can just draw to her heart's content. Whenever class gets annoying, he'll catch Maya leave to sit on the branches of the large oak in front of the school doors and watch the cars pass on the street in the distance. And it hits him. Maya likes for time to stand still. She loves moments where she can just carry out her activities with no pressure while the world moves on. It's why so many of her recent paintings and drawings have captured images of a single object like leaves or people with a background of bustling activity.
He smiles triumphantly, knowing he's about to knock this one out of the park.
"Because watching the bustling people walking about in the street helps you feel like time stands still for you in the craziness of your daily life. Because that one perfect moment when you're drawing is the one moment that you never want to end."
There's a growing expression of fear and apprehension in Maya's gaze, and Lucas realizes he probably just threw a grenade at her guarded walls. Maya's breathing comes out slightly more jaggedly and her eyes widen as a flush flies on her face. She swallows once, with some effort and stares at him in silence.
Lucas finds himself captured by her gaze, unable to look away from her expression. There's something else growing in there that he can't quite pinpoint. Something deep that she's trying to hold back. It sends heat flaring through his body, and he licks his lips nervously. What is this feeling?
Before he can say anything else, Maya swiftly stands up, red faced, in a flourish of blonde hair and the scent of peaches stammering some excuse about needing to go to work (despite the fact that it's the middle of the school day), and she's gone before he can even get out a goodbye.
Lucas remembers sitting there for a good few more minutes, breathing hard and trying to control himself.
It was a subtle shift, but something definitely changed after that day. He could feel it. Especially when he caught himself staring at Maya during locker breaks, and on her way to classes, and she seemed to be moving in slow motion for some inexplicable reason. It was like his eyes couldn't stray far from her for more than a few seconds at a time. And there were times when Maya wouldn't even look him in the eye or avert her gaze rapidly, like she was scared or something.
But above all, he noticed their conversations had shifted from subtle teasing to flirtatious jabs and pokes at the other. And it felt natural.
"So here he was, almost about to fall because it's sloped…"
Lucas began to see more and more that Maya was acting weirdly. He would compliment her or make a flirtatious comment, and she would get this pursed look on her face, like she was guilty or something. Especially when he would mention something Riley did in a class.
Despite that, he loves spending time with Maya. He loves hanging out with her and talking about the stupidest things and having the dumbest arguments over the comfort of panties versus granny underwear and other stuff.
It becomes so common to be with Maya that when she isn't around, his day feels off. Like there is something missing.
Lucas expects Maya to be at school, but when she doesn't show up to homeroom, he wonders if she missed the bus. But then she doesn't show up to any classes all day and no one says they've seen her, so Lucas grows apprehensive. Maya skips many classes, and she shows up late to everything if Riley doesn't intervene, but it's not like her to outright miss school. Lucas knows Katy values education above everything so there is no way she would just let Maya miss school unless it's for a very legit reason. He grows worried.
After school, he asks Riley why Maya didn't come, and she tells him that Maya is having a 'no school day' for private reasons. He knows he promised Riley he'd walk her home that day, but he just wants to see Maya. He feels bad about canceling, but the only thing he can think about is poor Maya, probably feeling some kind of turbulent emotion, all by herself at her house.
"Hey Riley? Do you mind if we reschedule for another day? I'm worried about Maya."
"You're a good friend." she replies, smiling happily.
Riley tells him to bring ice cream, sour gummie worms, and whipped cream, or Maya won't let him in. She tells him to say hi to her before heading on her way.
Lucas buys the sweets and before he can overthink it, decides to pick up a really violent movie from the Red Box. Maya told him during their last library "date" that she liked to watch the idiots scramble around trying to escape the inevitable and poke fun at their stupid decisions. He can spend more time with her if they watch the movie, so he rents it and rushes over to Maya's apartment complex.
It's not his first time walking in her neighbourhood, but it's definitely his first time here while work is in full bloom, and he apologizes profusely to the women who try to hit on him citing—unsuccessfully—that he is underage. But he finally gets past them when he tells them he's visiting a friend, Maya, and they finally let him go, telling him crudely not to get 'that sweet blonde girl' pregnant.
The whole ordeal leaves him a bit scarred, and he vows to get paid back for it by Maya.
When Maya finally opens the door, several minutes later after she yells some profanities, he stares at her in shock because the usually vibrant Maya looks worse for wear and tired. She has bags under her eyes, and she's holding loosely onto her abdomen with an exasperated look of pain. He fights his smile of happiness when her expression brightens just a smidge when she sees it's him.
"Oh, it's you. Aren't you scared to be walking around these parts? Those prostitutes across the street take prisoners, you know? You're just their type."
And he snorts, because she would pinpoint exactly what happened to him without having been there.
"I'm aware. I almost got captured along the way. You owe me."
Maya's lips quirk slightly in a smile that she looks like she is trying to force down, but he notes that she looks genuinely in a better mood than she did when she first opened the door. Was it because of him?
Lucas doesn't know, but the implications make his heart beat increase a bit. So he returns her smile tentatively. Apparently, it's the wrong move because her face shuts down quickly and that pursed, guilty, expression overtakes her face. She averts her gaze and stares at a spot on the hallway wall behind him, keeping her expression carefully neutral. Like she's trying to hold back.
"What are you doing here, Lucas?"
Lucas swallows his nerves, knowing he has to act fast because it seems he's losing his outlet. Maya is closing herself off again, and he feels like any second, she will slam the door in his face. Secret weapon time.
Subtly slipping his foot in the door jamb to keep the door from being closed, he lifts the bag of goodies, smiling endearingly so she'll be interested in what he has to say.
"You weren't at school today. Rocky road ice cream, gummie worms, and whipped cream. Riley told me you'd appreciate it."
Maya's expression turns even more remorseful at his comment, and he curses mentally for screwing up a simple line. He's not sure what he said to cause her expression to darken even further, but he can feel her pulling away with each second passing. What did he do? He just wants to talk to her. Where was his ability to read Maya when he needed it?!
Maya reaches out and tries to take the bag, but Lucas quickly lifts his arm up, holding the bag above his head. So what if that's a stupid thing to do? He was losing his opening and he panicked! He knows Maya isn't going to try to jump to grab it because he is significantly taller than her and the only way she can get the bag is if she climbs him. It's a notion that he doesn't doubt she would try, but she looks a little too sickly to do anything of the sort.
And he quickly forces the thought out of his mind because the thought of her clinging to him is sending his thoughts in the gutter and the last thing he wants is to give her another reason to tease him.
Maya's face momentarily clenches in pain, and her eyes begin to look a little too crazed than Lucas thinks is normal, so he hastens to get this situation in control before she possibly kicks him where it hurts. Something he doesn't doubt she would do for a second.
"Not so fast. I also brought this." He holds up the movie and mentally sighs in relief when her whole body loosens up, and her eyes lighten in excitement. "Figured we could watch it together? Maybe laugh at all the stupid things these people do? Remember, you owe me."
Maya scrutinizes him for a second, looking pensive, but Lucas can tell he's already won. Even before she opens the door wider, he can tell by the affectionate look in her eyes that she's already given in and he's succeeded in convincing her to let her in. He does a mental victory dance when his conclusions are confirmed.
"Fine. Come in."
It doesn't take long for them to get comfortable, and they trade off taking scoops of ice cream, and interjecting scenes of the movie with their incredulity of the stupidity of the characters and laughing at their expense. And somehow, in between him getting a crazy bad brain freeze and her snorting whipped cream out of her nose in laughter, he realizes they've unconsciously repositioned themselves so she's curled up in his side, head resting on his shoulder, his arm wrapped around her waist.
Watching her, laughing unabashedly at the moron on the screen, in her cute pajama shorts, giant T, bunny slippers and hair in a loose bun looking absolutely breathtaking, he takes in a sharp breath, because he just knows without a doubt what his elation means.
He's fallen for Maya.
His abrasive, ball busting, rough and tumble best friend.
He's fallen for her hard.
The realization doesn't come as such a huge shock to him, and he thinks that maybe he's liked her for a lot longer but he hadn't realized it yet. But he knows it just feels right. Maya in his arms feels right. Being with Maya feels right.
She falls asleep a few minutes later, and he gently brings her to her bed. She curls up into a ball almost immediately and clutches her blanket like a small child, and Lucas feels his heart burst as he watches her. She looks so cute he could die.
But he feels like some creepy old man watching her sleep so he tucks her in before heading to the kitchen and making something quick that she can heat up and quickly eat in the morning, because no doubt, she wouldn't be coming to school the next day. He finishes up and cleans the mess they left before gathering his things and leaving, sending her a quick text that he knows she'll see tomorrow.
One thing is certain to Lucas. He likes Maya. And as she responds with a flirty affirmative to his request to have another movie night the next morning, he decides it's time to tell her. He's not going to wait. It's time to let her know what he feels for her.
"So here I am, trying to grab his legs but he's not altogether that light. You think he would be…"
By that point, it had been getting harder to hide how he felt for Maya. When he had decided to tell her, he had been high on adrenaline from that night, but as the days went by, the timing felt off or he would keep being interrupted whenever he finally decided to go for it.
And maybe he was overthinking it, but it seemed like Maya sometimes was trying to put some distance between them. He wouldn't let her, of course. Not after they had gotten so close as friends, but sometimes he just felt like she was trying to separate them a bit.
But he doesn't want that.
His need to be near her is persistent and powerful, and he is never as content talking to anyone else than when he is talking to her.
"What a dumb film. I mean everything could have been avoided if those idiot parents had just let their daughter play outside her room for once."
Lucas laughs, shaking his head at Maya's irritation with every movie they always see. There isn't a movie they've seen that she hasn't found something to complain about. It's just another thing that he adds to the already long list of things Lucas adores about Maya. And already long list of things that make Maya so cute. Quickly becoming number one is how red her cheeks get sometimes when her blush rises on her face. Like they are now. And also how she tries so hard to hide her blushes or beat them down, but Lucas always knows when she's flustered and he's the cause. It only gives him more hope that he's making the right decision to confess.
"Oh c'mon. Sometimes there need to be idiotic moments in movies in order for the storyline to be carried out."
"Yeah, no. What a waste of eleven dollars." Maya whines, letting her head drop back in exasperation, "I paid good money for that ticket and it set me back a couple hours at work to buy it."
"Next time it'll be on me. How does that sound?" He replies nonchalantly, hoping she doesn't pick up on the fact that he's just indirectly invited her on a real date.
"Of course it'll definitely be on you. You're the one who convinced me to see this stupid movie anyway."
She didn't catch it.
"Understood."
All too soon, Lucas realizes they've reached Maya's apartment complex, and he turns to her, his heart starting to race. He feels it before they even stop. This is it. This is the right moment. This is the time to confess. He stares down at her nervously, trying to figure out the best way to let her know how he feels. Maya is averting his gaze, and he knows she must be feeling the shift in the atmosphere as well.
A gentle night breeze flows past them, ruffling his hair and jacket and causing a few stray strands of Maya's wavy hair to leave their perch behind her ears and fall onto her rosy face. Unconsciously, he reaches out and gently tucks the strands back behind her ear. But he doesn't quite want to move yet, so he cradles her jaw and strokes her cheeks softly.
Maya freezes and looks up at him slowly through her lashes, and at that moment even though he doesn't have a plan mapped out of what to say, he knows exactly what he wants to do. Lucas wants nothing more than to kiss her. All he can think about is how heart-stoppingly beautiful she is. It's incredible how much of a hold Maya has on him.
"Maya…"
He knows she must feel the same way he does. He can see it in her eyes when her gaze lingers on him, or when she smiles like she adores him in that warm way that reaches her eyes. There's something there. No doubt about it. And he intends to explore that something.
For a few seconds, they just stand there, gazing into each other's eyes, neither of them moving. Lucas watches her, feeling the turmoil of her expression. She looks conflicted, and he doesn't want to make a move and push her away, so he'll wait until she reciprocates.
And she almost does. For a split second, her eyes soften and fill with a heat that he knows he is reciprocating.
But it only lasts a short lived second.
He sees the apology, and the regret, and the fear, and the subtle look of guilt in her eyes and knows he's lost her right before she pulls away from him with a stiff noise that comes out like a whimper, but he supposes is supposed to be a laugh. He knows maybe he is at fault for being too pushy, but as his hands drop to his sides, he can't help but feel displeased by the turn of events.
"Well I've got to go Lucas. See you tomorrow." She rushes out, giving him a not quite smile that doesn't even reach her eyes.
And then she runs into her apartment building as Lucas watches, not understanding what went wrong. Maya had looked like she had wanted something to happen. And he had felt her give in. But then she'd suddenly moved away. But he knows she'd felt the same disappointment. It's the way she pulled away, like she really didn't want to but was forcing herself to for some unknown reason.
It's confusing him because up to this point, he had always believed he'd known Maya like the back of his own hand, but now there is this new element that he just can't understand. Does she not want his advances? Has he been reading their interactions incorrectly? And what is with that guilt that's been creeping into her gaze every time she hangs out with him? Did he do something wrong?
Sighing, Lucas heads back to the subway, determined not to let his failure let him down.
He refuses to give up. He'll figure out what's plaguing her, and he will get another perfect chance to confess to her.
It isn't easy to figure out what's going on with her. And Maya doesn't make it any easier on him to find out what's going on. She's all over the place around him after that, and she knows it. Being with her became so difficult, and tense, and charged with UST, especially when she would hug him and they'd hang onto each other much longer than was usually deemed acceptable for just friends. Or he'd find her staring at him heatedly when he took his shirt off momentarily during gym. Or when she would blatantly stare at his lips with this far off, turned on look that would have his blood travelling straight south.
But the kicker.
She would always, without fail, find some excuse to stop herself and run.
If Lucas tried to corner her or even try to talk to her about what happened or even reciprocate her little touches and glances and hugs, she would pull away so fast, you would think he was burning her skin off. And he wouldn't lie. The rejection hurt.
He was always reduced to playing this stupid game of 'Does she like me? Or does she not?' He had almost been tempted to snag a dandelion and use it to determine the answer to his mindboggling question.
"I'm not all that strong! How was I supposed to know his face was right behind my boot…"
All he knew was as Maya kept playing that game, he started to get fed up. He didn't want to be the one always chasing after someone who didn't know her own feelings. He wanted to be with Maya because he really liked her, but if she had no idea what she wanted, there was no reason for him to keep losing his mind over her. He ultimately decided to give her space so she could figure out what she wanted.
At least, that's what he had decided, until one day, he caught Maya secretly giving him such a blatant look of longing that he decided enough was enough.
"Today is the day." He mutters to himself, trying to boost his self-confidence.
When Lucas gets to her little café in which Maya works, he walks in with determination, ignoring the interested looks and tittering of the teens. He's on a mission. A mission to get his girl and nothing will stop him. He'll even make a scene if he has to to get her to listen.
Her awestruck manager tells him where to find Maya and the last thought he has before he pushes the door of the inventory open is that he hopes she's had enough time to think, because he's not sure what he's going to say to her. And whatever he says could make or break their relationship.
Lucas watches as Maya quickly stuffs a wrapper of something into her shirt with a high pitched squeak in panic, and he bites his lip to keep from laughing. Because eating food on the job is classic Maya. But then he remembers why he came here and sobers his expression. This needs to be taken care of now. He's not going to let her run away anymore.
"So you wanna tell me why you've been acting weird these past few weeks?"
Maya spins around in alarm breathing hard, her eyebrows jumping. She looks like an animal that has been caged and is trapped now. He frowns slightly, noting how guarded her expression is. She's already closing herself off, and he hasn't even had a chance to state his case yet.
"How did you get in here?"
"I asked your manager. She didn't seem to have any problems letting me through."
Maya rolls her eyes, looking annoyed. Probably at her manager, Lucas figures.
"What do you want, cowboy? I'm kind of busy."
Her somewhat teasing tone doesn't have the same playful quality it usually has, and Lucas knows she's either stalling for time or trying to divert his attention to something else. She looks entirely too nervous.
"Busy eating the inventory you are supposed to count?"
"Hey! It's a difficult job! I deserve some breaks every once in a while."
Lucas narrows his eyes. He's losing her. He's losing her, and he knows it. She's trying to find an out as best as she can, and she's not going to give him a chance to say what he needs to say if he doesn't get to it now. Maya is closing herself off severely. The whole speech he had prepared, all the words, and the long monologue, he realizes, won't do any good in this situation. And it's with that thought that Lucas knows the best way he can tell Maya what he's trying to say is through his actions. And he knows just what he has to do.
"Maya can I try something?"
She doesn't exactly respond, but he doesn't want to wait for her to possibly say no, so with his resolve set, he approaches her with purpose, ignoring the hard glint starting to crawl into her gaze and the way her fists clench as if ready to attack. As he reaches her, he throws his last hesitant thought right out the window.
He grabs her roughly by the waist and pulls her to him, kissing her with everything he has, putting all his emotions behind it, hoping so badly she can feel what he is trying to convey. She gasps into the kiss, before moaning and wrapping her arms around his neck, tugging him down and deepening their embrace, returning it enthusiastically. Lucas loses himself in the sensation of her body pressed up against his, the scent of her peach lotion, the taste of Oreo lingering on her tongue.
All he can think is that he could spend his whole life kissing Maya, and it still wouldn't be enough.
It feels so right.
…
But it doesn't last, because next thing he knows, Maya pushes him away from her roughly. Trying to get back his balance and snap out of the haze he fell into, he stumbles backwards trying to find something to grasp onto and accidentally steps on a bag of flour.
When he finally catches his balance, he stares at Maya in shock, his breathing sounding hollow to his own ears. She rejected him. But she had kissed him back. What the hell did that even mean?
"Was it really that bad?" Lucas can hear his own voice is strained. Why is she looking at him like that? Was it something he did? "…Was it really that bad?"
She watches him silently with impossibly wide eyes, hand pressed to her chest in shock. She looks scared. And once again that guilt… that annoying guilt is prominent in her expression.
He stares at her, feeling himself growing more and more irritated with her. What the hell was her problem? He just didn't understand her. If she was going to reject him anyway, why did she kiss him back? Especially that enthusiastically. Why was she looking at him like she wanted nothing more than to kiss him again but was holding back so much? It was frustrating him! He thought he knew Maya. He thought he had her all figured out, but why was she behaving so contradictorially?
"What is your deal, Maya?" He growls impatiently, "I mean, one minute, I think you want me. But then the next, you close yourself off and all I feel from you is ice cold. Work with me here. You keep sending me mixed signals. Do you like me or not? Because I like you Maya. A lot."
She doesn't speak and only stares at him conflicted, like she can't quite make up her mind. But there's no reaction at all. No reaction to his confession, no reaction his words. Nothing. Lucas runs a hand through his hair, annoyed at her for being so reticent right now. But most of all, he's annoyed at himself for being so wrong and thinking it was such a good idea to come here in the first place. He can already hear the glass of their relationship cracking. It's only a matter of time before it breaks into a million pieces.
"Well, I don't like you like that." Maya starts shakily, her voice wavering. She clears it and continues, more strength in her words now. "You're just a friend to pass the time with. I'm not interested in you, and I will never be interested in you. Don't flatter yourself. You're not my type remember?"
Lucas can't believe what he is hearing right now and stares at her in bewilderment. Is she serious right now? After everything they've been through, she really expected him to believe that she had no feelings whatsoever for him? She was lying!
"What made you think I would ever want to be with you like that?" She scoffs, laughing mirthlessly, "I'm way out of your league."
Lucas knows what she's saying can't be true, especially since her eyes are watering, and she looks like she's holding back tears. He knows she must be doing this to protect herself from something, but it still doesn't hurt any less to hear it coming from her mouth. The mouth that he stupidly, even now that he's being harshly rejected, still wants to kiss. He feels like she's just slapped him, and it hurts. What hurts isn't her rejection. It the fact that he knows she doesn't want to reject him, but for some reason, she is. He just doesn't understand her thought process. He can't think of any reason why she would decide to do this in the first place.
"Fine. I get the point." He turns around, not wanting to see the tears he sees collecting on Maya's eyelashes. She hurt him. Not the other way around. "You know, I don't get you Maya. Why do you always have to shut people out who try to get close to you? Here I thought I finally understood you; I thought we had developed something real, and then this..."
He looks over his shoulder one last time, holding on to some futile hope that maybe she'll explain to him why. That maybe she'll change her mind. But she only stares at the ground, clenching and unclenching her fists.
And Lucas knows it's over. He's lost his chance. He's failed. And worst of all, he's lost Maya.
Fine. He's done with this.
Lucas sighs, realizing she has no intention to continue talking, "See you at school."
And he leaves the café and this botched confession behind him with a heavy heart and pain in his chest.
He likes her. He knows she likes him too. He can see it in her eyes. He can see it in her reactions to him. So why did she push him away? He thought he understood her, but now, he's not so sure…
All he knows is that he can't do this anymore.
If Maya doesn't want him, fine. Enough with this stupid game. It isn't worth destroying their friendship over.
He regrets this encounter and wishes he had never tried to go after her.
And what hurts the most is that they really did have something real. Something so profound and intense, and he knows they would have lasted. But for some reason, Maya chose to throw it all away.
She made her choice.
And so now he had no choice but to get over her, no matter how long it took.
He would get over her eventually.
He doesn't see Maya in the library anymore, and quite frankly, he doesn't want to risk accidentally running into her so he just stops going there. Besides, the spot has been tainted by bitter memories. They stop hanging out by themselves altogether and talking to her is always laced with a sort of awkward discomfort that none of their friends seem to pick up on. Maya still honours her promise to him and listens to his home issues, but he knows things are not the same. Their friendship feels off balance. Like there is something missing.
But Maya doesn't seem bothered by it at all and keeps on smiling. Clearly, his confession didn't matter to her, and it hurts him even more to see her treat it so indifferently, like she doesn't care. It hurts, but that pushes him that much harder to get over her.
It helps that Riley is there for him. She can tell something is up with him, and though he doesn't tell her what it is specifically, she remains supportive and stays by his side. He doesn't know when it happens, but eventually talking to Maya no longer fills his heart with pain, and he finds he can joke with her again without reservation. And he doesn't know when it happens, but images of Maya are slowly replaced with Riley until he realizes he's come to really like their slightly naïve, happy-go-lucky friend.
And so he says goodbye to Maya and asks Riley out.
"Lucas? You've been pretty quiet for a while now. You sure you're okay?"
Lucas snaps out of his daydream and focuses on Riley's concerned face. That's right. He got over her. What was the point of hanging onto a prospective romantic relationship that would never happen?
So he smiles and shakes his head. Because it doesn't matter anymore. That's over, and he won't focus on it anymore.
"Sorry, I'm just spacing out…What movie do you want to see tonight Riley?"