This is a sequel to my story It's A Wonderful Life, and you may want to read that one before you read this. This story takes place a year after that one. This is based on a plot bunny suggested by MBooker.
Also I want to say Happy Birthday to one of my readers, you know you are! Hope you like your present! :)
Joss Carter sat quietly on a bench on the edge of the park. To the casual observer she looked like anyone enjoying the unusually sunny day, but on the inside Joss was absolutely terrified.
She had just confirmed that she was pregnant.
Joss knew she should be happy about her current condition. God knows she loved the baby's father, John Reese, and she knew John would be thrilled to death over this child. But Joss was over forty years old, not exactly a prime child bearing age. She was a homicide detective, not a prime job for a working mother.
John's job was even worse, he could vanish for days on end working on his cases. Up until now, that had not been a problem for Joss, she knew he was committed to her and their relationship and she was a very independent woman, she didn't need her man hovering over her constantly. But throw a baby into the mix and that changed everything. She had been a single parent for most of her son's life; she really did not want to do that again.
But, then…she knew John regretted not having kids of his own. And John would want this child so badly that he just might quit his job. But that would not do at all, John's work was very important, he saved lives every day, so he couldn't quit.
Honestly, Joss did not see how this was going to work at all. Silently she cursed the doctor who neglected to mention that those antibiotics he gave her for a sinus infection last month would neutralize her birth control pills. She had been so diligent about taking them, trying to avoid this very predicament. She should have known that John Reese's sperm would exploit any weakness in her defenses, just like the rest of him. Damn him.
She buried her head in hands. How was she going to find the energy to walk the floor at midnight with a fussy baby and then get up and go to work and chase bad guys all day? How was she going to raise this child if anything happened to John? At her age, could she even have a healthy baby? Could she have a baby without ruining her own health?
She began to think maybe she shouldn't have this baby. Maybe it would be better if she never told John, if she just visited a clinic and never spoke or thought of it again.
"Oh no, honey, it would not be better. Not at all."
Joss looked up, startled to see a sweet little old lady with fluffy white hair and pink cheeks smiling back at her. Joss was surprised, she had been so wrapped up in her own thoughts she had not even noticed that the woman had joined her on the bench.
"Excuse me?" Joss said politely.
"I said that the actions you are contemplating would not be a better course of action, not at all." The lady replied patiently.
Joss's eyebrows knitted together in a frown. "How do you know what I'm thinking? You can't know."
The lady smiled serenely at Joss. "I know that you're pregnant and you are thinking about not having the baby because you are scared of what the future might bring."
Joss stared at the woman in open mouthed astonishment. "How the hell….?"
The woman looked apologetic. "I am sorry to barge in like this, I know this is disconcerting for you, but we really need you to rethink your situation."
"Who are you? What do you mean?" Joss was getting mad now. How dare this woman, this stranger, butt in on something so private?
The woman seemed to sense Joss's growing anger, but remained calm. "My name is Mildred and I am a friend of John's…"
"Did he send you? I'm going to kill him!" Joss bristled.
"No, he has no idea I'm here. I represent other interests that have a stake in John's wellbeing."
"Elias?" Joss asked, discretely going for her gun.
"Oh no, not him!" Mildred chirped merrily as if she found the thought amusing. "He is about the last person that I would represent. No, dearest Jocelyn, my boss is at the other end of the spectrum. Oh, you will not need your gun with me. It would not work anyway."
Joss let her hand fall back into her lap. She wasn't quite sure how she knew, but she had a feeling this woman's intentions were pure.
"I have an idea. You should call John and have him vouch for me," Mildred chirped at her.
John was still in bed when he heard the phone buzz. He had wrapped up a case very early that morning and he was trying to squeeze in a few hours of sleep before the next number came in. He rolled over and grabbed the phone, expecting to see the unknown number he knew as Finch on his caller ID, but was pleasantly surprised to see Joss's number instead.
"What's up, love?" He answered with a sleepy smile in his voice.
On the other end of the line, Joss could not help but smile the smile that Fusco and Taylor had long ago learned meant she was talking to her John on the phone. Mildred's eyes twinkled at her as she observed Joss's reaction to hearing John's voice.
"Did I wake you? You sound sleepy," Joss asked.
"Late night that turned into an early morning, too. But I'm always glad to hear from you."
"I'm sorry I woke you, but there is a lady here who says she knows you. She says her name is Mildred."
John sat straight up. "Mildred? Little old lady, white hair, pink cheeks?"
"So you do know her."
"She talked me through a rough time last year. She's, um, a good counselor. Let me talk to her."
Joss handed the phone over to Mildred. "John, how lovely to speak with you again! I take it you have been well since we last spoke?"
"Hi, Mildred. Yes, I have been quite well. Happy in fact. I'm glad I took your advice."
"Delightful!"
"Um, why are you there with Joss? Is she OK?" John was very concerned. When he had been visited by Mildred, he had been seriously considering returning to drinking himself to death. He was verging on panic thinking that maybe Joss was in a similar state. The thought of losing Joss was about the only thing that truly scared John Reese.
"She is fine, John, don't worry. She is having a bit of rough time right now, but I will take good care of her for you. I just need you to convince her to listen to me."
"Why don't you just convince her the way you convinced me? It was effective."
"I should not subject someone in her delicate condition to that kind of treatment, but she will listen to you." And with that Mildred handed the phone back to Joss.
"So this woman is legit?" Joss asked her lover.
"Yes, I trust her. Honey, it's hard for me to explain, please, just trust me, and her."
Joss chewed on her lower lip while she stared at Mildred. Mildred smiled back serenely. Joss had never turned John down when he had asked her to trust him, and he had never disappointed her. She would listen to him again, and trust this odd little woman.
"Alright, John. I will." And she rang off.
John put his phone back on the nightstand and lay back down, intending to go back to sleep for a few more hours. His eyes started to drift closed, then a thought occurred to him and he leaped out of bed.
"Delicate condition? Oh my God!"
He grabbed his phone; Finch had long ago installed an app that allowed him to track any other member of the team using their phone. He hastily punched up Joss's location and started to get dressed quickly.
Joss eyed Mildred warily. Mildred continued to smile back at Joss in that infuriatingly serene manner she had. "So, uh, how do you know John?" Joss asked the little lady.
"Do you remember last year, the day John asked you out for the first time?" Mildred replied.
Joss got a little smile on her face thinking about it. John had asked her out for a drink, gave her beautiful earrings as a present, and told her that he loved her. It had been the start of something very special between them.
Mildred giggled, "I can see by the expression on your face that you do remember that day."
Joss blushed. "I'll never forget it. Not that I would want to."
"Suppose I told you that earlier that day, he had been so overwhelmed with guilt and despair, he was contemplating returning to the streets, and to drinking himself to death?"
Joss looked horrified. "Oh my God, Why didn't he tell me?"
"He was in the depths of despair, convinced that everything would have been better if Harold had never found him. I showed him that he was making a difference; that Harold, Lionel and, of course you were better off for having him in your lives."
"Of course we are! How could he think any differently?"
"I'll let you ask him that. Let's focus on you for now, dear. Why do you not want to have this child?"
Joss looked down at her hands as they nervously played with the fringe on her scarf. "There are so many reasons not to have this baby. I'm really too old to be having a baby, John and I have insane jobs." She paused.
"What else is there?" Mildred asked quietly.
"John is in danger almost daily," Joss said softly, on the verge of tears. "Every day I wonder if it will the day that Harold calls me to tell me he's gone and I'll be alone again. I can't raise another child on my own. I barely survived raising Taylor."
Mildred looked sympathetic, and reached over and laid her hand over Joss's. Instantly, Joss was transported back to the New Year's Eve when Taylor was only two and her husband had walked out on her for good. Vividly she saw herself sitting in the old rocking chair, the one that was in the corner of her bedroom , rocking back and forth, holding her son, whispering to him. "Everything will be OK, everything will be OK," she kept repeating as tears rolled down her cheeks.
Joss jumped. "How did you that?" She demanded.
"I am more than just a counselor," Mildred chirped. "Everything did turn out OK, though. Did it not?"
Joss sighed. "It did. But it was tough. That was probably my lowest point ever. I was so scared."
"John Reese is not Robert Carter. He will not walk out on you and his child. As for the danger he faces daily, you have already observed his ability to survive rather extreme situations and horrible wounds."
Mildred's hand touched Joss's again and she was back in the parking garage, right after Snow had John shot. Joss saw herself following the blood trail down the stairs, amazed that this man could keep moving with his wounds. She remembered how her cold fury at Snow for lying to her, for playing her, and her mind was in turmoil. She was pretty sure everything he had told her about John Reese was a lie, and she was not really sure what she was going to do with the vigilante once she caught up with him.
She found him at the bottom of the stairs, along with the man she now knew as Harold Finch. Harold had given her a terrified look as she burst through the stairwell door, certain that she was going to turn them over to the CIA. But John…John had looked at her with those incredibly expressive eyes of his and, despite the pain she saw reflected there, she saw acceptance and forgiveness. He let her know with a single look that he did not blame her one bit for what had just happened. She knew at that moment that this man was not the evil, heartless killing machine she had been told he was. He was a good man who had saved her life, and now it was her turn to save his. She holstered her gun and helped him to the car. That last look he gave her as she shut the door, thanking her and telling her it was OK, made her heart hurt as she watched the big black car speed off into the night.
There were bitter tears in her eyes as she watched them go, unsure if she would ever see him alive again. John may not have blamed her for what happened, but she would never, ever forgive herself for that night.
Mildred withdrew her hand again and Joss was again jerked back into the present. "What are you, the Ghost of Christmas Past?" Joss snapped at her, badly shaken.
Mildred giggled. "Another one of my favorite movies, as long as it is the Alistair Sim version. You are quite clever, Jocelyn, I can see why the universe picked you for John."
"What? You're trying to tell me that it was destiny that we wound up together?" Joss demanded, still irate that she had been forced to relive the night John was shot.
"Yes, that is a good way to put it. Did you not feel the connection the second you looked into his eyes?"
Mildred laid her hand over Joss's again.
Joss was transported back to that first night in the precinct when she was informed by a very amused patrolmen that some bum had beaten the crap out of five thugs on the subway when they tried to take his booze away. Joss saw John the Bum again for the first time in a long time. She gasped when she saw the pain in his eyes. Those eyes… they had haunted her for days afterwards.
But she felt something else too, the connection between her and John had been instantaneous. She needed to know this man's story, she needed to know him. On the surface she had been professional and kind; on the inside she had been desperate to reach him to see if he felt it too.
She watched as he stubbornly resisted her attempts to reach out to him, how he deflected all her questions or just refused to respond to her when she asked him if needed help. And yet, he let her take his fingerprints.
She never once looked away from his eyes. Those eyes had become the center of her universe in the past year.
Mildred removed her hand and Joss looked down into her lap again. "Yes, I did. I felt that connection. I thought I was being silly, feeling like I did over a drunken bum. But I wanted to know him, I wanted to be there for him. I knew he was more than a common street bum. I was pissed when the lawyer took him before I had a chance to figure it all out. He told me later that he had felt that connection, too."
"He did feel that connection, Jocelyn. He fought it, but he felt it. You two each found the person who understands and accepts you."
Joss stared at Mildred, comprehension starting to show on her face. "We were supposed to be with each other."
"Yes. You see, we needed John, and John needed you. John is one of the greatest warriors for good we have, and he scores us a victory almost every day; but he was damaged and he needed to be healed. He needed Harold to give him a job protecting people to start the healing process. He needed Lionel because he needed to help someone else back from the dark abyss as part of his healing.
"But he needs you most of all because he needs someone to love, and who loves him, to function at his best and to be complete. You and Taylor and Harold and Lionel are his anchors to the world. He draws strength from the love and friendship that the four of you give him. "
Joss closed her eyes. John had called her his anchor several times, and now she finally understood. "John doesn't just need love, he is love. The way he cares for every number he helps, how he has to protect people." Joss paused. "Except for the Drakes, I don't think he loved them."
"Excellent, my dear! You understand. Yes, he is the personification of love and caring, and the more love he has in his life, the better he is. He draws considerable strength from your love." Mildred paused and got a distasteful look on her face. "But those Drakes were nasty pieces of work, were they not?"
"John needs this baby!" Joss suddenly felt ashamed that she had seriously considered not having it.
"Oh dear, do not feel guilt or shame. John could continue his fight, and fight well, without this child. But his love for this child will make him even stronger."
Joss sighed. "How will we raise this baby, we have insane jobs, insane hours…"
Mildred smiled. "Jocelyn, stop looking for the disaster in every situation. Trust in your bond with John, and with your friends. You are not alone."
"I was so used to being alone for so long."
Mildred simply placed her hand over Joss's one more time, and Joss was suddenly back in that alley, right after Bottlecap shot her, and John had shot Bottlecap, saving her life. She watched as he strode down the alley and knelt next to her, and she heard that soft voice that never failed to send a tingle down her spine. "You are not alone."
"I wasn't alone from that moment on, was I?" Joss asked softly. She had needed to hear those words again.
"No, my dear. You were not. And you will never be alone again," Mildred said, kindly.
Mildred closed her eyes for a moment, like she was thinking about something, and then opened them. "Would you like to see a glimpse of your future?" Joss nodded eagerly and Mildred laid a hand on hers again.
Joss was standing in a rather large apartment, watching as John, on his hands and knees, pretending to be a hungry wolf, stalked a happy little girl with honey colored skin, a head of full of dark curls and amazing blue eyes. John peeked around a chair at the child and growled deep in his throat. The tiny girl ran on toddler legs to Taylor, who was sitting on the couch, shrieking with joy. "Taywor, pwotect me from the wolf!"
Taylor scooped the little girl up. "I'm not going to protect you, I'm going to eat you!" And pretended to gnaw on her tummy, causing her to shriek and kick happily, while John watched, laughing. This obviously was the favorite game of the three of them.
Harold Finch came limping in the door, with a huge armload of presents. The little girl raced over to him, "Book! Book!"
Finch handed the pile of presents off to John and scooped the child up. "Of course Uncle Harold brought you a book! Don't I always?"
"You're going to spoil her, Harold." Joss said as she emerged from the kitchen carrying a tray of food and placed it on the table.
"Isn't that an uncle's privilege?" Harold asked her with a twinkle in his eye as he settled into a chair with the child on his lap.
John came up behind Joss and put his arms around her, kissing her temple. "Let him indulge her, honey". Joss closed her eyes; she felt such happiness at that moment.
Joss was yanked back to the present. She looked over at Mildred, then down at her lap again. "You can't tell me it will always be like that." She said softly, afraid to believe that her future would be that happy.
"No, but I thought you were too focused on the bad, and you needed to see some good. There will be many, many happy times like you just saw. I can promise that there will be more happy times than sad times."
Mildred continued, "I can't tell you everything that the future brings, but I will say this. John will be the most extraordinary father, and partner, and the world will need this child. She will make the world a better place."
"Now I have to leave you, John is coming and you have a lot to discuss with him. I have made sure there will be no new number today, so you may enjoy your New Year's Eve." Mildred leaned over and in a conspiratorial whisper said, "I do not think one glass of champagne will hurt the baby."
Joss looked up and saw John striding across the park towards her in his unique graceful, confident stride. His eyes were fixed on her like a laser beam. He had not buttoned his coat and it was flapping in the breeze on either side of him like a cape. Joss nearly cried at the sight, her very own superhero was on his way to make everything better. Mildred was right, she mentally kicked herself for ever doubting what she and John could accomplish together. Well, with a bit of help from their friends, too.
She heard Mildred's voice, gently chiding her. "Don't be so hard on yourself, Jocelyn. Trust John. Trust your love for him and his love for you."
Joss leaped from the bench and ran to him, throwing herself into his arms, delivering a rib cracking hug. John returned her hug and picked her up off of her feet and swung her around while she buried her face in his neck.
John held her tight to his body for the longest time. Finally, he released her and cupped her face in his large, elegant hands and touched his forehead to hers.
"Mildred said you were in a delicate condition." John swallowed hard, "Does that mean what I think it means?"
Joss looked into his eyes, and saw the hope and love there. She knew for certain at that moment that they could do this, together.
"Yes," she said, "I'm pregnant".
"Is that why Mildred was here?"
Joss looked ashamed. "Yes, I was so scared. Scared that I'm too old to have a baby, and with our jobs…I just didn't see how we could have a child." A tear trickled down her cheek.
John gently brushed the tear away, "Joss…"
"No, it's OK, now. Mildred talked me off the ledge. I know we can do this. I know it will work out, somehow."
"Of course it will! You know I'll be there every step of the way. I won't walk out on you like your ex, I swear."
"I know you won't." And she kissed him. "Let's go home. Mildred assured me that you would not get a new number today, and I want to spend New Year's Eve with my baby daddy."
John slipped an arm around her and held her tight against his side as they walked off in the direction of the apartment, unaware that they were being watched by a certain little old lady with white hair and pink cheeks. Mildred smiled happily to herself. "I love my job!" She chirped, as she turned to leave.