Hellooooo! So, I promised you guys an AU fic, so here it is! Well, the Prologue anyway. I have been working on the rough outline for around a week now, which is why I haven't updated Hand In Hand (but I'm getting to that next, so don't worry). I have the characters and a rough plot outlined, but I'm pretty much going to go with the flow and see where I end up.
This fic will be angsty AF, so if that's not your thing, then I'm sorry.
Just an FYI: In this fic, A does not exist, partly because I don't think I'm cruel enough to come up with the ways that A would have tortured the girls, but also because I wanted to explore other avenues of vibes I picked up from characters, and story lines that I think would have been great in the show if they had touched on them. So anyway, enjoy the prologue, the next chapter will fast forward 8 years!
It had been a whole year since Alison DiLaurentis had been reported as missing. One whole year. 365 days. 8760 hours. 525,600 Minutes. However you want to measure that year, whether it do be in midnights or cups of coffee, as the song suggests, or in simple numbers and figures, a year is still a damn long time when the shit hits the fan. A whole damn year, measured in police reports, tears and sleepless nights, at least that was the case for Emily Fields. A whole damn year of hurting, crying, avoiding journalists and experimenting in ways to numb the pain for just one minute. She'd give anything to make the pain go away, to stop from seeing her face whenever she closed her eyes. A year later, and Emily felt like she was being haunted by Alison DiLaurentis, because just when she thought she was starting to feel better, something else would happen, and now someone had truly ripped the rug from beneath her. That tiny bit of hope that Alison might still be out there somewhere, trying to find her way home, had been dashed in the form of a simple banner rolling across the bottom of the TV screen. The new anchor's words echoing through her mind, and god Emily found herself hating that red headed bitch for saying them.
'After a year of searching, Police have found the body of missing teenager, Alison DiLaurentis. Unfortunately, the Sixteen-year-old was found dead just a few miles from home'
Emily couldn't listen to the rest, she had zoned out at those words, blood draining from her face as her hands started to shake. She had left the house and hit up the only place she knew that would help her, somewhere she had been spending a lot of time recently. The Flying Pony might have a stupid name, and sure it was pretty much filled with old men and alcoholics, but it was just far enough outside of Rosewood for nobody there to recognise her, and Emily took comfort from the stale cigarette smell from eons ago and the drunken fools that inhabited it. She liked most that she had no memories there for her dwell on, no ghosts of the blonde that haunted her. She liked that she was making her own memories there, or losing them, depending on which way you looked at it. Still, as she entered the pub and inhaled the smell of beer and stale tobacco, it felt like home.
'You back again, Emily?' a voice called from behind the bar as she entered. 'It's like the fourth time this week, girl! What, you can't get enough of ol' Earl here?' the barman joked, tipping his head in the direction of a stocky man sat at the bar, wearing a dirty white tank top, his belly hanging out the bottom a little, and a grubby pair of sweatpants.
'Yeah, I just can't get enough of that hobo look' Emily replied with a smirk as she slipped onto a barstool beside Earl, while the bartender placed a drink in front of her. Anyone else would be ashamed of the fact that the bartender knew her drinks order, but after a year of frequently visiting the pub, Emily was practically part of the furniture now.
'So, what brings you here on this fine Sunday afternoon?' the barman asked as he leaned on the bar in front of Emily.
'You know I can't get enough of your pretty face' Emily replied, looking up through her eyes lashes as she dipped her head to suck the straw into her mouth, taking a long drink from the tall glass in front of her. She hid a grimace as the first taste of strong Vodka hit the back of her throat, knowing that she would grow accustomed to the taste in a few sips.
'Well, you know I've offered to take you out back and give you a little taste of the Dan-Man more than once. You just keep throwing me back out there though' the barman replied with a chuckle.
'And I've told you more than once, Dan. You've got a P where I'd rather see a V' Emily stated, rolling her eyes playfully. She liked Dan, he was a good guy and gave her the lift she needed, it was part of the reason she seemed to find herself strolling through the doors of this shitty pub every other day. The first time she had come here, she was barely sixteen, and with her fake I.D in hand and her heart breaking over the disappearance of the girl she loved, she needed somewhere she could cure the pain that was overwhelming her. Dan had found her sitting in a booth, crying over her Vodka soda, and his carefree attitude and cheeky charm had her laughing in a way she hadn't since Alison's disappearance a few months prior. She found herself returning a few weeks later, in need of a pick me up, and the visits had increased significantly overtime. Now she found herself here several times a week and it got harder to leave every time, knowing the second she walked out the door, all the things she was running from would come rushing back like a Freight Train, ready to knock the wind out of her.
'Yeah, and anyone who calls themselves the Dan-Man at your age, doesn't deserve to be in the company of a lady as fine as Miss Emily, here' Earl added as he took his beer from his lips and placed it on the bar.
'Oh hey now, don't you start getting all smart Earl, when I know you're old lady's probably sitting at home shaving her lady-beard' Dan piped up, causing Emily to chuckle at the banter between the two old friends.
'She ain't got no Lady-beard, you bastard. Clarice is a fucking queen' Earl retorted angrily, slamming his fist on the bar in emphasis.
'A drag queen, more like' Dan replied with a cheeky grin. Emily almost spat her drink out at this. She had seem the two men slam each other down many time, but this was a new low for the two of them, and by the look in Earl's face, Emily figured that Dan had crossed a line.
'Didn't you once hook up with a dude by mistake, Dan?' Emily wondered aloud, in an attempt to diffuse the situation a little. 'I'm sure you told me about the girl who had tits like Watermelons and legs that went for miles, and when you got her to the bedroom, she had a big, fat pair of hairy balls.' Dan went red in the face at this story, that he had told Emily a few months after she first started coming to the pub, in an effort to cheer her up. It had, Emily had laughed so hard she thought she was going to throw up. Earl howled at Emily's words, tears running down his face as he gripped his beer in his hand.
'You fucking idiot. How you not notice the balls!?' he asked through his laughter, and Emily knew that she had safely stopped Earl from launching himself over the bar and kicking the shit out of Dan. She spent the rest of the afternoon sipping on her drinks and watching the funny exchanges between Earl and Dan, the news about Alison temporarily forgotten as she lost herself in the atmosphere of the pub that seemed to heal all wounds.
'I've been trying to call you for days, where have you been?' A knowing voice asked loudly, causing Emily to wince. She had avoided everyone for two days already, spending all her time at the pub in an attempt to block out reality, and with a killer hangover setting in, the last thing she needed was someone shouting at her.
'Hanna, please. Not so loud' Emily groaned as she leaned against a locker, her sunglasses saving her bloodshot eyes from the bright lights of the school halls.
'Why, someone a little hungover?' Hanna snapped, raising an eyebrow at Emily as she pulled a book from her locker and placed it into her bag.
'No, I just have a headache' Emily replied as she massaged her temples with her fingers as she tried to concentrate on not throwing up on Hanna's shoes.
'Bullshit Emily, you've got so much fucking vodka seeping out your pores, you smell like my Uncle Bernie' Hanna quipped as she snatched Emily's sunglasses from her face to inspect the damage. Emily tried to shade her face behind her hand, the feeling of Hanna's eyes boring into her too much to handle. 'You can't lose yourself in the bottom of a bottle because shit gets hard, Em' Hanna said a little softer, seeing the pain in her friend's eyes.
'I'm not, I just needed to let loose a little, that's all' Emily insisted, grabbing her sunglasses back from Hanna and placing them back on.
'Right, well when you're done letting loose and you decide to actually deal with your shit, then call me, ok?' Hanna sighed, her eyes filled with pity and sympathy, and Emily hated it. She was sick of people looking at her like she was about to break, sick of being the girl whose best friend was missing, and now dead. She just wanted to be plain old Emily Fields again.
'Hey guys!' a voice broke the tension, though the owner of said voice looked far from happy, since she was one of The Rosewood Four. The four girls that were known around the whole damn country for being the friends of a missing girl, and the last to see her before she disappeared.
'Hey, Spencer' Hanna greeted glumly, and for a second Emily felt bad because she knew she wasn't the only one hurting over the recent revelation of their friend's death, but she was the only one who had more than just a friendship with the girl. The relationship they shared, though secret, was filled with pure, unconditional love, and having it snatched away so brutally was unbearable. Emily didn't know how to handle losing that kind of love, and with nobody to turn to, Emily felt like she was drowning.
'So um, are we all ready for today? It's going to be tough but we can get through it if we stick together' Spencer said awkwardly and Emily could see the bags under the taller girl's eyes, indicating that she too hadn't slept.
'I've never been less ready for anything in my life' Emily replied, her voice husking as she spoke. Spencer looked at her in concern, her eyes pinching as she looked down at her.
'God, I feel like I'm in a freaking circus and I'm the main attraction of the freak show' Aria exclaimed as she joined the group, looking back at the groups of students that had stared her down the hall. The attention hadn't gone unnoticed by any of the group and they figured that their day would only get worse as news broke that they had returned to school already.
'Totally should have called in sick today' Hanna mumbled to herself, earning a pointed look from Spencer.
'No! Guys, we can get through this. We knew it'd be crazy when we came back, but the longer we left it, the harder it would be. It'll fizzle out in a few days, we've just gotta grin and bare it' Spencer insisted.
'Speak for yourself' Emily replied as she crossed her arms over her chest and sighed, glaring through her glasses at a guy across the hall, who hadn't stopped staring at her and whispering to his friend since she had arrived at her locker. 'You want a picture?' Emily shouted at him angrily, causing the two students to look away and disperse down the hall.
'Emily, that's not going to help' Aria stated softly as she rubbed Emily's arm, causing Emily to roll her eyes.
'Whatever' Emily snapped as she pushed herself from the locker and made her way down the hall to her first period, the bell ringing just seconds later. Spencer and Aria looked at each other in confusion before turning to Hanna.
'Don't look at me, I'm not her keeper' Hanna said as she slammed her locker shut and the group made their way to their first class of the day.
The whole week went by like that, and Emily found it harder and harder to drag herself out of bed. It was made harder by the fact that Hanna had invited herself over almost every morning that week in order to make sure Emily went to school. Each morning she would give Emily the same disapproving look as her hangovers grew more intense as the week went on. Reality was biting her so hard in the ass, that Emily had found herself driving straight to the pub each evening after school, using studying and hanging out at Hanna's as an excuse to her parents to hide her drinking habit.
'You realise that you don't have to drive me to school, I can drive myself' Emily sighed one morning when Hanna insisted on driving them, frustrated because it meant that she would have to come up with another plan to get to the pub later on.
'If you seriously think I'm letting you drive, you must be high as well as drunk right now' Hanna snapped as she put the car into drive and pulled away from the house.
'I'm not drunk, Hanna' Emily replied feebly, knowing that if the spinning in her head was anything to go by, then she was indeed still drunk as hell.
'Honestly, I'm pretty much past the point of being pissed at you, and I'm kind of impressed that you managed to go this long without getting caught, and you were ballsy enough to stand and talk to your Mom there without her having the faintest clue that you're topped up on Jack Daniels right now' Hanna stated with a small chuckle. As worried as she was about Emily's drinking, she had to admit, the girl had balls. Hanna looked over to see if Emily was going to reply, but the brunette was sitting silently with her head leaned back into the seat and her eyes closed.
'If you throw up in my car, Emily Fields, you'll be a dead woman' Hanna warned, before fixing her eyes back onto the road.
'I won't throw up' Emily croaked in response, though she wasn't sure herself whether she was telling the truth or not. Her stomach felt like a washing machine and with Hanna's erratic driving, Emily was worried that she'd be seeing the copious amounts of alcohol from the night before. She didn't relax until they were safely at a stop in the school parking lot, at which point her body propelled out the door as she doubled over and violently threw up, causing Hanna to grimace.
'Jesus Christ, Emily' Hanna groaned from the driver's seat, as Emily perched on her seat and leaned into her knees while she threw up on the asphalt. 'You better shape up quick, sweet cheeks, because Spencer's on her way over and you don't wanna get a side of Hasting's ass whopping this morning' Hanna added, causing Emily to groan. The last thing she needed was Spencer to lecture her on the dangers of underage drinking, especially on a school night. Emily grabbed a tissue from her bag and wiped her mouth before popping in a few pieces of gum to mask the smell of vomit and alcohol from her breath.
'Em, are you ok?' Spencer asked in concern, having seen her being sick from across the lot.
'Yeah, I just have an upset stomach' Emily replied as she stood herself up, dodging the vomit carefully. Spencer nodded in response, her eyebrow raised suspiciously.
'I'll meet you inside, I'm going to park somewhere other than beside Emily's stomach lining' Hanna informed them as she pulled the car into reverse and headed off in search of another space, leaving Emily and Spencer to head over to the school building alone.
'You sure you're ok?' Spencer asked after a few seconds of silence.
'Yeah, I told you already, I just ate some bad chicken or something' Emily sighed, wishing that Spencer would drop the topic of conversation and they could walk in silence, because her head was pounding and her stomach was still swishing, and with every step she took, Emily was fighting everything to keep herself from throwing up again.
'Ok well, let me know if you need to go home or anything. I can drive you' Spencer replied, her mind still piecing things together. It hadn't gone unnoticed how distant Emily had been since the news of Alison's body being found, and Spencer hadn't failed to see how the brunette was deteriorating every day, and then this morning Hanna had driven her in and Emily was throwing up in the parking lot. Spencer had her suspicions, but she wasn't about to accuse Emily of anything, not until she had more proof anyway.
'I'll be fine' Emily mumbled in response as she wondered to herself if the walk across the lot was always this long, or whether it just felt particularly long today.
'So, the funeral is tomorrow' Spencer said lamely, her eyes fixed on Emily still.
'Yep' Emily replied, her lips popping on the end sound.
'You going?'
'No'
Spencer's eyebrows shot up in surprise. They hadn't talked about it, not really anyway, but Spencer assumed that the whole group would be going to the funeral. How could they miss it?
'Why?' She asked, a demanding edge to her tone.
'Because I don't wanna sit in a room and listen to people talk to us about our friend. People that didn't even like her when she was alive, yet have the audacity to stand in a fucking church and cry their fake fucking tears, while they reminisce about all their fucking fake stories with our fucking friend' Emily replied, her voice raising as she got angrier and angrier at the picture. She was angry at the people that had come crawling out of the wood works since Alison had gone missing. People that barely knew Alison, yet claimed to be her best friend. Guys who claimed to have loved her, because she made out with them that one time and then didn't give them the time of day after. All these people that would get to stand and tell their favourite moments of a girl they barely knew, and yet she couldn't share her memories with Alison. She couldn't tell anyone about how Alison would hold her at night when they had their sleep overs, or how she loved that her skin smelt of coconut oil. Emily couldn't tell anyone about the things they would do in the dark, away from prying eyes, and quite frankly it pissed her off. She was angry that Alison had gone missing in the first place. Angry that Alison had died, and left her with all these memories that she couldn't share. Memories that haunted her every second of every hour.
'Emily' Spencer breathed, and there it was again. That look of pity that everyone looked at her with and Emily was sick of it. Spencer placed her hand on Emily's arm, wanting to comfort her friend.
'Get off of me' Emily yelled as she pushed Spencer's hand away and turned away from the school, marching straight out onto the street without looking back. Ignoring Spencer's calls for her to come back, Emily knew where she was heading without even thinking about it.
'Emily? Little early for you to be here, isn't it?' Dan questioned from his car, when he spotted the brunette standing outside of the doors of the closed pub.
'Well, it's 5 O'clock somewhere, right?' Emily replied with a fake smile, desperate for a taste of the elixir that would take away her feelings. She was sick of feeling, sick of the emotion because all that brought was pain and Emily couldn't take any more pain. Dan turned off his car and stepped out, curiosity and concern written all over his face. He hadn't failed to notice that the brunette seemed to be around a lot more than usual lately, and each time she seemed to be drinking more than the last.
'Not in Pennsylvania it's not' he replied, trying his best to make a joke.
'Look, you going to give me a drink or not? Because I can find a dozen other bars that can serve up a watered down Jack and Coke and probably at half the price you charge' Emily huffed with her arms across her chest. Dan pursed his lips in thought as he swung his keys around his finger, pondering Emily's words. He didn't feel exactly comfortable about serving the brunette, but he also didn't like the thought of her getting wasted somewhere else where she could come into danger or hurt herself. At least if she was here, he could keep an eye on her and maybe switch out a few drinks before she got too wasted, which he had found himself doing a fair amount lately.
'Come on' Dan sighed hesitantly, waving Emily to follow him inside. As they made their way into the dark pub, Emily pulled a bar stool from the bar and placed it onto the ground before taking a seat, leaning on her elbow while she waited for Dan to open up and make her a drink. She looked around at the quiet bar, the atmosphere so different to the other times she had been here. It was never the rowdiest of places, but it had life and you could feel the fun in the air the second you walked in, but today it felt cold and empty and it creeped Emily out a little as she sat there. The lack of noise failed to deafen the thoughts in her head, which was something that kept her coming back time and time again.
Emily jumped out of her thoughts when a glass was placed down in front of her. When she looked up to see Dan's warm eyes and the cold drink in front of her, she gave him a small smile before grasping the glass and placing it to her lips. She fought through the burn of the Vodka as she knocked the drink back in one, smacking her lips once she had drained the glass of its contents, and placed it back on the bar. Dan watched silently, not wanting to say anything to spook the clearly vulnerable brunette in front of him.
'Another' Emily requested, avoiding eye contact. Dan froze for a moment, unsure whether he should comply to Emily's request or not. Knowing that she would flee if he denied her another drink, Dan sighed and poured her another, making sure to make the measure smaller than average.
'So, what's going on?' Dan asked as he placed the second drink in front of Emily. Emily sat, biting her lip in thought as she clasped her hands around the cold glass, contemplating whether she should finally open up to Dan.
'My friend's funeral is tomorrow, and my other friends think I should go' she finally said quietly, her eyes trained on the drink in front of her.
'And you don't think you should?' Dan questioned, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion. Dan didn't know anything about her personal life, only the fun, kind hearted girl that she let him see whenever she was here, but he knew that there was something bubbling under the surface.
'No, I don't' Emily sighed as she took a drink, her eyes still looking anywhere other than at the man standing on the other side of the bar. 'If I go, then I'm accepting that Alison is really gone and that's not something that I'm ready to accept yet.'
Dan stood in silence for a few moments, allowing Emily's words to sink in. Suddenly, the brunette made total sense to him and he felt an overwhelming urge to help her and protect her from the pain that was so clear in her golden eyes.
'Look, I know that we know each other pretty well. I mean, don't know much about you personally, but I feel like we know each other well enough for me to say this to you' Dan started, an uneasy feeling settling in his stomach. He didn't want to say anything that might upset Emily, but he also wanted to help her and she didn't seem like the sort of girl that would benefit from someone pussy-footing around her. 'I can see that you're hurting, and I'm guessing that's why you're here right now, but alcohol is not the answer. You can't run away from your feelings, because one day they will catch up to you and they'll bite you in the ass in ways you couldn't even imagine. Trust me, I've been there and it's not pretty.' Dan silenced, waiting for Emily to talk or even look at him, but she sat quietly, still staring at her drink, as she pondered over Dan's words. She knew that he was talking sense, the logical part of her brain telling her to listen to him and fight through the pain instead of running from it, but at this point in life, running was all she knew. She hated the way her heart felt like it was in the pit of her stomach and the way her eyes wanted to cry entire oceans for Alison.
'I can't do it. It's too hard' Emily finally mumbled as she swirled the Ice in her glass.
'If you don't go to the funeral, you'll regret missing your chance to say goodbye. It might not be right away, but you will regret it, that much I can promise you' Dan said softly. To say he was concerned for Emily was an understatement. He liked the brunette and he hated that she seemed so lost in herself. 'I can come with you, if you'd like me to' he offered, causing Emily to look up with large, vulnerable eyes and Dan was pretty sure in that moment, that he'd use his own Mother as a human shield to protect her, if he had to.
'It's ok. If I go, then it's something I need to do alone. But, thank you' Emily replied with a small smile.
'Hey, guys' Aria greeted Hanna and Spencer solemnly, her eyes already brimming with tears as she looked around at all of the people around them, all dressed in black and looking equally sombre.
'Hey' Hanna replied as she scooted beside Aria.
'No, Emily?' Spencer asked, her tone filled with disappointment and concern, as she looked around for the brunette.
'No, she's not here yet. Maybe she's just running a little late' Aria responded with a shrug, causing Hanna and Spencer to look to each other knowingly.
'Somehow, I don't think she's going to be here' Spencer replied with a sigh. She knew something was going on with her friend, she just wished Emily would open up and talk to her so she could help. Instead, it seemed like Emily was expressing her pain in other ways, and Spencer couldn't help but feel the other brunette was on a single handed path to self-destruction.
Emily settled on a bench across from the white church, watching as the flock of people dressed in black, began to filter into the building. She felt numb, as though she was watching the funeral of a stranger. She unscrewed the cap from the bottle of Whisky in her hand and tipped it back, embracing the burn in her throat as she guzzled at the brown liquid. She was already feeling the buzz, having been drinking from the same bottle for a little over an hour, just to give herself the courage to even enter the vicinity of the church where her best friend and former lover, was about to be buried forever. Emily thought of Alison, lying in the cold, dark ground. Her beautiful face crumbling into dust over time and her long, blonde hair becoming one with the earth that surrounded her. It was almost beautiful, to think of Alison becoming a part of the very ground she walked on. It wasn't right though, Alison should be there with her. Alison had promised her forever, and yet they had had little to no time at all, and the thought of it hurt so god damn much that Emily felt as though she was suffocating. She could barely breathe with how her heart ached for just one more touch, one more look at those perfectly pillowed lips and ocean blue eyes that you couldn't help but get lost in.
Spencer, Hanna and Aria sat in the second row of the church, behind Alison's parents and brother Jason. None of them had known what to say to the DiLaurentis family. What do you say to someone who has lost someone so brutally and tragically, especially when you don't even know how to comprehend it yourself?
'My dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to honour the life of Alison DiLaurentis-'
The words of the vicar were drowned out by the raw sobs of Jessica DiLaurentis, and Hanna was sure she had never heard anyone cry quite like that before. She had never heard someone's heart physically breaking, and she was sure she never wanted to hear it again, positive that the sounds of those cries would stay with her for a long, long time.
'-many of us have been deeply hurt by the sudden loss of such a bright, outgoing young lady-'
Spencer felt like her stomach was in her throat as she listened to the droning words of the vicar, her eyes brimming with tears as the sudden reality of the situation hit her. She looked around to see that Hanna and Aria also had tears streaming down their faces and the three of them clutched hands for support, all needing each other in that moment, and Spencer's mind suddenly went to Emily. She was out there somewhere, suffering alone and with no one to hold on to, and Spencer had to do everything not to bolt out the door and find her.
'Today is a day for us to share the memories we have of Alison, and celebrate the life she lived-'
Aria blinked through her tears, trying to stifle the sob that wanted to break out. She couldn't be the girl who broke down at Alison's funeral, not with the reporters and news crews that hung around outside of the church, waiting to snap shots of the mourners at the funeral of infamous missing teen Alison DiLaurentis. It made her sick that this whole situation had become a media circus, vultures flying everywhere just waiting to grab a scoop.
'I know that today is a sad day, but I hope at the end of this farewell ceremony for Alison, that you will feel glad that you took the opportunity to do some of your grieving in the presence of others who have known and loved her'
The church door clicked open and Spencer turned at the faint sound of shoes walking down the narrow aisle. Her eyes widened when she saw Emily, dressed in a t-shirt and jeans, her eyes swollen and red-rimmed, as she staggered through the church with tears streaming down her face. Spencer nudged Aria beside her, who turned and gasped at the sight of their friend, who looked like she had truly hit breaking point. When more people in the church began to turn and gasp, Hanna turned to see what was going on, her heart breaking even more at the sight of Emily and she willed to reach out and grab her. Hold her in her arms and rock her like a baby until all the pain went away.
Emily staggered through the church, her head spinning from the Whisky that she still clutched in her hand. Her heart was shattering and the alcohol wasn't helping anymore, it didn't blanket the pain like it usually did. She stared at the large picture of Alison's smiling face, anger filling her that she would never see that smile again. Never hear that lilting laugh that she loved so much. Never again would she love the love she had for Alison, because she was sure that nothing could repair the damage that her heart was going through right now.
'Why did you leave me' she whispered through her tears, her voice breaking and her words slurring as she reached closer to the top of the church. Emily wasn't sure if she was unaware of the eyes that bored into her back, or simply didn't care. Either way, it was just she and Alison right now and Emily had things she needed to get off of her chest, things she needed to talk about before she truly broke.
'We were supposed to be together forever and you left me here alone' she sobbed as she fell to her knees beside the casket. Spencer, Aria and Hanna all looked to each other before jumping up from their seats.
'I loved you, Ali. I loved you so fucking much. Please come back to me' Emily begged, and she couldn't see anything anymore, her eyes stinging with the hot tears that poured out of them.
'Em' she heard a soft voice, but she didn't want anyone. Nobody but Alison, anyway.
'I promise you, Ali. I'll never stop loving you. I'll never love anyone but you' Emily sobbed as she felt a set of arms wrap around her and pull her into a hug, before pulling her away.
'No! Get off of me!' she screamed, fighting against the invisible stranger, the person who was taking her away from Alison. 'Ali, come back to me! Get off of me!' She screamed as more hands held onto her, fighting against her to pull her further away from Alison, until she was outside of the church and lying in a heap on the grass. She wasn't aware of the cameras that flashed in her direction, just the three bodies that pressed against her on the grass as a broken sob escaped her lips, and once that first one finally cracked, Emily couldn't control it. Her body shook and hurt as she sobbed into the three people holding onto her.
'Em, we're here. It's ok' Hanna hushed into her hair as she placed a gentle kiss to her temple. Hanna was pretty sure that if hearing Jessica DiLaurentis sob was haunting, then seeing Emily like this was even more so.
'I loved her, I loved her so much' Emily sobbed as she clung to the blonde, suddenly unaware of the other two girls beside them.
'I know, we all loved her' Hanna hushed back as she held Emily close to her, brushing tear-soaked hair out of Emily's face.
'No, I loved her. I loved her as more than a friend' Emily explained through choked sobs, and suddenly everything fell into place for the other three girls. They had always known that Emily and Alison were closer than any of the rest of them. They were always having sleepovers alone and hanging out together, whispering and disappearing, but Hanna, Aria and Spencer had never imagined that they were in a relationship. When put into perspective, the girls knew that they should have watched over Emily more, helped her through the grief and pain that she was feeling, because Spencer's suspicions had been confirmed today. Emily was using alcohol to help her grieve and she was well on her way to developing a problem, if she hadn't already.
'Emily, how much of this did you drink?' Spencer asked cautiously as she took the practically empty bottle of Whisky that was lying on the ground beside them and eyed it. Emily looked down at the ground, shame washing over her as Spencer, Hanna and Aria looked to her.
'You know this isn't the answer, Em' Aria hushed sympathetically, as she rubbed her hand along Emily's back comfortingly, while the brunette still remained huddled into Hanna's chest. The movements of her friends were helping to calm her and her sobs had subsided, leaving only silent tears rolling down her cheeks.
'I'm sorry' Emily whispered in response, her voice hurting from all the crying she had done. Emily knew that her friends were right, she couldn't rely on alcohol to get her through this. She had to face the pain she was feeling, and she would need her friends by her side to help her do that.
Over the next few days, Hanna, Aria and Spencer took it in turns to stay with Emily at all times, none of them wanting to leave her alone for too long in case she needed them. It had been hard for all of them, watching their friend on the verge of a break down. Emily barely ate, slept or spoke, she was practically a shell of her former, bubbly self. This was only made worse by the fact that Emily's breakdown at the funeral had managed to hit the news, with pictures of her outside of the church crying on the cover of several major tabloids. Spencer had spent that morning running around rosewood in an effort to rid the stores of as many copies as possible, not wanting Emily to find out that the pictures had been printed, but Emily's Mom had gotten there before her and bought a copy. The older Fields woman had approached Emily about the subject, and Emily had barely spoken to anybody since that day.
'Hey, sexy lady. I brought snacks' Hanna stated happily as she dropped down onto the couch beside Emily, who was stiff in the same clothes she had been in the two days previously, and was wrapped up in a blanket. Emily's interest peaked for a second, only to waiver again quickly. 'Really? You don't want anything? I bought your favourite' Hanna replied to Emily's lack of response, as she waved a pint of Ben and Jerry's Cookie Dough Ice cream at the brunette. Emily rolled her eyes and let out a small smile as she took the carton and spoon from Hanna.
'Thanks' she replied as she took the lid from the top.
'No worries, I've got you and you're junk food needs' Hanna replied with a smile as she dug her own spoon into the ice cream. 'So, how're you feeling today?'
'Pretty much the same as yesterday' Emily sighed sadly as she looked down into the tub of ice cream. Her heart physically hurt at the loss of Alison, and Emily knew that it wouldn't go away for a very long time, if ever. But she had promised the girls that she would curb the drinking, and they had made sure that she wasn't alone for long enough that she could even be tempted to run to the nearest bar. She hadn't told them that she had almost slipped up a few times already. She felt the urge pulling her and she wanted to see Dan, since he was the only person who seemed to make her forget for long enough that she could stop the pain, but she figured even he wouldn't be able to help now. Her grief had gone too far.
'Em, can I ask you something?' Hanna asked cautiously. Emily looked up, silently signalling her to continue. 'Why didn't you tell us? About you and Ali?' Emily had known that this question would be asked sooner or later, and it didn't surprise her that Hanna would be the one to ask.
'We didn't want anyone to know, Ali especially. We were scared, we weren't ready to tell anyone' Emily answered with a sigh. 'We were going to tell people, but then Ali-' Emily started to feel the burn in the back of her throat and her eyes brimmed with tears. She let out a shuddering breath as she tried to keep them in, but Hanna pulled her in for a hug and Emily felt that final barrier break back down, releasing the floods of tears that she somehow still had left inside of her.
'It's ok, I've got you' Hanna hushed against her head as Emily gripped to her.
'I'm sorry' Emily cried into Hanna's dress, the pain overwhelming her.
'No, I'm sorry. I should have been there for you more. But I'm not going anywhere now, you're stuck with me. Even if you do smell like you just crawled out of a trash can' Hanna joked, causing Emily to chuckle lightly through her tears.
'Yeah, I should really take a shower' Emily stated with a sigh.
'Want me to help you? I can shampoo your hair? I mean, I know you're into chicks now, so don't get the wrong idea. I just want to help' Hanna joked, liking that she was making Emily smile.
'I'm ok, I can shower myself. Besides, just an F.Y.I, I'm not even remotely attracted to you. No offence' Emily replied with a smile as she rose up from the couch. Hanna mocked offence at Emily's comment.
'What!? What do you mean you're not attracted to me? I'm hot, Emily, and don't you forget it!' Hanna yelled after Emily, as the brunette left the room and headed to the shower. Hanna grabbed the tub of Ice Cream and sat back in the couch, smiling at herself for the good job she had done. She had successfully pulled Emily out of the vegetative state she had been in for almost a week, and made her smile and laugh. Hanna knew that Emily still had a long road ahead of her, after all she was still struggling to keep away from drink and how on Earth do you even get over the loss of your first love anyway? But, they were taking steps in the right direction, and there was no way in hell Hanna was going to let her slip backwards again.