Disclaimer: I do not own The Sound of Music or any of its characters
"Oh help!" Maria whispered to herself, leaning her face up against the gate out the front of the von Trapp family villa. The metal felt refreshingly cold against her face. She could still hear the music from the party playing from the ballroom. Her thoughts turned to what had transpired in what seemed only minutes before.
After the children had wished the party guests goodnight, she had left the party to change upstairs for dinner. The Baroness had appeared in her room and confronted her with the fact that Captain von Trapp was in love with her and she was in love with him.
"In love with him?" Maria had repeated. She felt her cheeks burning red as she realized that what the Baroness said was true.
Maria closed her eyes and let out a deep breath, willing herself not to cry.
How did this happen? She asked herself. Looking back over her time at the villa, she realized that there had been signs, there had been clues, but until now she had been too blind to see them.
"Oh help!" she whispered again.
Maria thought back to when it all began. Learning about the death of the Captain's wife, her heart went out to him and the children. But then she felt frustrated and angry that a man who still had seven wonderful children and so much to live for could so coldly cast them aside with what appeared to be without a second thought. She had argued with the Captain on the lakeside those many weeks ago and she had told him, in many harsh words, that he did not know his children anymore. Furious at her, he told her to pack her bags and return to the Abbey. She was crushed at that moment, for she had grown to care very deeply for the children, even in the short time she had been with them.
But then, the Captain heard them sing and he had left her there on the side of the lake, to find the children and her heart leapt with joy when she observed them a few minutes late, happily reunited. Saddened that she had to leave them, Maria retreated from the room to pack when he stopped her. His heartfelt apology and kind words revealed another side to him.
From then, Maria was determined to show the Captain how wonderful his children were and continue their reunion so she put all her energy into preparing the children for the puppet show performance. It was a great success. At the conclusion of the performance, he had praised the children and her. For one brief moment, their eyes had met and she saw something there that she had never seen before. An awkward pause followed before he broke eye contact with her to escort the Baroness from the room.
Still puzzled by the look she had seen in his eyes, Maria said the first thing that popped into her head when the Baroness asked her if there was anything she couldn't do.
"I don't think I'll make a very good nun", she had commented. Later, she had wondered why she had said that and she tried to put that conversation out of her mind. Only now, looking back did Maria realize that perhaps that was the first moment she had begun to question her choice in vocation.
Only moments later, the children requested their father sing to them. Amused by the suggestion, the Captain had intended on refusing them. It was only for her heartfelt "please" that he relented.
Maria had stood to the side of the room, feeling it was somehow inappropriate to either sit with the children on the floor or with the Captains' guests on the sofa. She had been surprised by the softness of his voice and his tenderness when teaching the song to Liesl. His performance had moved her and as he finished singing, he looked up at her, his gaze intense, and for a moment she could hardly breathe.
Maria had been glad that only minutes later; she was able to use the children's bedtime for her escape from the room. Over the next few weeks as the preparations for the party were underway, she tried her hardest to forget the look that she had shared with the Captain. In fact, the interactions with him during this time were pleasant enough, however she did sense some restrain from him. Remembering back to what the Baroness had just told her, she wondered whether he had deliberately been putting some distance between them.
Finally tonight, the night of the party had arrived. Maria had kept her place by remaining with the children in the courtyard outside the grand ballroom. She and the children had spent many hours over the past few weeks rehearsing their goodnight performance and the children were all very excited about the party. Maria felt excited too with having never attended such a grant event. She enjoyed seeing the men dressed in their fine suits and the women in the elegant ball gowns. While she knew that her dress was not nearly grant enough for the event, she was pleased with it as it was one of the prettiest dresses she had ever owned, second only to the blue dress she had worn the night of the puppet show.
While watching the men and women dance, Kurt had asked her about the Laendler. Maria had fond memories of dancing it as a little girl and she found that she couldn't refuse Kurt when he asked her to teach it to him. Laughing as they struggled to complete the first turns, her dance partner suddenly changed from Kurt to the Captain.
Without a thought, she allowed him to lead her in the dance and she found herself smiling with enjoyment. The Captain was obviously also enjoying the dance as well, as he smiled and chuckled several times. Then, there was the moment when the dance changed from light hearted and fun, to serious and intense. They had drawn close to each other, holding hands and as they spun around, Maria looked up and allowed herself to gaze deep into his eyes. He met her eyes with a gaze that burnt so fiercely that it pierced her deep down into the bottom of her sole.
Time seemed to stand still at that moment. Suddenly afraid, she let go of him and backed away.
"I don't remember anymore…" was all she could stammer.
Maria's heart was racing as she saw the Baroness approach and relief was felt when she escaped from that courtyard, using the children's goodnight performance as an excuse.
Shaken by the experience, Maria had hoped to retreat to the safety of her room, when Herr Detweiller insisted she join the party as his dinner guest. Reluctantly, Maria went upstairs, followed closely by the Baroness. Only a few more words were exchanged between Maria and the Baroness after she had confronted Maria with the Captain's love for her. Maria put her hands back on her cheeks, feeling them burning red again at the memory of that moment.
I have no choice. Maria told herself. I have to leave.
After the Baroness left the room, Maria changed into the dark grey dress and quickly packed her bags. She wrote a note to the children, making up an excuse that she knew was pathetic. She felt terrible that she wasn't going to say goodbye to the children in person, but she knew that she couldn't stay any longer, not even for one night.
Maria also knew that she couldn't face him again. Captain von Trapp. What's more, she couldn't face the truth. The truth to whether he loved her, or whether he did not. Facing the truth meant facing the consequences of that truth.
No. Maria told herself. That's too hard. She had to leave. Leave and return to the Abbey where she would be safe. Safe. That word suddenly made her feel reassured.
Taking one last glance at the house that had been her home for the past few months, Maria picked up her bags and walked off into the night.