He thinks I don't know what he's up to. Thinks he's convinced me that he's working. And well, he is working, but it has nothing to do with his actual job. Nothing to do with LuthorCorp.

He's certain no one knows the truth about his little blue notebook. But I do. I found it under the couch cushion a few weeks ago while waiting for him to return from Metropolis. I'd known he wouldn't be at the mansion for another thirty minutes, yet I still arrived early. He'd been gone for over a week, and I couldn't wait to see him. To talk to him. To be near him again.

Like I am now. He thinks I'm studying for a history exam. I'm trying to, but all I can do is study him. He's hunched over, close to the paper. His brow is creased and his pencil is flying across the page. He has total concentration as he writes down the world that's trapped in his head. The world he thinks is his own. A world where cowboys ride the edge of the dusty Plains, trying their best to keep the cattle in and the dangers out.

One of the cowboys is different. He tries to fit in. He's donned the boots, the clothes, and the large brimmed hat, just like the others. But he's from the city. It's a fact they can't easily forget. They know he's different and don't care to let him into their tightly knit group. He doesn't understand them. They don't understand him.

He gives up trying.

Until he finally meets the rancher's son. The boy is tall, dark-haired, quiet and holds a secret that is more unbelievable than anyone could imagine. The two become fast friends despite their differences and despite what the others say about them. It's not long before their friendship becomes much more.

At first, it's a stolen kiss behind a barn, against a tree, near the river over lunch. Kisses turn to touching, touching turns to heated affairs that take place whenever and wherever possible. They couldn't get enough of each other, and I couldn't get enough of them.

Shifting in my seat, I snuck another peek at Lex over the edge of my textbook. The corner of his mouth was curled up slightly, and there was a definite twinkle in his eye. I could tell he was writing about one of his cowboy's affairs because of the little flourish he added to the end of his words. When I'd read the story, I could see the differences in his writing. There were flourishes when he was energized, excited, and… aroused by a scene. On the slower parts his lettering was more plain, and blocky. Almost as if he was wading through, just waiting for something more exciting.

I, too, was waiting. I wanted to read more. In the last scene I read, the cowboy's father had come to town for an unexpected visit. He'd searched high and low for his son, and eventually stumbled upon the two young boys just as they were falling asleep in each other's arms.

The father had pulled them apart, taking his own son home after telling the rancher what had been going on. The rancher punished his son by keeping the boy near the house at all times, while the cowboy was forced to go back east to live in Pennsylvania with his family. Both became depressed and lonely without the other.

I felt their longing for each other deep in my heart. I knew what it was like to be away from Lex, only I hadn't realized what that feeling was until I'd read the notebook. I'd also never realized he felt things for me. The idea of *us* had consumed my thoughts since that day. I wondered if he noticed. I tried not to act any different towards him. I wanted to observe. See if my suspicion was correct.

It was.

His feelings were there. Hidden, yet not. I knew about them now, so I saw everything. Little touches, gestures, actions, words. It was all there, and so obvious now.

Thing was, I had no clue what to do next. I didn't know what to say, or what to do to let him know. Just blurting it out was too scary and I was horrid at just dropping hints. But I had to do something. We couldn't keep tiptoeing around our feelings.

Sure, things might not be perfect at first. People – especially our fathers – will be against it. The tabloids will be all over it. The odds seem stacked against us, but I think together we can manage. Love conquers all, right? Except that he needed to know how I felt before we could conquer anything.

Various scenarios flitted through my head of how I could possibly tell him, but they all seemed… silly, or stupid, or just downright insane. Sighing, I shut my book and closed my eyes. I chuckled when I realized I was pinching the bridge of my nose; it was a gesture I'd often seen Lex do when he was frustrated.

"You ok over there?" He asked, looking up from his writing.

"Yeah." I smiled. "I think I'm just tired."

"It is pretty late." He told me. "Would you like to stay here tonight?"

"Only if I can sleep with you." I said. Or wanted to say. Not that I was ready for *that* I mean, I couldn't even tell Lex that I might kinda like him. And now he was staring at me strangely. Had I just said that out loud?

"Despite what you've heard about me, I actually prefer to date a person before just jumping in to bed with them." He said with a smirk.

I put my head in my hands. Crap. I hadn't meant to say that, but-

"Come on." Lex got up from his chair and walked over towards me. "You obviously need some sleep."

"Sorry, I-"

"I'll call your mom and let her know you're staying." He tugged at my arm, and I stood up next to him. "First, though, let's get you to your room."

I silently followed him down the hall, wishing I hadn't been so stupid. I desperately wanted to super speed out of the mansion so I wouldn't have to deal with the awkwardness that now surrounded us.

"Scrambled eggs with extra cheese and bacon will be ready for you when you wake up." Lex said as he stopped us in front of the door.

"Sounds perfect." I said, stepping into the room.

"Goodnight, Clark."

"Nite." I leaned against the doorframe, watching him disappear down the dark corridor. My stomach was fluttering, and I made a rash decision.

"Lex, wait." I walked towards him. He stopped, and turned around, curiosity filling his eyes. "Were you serious about the date thing?"

"Dating before sex, yes."

"That's not… I, well, I was wondering about…" Suddenly I was tongue tied.

"Sex?" Amusement filled his voice even if he wasn't quite smiling.

"No!" I felt a blush creep across my face. "I know about sex. I was thinking that maybe, Friday we could," I took a deep breath. I could do this. "If you're not busy we could go to a movie or-"

"I'm sorry, Clark." He said, walking closer to me. Walking into the soft light coming from my bedroom. "I can't."

My heart dropped, and I looked down at my feet. I'd been silly to think-

"I'm having dinner with a client." He put a finger under my chin, lifting my gaze to his. "What about Saturday afternoon? Lunch and a movie?"

"Yeah." I said, breathlessly, a smile creeping on my face. "I'd like that."

"Good." He dropped his hand. "It's a date then."

"Yeah." I repeated, causing him to chuckle.

"See you in the morning." Lex said before heading toward his room.

"Nite." I closed the door, changed into some pj's that I kept here, and snuggled under the covers. I tried to sleep, but my thoughts were going crazy. I couldn't believe it was true. I had a date. With Lex. I was giddy with excitement. I wanted to run down the halls dancing and singing like a loon and all he'd done is agree to go out with me. I also wanted to go back into the study and read whatever scenes he'd written over the past few weeks.

I wanted to know how the boys got back together. Did they stand up against their fathers, like I knew Lex and I would have to do soon? Would they have a happy ending? I was certain they would, just like Lex and I would. I wasn't sure I how knew it, but I did. We would be happy. Overcoming everything that stood in our way.

Just like I had overcome my fears tonight and asked him out. And perhaps soon I'd have the guts to do it again and ask to read the rest of his manuscript. Until then, I wouldn't think about it. I'd only think about writing the real life story that was us. Clark and Lex. Lex and Clark. Together. Forever.