A/N: A One –Shot for those that have been following my stories since the start.
I don't own anything.
Song:
Marc Anthony – You Sang To Me
(Friday)
Sometimes life is the worst thing you can ever come across.
Its been a week since the The Battle of Vulcan and to be honest if feels like its been years. We have been in space that long since we are practically crawling on impulse power to the next station which is two to three weeks away. Kirk gave us (the people that were on the bridge) five to six days rest since we were the ones technically there throughout the ordeal. Sometimes I think he is either crazy or that he is suffering through a concussion from the beat down with Spock.
It's nighttime and the halls of the practically brand new ship are empty. I was walking around trying to escape the deafening silence that is my room. The room feels strangely empty and since Spock hasn't been over for a visit made the room seem emptier. I guess sooner or later it was going to come. His world is gone, he will need to take a mate, and our relationship will be forgotten. My chest tightened at the thought of him forgetting me, but if it does then by God it was great while it lasted. The hold on my chest didn't lessen or tighten it just remained there waiting for him to either tighten it or to loosen it. But the fear and anticipation of him leaving wouldn't help in any way or form.
As I kept walking towards my destination I was remembering the time we spent together tears started to form and I let them fall no one was there to witness me cry broken heart out (and even if there were I would have still let them fall) I was tired of fighting, tired of holding on, and just straight out tired. My search for Spock stopped after he came back from the bridge. I guess that his sudden disappearance act means that he is trying to get used to the feel of not being around me, and trying to get me to start getting used to not seeing him or touching him or kissing him or making love to him or anything for that matter.
I kept walking hoping I would end up in the observatory, I needed to be surrounded by the stars and feel them around me as if I were being hugged out of discomfort into a warm space were worries didn't exist (hoping he was there). At thinking that he would be there my feet stopped in front of the theater door.
'Thank the Gods,' I thought. 'No one ever goes in unless its movie nights,' I also thought. And it was true now one would go in unless it was Friday Movie Night. I looked through the collection of the 21st century movies and tv shows to see what captured my attention. Finally a series caught my peaked interest. 'True Blood?' I have heard my friends in the academy talk non stop about these series and how the vampires are the best they have seen since the Twilight Series, both books and the movies. I haven't had the chance to see the series since I was the one that studied the most.
After putting the first season in the DVD player and taking a very big tub of popcorn I sat in the back row corner seat and widened the window to its fullest. Well, what every girlfriend of mine said about this show was true the guys are hot. I was impressed Bill seemed to be wanting to keep his humanity while Eric is the one that seems to be sick of human life but admires the vamp life and the perks that come along with it.
"Miss Uhura?" I deep voice said. I looked up to see Ambassador Sarek standing next to me.
"Yes," I said simply. 'Spock's father, crap.'
"May I sit?" he asked.
"Sure," I said. I turned my eyes back to the three vamps surrounding young Sookie Stackhouse. When Bill stepped out of the shadows that heart-clenching feeling was back, tears rushed to my eyes and I was certain that my heart started to beat erratically. He had said that she was his. No one was to touch her or they whoever they are will pay the consequences. I leaned back and my eyes dropped form the screen suddenly watching a well talked about vampire series wasn't helping me at all.
A tear had escaped its prison and I wiped it as fast as I could but unfortunately it didn't go unnoticed.
"Are you alright Miss?" the Ambassador asked as soon as my hand had dropped from my eye. I looked at him and noted how similar his face and Spock's are. Except for the eyes. I didn't want to tell the him the truth of my love for his son.
"No, nothing is wrong. I'm fine, just something in my eye." I said trying to keep the hurting sadness out of my voice. I looked at him and knew that he didn't believe it.
"Miss, I have spent more than 25 years married to a human woman. I think I know when one is in stress whether it is physical or emotional. And I know that yours is both." He said.
I contained a chuckle, either he is really good at reading emotions or just annoying me I didn't know but what I do know is that I don't want him to see what has me under such large amounts of both physical and emotional stress.
"Computer stop movie," I heard a voice say and in an instant I was on my feet. It was Spock. Dear Gods help me.
"I think its time for me take my leave," I said trying to escape, "Ambassador Sarek, Commander Spock," I nodded to each. I through the remaining popcorn in through the shoot and nearly ran out of the now too warm room.
"Please," I heard Spock whisper to me. I didn't know whether it was for me to stay or go.
"Have a pleasant evening Miss Uhura," the Ambassador said.
As soon as I was out I ran towards my room and the doors were locked in place I fell on the ground near my big wide window next to the couch. As soon as my knees came in contact with the rug I broke. The pain was too much for me to contain.
'I am not what he needs. I never was," I thought, and for a second believed it.
"Computer activate sound proofing," I was able to say. And at the sound of the click I let out a scream that would have left anyone in the room deaf. I just kept screaming and screaming. Nothing matters anymore, and nothing ever will.
I woke up at my regular time but on the floor. After my morning routine I gave myself one last look over in the full length mirror I and for one moment believed that he would be behind me telling me how perfect I was and how he was honored that I had chosen him when I could have easily chosen someone else, but no he's not here. And won't be again.
As I saw my face in the mirror I noticed that I had bags under my eyes, my mouth had a very unnatural frown on it, my eyes were slightly red and puffy from all the crying, and my shoulders sagged unnaturally low, and I felt oddly cold. A little make up here and there help with the puffiness and redness but it didn't cover up my most definable and noticeable of wounds. I made my way to the mess and grabbed a tray. A blueberry muffin, orange spice tea(with honey), and fruit salad. I walked out of the line and looked at my sitting options. As I looked around I saw Spock sitting down with Jim, he looked up and saw me but I pretended that I didn't see him. I saw a dark corner with an empty table and window view. I walked towards that one.
I was poking at my food not really hungry at all. I managed to eat more than half my salad and wrapped the muffin in a napkin just in case I got hungry again. I walked to the bridge even though Kirk gave us a five to six day rest. I didn't want to stay in my rooms in case Spock came in. But I was caught in the lift by the captain himself.
"Uhura what in the hell are doing going back to the bridge if you know that you have five to six days' rest? You should sleeping or resting or whatever it is that girls do to relax." He said kindly. And to my surprise he was right.
"Ok, I'll try and relax. I just feel so bored and its just the first day. I'll just go to the holo deck and just be part of a play or just read a book in one of those habitat holos." I said trying to sound enthusiastic.
He smiled but looked as if he knew something was up and if he did he didn't ask.
As the lift drew to a stop Spock came in but what made it even worse was that Jim stepped out.
"Deck six," he called. I looked straight ahead and just thought of…nothing. My mind went completely blanc at that moment.
He pressed the stop button and grabbed circled his arm around my waist and pulled me towards him with little effort. His lips found mine in a hungry kiss. My arms wound themselves around his neck pulling him tighter to me. Gods how I missed this.
"I have been looking for you?" he said as he pulled back. My heart clenched.
"You have?" I asked trying to sound playful. I wonder if he could hear the strain in my voice.
"Yes. You have been avoiding me, why?" he asked. I couldn't tell him the truth. He looked at me with his warm brown eyes, 'the eyes you will never look at you the same way,' my brain told me. SHUT UP! I yelled in my brain I didn't want to hear this, not now at least.
"I haven't been avoiding you. I was giving you your space. I know you need it," I said. It was half the truth, but the truth non-the less.
Right?
"I saw at breakfast today, you looked odd. Like you have not slept, what is wrong Nyota?" he asked. I laid my head on his chest and wrapped my arms around his waist letting his warmth envelope me. The stinging of tears came back and a lump began to form in my throat. All of the sudden my gaze got foggy and tears began to fall. His arms enveloped me and pulled me tighter against him.
"Nyota, what is wrong? Tell me." He said. I wanted to pull back and resume the lift but I couldn't. If this was the last time I was going to see him and have a moment like this with him then I had to make the best of it.
"Nothing's wrong. Why would anything be wrong?" I asked trying to pull myself together.
"Do not lie to me Nyota, please. Tell me what you need, tell me what is wrong," he pleaded.
'That you are leaving. I'm going to have to let you give you up to another woman to rebuild your race. That you are LEAVING!' I thought. I wanted to tell him to stay but knew it was no use.
"Nyota, there is something I must tell you that is of great importance," he said after I didn't answer.
Oh no here it comes.
"What is it?" I asked trying to sound unchanged.
"Please, let us go to a more private room," he said restarting the lift. As soon as it came to a halt I knew we were close to the observatory. The doors opened to reveal the same hall I walked through last night. He grabbed my hand pulled me forward. The observatory, I think I won't be able to come here again after tonight. I stepped in mentally and emotionally bracing myself for what he had to say.
'Who am I kidding! Everyone knows that it doesn't matter how much you brace or prepare yourself for something it will hurt nonetheless.' I thought.
When I looked up I saw him there in front of me. I took a deep breath and asked;
"What is it you wanted to talk to me about?"
"I wanted to tell you that as soon as we reach Earth I will have to resign my commission in order to help rebuild my race…" he started to say, but s son as he said it my eyes widened I could feel my heart increase its pace and I tried desperately not to break a second time.
"Nyota, I…" he started again but I didn't want to hear anymore of this. All of the sudden my comm went off. I took it out and saw that I had to report to sickbay (fake alarm).
"I'm sorry I have to…I have to leave." I said not being able to say anything else.
"Nyota, please do not leave. Please," he begged. It was as if the world was breaking around me again. Spock announces he is leaving, marry and reproduce while I try and mend my all to fragile heart back into one piece.
"I…I can't I have to leave." I said tears forming again. As I began to walk away he caught my hand in his and stopped me from moving forward. The tears had begun to fall and the sudden pain I felt was again unbearable.
"Nyota I have to do this it is the logical for me to help any way I can to rebuild my race." He said. I didn't want to turn and look at him.
"I know. I…I understand. You have to do this, resigning, relocating, mate. I understand." I said. My body began to shake slightly from the sobs I was trying very hard to swallow. He pulled me towards him and as soon as his hand loosened (slightly) I ran out the door. I bumped into the Ambassador on my way out.
"Oh, sorry sir I wasn't looking." I said as I moved away from the room.
Tears running down my face, heart beating erratically and mind spinning in way to many directions. I didn't know what to do anymore and if anybody asked if I was alright I would swear that my answer would be 'I actually don't know,' and I would end up in mental facility. I was running as fast as I could and as far away as I could and wound up in my rooms again.
Thank the gods!
Again I commanded for the door to lock and the soundproofing. I made my way towards my bed room taking my clothes off in the process. I sat on the bed clad in only my bra and underwear took down my high pony tale and lied down to at least try and grab some sleep. I pulled the blankets over my head and tried to relax enough to at least fall in a haze, but no. The tears didn't want to stop, the sobs wanted to come out I felt the urge to scream again. The bell at the door rang and but I hardly thought I was in any condition to see anybody. There was a sleeping hypo in my bedside table drawer a few sprays and I'll be asleep in no time.
I was able to spray three times before I fell under.
Warm hands, warm touch.
"Nyota?Nyota? Can you hear me?" I heard a distant voice say. I moaned.
"Nyota wake up. Wake up," the voice begged. It sounded strained, or as if it were wounded somehow.
I started to cough and found myself wet and in the shower being held by the one person I tried so hard to avoid.
"Please, wake up. Do not leave me all alone. I don't have almost anyone left." Spock said as I came back to consciousness.
I coughed one more time and tried my best to look at him. He turned the water off, wrapped me in a towel and carried me to the bed.
"How many of these did you use?" he asked anxiously.
"Three I think," I answered weakly.
"Nyota what were you thinking?" he asked now clearly mad.
"I was trying to fall asleep faster," I answered.
"If you were trying to do that you should have tried only one." He said putting the canister in a place I couldn't reach.
I rolled away from him the tears coming again.
"When do you leave?" I asked my voice breaking on the last word.
"After arriving on Earth. As soon as a new home world is found." He answered plainly.
I shoved my head deeper into my pillow and tried not cry but tears always broke free. I felt a warm hand on my shoulder and tried to move away from it but I couldn't.
"Please, do not cry, ashayam," he said in a gentle tone.
"How am I suppose to when the man I love is breaking my heart into a million pieces? How am I suppose to be alright with this when I can't love you, be with you, or do anything with you?" I asked crying a lot harder.
We were quiet for a while. I felt the bed shake and his arms circled my waist. Somehow he moved me so I was facing him.
"I would have not left you if the circumstances were not as they are now." He said. I cried harder knowing that yes he would have stayed. He never left my side but when he did a scream ripped through me and more tears ran down my face in a fever.
(Earth)
The halls are empty, as silent as the grave and even though it's midday it feels like there's a dark shadow over it. In my dorm the first thing that seemed to be the only thing to take my mind off of him was work, work, reading, more work, and more reading. At least reading came with an escape from reality and gave me the opportunity to visit enchanted forests, kingdoms with kings as righteous and queens with the beauty of a thousand sun sets and night skies, and places that I wish would be right outside my dorm room so I could at least have the excuse to smile again.
Until the dream (book) ended at least.
I have had enough of these empty halls and quiet rooms, I have decided to go for a walk in the park.
Golden Gate Park.
The beauty is breath taking and for the moment time seemed to stop all at once. I found a large tree to sit under and read. The True Blood book series. Gaila said that the show was better but once I got to see the first few episodes I understood why, 'lot and lots of hot sex, Ny! What's better than that in show or movie? Plus I like it because it keeps my mind running for more ideas." She used to say. Its kind of funny how one thing like a show or movie or book can lead to remembering things you never thought you'd remember. But in the end they all come back. This Bill character is could be a little like Spock: Stubborn, hardheaded, amorous, charming, chivalrous, handsome beyond (my own) belief, smart (intelligent), caring, and most importantly willing to do anything to ensure my safety. This series is really, really good I have to admit.
Halfway through the first book I heard to distinct voices not to far away. Spock, I could recognize that voice anywhere. But there was also a female voice there with him.
"Spock, my reason for having you meet me is the wish to discuss our current engagement," the woman said. I nearly gasped. I knew that he had to find a mate I just didn't know it would be this soon.
"Yes, what is it you wish to discuss about our betrothal, T'Pring," he asked, his voice as stoic as always.
I carefully but quickly packed the books I had around me and stood to leave.
'If I'm quiet and play it cool maybe he or she will notice me,' I thought. But hope was not on my side that day. As soon as I had stood up Spock looked in my direction. I froze momentarily and his eyes met mine, stay they said. But I couldn't not when this was happening, not when she was here. I nodded in their direction, the woman know as T'Pring nodded and so did Spock but then he turned to talk to her about their engagement. Wedding planning maybe, at this point in time I didn't' care if they were planning to build a market in twenty different planets and cities he wasn't mine anymore.
All I know is that she better be a good woman to him or I swear to the Gods that I will find a way to go to New Vulcan and smack her senseless for hurting this good…no, great man. He was beginning to walk towards me but before he could take another step I made sure everything I had was not on the floor and just ran for it. I didn't want to be here anymore. As I ran tears gathered, again.
When I came to a stop I found my self on the beach. The sand stretched horizontally so far up that it was hard to what was and what wasn't. The beach was one of the places Spock doesn't know I love to go to. I took of my sneakers and rolled up my jeans as soon as the sand brushed my feet I felt like I the problems of the world were at peace finally, and for the fist time in a while I was at ease. I walked along the edge feeling the waves hit my feet. I kept walking until the stars came out, I figured that it would take me the first quarter of the night to walk back to the academy.
As I turned I bumped into the most unexpected person to be at the beach at night Ambassador Sarek.
"Miss Uhura," he nodded.
"Ambassador," I nodded back.
"Would it be acceptable if I could join you on your walk back to your dormitory?" he asked. Why would he ask such a thing?
"Of course," I said nodding again.
We walked in silence for a while and then he asked;
"What is the current nature of your relationship with my son?"
I didn't want to answer but knew that I should, I would have to lie in order to keep Spock from any more strain in his and his father's relationship.
"He is my superior," I said not wanting the truth of the relationship to come out.
I love him.
"Yes, he is. But, to you he is so much more than just your superior. Isn't he?" he asked. I looked away from him in defeat.
"Yes, he does mean a lot to me." I said defeated.
"Like I said before Miss Uhura I have been married for more than 25 years to a human woman and therefore familiar with the signs of stress whether it be emotional or physical." He said.
I looked at him and noticed that he eyes (though Vulcan) seemed soft and sympathetic. I nodded.
"Ambassador, your son…" I couldn't say anything that wouldn't make me cry. I don't know how to explain to him that his son is my life and that as soon as he leaves I will most likely spend it alone.
"Your son is someone I have come to trust deeper than I would anyone else. He is someone I never thought I would meet as a person. But I'm glad I did. During the time we have spent together, even if it was short I'm glad." I said resignation finally setting in.
"You are in love with him." It is a statement not a question. I had now choice but to confess.
"Yes, I am." Tears fall silently while I stare out to see the moon shining over and making the sea all silver and dark at the same time.
"When Spock chose to attend Starfleet I didn't completely agree. It took me a long time to realize he was only doing what I told him to when he was very young. To decide for himself." He said. He seemed to be far away.
I looked at the ground hoping he couldn't see the tears falling.
"Miss–" he starts to say but I cut him off.
"Nyota, my name is Nyota." I said.
"Then by all means you may call me Sarek." He said. And the tension just seemed to melt.
We talked a little more but the Ambassador seemed to know that talking about his son would bring forward memories I have no wish to see in the time being. We talked about my career, what my major is and school in general.
"If it is to no consequence my I escort you back to your dormitory?" he asked as soon as we were walking through Golden Gate Park.
"It is of no consequence at all," I said.
'Spock used to walk me back,' I thought at the last minute.
We were quiet as we walked again. My head hurt, my heart hurt, and I didn't know whether tomorrow would get any better or worse.
Before I knew it were in front of my door. I turned to the ambassador and we said our goodbyes.
(The next day – Saturday)
My alarm sounded but I didn't get up from my bed. I just waited. For what exactly? To be honest for something to either kill me or for my heart to stop beating.
I turned of my alarm and just stayed under the covers. The doorbell rang and I didn't want leave the last place I seemed to find peace just incase it is who I think it is.
The person at the other side of the door was persistent and wouldn't go away.
"Yes," I said hiding my irritation. I looked the person outside my door to see an older Vulcan.
"Miss Nyota Uhura?" he asked.
"Yes, how may I help you?" I said. He looked familiar somehow. I don't know how he just did.
"I am looking for Spock if you know where I may find him." he said. I looked at the floor and tried not to think about where he could be.
'Getting married maybe,' my brain said. I wanted to cry because of that thought but I stood my ground and answered the man in front of me.
"Honestly, I don't know. I have not seen him since yesterday." I said.
He seemed to be looking at me as if he knew me.
"You seem familiar somehow." I thought aloud.
"I do?" he asked. His eyes shined in a way I thought I would never see again.
My Gods. It's Spock!
"Spock?" I asked looking at him.
He raised an eyebrow in amusement and grinned. Actually grinned. The Spock I know doesn't grin that wide.
"How did you know?" he said looking at me in amusement.
"Because most Vulcans I know don't have eyes that say everything." I said with a sad smile.
"You have always been very observant Nyota. Are you sure you do not know where I may find him?" he asked again. He didn't have to clarify who he wanted to see.
I stared down again, sad.
"No," I said.
"Is something wrong Nyota? You do not seem your radiant self." He said.
"Would you like to come in?" I asked not wanting to be rude.
He nodded and I stepped aside.
"I have never seen you this sad, Nyota," he said.
"I have never felt this sad in my entire life." I said not looking at him.
"Would you like to talk about it?" he asked.
"Part of me wants to say no but I also want to say yes," I said.
"That is yes I suppose," he said grinning again. I smiled a little.
"A while ago Spock and I entered a relationship beyond our professional relationship. I knew what I was getting myself into when I did and braced myself for what the future might bring, if he had to leave or claim a wife that is not I. I braced myself but everyone or almost everyone knows that no matter how much you brace yourself for the inevitable it still hurts." I said not wanting to say anymore. He just nodded.
"I understand," he said.
"Thank you for listening," I said looking at him thankfully.
"You are most welcome Nyota," he said.
"I should be looking for Spock I have something important to tell him regarding his future in Starfleet…and with you," he said.
"What?" I asked in disbelief.
He smiled a mischievous look in his eye. I smiled at him knowing that I was something to do with him staying.
"Thank you," I said. He nodded understanding what I mean.
(On the Enterprise)
I sat at my station and waited for the new captain to come. As soon as he did just before we lifted of Spock walked in.
I smiled at him when he passed my station and knew that would be better now that he was back.
THE END
(or is it?)
A/N: This is a thank you to those that have been following my stories.
Don't forget to review. Reviews=Love.