Hey people, I'm sorry that I didn't finish 'Not My Usual Teacher' yet. But I am having alot of problems now, so I decided to write a story about that, it actually is about me, exactly everything that I write, but I write it as an Austin and Ally story, to make people understand it easier. I will still continue 'Not my Usual Teacher'. I promise.

So did you read my other stories yet?

'Am I Dreaming'

'Far Away'

'I Don't Need A Babysitter'

'In Love With My Moms Boyfriend'

'It All Started With A Tweet'

'Nobody Understands'

So here starts the story. I hope you enjoy, the first chapters will be written in kind of a journal way, to make Ally's situation more clear. Then the story will really start. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything but the storyline

Chapter 1 Dealing With Pressure

I am Ally,

There is a lot wrong with me, you know. I mean. I hear voices in my head. Well,not literally. But I feel that those thoughts aren't exactly me. They make 'me' insecure and make decisions for me that I will regret later.

One I named 'Henk.' I don't know how I came up with that name actually. I guess Henk doesn't suit me at all. So it makes the perfect name for that voice. I don't like to call it me. Like, I am not happy with those thoughts. And I am fighting dayly against those thoughts. Not wanting them in my head. I hurt the ones I love. And then I cry myself to sleep like a hit puppy. "What a loser am I". Okay that was kind of Henk. But that kind of thoughts, I get them every day. And for some reason I have to share them. Otherwise I will explode from lonelyness.

So I share it with my friend Austin. Well share... "I am a disgusting friend." well, that wasn't Henk. It is more like the friend that places everyone above me. I don't have a name for her. But coming up with one maybe makes the story more clear. The name Stella came up in my mind.

But because of this voices, I losing myself. And losing myself, and seeing it happen. And seeing how I hurt the people I love, but feeling like I can't fight against it. It makes me want to cut myself. Because that feeling of not being able to fight against it, is the worse kind of pain, seeing it all happen, behind a window. That kind of feeling that you get when you are watching someone suffer on the tv. You want to do something, but feel like you can't. I really want to hurt myself. But Henk is calling me an attention seeker...It still feels weird to give them a name. But I feel like I am going insane.. Losing a little bit more of myself every second. And it terrefies me.

I had an appointment with my psychologist.. I hadn't seen her in 3 weeks. Wich was very long. Alot had happend in the last days. I stopped with school with permission of from my mom. Things were just too hard. I was trying too hard to please everyone. In school I was scared to show that I wasn't okay. I felt guilty. I had Glandular Fever, and it would take away all your energy and would give you the feeling of emptyness and tiredness. I was unable to go to school for long times.

But people started to expect from me to build up to normal school days. And that was very hard for me. Because I was just too tired. Because of my fever and because my whole day were filled with worries. I was worried that people were expecting me to go longer to school, or expecting me to act happy. I had a feeling that I needed to help my mom more, and more things that made me feel so tired. And because I didn't go to school alot I missed alot in class. And I got a lot of bad grades. I was so dissapointed in my self. Again and again.

So I had a lot of stress with homework, and getting good grades. I would lock myself up in the schools bathroom and I would cry. The stress caused me to eat less. I just couldn't eat. It wasn't a choice. So things got bad. And mom decided to search for a clinic, that could help me. We found one. But there was a waiting period of 4/5 months. And spending 5 months in school with all those pressures. I had enough stress without school.

Some nights I would get kind of an insecure panic attack. And I had enough worries. So mom decided that I could skip school. Because otherwise it would only make my situation worse.

I would have to do the year over but I could finally kind of relax, even if it was just a little.
Well I told my psychologist everything and I was relieved that I told her. But I still had a long way to go

So this was the first chapter, I think from now on the story will start. So hope you like it :)

Please review, follow and Favourite! Because I was really nervous about writing this story, because like I explained earlier. All of this is going on in my life right now...