Julian sat, alone, in his hotel room. The actor sighed as he flipped through the script that he had memorized a few days ago, reading over the now familiar words until he got to the scene where his and Tasha's character shared an on screen kiss. He closed his eyes and laid back on his bed, playing through the scene by memory, but this time, instead of burying his hand in long, blonde hair, the blonde hair that his fingers found was shorter; shaggy. The small hands that rested on his chest turned into big, calloused hands gripping his waist. He was no longer dipping down to meet soft lips that tasted like cherry, he was up on his tip-toes, reaching for chapped, coffee-flavored lips. Those chapped lips pulled back from his and were then at the base of his ear, placing a tender kiss there before whispering "Jules."
His eyes snapped open and the brunette sat up, panting a little. Fuck, it was a dream. Fuck fuck fuck. He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket and pulled it out, reading a text from Derek.
Whatchya doin', popstar? ~ D
The actor yawned and rubbed his face tiredly, typing a response with his other hand.
Just memorizing. You? ~ J
He sat his phone down and grabbed his guitar from where it lay next to his bed, strumming the chords absentmindedly when his phone vibrated again.
Listening to Logan bitch about his newest "challenge". ~D
Newest challenge? ~ J
Yeah, a new kid. Kurt Hummel. Logan is totally in love with him. ~ D
Julian turned his phone off after that text, staring down at the blank screen, but the words remained in his vision. He was angry. Fuck, he was so angry with Logan. Why couldn't he just see that he was in love with him. Why couldn't stop chasing after insignificant little boys. Why couldn't he just love Julian back?
The actor gritted his teeth and realized that he really wasn't angry with Logan. He was angry with himself. He could tell Logan how much he loved him. He could tell him that he's the only person in the world Julian has and ever will love. That he's been in love with him for 3 years, even. He could, but he knew he never would. With that, he picked his guitar back up and started strumming again, this time, not aimlessly. Jules started playing the opening chords for a song he hadn't heard in a long while..
Hey there,
I know it's hard to feel like I don't care at all.
Where you are and how do you feel with these lights off?
As these wheels keep rolling on and on and on and on and on.
Slow things down or speed them up.
Not enough or way too much.
How are you when I'm gone?
The brunette took a breath in between verses, biting his lip as he sang the last line, wondering if Logan even gave him a second thought when he wasn't there.
And I can't make it on my own.
I can't make it on my own.
Because my heart is in Ohio.
So cut my wrists and black my eyes.
Cut my wrists and black my eyes,
So I can fall asleep tonight, or die.
Because you kill me.
He thought about all the times he'd lie awake thinking about the blonde. All the times his careless words, joking as they may seem, had slashed against Julian's skin. "Jerk. Idiot. Drama queen. Ass. Prima Donna." They all assured him that Logan would never want to be with him. You wouldn't treat someone you loved that way. Yet, Julian stood by his side. He suffered through all of the mental and physical blows the singer delivered because he was hopelessly in love with him.
You know you do, you kill me well.
You like it too, and I can tell.
You never stop until my final breath is gone.
Spare me just three last words.
"I love you" is all she heard.
I'll wait for you, but I can't wait forever.
Spare me just three last words.
"I love you" is all she heard.
I'll wait for you, but I can't wait forever.
It was true. Julian would wait for Logan. Wait for him to finally figure it out, if he ever did. Would he wait forever? He shook his head, knowing the answer to that. Julian would do anything for the temperamental blonde.
And I can't make it on my own.
I can't make it on my own.
Because my heart is in Ohio.
So cut my wrists and black my eyes.
Cut my wrists and black my eyes
So I can fall asleep tonight, or die.
Because you kill me.
You know you do, you kill me well.
You like it too, and I can tell.
You never stop until my final breath is gone.
You know you do, you kill me well.
You like it too, and I can tell.
You never stop until my final breath is gone.
So cut my wrists and black my eyes.
My final breath is gone
So I can fall asleep tonight
And I can't make it on my own.
And I can't make it on my own.
Because my heart is in Ohio.
So cut my wrists and black my eyes.
Cut my wrists and black my eyes
So I can fall asleep tonight, or die.
Because you kill me.
You know you do, you kill me well.
You like it too, and I can tell.
You never stop until my final breath is gone.
You know you do, you kill me well.
You like it too, and I can tell.
You never stop until my final breath is gone.
He finished the song without another thought, putting his guitar down on his bed and laying down next to it and huffing out a breath of air. He would not cry. He would not cry. More than that… he refused to cry. So he'll never admit that at that moment, a single tear rolled down his face and onto the blank screen of his cell phone.