PLEASE READ
Okay... my friend and I were in her pool the other day, and I was sitting on a floaty. I simply said, "I feel like a queen." Next thing I knew we were roleplaying as different characters, me being the Red Queen. So I wrote this random thing based on it. Be warned, it has mermaids and a cameo by Eowyn from LOTR at the beginning. :P
Disclaimer: I don't own a thing. Except the random phrases and the insanity contained in this.
Red Queen: "It's so nice to be out on the water." *shifts on her floaty*
Eowyn: "Is there anything you would like, your majesty?"
Red Queen: "Yes. Go fetch me a mermaid."
Eowyn: "Right…"
Mermaid: *swims up* "What would you like, my queen?"
Red Queen: "Uh… flail around like a crazy person."
Mermaid: "Er… okay." *flails*
Red Queen: "No, more with the arms!
(A half hour later)
Red Queen: "Esmerelda! Esmey? Where are you?"
(Another mermaid appears)
Esmey: "Yes? Are you ready for your session?"
Red Queen: "Yes I am."
Esmey: "Would you like something to drink before we start?"
Red Queen: "Strawberry lemonade."
Esmey: "Here you are." *hands her the drink* "Majesty, before we begin, I must tell you something."
Red Queen: "What?"
Esmey: "The other mermaids… have fake tails!"
Red Queen: "WHAT? Off with their legs, then!"
Esmey: "Of course, majesty. I am terribly sorry about this."
Red Queen: "As if I didn't already have enough problems! What the bloody tart is wrong with this kingdom?" *sigh* "Anyways… onto my other complaints."
Esmey: *takes out her notepad*
Red Queen: "The fish servants have been leaving wet trails everywhere, there's been an increase of frog thieves, the furniture has been very rude…"
(One hour later)
Red Queen: "And the flamingos have not been stiff enough to properly hit the hedgehogs!"
Esmey: "Oh, I do wish you didn't have so many bothers in your life."
Red Queen: "Oh, yes! And I have no idea how Ilosovic truly feels about me. I'm not so sure he's head over heels for me." *pout*
Esmey: "Have you thought of asking him?"
Red Queen: "No, he would freeze up… Hey! I've got it! Go and call for the Hatter."
Esmey: "Yes, majesty. Hatter? Hatter!"
Hatter: "Yeeees?"
Red Queen: *looks down and sees that he's wearing yellow flippers*
Hatter: "Do ya like me duck feet?" *hops from foot to foot*
Red Queen: "Uh…"
Hatter: J
Red Queen: "I uh… need you to do something for me."
Hatter: "Alright, but I need your opinion on me duck feet!" *lifts his leg up and knocks the queen off her floaty*
Red Queen: "HELP! I can't swim!" *waves arms desperately*
Hatter: "Just stand up, dearest!"
Red Queen: "Oh…" *stands up*
Esmey: "Dearest?"
Hatter: *gasp* "Wait a minute! She's not my wife!" :O
Red Queen: "Hatter, I need your help."
Hatter: "Yes, what is it?"
Red Queen: "You're a man, right?"
Hatter: *glances down* "… Yes."
Red Queen: "Well, I need you to talk to the Knave about me. Ask him whether he really loves me or not."
Hatter: "Right then!" *wanders off*
Red Queen: "Well… he better find out something good…"
(Fifteen minutes later)
Hatter: "The first thing I have to say is, try not to kill him."
Red Queen: "What did you find out?"
Hatter: "He never loved you! And he only pretended to so he could have a bit more power!"
Red Queen: *evil eyes of doom*
(Twelve hours of the queen screaming at the Knave later)
Red Queen: *huffs a breath as she enters the pool again* "That felt good."
Hatter: "Yes! He's out of your life!" *futterwackens*
Red Queen: "Hatter… your futterwacken seems to be lacking…"
Esmey: "Sweet mushrooms of Witzend! He's lost his ability!"
Hatter: "NO!" *breaths heavily*
Red Queen: "We must do something about this!"
Esmey: "I know just what to do. We must go to Neverland and pick some flowers!"
Red Queen: "Flowers?"
Esmey: "Fire lilies to be exact."
Red Queen: "Well… if it will help him dance again."
Hatter: "Can I bring me duck feet?"
Red Queen: "Of… course…"
So they all went off to Neverland, found the fire lilies, and the Hatter futterwackened again.
All was well.
We actually kept this going a lot longer, but I thought I'd end there. Did ya like the Hatter's duck feet? XD