A/N: So, yeah. This was an idea I got. It's a one-shot so don't worry about it interfering with my other stories. Hope you enjoy.
Warnings: Angst and mild Finn-bashing.
Disclaimer: I don't own glee or MCR
I walked into school that day, and really, I should have felt that something horrible was going to happen. I was in an amazing mood as I felt a warmth radiate from the gadget in my pocket. In each class I sat through the excitement that grew within in me bubbled over and everybody noticed. Yes, freshman still kept their eyes on me but every so often one who'd accidentally catch sight of me might do a double take at the grin on my face, untainted by plotting or bad intentions. Brittany, while we still weren't as close as we once were, even smiled when she ran across me. Even Puck took note when he saw me across the hall.
"Gettin' some?" He mouthed while thrusting his hips suggestively.
"Me?" I mouthed back, shrugging innocently.
I knew he wanted to continue but Lauren had called his attention back but he assured me, "Later."
Even with the up in my mood something had to keep me in check. Every time I'd see her in the hall it brought a smile to my face that made me halfheartedly hope nobody tried to follow my line of vision. But each time, as if on cue, he turned the corner after her, or stood up from tying his shoe, or closed the locker for me to see him, beaming down at her exactly as I was, and that tore me down quicker than, well, quicker than he was.
To see Finn Hudson holding hands with Rachel Berry left an aftertaste of pure rage in my mouth. As we crossed paths in the hall he kept telling her some stupid joke and I saw her pretending to laugh as I brushed passed them, doing everything in my power not to shove him, I turned to see her one more time. She might have been facing them but I saw the apology in her eyes. To say I was familiar with that look is an understatement, but I still should have seen more in it that day.
I pulled out my phone, opening my messages to find the one that would take away all thoughts of Finn Hudson and replace the horrible aftertaste that came with his name to replace it with the far more pleasant lingering one of Rachel. I looked over the small note, and the warmth built up inside of me.
I've made my decision
We'd been going out since the beginning of Senior year. It started with drunken confessions and apologies. I wasn't too pleased to find she had actually enjoyed my performance with Mercedes over Quinn and Sam's but I had to admit a voodoo doll was pretty harsh. Even after that she took the small doll, whether it was to protect watch her back or because she actually liked it I'd never know.
I tried to better by Rachel than I had Brittany, but she was the one who wanted to keep us a secret, and soon enough I knew why. Over the summer we spent a lot of time together but not all of it. Some nights she was busy, sick or tired, and one of those nights I found out what she was busy with. What I thought would be a quick trip to Breadstix lead to a devastated car ride home. I sat in my room nursing a broken wrist from hitting my car door until the next day. That's when she showed up, using my spare key, and I made her come clean.
"Santana what's wrong?" She asked worriedly.
I didn't look up, I just curled into an impossibly smaller ball, wincing when I moved my hand.
"Baby?" I felt the bed dip and her hand on my side.
"Don't," I whispered darkly.
"Tell me what's wrong," she tried pulling my shoulder and gasped when she saw my wrist.
"You," I growled, "You are what's wrong."
"What?" Confusion and hurt covered her face.
"I saw you, at Breadstix," I mumbled, weakly.
"Oh," she pulled her hand back from me.
"Oh?" I sat up quickly, "Oh? That's all you have to say to me?"
"San, lis-"
I cut her off, finally yelling, "Don't "San" me. What Rachel? I'm so horrible that you had to run to Finnocence?"
"Listen," she tried to stop me.
"No, you listen, Berry," I growled slipping back into her surname as I panted, fighting off sobs, "I may act ruthless and bitchy and mean and," I grimaced as a sob finally escaped, "and easy, but I thought you of all people knew it's an act."
"I know baby, I know," she took me in her arms resting her head on my chest, "Just let me explain."
"What could you possibly have to say to make me feel any fucking better?" I scowled at the top of her head and tried halfheartedly to push her away.
"Nothing," she sighed, "But I just want you to know it's not you."
I rolled my eyes but she just gave me a look to let her go.
"I- he, he asked me out, and I-" she worried her lip, "I couldn't say no."
"Out," I pulled away from her.
She wouldn't stop without a fight, "Would you have said no to Brittany?"
I quieted quickly, and she took my hand in hers, examining it carefully, "And I wanted to know if I didn't feel the same."
I shook my head slightly, "And?"
"I don't know," she whispered.
"What do you mean, you don't know?" I snapped, "Either you like him or you don't."
"San, I don't-"
"What do you feel about me then?" I met her eyes, hoping to find an actual answer.
"I don't know," she winced under my gaze.
"And I'm supposed to just be happy that you don't know? That was supposed to cheer me up? Get the fuck out of my house Manhands." I got off the bed to hold the door open for her.
"Santana, I'm sorry, I just, I don't know and after everything the both of you put me through I think I deserve a chance to figure this out," she wasn't playing fair, but it shut me the hell up.
I looked down to my now swelling hand.
"Just give me this, let me figure out what the two of you mean to me," her voice softened as she pleaded.
It was stupid of me, but Rachel had actually started to mean a lot to me, and I believed I owed her that time, so I nodded.
"Thank you," she sighed and let out the breath she'd been holding to stand up and hug me.
She wrapped her arms around me once more only for me to ask, "Does he know?"
When she shook her head it told me so much. She didn't make him suffer, he didn't know she was just playing with us, and I should have taken it as her choice.
I sat in my final class, watching the clock countdown until the bell rang. I fidgeted in my seat, knowing she'd let it be known in glee and I felt with every fiber of my being that it was my turn. My chance to get ahead. When the bell finally rang I was so excited I almost forgot to get up, but as I saw the other students pouring out of the room, I hopped up.
I rushed to the choir room, even if I wasn't used to being the first one in. I hoped to see Rachel before-hand but when she doesn't show right away I worry she's left early, maybe avoiding me, and the task ahead. Even when Finn shows his face I begin to worry. But that worry was eased when she showed up in the middle of Schue's speech.
"Okay guys, this weeks assignment is emotions. I want you guys to sing something so emotional and stirring. Whether you make us dance with joy or want to break down and cry." He grinned broadly over the group.
"Uh, Mister Schuester," Rachel spoke up from the door, "I might have a song."
I shifted in my seat, excitement turning to anxiety.
"Go right ahead Rach," he still had that grin plastered to his face, and I found myself growing annoyed by it.
"Well," she plugged in her iPod, "Here goes."
Her eyes flickered to me but she tried her best to keep them from resting on either me or the dull boy in the front seat.
The music started and I recognized it quickly. The excitement in me drained out as she started to sing. I lifted a manicured nail to my lips and began to gnaw on it gently.
Well, when you go
Don't ever think I'll make you try to stay
And maybe when you get back
I'll be off to find another way
I should have expected this. She was putting on a show, being a diva in the worst possible moments. I had to drop my nail to my lap to keep from tearing it apart. I chanced a glance at Finn but he just had some confused look on his face like he didn't know what was going on. He still didn't know, and that made me shake slightly.
And after all this time that you still owe
You're still a good-for-nothing I don't know
So take your gloves and get out
Better get out while you can
She was being dramatic. Sighing as she sat next to the pianist and played with the sleeves of her sweater. I wished she'd get to the point but it wouldn't help. Instead I had to wait through this.
When you go would you even turn to say
"I don't love you like I did yesterday"?
She kept her eyes downcast, trying not to look at either of us. I looked and saw Finn must have caught on. He looked a bit worried as he watched the girl we both loved.
Sometimes I cry so hard from pleading
So sick and tired of all the needless beating
But baby when they knock you down and out
It's where you oughta stay
Tear tracks had formed on her face and they worried me. Rachel was an amazing actress but those were real. She was hurting, and soon enough another person in this room would be too.
Well after all the blood that you still owe
Another dollar's just another blow
So fix your eyes and get up
Better get up while you can, whoa whoa
My heart pounded in my ears as I heard that verse. One of us would be heartbroken. Maybe I should have listened. Before I even had to whipe my eyes, I should leave. I should have gotten up and never looked back, but in that moment I still had hope.
When you go would you even turn to say
"I don't love you like I did yesterday"?
Well come on, come on!
When you go would you have the guts to say
"I don't love you like I loved you yesterday"?
She still hadn't looked up to either of us. As she circled the piano, singing the last lyrics. I gripped the sides of my chair slightly, my knuckles turning white. Finally it happened, and everything else in the room was silent. All I heard was her singing. Her voice reached through the room and as I met her eyes, one more sound was added to the silence.
I don't love you like I loved you yesterday
I don't love you like I loved you yesterday
I feel like the sound of my heart breaking should have turned some heads. But it didn't, it earned a round of applause, rather, Rachel's efforts in breaking it did. Shcue patted her on the back and congratulated her on getting the assignment right on the first try. But when he pointed to me all the sounds came back in the room.
"It seems like you really stirred up some emotions. Are you alright Santana?" Everyone turned to see me.
I flushed slightly and reached up to feel my face. Warm liquid slid down my cheeks. I stood up quickly and a few chairs screeched behind me as I left, but the one that mattered most probably didn't even move. I flew out of the room quickly and headed to my car, a familiar ache was there before my hand even connected with the door. I struggled with the remote and getting the key in the ignition, but as I drove, I knew I couldn't go home. Not after that.