Authors Notes: Just a sweet one shot Chichiri fic. His thoughts on Tasuki
and a few other things as well. Please R&R, let me know what you think.
Warnings: Light Yaoi. Sappy Sappy...
**************************************************************************** ******************************************************************
Moonlight...
As I sit under the moonlight, I contemplate many things. Usually, it is the days events, or what has happened in the past. But tonight, my thoughts have turned to one of my fellow seishi. It has happened before, not that this is the first time, but I find that it is happening more and more frequently as the days go by. I know that I shouldn't feel the way that I do, but as well as I can control everything else in my existance, I cannot control the feelings that are growing inside of me. I think for a few more moments, before I turn, hearing a rustling in the bushes at my back.
I greet the man who has suddenly appeared at my side, thankful for the mask that covers my blushing features. As he takes a seat on the grass beside me, I have to resist the urge to reach out and brush a few strands of his unruly orange hair from his face. I hold my hands in my lap, clearing my throat to break the akward silence that has befallen us. Being unsuccessful, I turn my face once more to the full moon, forcing my eyes away from him, lest he feel the impure desire that I have for him. The moon, throws me deeply into memories of my past.
For five years, I have looked up at this same moon. Many times, I was not here, on Mount Reikaku. This was intended to be a temporary stop for me, but I find that I cannot leave as long as the one that I have these feelings for remains here. Tasuki had travelled with me for five years, never questioning me my reasons, always being supportive. For five long years, he followed me on my various quests, and now I feel that I owe him something. Maybe it is simply companionship, I am not sure, but I cannot tear myself away from this place. I have tried. So many nights of mine have been spent standing at the gates of the stronghold, contemplating that final step out that would separate us. I sometimes wonder if he is growing tired of my company. Maybe that is why he wanted to remain here while I continued my travels...
I feel my gaze turn to the small pond that is situated not far from us. So many times in our travels, we have sat like this, reminiscing about old times and talking about our friends. Maybe that is why I have grown to love him. He is the only person that I have left. While all of our other friends have perished, he has reamained. He has protected me. So many times he has protected me. Maybe that is why I love him... When I am with him, my heart is full, I feel complete. I feel that I am someone who can make a difference, not just a monk with a scarred face and a broken past. Maybe that, is why I love him... I realize that I love him for all of those reasons, and more. I love him for all that he is, for all that he does. I love every breath that he takes, the ground that he walks on...
Suddenly, I am aware that he has said my name. I look toward him, yet keep my eyes off of his. I know that despite the real expression on my face, the mask will do a good job of smiling at him, even if it is a fake smile. I don't care anymore. I have had to be fake for so many people for so long, that I am not sure I know what is real, and what is not. I snap out of my thoughts, realizing that he has been speaking the entire time, yet I have not heard a word of it.
"Chichiri...is there something wrong?" His voice is filled with concern. Perhaps my mask has not covered what I did not want him to see. I answer him by shaking my head, nothing more. I am afraid that if I speak, the words will not come out right, and I will end up ruining our friendship by revealing my feelings. My heart skips a beat as I see him raising his hand toward my face. Yet I draw back when I feel him tugging at the side of my mask. I am too late in asking him to stop, as my mask is dropped to the grass beside us, and my startled eye meets his for a moment. Quickly, I turn my face away, not wanting him to see the tears that I am sure he has already seen running down my face.
"You're crying..." He had seen. I am so ashamed that I cannot bear to look him in the eye. He assures me that I can tell him what's bothering me. Once more I shake my head, not wanting to reaveal the quivering that I am sure would be in my voice.
"I am sorry." I finally manage to compose myself enough to say those three words, though they are not the three that I wish I was saying. But that would be so selfish of me. I notice that he has looked away, so I quickly dab at my eye with my sleeve. I don't know why I apologized. Maybe because I felt that I was upsetting him. But why would my crying make him upset? I shake my head, clearing it of the thoughts that had once more started.
How long had we been sitting here in silence? I look up to where the moon had been, only to find that it has been covered over by dark clouds, pregnant with rain. It reminds me a bit of my own heart, my emotions. They will always be there, but they are covered by something, covered by my own desire to hide them. I look down once more, as small raindrops begin makeing their way to earth. Soon, my hair is soaking, my bangs plastered over my scarred eye. Yet he is still there beside me. I dare to glance over at him, only to meet his golden eyes with my own. I feel as if I am held there, nothing mattering more than that moment.
"Chiri... I wanted to tell you something. That's why I came out here tonight..." He stops as I look away, reaching for my mask. Suddenly, I feel a warm hand upon my own, and I stop, leaving it where it lay. I pull my hand quickly from his, lest he think that I want him to continue holding it. But why would he not want me to wear my mask? He knows that it hurts me to bare my past to anyone. "Please don't... " Is all that I hear him say. He offers no explaination, no reason as to why I should not. But if he asks me, it is good enough. I would die a thousand deaths if he asked me to. Anything for him.
The man who hates water, despises it even, remains next to me, though rain is falling all around us. Our hair and clothes are stuck to us. Why would he remain with me through this storm? I feel warm fingers on the side of my face, pulling it so that I am nearly forced to look into his eyes. I avert my gaze as much as I can, avoiding the inviting amber pools that are so intently watching me. I can look away no more as I feel his fingers, now away from my chin, softly stroking my scar. Renewed tears push their way through closed lids as I pull away, unable to bear the emotional pain that this is causing me.
"Please, Chiri...don't pull away from me..." His voice is so soft. I am startled so at his words that I look at him, my emotions taking over. His hands find the sides of my face, and I am pulled forward into a warm embrace. The rain soaks our bodies, but I don't feel it. All that I can feel are his strong arms around me, and the beating of his heart with my own. "Chiri...I need to tell you..." I wish that he would just say what he has to say. He is torturing me, though he cannot see it. He could never see it, because he does not feel the same. He comforts me, but I am sure it is only in the way that a brother comforts his sibling. I want to pull away, but I find that I am frozen as he pulls back first to look into my eye. "I love you."
My imagination amazes me sometimes. He couldn't have said that to me. But I know that it is not my imagination, when his lips brush softly against my own. I feel myself begin shaking uncontrollably as he takes me once more into my arms. It is too good to be true, but I know that it is. I can hardly find my voice, but I manage to whisper to him that I love him too.
"I've been waiting for so long..." The rain pounds all around us, but I do not feel it, and as his lips once more touch mine, I feel that a piece of me, that has been missing for so long, has been snapped into place. I know in this instant, that we will never be apart again, for I will follow him even through death. As if in slow motion, he breaks the kiss, and once more gazing into my eye he says, "I love you." And I am whole.
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It felt like the right place to leave off. Anyway, hope you liked it. Now that I have that out of my system, I can get back to work on "The Ties That Bind Us" and the second part of "Return To The Past." Until next time.
Warnings: Light Yaoi. Sappy Sappy...
**************************************************************************** ******************************************************************
Moonlight...
As I sit under the moonlight, I contemplate many things. Usually, it is the days events, or what has happened in the past. But tonight, my thoughts have turned to one of my fellow seishi. It has happened before, not that this is the first time, but I find that it is happening more and more frequently as the days go by. I know that I shouldn't feel the way that I do, but as well as I can control everything else in my existance, I cannot control the feelings that are growing inside of me. I think for a few more moments, before I turn, hearing a rustling in the bushes at my back.
I greet the man who has suddenly appeared at my side, thankful for the mask that covers my blushing features. As he takes a seat on the grass beside me, I have to resist the urge to reach out and brush a few strands of his unruly orange hair from his face. I hold my hands in my lap, clearing my throat to break the akward silence that has befallen us. Being unsuccessful, I turn my face once more to the full moon, forcing my eyes away from him, lest he feel the impure desire that I have for him. The moon, throws me deeply into memories of my past.
For five years, I have looked up at this same moon. Many times, I was not here, on Mount Reikaku. This was intended to be a temporary stop for me, but I find that I cannot leave as long as the one that I have these feelings for remains here. Tasuki had travelled with me for five years, never questioning me my reasons, always being supportive. For five long years, he followed me on my various quests, and now I feel that I owe him something. Maybe it is simply companionship, I am not sure, but I cannot tear myself away from this place. I have tried. So many nights of mine have been spent standing at the gates of the stronghold, contemplating that final step out that would separate us. I sometimes wonder if he is growing tired of my company. Maybe that is why he wanted to remain here while I continued my travels...
I feel my gaze turn to the small pond that is situated not far from us. So many times in our travels, we have sat like this, reminiscing about old times and talking about our friends. Maybe that is why I have grown to love him. He is the only person that I have left. While all of our other friends have perished, he has reamained. He has protected me. So many times he has protected me. Maybe that is why I love him... When I am with him, my heart is full, I feel complete. I feel that I am someone who can make a difference, not just a monk with a scarred face and a broken past. Maybe that, is why I love him... I realize that I love him for all of those reasons, and more. I love him for all that he is, for all that he does. I love every breath that he takes, the ground that he walks on...
Suddenly, I am aware that he has said my name. I look toward him, yet keep my eyes off of his. I know that despite the real expression on my face, the mask will do a good job of smiling at him, even if it is a fake smile. I don't care anymore. I have had to be fake for so many people for so long, that I am not sure I know what is real, and what is not. I snap out of my thoughts, realizing that he has been speaking the entire time, yet I have not heard a word of it.
"Chichiri...is there something wrong?" His voice is filled with concern. Perhaps my mask has not covered what I did not want him to see. I answer him by shaking my head, nothing more. I am afraid that if I speak, the words will not come out right, and I will end up ruining our friendship by revealing my feelings. My heart skips a beat as I see him raising his hand toward my face. Yet I draw back when I feel him tugging at the side of my mask. I am too late in asking him to stop, as my mask is dropped to the grass beside us, and my startled eye meets his for a moment. Quickly, I turn my face away, not wanting him to see the tears that I am sure he has already seen running down my face.
"You're crying..." He had seen. I am so ashamed that I cannot bear to look him in the eye. He assures me that I can tell him what's bothering me. Once more I shake my head, not wanting to reaveal the quivering that I am sure would be in my voice.
"I am sorry." I finally manage to compose myself enough to say those three words, though they are not the three that I wish I was saying. But that would be so selfish of me. I notice that he has looked away, so I quickly dab at my eye with my sleeve. I don't know why I apologized. Maybe because I felt that I was upsetting him. But why would my crying make him upset? I shake my head, clearing it of the thoughts that had once more started.
How long had we been sitting here in silence? I look up to where the moon had been, only to find that it has been covered over by dark clouds, pregnant with rain. It reminds me a bit of my own heart, my emotions. They will always be there, but they are covered by something, covered by my own desire to hide them. I look down once more, as small raindrops begin makeing their way to earth. Soon, my hair is soaking, my bangs plastered over my scarred eye. Yet he is still there beside me. I dare to glance over at him, only to meet his golden eyes with my own. I feel as if I am held there, nothing mattering more than that moment.
"Chiri... I wanted to tell you something. That's why I came out here tonight..." He stops as I look away, reaching for my mask. Suddenly, I feel a warm hand upon my own, and I stop, leaving it where it lay. I pull my hand quickly from his, lest he think that I want him to continue holding it. But why would he not want me to wear my mask? He knows that it hurts me to bare my past to anyone. "Please don't... " Is all that I hear him say. He offers no explaination, no reason as to why I should not. But if he asks me, it is good enough. I would die a thousand deaths if he asked me to. Anything for him.
The man who hates water, despises it even, remains next to me, though rain is falling all around us. Our hair and clothes are stuck to us. Why would he remain with me through this storm? I feel warm fingers on the side of my face, pulling it so that I am nearly forced to look into his eyes. I avert my gaze as much as I can, avoiding the inviting amber pools that are so intently watching me. I can look away no more as I feel his fingers, now away from my chin, softly stroking my scar. Renewed tears push their way through closed lids as I pull away, unable to bear the emotional pain that this is causing me.
"Please, Chiri...don't pull away from me..." His voice is so soft. I am startled so at his words that I look at him, my emotions taking over. His hands find the sides of my face, and I am pulled forward into a warm embrace. The rain soaks our bodies, but I don't feel it. All that I can feel are his strong arms around me, and the beating of his heart with my own. "Chiri...I need to tell you..." I wish that he would just say what he has to say. He is torturing me, though he cannot see it. He could never see it, because he does not feel the same. He comforts me, but I am sure it is only in the way that a brother comforts his sibling. I want to pull away, but I find that I am frozen as he pulls back first to look into my eye. "I love you."
My imagination amazes me sometimes. He couldn't have said that to me. But I know that it is not my imagination, when his lips brush softly against my own. I feel myself begin shaking uncontrollably as he takes me once more into my arms. It is too good to be true, but I know that it is. I can hardly find my voice, but I manage to whisper to him that I love him too.
"I've been waiting for so long..." The rain pounds all around us, but I do not feel it, and as his lips once more touch mine, I feel that a piece of me, that has been missing for so long, has been snapped into place. I know in this instant, that we will never be apart again, for I will follow him even through death. As if in slow motion, he breaks the kiss, and once more gazing into my eye he says, "I love you." And I am whole.
**************************************************************************** ******************************************************************
It felt like the right place to leave off. Anyway, hope you liked it. Now that I have that out of my system, I can get back to work on "The Ties That Bind Us" and the second part of "Return To The Past." Until next time.