Yeah, I also thought I was over the fem phase, too. Turns out I wasn't. Or I was but I couldn't pass up the chance to write this little monster.
I took a quick break from the demon that is the sequel of Post Me Nots. Seriously, I feel like I'm not doing it any justice and just ruining the universe altogether. I can't just seem to be contented with it and I end up rewriting an entire scene completely, messing up the other scenes I have already written! Which is really frustrating. /sobs
Anyway, enjoy.
Also, fuck this shit.
Errands
Naruto sighed for the umpteenth time that day and it wasn't even 9 in the morning yet. He gave the 24-Hour convenience store in front of him a deadpan stare as if it were the very cause of all his misery that morning.
But no, it most definitely wasn't.
No, all his problems that morning came in the form of a PMS-ing, cranky, dark-haired female who went by the name of Uchiha fucking Sasuke (it was a funny name for a girl but Naruto wasn't in the place to judge; he was fishcake). The very same crabby female who had sent him careening out of their shared bed and into the cold mahogany floor with a well-placed kick to his solar plexus, knocking the air out of his lungs for a brief agonizing moment.
Naruto unrolled from his fetal position on the floor and speedily sat up, ready to give Sasuke a piece of his mind.
A colorful protest was seconds away from leaving his mouth when he took notice of the state of their bed. Naruto wisely chose to keep his mouth shut or be the receiving end of the wrath of an Uchiha whose uterus was literally trying to cave in and kill itself so early in the morning.
Plus, the Japanese flag on their sheets was stumping his thought processes all on its own. He didn't need a blow to the head courtesy of a pissed Uchiha to add further injury.
Really, Naruto should be used to it by now since he saw Sasuke in this state once every month all throughout the year.
"Naruto," he heard a grumble emit from the pile of blankets on the bed, a wide black eye peeking out of a conveniently shaped hole in the fabric, "can you run to the store down the street for me?"
Naruto squinted at the only visible eye, lower lips jutting out as he did so. This sweet act wasn't going to last soon, Naruto could tell.
"Please?" the pile of blankets said.
Naruto only squinted harder. "Don't you have spares in the cabinet anymore?"
The single obsidian eye narrowed testily.
"I can't do this every month for you, you know. It's a real blow to my manliness." Naruto said as he stared unwaveringly at the only visible eye before it disappeared underneath the blankets again, the mound curling in closer to itself.
"Sasuke."
"…"
"Babe, c'mon."
"…"
"Sasuke!"
"What?" Sasuke snapped.
Naruto sighed. "Does it really hurt?"
The mound shifted as Sasuke nodded from underneath it.
"I can get you some Mefenamic acid while I'm at it, then." Naruto said giving in. He slowly stood up and stretched, his back making popping noises as he did so.
"Hn."
What a grateful little darling.
So here was Naruto, looking at the establishment almost as if he were staring death in the face despite the numerous times he had already entered it.
He sighed again as he climbed up the steps, he better get this over with or risk Sasuke snapping at him for taking too long with her stuff. Really, dealing with an angry Sasuke was enough. He didn't need her to be overly moody and emotional and extra implosive due to unruly coursing hormones and a suicidal uterus.
He pushed the glass doors open and the wind chime tinkled, jostling the dozing cashier at the counter awake.
Naruto smiled at her before going to the section where the items he needed were located, inwardly cringing at what he thought was his manliness screeching and tumbling down a rocky cliff. He was going to need to punch a hole through a tree or do a hundred push-ups back at their shared flat to regain his macho back.
Ugh, the things he did for Sasuke.
He faintly heard the wind chime by the entrance jingle a couple of times but he was too caught up in the downward spiral of his thoughts to notice.
When he got to the appropriate aisle, he mentally blanked out and just stared at the numerous brands of tampons and pads in front of him.
What was Sasuke's brand again?
Oh, right.
Grabbing the appropriate brand and hearing his manliness giving one last final shriek, he mentally patted himself in the back. He was a very good boyfriend. He was THE boyfriend.
Really, he should be boyfriend of the fucking YEAR.
He saw a figure shift in his peripheral vision and Naruto turned to face a blushing Kiba.
"Naruto?" Kiba questioned as he brought an arm up to sheepishly rub at the back of his neck, "what are you doing in a place like this?" Kiba scanned the various merchandise in front of him, "and in the women's aisle no less."
Naruto fought down the blush that threatened to overwhelm his face and summoned every ounce of the remaining dignity he had left to grace Kiba with a sheepish grin. "Oh, you know…" he waved the box of tampons in his hand as if it would explain everything.
Kiba blinked. "Are you… uhm, running errands for Sasuke?"
Naruto nodded, "Yeah," he squeaked and at Kiba's raised eyebrow he spluttered, "Because I'm totally such an awesome boyfriend, you know. I mean, Sasuke was literally becoming a professional contortionist and saying things like how it hurts and it would be totally awesome if I could run down to the shop and get her her uhm… girl supplies. So, yeah, here I am, in the women's aisle with a box of tampons in my hands because it's totally Sasuke's, you know and holy shit wait a freaking minute- what are you doing here, Kiba?"
Kiba blinked and flushed, "Oh, uhm, uhhh… I just- uhm, running errands for- uhm…"
At this Naruto grinned a full shit-eating grin, "Oh, are you running errands for Hinata, too?"
If anything, the blush on Kiba's face brightened further. "Shut up, man. You're not any cooler yourself."
Naruto chuckled, "Yeah, I guess I ain't." He sniffed. "So yeah, you gettin' her anything?"
Kiba scoffed, "Geez, you make it sound like I'm getting her flowers or something." Naruto squinted at him in suspicion so he relented with a sigh. "But yeah I am. Although, I don't really know-" Kiba made a vague motion with his hands. "-stuff." He finished lamely.
Naruto stared at him for a moment before he cleared his throat, "Yeah well, Sasuke prefers these." He held the box in his hands up, "So I guess they work for her or something. Figure it'd work for Hinata, too?"
Kiba eyed the box in Naruto's hands before reaching for a similar box. He was quiet for a moment and Naruto shoulder checked him to see if he was still okay.
"I might have to lift some weights when I get home," Kiba mumbled as he turned away from the aisle and stalked towards the counter with Naruto hot on his heels, "I think I killed some of my chauvinist in there."
Naruto chuckled. "Nahh, it's worth it knowin' that when you get back they'll have this relieved smile in their face and they look at you like you're some kind of knight in shining armor or something. Sasuke always does."
Kiba just raised an eyebrow at Naruto as they rung their items (Naruto detouring to grab a few mefenamic acid pills and adding them to the checkout counter), ignoring the bewildered looks from the cashier who eyed them like they'd grown an extra set of limbs.
They exited the store and went their separate ways with an unvoiced agreement to keep this incident to themselves and take it to their graves.
A few seconds after Kiba left, Naruto's phone rang. It was Sasuke.
Naruto quickly answered the call with a quick, "Yes, babe?"
"Are you already leaving the store? Did you get them?" The tone of Sasuke's voice made Naruto grin.
"Yeah, I got 'em." Naruto said, box of tampons pressed underneath his arm and his side.
"You're the man."
Naruto's grin widened further as he felt this masculinity revive and flourish after hearing the relief in his girlfriend's voice.
"I'm the man."
HA HA HA FUCK.
Inspired by this comic: goo. gl/ ttJCL
I don't even know.
Review?